by Naomi Niles
When I got home the next morning, my mind was racing. I kept going over what I would do if I saw the guy and what I would say when I finally caught him. I went over everything I could, up until that final moment when the cops dragged him away. I couldn’t stop. I tried closing my eyes and falling asleep, but I kept going back to that moment, thinking about how wonderful it would be when this was finally over and I could go back to working days.
The sun was shining through my blinds, so I turned away from the window and threw a pillow over my head to block out the light, but it wasn’t enough. My body was starting to feel the weight of staying up at night, and it was trying to get back at me.
I ended up having to take a sleeping pill just so I could calm my mind long enough to get some rest. When I woke up, it was dark, and I was still stuck in a haze. When would this be over? I got up and started making my bed like I always did.
Normally, I never missed a workout, but I was too tired and my head was hurting from the caffeine withdrawals, so I got dressed and headed out the door. A pair of lights hit me in the face, and I had to cover my eyes to see what was happening.
Gillian was pulling into the driveway. I felt relief wash over me. She got out of her car and walked up, her arms crossed over her chest. “Hey,” she seemed subdued.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I just needed to see you.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve been so worried. I can’t think. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see you bleeding out on the pavement. I can’t take it.”
“I know. It’s been hard for me, too.”
“Dwayne, I think we need to take a break.”
“What are you saying? No, Gillian…”
She looked away. “I can’t keep worrying about you like this. It’s not healthy.”
“It’ll be over soon.”
“I’m sorry.” She walked back into her car and drove away. I wanted to go after her, but I knew that if I did, I’d just push her away. She had every right to be upset. If I was in her situation, I would’ve lost my mind a long time ago. I probably would’ve ended up driving to her work and dragging her out of there just so I could be sure that she was safe.
I had to be fair to her and respect her decision, but how could I possibly do that feeling the way that I did? I kept thinking about what it was like to be on top of her, watching her throw her head back while I thrust myself inside her. All of the nights we’d spent together washed over me in an unbearable wave. I’d never get another chance to taste her lips or smell the sweet scent of her perfume.
I tried to focus on driving, but there was no way I was going to get through this. I was completely broken. Gillian had changed my life. She took away my flashbacks and pulled me out of my shell. I was lost before I met her. I’d had no purpose, and these past few weeks, I’d been living for her. Now that she was gone, I didn’t know what I was going to do.
The office manager was waiting outside smoking one of her ridiculously thin cigarettes when I pulled up. I got out to meet her. “This isn’t going to make things go any quicker.”
“Yeah, well, fuck you, too.” She threw her cigarette down. “He was here.”
“What?”
“Earlier today. The little shit took out all our cameras with one swipe of his knife.” She pointed on bright red claw at the security console. The front of the black plastic box was open and there were wires sticking out.”
“What about the contractors? Where’s Fred?”
“He says they have to come in the morning.” She sounded like she wanted to punch a wall. “You’re patrolling the building on foot tonight.”
“Are you going to be here? Do you want to put me on a leash and drag me around?”
“You know what?”
“What?”
When she smiled, her teeth were bright yellow. “I like you. I think you can do this. Don’t fuck up and call me as soon as you find out something.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She walked off without another word. I went back up to the office, where all of the feeds had gone black, just like she said. I grabbed the mouse and turned back the cameras to nine in the morning, focusing only on the back lot.
The office workers were standing around outside talking and smoking, some with obvious hangovers. Then they went inside and the lot was empty for two hours until somebody came out back to have a cigarette. When they walked back in, I caught a flash of black walking around the corner. I zoomed in and stopped the feed to get a better look.
The sun was creeping under his hoodie, giving me a clear view of his bright red bald head. It was Jason.
I laughed. It was just like Gillian had said. The fates were in love with irony. I spent years trying to get away from that man, only to find myself hunting him down.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Gillian
I was the enforcer, the one who walked around the class making sure that the girls were paying attention, but I simply didn’t have the energy that morning. Instead, I leaned against the back wall and watched the girls as they went through their exercises.
Finally, Lexie walked to the head of the room. “I am so proud of you girls. You’re all making amazing progress. We’re going to cut things off here for today, but I want you to keep practicing at home.”
Beth turned around to face me, her hands on her hips. “You’re sad.”
“I am not.”
“Oh, yes, you are. You’re three sads. I can tell because you’re not dancing with us.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Did you lose your husband?” she asked.
“He’s not my- No, I did not lose my husband.”
“Where is he?” She walked closer. “He’s not here.”
Her mother came up to grab her hand. “Come on, Beth.”
“Find your husband, okay?”
“Okay.” I felt myself tearing up.
“No, no, no, no, no. Don’t you dare do that.” Lexie marched across the room while the mothers towed their children out.
“Do what?”
“Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you’ve been today. What did you do?”
“What makes you think it was me?”
“Because things were going well. There’s no reason for you to be upset, and he’s not dumb enough to sabotage things. You are.”
“I hate you.” I walked to the corner of the room and grabbed my water bottle to take a drink.
“What did you do?” she demanded as she followed me.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Then, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’re just going to go on wallowing in self-pity.”
“I decided to take a break.”
“Hah!” She pointed her finger at me. “I knew it. Why would you do that? You were on top of the world.”
“Do you have eyes?”
“I sure do.”
“Then you’ve seen the way I’ve been this past week. I worry every second of every day that he’s going to get hurt, and I can’t stop. I can’t keep going on like this. If I don’t detach, I’m going to go insane.”
“It’s work, Gillian. It’s not like he’s abandoning you by choice for twelve hours a day. He can’t control this anymore than you can.”
“That doesn’t make it any easier.” I took another drink of water and put my bottle back in my duffel bag.
“It’s not fair to him.”
“This isn’t fair to me.”
“But you love him. I know you love him. Every time you think about him, you light up — I can literally see it. You smile and laugh. I’ve never seen you so happy. This man is good for you, Gillian, and you need to see that before you lose him completely.”
“I feel like I have.”
“Then, you’re shortsighted. How many times are you going to sabotage this?”
“I know, Lexie. I feel terrible.”
“Call hi
m before he regains his senses.” She walked out into the lobby.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Dwayne
I grabbed a donut from the convenience store shelf and slammed it down the counter. The cashier was a pimply-faced post-adolescent with yellow spiked hair and teeth to match. “That all?”
“Yes.” I pulled out my card, and my phone started vibrating. “Hello?”
“Howell, I just got done spending four hours trying to convince a group of Afghani policemen that they couldn’t smoke weed on the job. This’d better not be a joke.”
“No, I called you because I need you, and you’re the only one that can help me.” I swiped my card and pressed the credit button, hoping to get out of there as fast as I could.
“Are you sure that it was Harris? Have you been having flashbacks?”
“It’s not a flashback. I’ve gone over it and over it. It’s him. I don’t what he’s doing, or why he’s doing it, but it’s him. Are you really all that surprised? The man is crazy.”
“It’s out of nowhere.”
“Do you have any idea why he would be doing this?” The receipt popped out of the register. I took it and walked back to my car.
“No, I don’t, but I don’t like it. He’s an ex-SEAL. The man spent years learning to kill people. Can you imagine the kind of damage he could do running around like that? You need to take him down.”
“That’s what I’m planning on doing, but I need to find him.”
“I don’t think I can give you any information.”
“You have to. You’re the only person that can help me.”
“Personal records are classified. I’m sorry.”
My phone beeped and I got a text from an Afghani number that read, “You tell anyone and I will kill you. 435 Hartford.”
“That’s alright,” I said. “I’ll find another way.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be of any help. Let me know if you have any trouble.”
“Yes, sir.” I waited for her to say that I was dismissed, then caught myself. “Thanks.” I hung up and called Fred.
“Tell me something wonderful.”
“I know who it is.”
“You do? How’d you find that out?”
“He’s my ex-partner from the SEALs. He’s dangerous, Fred. We need to find the man right away — before he starts blowing things up.”
“How dangerous is he?”
“SEAL,” I said slowly.
“I get it. What are you going to do?”
I wanted to tell him that I was going straight to the police, but I knew that I had to be fair. He’d always had my back. I would’ve been dead if it weren’t for him. Now I was ready to throw him in jail without finding out what was going on. I owed him more than that, regardless of how annoying he was. “I don’t want to go to the police right away. I need to find out what’s going on with him.”
“Why? He destroyed our security console.”
“I know how it sounds, but you have to understand, I’ve known this man for years, and he’s saved my life a thousand times. I don’t want to betray him before I know why he’s doing this.”
“What if it doesn’t work, and he just comes back to do it again? I need this contract, and Julie’s already freaking out.”
“I’ll deal with her.”
“Really?”
“You have to chew her out. She likes that. It’s… This is the right thing to do. Let me handle this. He looks up to me. I really think I can talk him down.”
“I want this handled quickly. If you’re not sure, you put him in jail.”
“You don’t have to worry. I’ll take care of it.” I hung up and looked the address up on my phone. I pulled up the street view to get a good look at it. It was an empty clearing surrounded on all sides by thin trees that grew so close together, it would’ve been impossible to walk through.
I zoomed out to see the neighboring properties. It reminded me of something that I’d seen in Kabul. It was an upper-class neighborhood surrounded by razor wire with half-finished houses covered in concrete and mud brick. The people there had purchased old trailers and were slowly building their houses around them. It looked like the people in Jason’s neighborhood were doing the same thing.
I threw the car into gear and reached back behind my seat to pull out my gun. I’d only touched it once since I got out of the navy and that was so I could put it behind the seat. It felt cold and weighty, not like the familiar automatic strapped around my shoulder.
I checked the clip while I flew down the freeway towards the Tennessee River. Then I put it back behind the seat, glad to be rid of the thing. I didn’t want to use it. I didn’t hate Jason. He just annoyed me. I would’ve been dead if it weren’t for him.
I didn’t like going after him, but he’d put himself in this situation. He didn’t leave me with any other choice. I couldn’t understand what he was trying to do. It occurred to me that he hadn’t actually broken into the building. He had plenty of chances. It didn’t make sense.
I crossed the river and started driving through the back streets, hoping to avoid the afternoon traffic. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Jason. The man was stubborn. Once he got something in his head, he had to follow it through. I wasn’t sure if he’d give this up, but I knew that he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. He’d warned me about working for the security company, and he’d never shown any sign of hostility towards me.
The city was starting to fade. The woods were taking over, covering every square inch of dirt with spiny trees like overgrown sticks. The branches reached out over the road, creating a tunnel that blocked out the light, leaving only patches of sun that managed to pierce through the trees.
I was stunned by the landscape. It’d been so long since I’d seen anything as verdant as this. It was such a contrast when compared to the sand. It made sense Jason would live out here. It was quiet. There weren’t a lot of cars on the street, and you could explore the forest for years and never get tired of it.
When I pulled into Jason’s neighborhood, I slowed down so that I could have a look around. On one the corner there was a single-wide trailer, surrounded on three sides by a concrete shell, reinforced by chicken wire. The roof had been covered up with a tarp, presumably to protect it from the rain.
Just past it was a crumbling wooden shack that looked like it’d been built in the 19th Century with a caved in roof, drenched in moss that fell in tiny strands through the hole in the ceiling. There were three trucks parked out front.
It was just like Afghanistan — subhuman conditions and a wave of extremism, evident in the confederate flags posted up in front of the houses. One man had painted the flag on the hood of his truck with a picture of a noose in the center. It made me shudder. Jason hadn’t strayed very far from what he was used to.
The spaces between the houses grew larger and larger until there was nothing but forest and wild meadows, dotted with spiny pink flowers and white lilies. The air coming in through the cooler vent had the scent of pine, and when I pressed my hand to the window, it was cool to the touch. I was starting to get into the mountains.
Jason wasn’t stupid or sentimental. He planned things out in a practical manner. He wasn’t there for the forest, or so he could get a view of the city. He was there because he needed privacy. What was he doing?
I imagined myself looking at a barrel full of manure sitting out in the sun. He’d collect the chemicals he needed to create a bomb and plant it in the basement of the building so he could destroy the databases. The thought gave me chills. Was he that crazy? Why was he targeting the building that I was working for?
There had been no signs that he was starting to unravel. I would’ve noticed. For years, he followed me around everywhere I went, making vulgar comments at all the wrong times. Maybe the jokes were a way of playing off the way he felt inside.
I felt the familiar rush of adrenaline as I got closer to his property. I scanned left to right, searching for any sign of m
ovement other than the trees waving in the wind. My senses were heightened and my body tense, listening for any sign of trouble. The slightest movement would’ve been enough to set me off.
On the edge of the clearing, there was a motion sensor and a security camera pointed at the road. He was keeping track of who was coming and going. Either he had something going on that he didn’t want people to see, or he was trying to avoid getting caught.
I pulled up to the motion sensor, grabbed my gun, and stuffed it into the seam of my pants, then got out of the car with my hands held up, facing the camera. “I’m not going to do anything, Jason. I just want to talk to you.”
A crack of thunder echoed through the trees, and I felt a burst of air pass by me. “Did you just fucking shoot at me!?”
I was answered by another shot whizzing past me. “I warned you!” he yelled from the back of the clearing.
“What are you doing? Put your gun down. I’m not going to do anything to you.”
Another blast, and I froze. This one was closer. He was an excellent shot. I’d never seen him miss. He was trying to scare me off. He wasn’t going to shoot me. I stepped closer into the clearing. “Back off!”
“Jason,” I said as I took another step forward. “I want to know what’s going on. I want to help you.”
He responded with a burst of gunfire, this time landing at my feet, spewing dust into the air. “Don’t come any closer.”
“Jason, what’s wrong? Why are you doing this? I’m your friend.”
“No, you’re not. You hate me. You’ve always hated me.”
“Do you remember that night in Kabul, when those men ambushed us and took me hostage? They were going to kill me, but you rushed in and shot all of them. You saved my life. You’re like a brother to me. That’s why I’m here. They know it’s you. They were going to call the police, but I told them that I wanted to talk to you first. I’m trying to save you.”
He stepped out of the trees at the back of the clearing. His face was covered in dirt, and he was wearing a stained pair of fatigues, holding a semi-automatic rifle. He looked like he’d been sleeping outside. “You can’t save me, Dwayne. I’m too far gone.”