by Megan Smith
She completely ignores him and walks out to the living room and comes back in with Layla. “Let’s go, girls.”
Cooper steps in front of MacKenzie with his hands still shoved in his pockets. “I’m sorry.”
MacKenzie puts a hand up to her ear. “What was that?”
Cooper drops his head to his chest. “I’m sorry.”
“Layla,” MacKenzie looks behind her. “Do you hear someone talking?”
Layla holds her hands up. “I’m staying out of this.”
Cooper says it again louder this time. “I said I was sorry.”
I’m trying to hold back my laughter because she’s going to make him work for this.
“That’s better,” she reaches up and puts a hand on Cooper’s cheek. “Was that so hard?”
This whole time all she wanted was a sorry. I know she’s happy for us, she’s told me a million times but she’s dragging her brother through the mud for not including her. And I don’t blame her one bit.
Jaylinn
This is the coldest winter we’ve had in a really long time. It’s the beginning of February and they are calling for a foot of snow so I want to stop at the store and grab a few things for dinner and some snacks. I also want to swing by mom’s house to check on her. When we were at her last treatment they changed it up a little because she had started throwing up and was getting really dehydrated.
“Coop, I’m running out for a little bit. Do you need anything?” I lean over the back of the couch and kiss his cheek.
“We need some water but I think that’s it.”
“Okay, I’m going to stop by mom’s really quick to just check on her and see if she needs anything.”
“Alright,” he’s barely paying attention because he’s watching a movie.
“Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I pull up to the house I grew up in and it’s funny after all these years that nothing really has changed. Same old color, same old porch that needs a little TLC and the screen to my old bedroom window still has a little hole in it when Cooper’s thumb went through it. I was late getting home when we snuck out together one night. I didn’t want to get in trouble or be seen with Cooper so he helped me climb through the window but when he pushed up on the screen his thumb broke through it. A smile graces my lips as I remember that night.
I climb from the car and grab the bag of rock salt near the front door. The sky is getting darker; the snow will be here soon. I sprinkle some on the steps and down the walkway before placing it back on the step and going inside.
“Mom,” I call out.
She doesn’t answer me so I go back towards her bedroom to see if she’s in there. She’s been sleeping a lot, too.
I tap my knuckles on her bedroom door and push it open. She’s not in there. Then I hear the sound of her crying. I turn and rush towards the bathroom.
“Mom,” I push the door open and see her on her knees in front of the bathroom sink. “Mom,” I bend down so I’m eye level with her. “Mom, talk to me.”
She holds her hand up as she burst into tears again. “My hair,” she gets out between hiccups.
I glance down to her hand with the clumps of her hair in it. My lungs tighten and it’s so damn hard to breathe. We knew this would happen, again, another side effect. But, we were also hoping it wouldn’t or it would at least be minimum hair loss. By the look of the clump in her hand and the huge bald spot in the front of her head, that’s not the case.
Shove the heartache and pain away, Jay. Be strong for mom.
I take the hair from her hand and toss it in the trash can. I turn back around and grab her hands within mine. “Mom, look at me.”
She slowly raises her head.
“Your hair will grow back. Remember all those times we talked about this?” Mom and I had been looking up different styles and types of wigs just in case this happened. We were laughing at the time saying she could have different color hair every day of the week. It’s not so funny now.
“I know,” she sniffles. “I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.”
I nod in agreement. “I’m going to go call Kelly and see if she can fit us in today, okay?”
After we looked up the wigs we called spoke to the hairdresser we’ve used for years. We explained what was going on and asked what her opinions were. She suggested that mom cut her hair short so that it wasn’t such a shock but mom refused. She said that she wasn’t going to lose any of it. I’m betting she is regretting that now.
“Okay.”
I help her off the floor and get her out into the living room. I run out to my car, grab my cell phone and a bag I had stored in my car for when this moment had it presented itself. I bought a few hats for mom while I was out shopping, ones that are cute and stylish and will help with the shock of her missing hair.
I walk back into the house and wander into the kitchen. I place down my things and call over to the salon. I lean over and smell the daisies that Cooper and I sent my mom last week while the phone rings.
“Empire Hair Salon, Kelly speaking.”
“Hey, Kelly, I need to see if you can get mom in today.”
She’s quiet for a second, knowing what this means, but I know that she hasn’t hung up because I can hear her clicking away on her computer. “Just cleared my schedule, see you in a few minutes.”
Kelly herself has battled breast cancer and won but she knows what my mom is going through and said she’d be there for us at the drop of a dime. Anything she can do to make things easier on us she’d do it.
“Thank you,” I sigh and hang up.
I take the bag I put on the table and walk over to mom. “I got you a little something the other day when I was out shopping with Layla.”
Mom doesn’t speak to me but she looks inside the bag and pulls the first hat out. It’s a cute black knitted hat with a flower on it. Since it’s the middle of winter no one will even notice that her hair has started to fall out with this on. Well, that is until we make it to the salon to have it shaved off.
She pulls the hat out, brings it to her face and cries into it. I’m trying to be brave and keep my emotions out of this horrible time for my mom but she’s making it so damn hard. I know I just need to give her a few minutes to get herself under control. Plus, if I don’t walk away for a second I’m going to be crying right alongside her and we won’t get anywhere.
I grab my phone from the kitchen and send a quick text to Cooper and tell him I’ll be longer and why. Then I send a text to Hunter letting him know what happened and also one to Elle so that when she stops over later she’s prepared. Elle’s been a great friend to my mom through all the years. Once she found out what was going on she started to come over every day to check in on her. I’m so thankful that mom has someone in her life like Elle. I don’t know my dad other than he’s a piece of shit but even if for some reason he was still around I doubt that he’d care mom was going through this.
I hear some rustling going on behind me but I’m trying not to look. I want mom to do this for herself. She needs to see that it’s only hair, and no matter what she’s still beautiful.
“Jaylinn,” Mom timidly calls my name.
I turn slowly and a smile crosses my face. She looks really cute in that hat. “Beautiful, I knew it would look amazing on you.”
My phone beeps in my hand with a text from Hunter telling me he’s on his way over. I quickly send a message back and tell him that we’re leaving for the salon and to meet back here later. I don’t think Mom would want Hunter here for this. It was hard enough on her that he actually had to pick her up and carry her to bed one night because she was just too exhausted to walk the twenty or so feet to bed.
Mom and I arrive at the salon and Kelly is waiting for us. She smiles as she comes around the counter and takes mom’s hand. Together they walk to the back of the salon with me following behind them. Kelly sets mom on the chair and wraps the cap around her. She spins her in the chair away from the mirror;
she doesn’t need to see it happening.
The room is quiet until the clippers turn on. Mom starts crying and she looks down to her lap. Kelly turns her head but I can see in the mirror that she’s crying, too. I swallow hard a few times praying that the tears stay at bay. I can cry all I want when I get home. I just need to be strong for mom right now.
I grab a tissue off the station next to Kelly’s and hand it to her. She pats her eyes, takes a deep breath then brings the clippers up to mom’s head. Mom’s sobs grow louder and I can’t help the few tears that escape but I stay behind her so she can’t see me.
Be brave. Be fearless.
It only takes a few minutes for all of mom’s hair to be shaved away. And with that a piece of my mom went away too. This cancer is taking away my mom piece by fucking piece and there isn’t a damn thing anyone can do about it.
“Aww, who sent you flowers?” I reach over and rub my fingers over one of the petals.
“Eli,” Layla smiles briefly clutching her stomach. “He knows they are my favorite and got them delivered here. Said they are part of my Valentine’s gift.”
“These are my mom’s favorites too.”
Layla winks, “She’s got good taste.”
I take a seat in one of the empty chairs in her office.
“Ugh,” Layla whines.
The two of us are sitting here in the office at Fierce talking. Cooper is home catching a nap after being up almost all night tossing and turning. He’s not sleeping well. He’ll be leaving everything behind soon because spring training camp is only a few days away.
“What’s wrong with you?”
She bends over in her chair. “Stupid cramps, I think my period is starting soon.”
“That sucks. Hopefully it holds off till after Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I hate…” I trail off. Um, shit. When was the last time I had my period?
“Jay?” Layla turns her head in my direction.
I grab my phone and pull up the calendar. Nothing these last thirteen days, I flip to January, nothing there either. “Shit.”
“Oh boy.”
I haven’t had my period since December. My mind starts running down the weeks trying to figure out if I had one since then and I just didn’t write it down. Nothing, nothing is coming up.
“You’re late, aren’t you?” Layla sits up in her chair and rest her head in her hands.
I nod. How did I not figure this out sooner? There is no way I’m pregnant though. I’m on the pill and when I screw up and forget to take it we use condoms just to make sure we’re covered. My periods are almost always regular except for when I’m really stressed out, like I am now, or when I’m training hard for soccer in the fall. I’m just stressed with what mom is going through and with the passing weeks it’s getting worse and worse. Yeah, that has to be it.
“Whelp, let’s go.” Layla grabs her wristlet from her desk and walks over towards the door.
“Where are you going?”
She rolls her eyes. “To get you a pregnancy test.”
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Okay, then what are you worried about?”
“I’m not.”
She rolls her eyes again. “Your nose is growing.”
Now I roll my eyes at her. “Fine, let’s go.”
I stop midway to her car. “Don’t say anything to anyone, okay?”
Layla smiles, “It’s not my story to tell.”
I relax a little bit as we drive to the store. When we walk in and down the aisle with all the tests is when all this comes crashing down on me. What am I going to do with a baby? I’m not prepared for this. Cooper is leaving in a few days, my mom is sick, I’m still in school. Hell, I’m planning a wedding! We aren’t ready for kids yet. Holy shit!
“You look a little pale over there,” Layla says as she picks up one of the tests. “You okay?”
Your system is just out of whack I tell myself. The stress of everything is affecting me. I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a calming breath. “Yeah.”
“Here,” she hands me three boxes.
My eyes widen. “What the hell are all these for?”
She shrugs. “As backup in case the one before it doesn’t give you the answer you want.”
“Good plan,” I nod liking her plan of action.
“Yeah, I thought so, too.”
We walk down the aisle towards the register and Layla grabs three chocolate bars. “Hungry?”
“One for me,” she holds up a Hershey bar, “one for you,” she holds a Reese’s peanut butter cup, “and one for us to share after that.” She holds up a Twix and nods towards the boxes in my hand.
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”
Layla grins. “Yup, but I’ll never get tired of hearing it.”
I pay for all of our stuff and drive back to Fierce. I know Eli is in a meeting with a new distributor because I heard him and Cooper talking about it earlier today. It’ll be ending soon so we have to hurry.
“Okay,” Layla says pulling one of the sealed tests out and handing it to me. She reads the instructions to me and then plops down in her chair.
I walk into the bathroom and do as the instructions listed. I leave the test on the sink and walk out of the bathroom without giving it a second look. I don’t want to know until time is up. Layla is sitting at her desk still looking at the instructions when I walk back out.
“How long?”
“Three minutes.”
“You look first.”
Layla tosses the empty box in the trash can, stands and walks into the bathroom. She walks back out, sits at her desk, opens the new test and hands it over.
My heart stops beating. I start to see those little white stars in my eyes. My hands start to shake and sweat. I stand and my legs feel like Jell-O. I reach for the test and walk slowly back into the bathroom. I glance down at the test that’s still sitting on the counter. Two pink lines…positive.
I do the same routine with the new test. Walk out into the office again and this time Layla doesn’t even wait the full three minutes.
“I think the tests are broken,” she states.
“I think my life might be broken.”
Layla frowns. “Jay, don’t talk like that. Cooper is going to be a great dad.”
“A great dad when the time is right.”
“Is time ever really right?” she counters.
“No, I guess you’re right.”
“Look,” she rolls her chair so she’s in front of me. “The timing is super shitty with Cooper leaving but regardless everything will work out. Everything always does.”
I stare at her for a long moment and think of her past and how everything worked out for her. This is just a foul ball that we hit. Cooper and I have had our fair share of them so why would this cause us to strike out?
“Just keep this between us for now, please.”
“Like I said, not my story to tell.”
Everything always works out and this will too. He’s always there to catch me and he will this time.
Right?
Cooper
I have to report in for spring training on the eighteenth. I’m anxious, once again, leaving everything behind but at the same time baseball is all I know. I’ve got the best of both worlds but why doesn’t it feel like that?
I glance at my phone. It’s just after four in the morning. I might as well just get up. I’ve got work I can be doing at Fierce. I don’t want to leave any loose ends behind. Plus, I know if I stay here and keep tossing and turning I’ll just wake Jaylinn up. She’s got way too much on her plate now as it is and she’s not sleeping much lately.
She’s the main reason why I don’t want to leave. Jaylinn needs me here now more than ever but she won’t admit it.
About an hour later after I’ve had a shower and got some coffee I pull into my parking spot. Weird, Eli and Layla’s cars are still here. I thought they would be long gone by now. Damn, I hope I don’t walk in on them having sex, that�
��s not something I want to see.
I grab my coffee and climb out of my truck. I set the alarm and walk down the alley towards the back door of Fierce. As I’m walking down the alley I notice that the flood lights don’t turn on. I have to make a note to get them changed in the morning. Maybe Dante can get on the ladder and change them out for me.
I get a few feet from the door and I see something but I can’t make out what it is since I can hardly see. I take a few more steps closer, the object coming into view.
My stomach bottoms out.
It’s a body, fuck, there are two. I quickly grab my phone from my pocket and turn my flash light on.
“Holy shit,” I drop my coffee and take off running the rest of the way.
“Layla,” I kneel in front of her and that’s when I notice the blood, lots and lots of blood. “Layla.” I yell.
I scramble over to Eli. “Fuck, Eli, man.” He’s got a gash to the back of the head, a huge ass lump on his forehead and his nose is bleeding. I lean back to see if he’s breathing. His back rises and falls slowly. “Hold on, just hold on.”
I go back over to Layla. I’m so damn scared to move her but I need to see if she’s breathing and the way she’s laying I can’t tell. Very carefully I roll her onto her back. My stomach lurches threatening to spill whatever is in it. Layla’s face is so battered and bloody I can barely tell it’s her. I watch to see if she’s breathing but I can’t tell. I turn my head and put my ear near her mouth. Her breathing is labored and I can hear gargling sounds.
“Help!” I scream. “Help!”
Reaching for my phone again I quickly dial nine-one-one.
“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?”
“Help, please; my friends were beaten up in the alley behind Fierce on Ocean Terrace.” My heart is pounding.
“Sir, are they breathing?”
“Yes, barely, but yes.” I say with a shaking voice. “And there is blood, lots of blood.”
“Okay, can you see where the blood is coming from?”
I use the light from the phone to see if I can spot the where all the blood is coming from on Layla but there is so much of it I don’t know even know where to start. “I don’t see anything, can’t tell. I mean her face is badly busted up I don’t even know where to look.”