by B. B. Hamel
But with a father in the picture…. that could be interesting. It’d be amazing to have someone I know I can rely on, someone as attached to Felix as I am.
But I can’t be having that thought. I shake my head, getting rid of it. I need to focus on work. I don’t think Declan is ever going to be interested in becoming a part of my life like that, let alone part of Felix’s life. I think he just wants another night like that first night, and I’m okay with that. I want that too.
I just have to make sure I don’t want anything else.
The meeting comes toward the end of the day, and I’m disappointed and relieved to see that Declan is not in attendance. Neither is his partner Reid, and so it’s just us lawyers left to hash things out.
No deals get struck, of course, but I do get the sense that Reid might be open to one. Sara throws me a look halfway through the meeting and I smile back at her. I don’t want her to think I’m going to destroy all her hard work over this Declan thing, but I also wish she understood how hard this is for me a little bit better.
Sara’s a great person, she just never settled. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, never really has, and doesn’t want kids. She can’t understand the feelings that are tearing through me right now, and I don’t really blame her for that.
But it makes me feel alone. The one person that knows about everything also can’t fully grasp how I might be feeling.
Finally the meeting ends and as we’re all filing out, I suddenly stop short in the middle of the hall. Getting off the elevator is Declan.
He doesn’t see me yet. One of his lawyers makes a beeline for him. I’m guessing he’s just running late. He frowns as he talks to the lawyer, and he starts to look around the room.
I turn and walk quickly away. I don’t know why I do it, but I don’t want to talk to him in front of Sara and the rest of the team. No matter how badly I want to say hello to him, let him kiss my cheek, feel his warmth against me, I can’t do it right now. I need to keep things professional and separate.
I don’t pause to see if he notices me leaving. It doesn’t really matter. I hurry toward the stairs and head back to my office. I’m breathing heavy when I finally get there, and I make a mental note to start jogging again.
I don’t know why I just ran away from him. I could have said hello and things wouldn’t be strange. Everything just came rushing at me all at once and I had to get out of there, away from him, which is stupid. I spent the whole meeting wishing he were there, and when he finally arrives, I run away from him.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have a million different strings tugging me in all different directions. I need to choose what I want and follow through with it, and fast, before this all tears me apart.
7
Declan
I know she avoided me the other day, but I shouldn’t be surprised.
I pushed her too hard at dinner. I freaked her out. And now she doesn’t want to see me.
But I’m persistent. When there’s something I want, I’m going to work my hardest to get it. I know she wants this too, I can see it in her eyes, but talking about Felix scared her off. I can only imagine the thoughts she’s having right now.
I let a few days pass without contacting her. I lose myself in my work, doing my best not to think about her, but I can’t help it. She’s on my mind, all day and all night.
“I heard you showed up at that stupid meeting,” Reid says to me two days after the meeting. “Showed up late, of course.”
“Not like you showed up at all,” I say to him.
He grins at me. “I had no reason to be there. Let the lawyers deal with that shit.”
“It’s your project,” I grumble. “I don’t even want this.”
“Which is exactly why I’m wondering about that. Why’d you bother showing up? You never go to those meetings when you don’t have to.”
I look away from him. I know I’ve mentioned Teagan to him, but I haven’t actually said anything about wanting to take things further.
“It’s that lawyer girl, isn’t it?” he presses.
“No,” I say.
“Oh god,” he groans. “And you’re lying about it. You got it bad, don’t you?”
“Reid.” I glare at him. “This isn’t some ‘90s R&B song, okay?”
“Jesus. You show up at some shitty useless lawyer meeting hoping to catch a glimpse of this girl, but you couldn’t even manage to be on time for it.”
“I was busy,” I say, although in truth I didn’t want to be there the whole time. I didn’t want to freak her out.
“Sure, you were.” Reid glances down at his phone, distracted by something. “You should just fuck her if you want to.”
“She’s opposing counsel,” I point out.
“So?” he asks.
“So, it’s unethical. And she could lose her job.”
He stares at me. “Wow, you really do have it fucking bad. Declan Jones, thinking with his heart instead of his fucking dick. Are you in love?”
“Reid,” I say, glaring again. “Cut it out.”
“Just fuck her already and get it over with,” he says. “I can’t have you distracted. We’ve got business to deal with.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about my fucking business,” I tell him. “It’s going just fine.”
He grins and flips me off as he leaves my office.
But he’s right about a couple things. First, I do care about Teagan more than I thought I would. Aside from the secrets we both seem to have, things feel so fucking good when I’m with her. I wish I had spent more time with her three years ago when I had the chance, but I can’t go back and change things, I can only move forward.
The other thing he’s right about is a little more crass. I should just fuck her and get it over with. I mean, I fucking want to. But instead of trying to do that, I need to reach out to her and make a real connection, since that’s what I really want. Maybe I don’t need to fuck her, but I do need to see her.
The next morning, I call up my driver and give him some unusual instructions, offering to pay him double his usual hourly rate. I send him to a bagel place at the edge of town, a place I know Teagan likes, and I have him buy her a dozen bagels. He brings them to her office and drops them off for her. I make sure he does it anonymously, since I don’t want her to get in trouble.
When it’s done, I send her a text. “Enjoy the treat,” I type out. “Feel free to share with the office, but don’t tell them it’s from me. Don’t want them to feel unethical.”
She responds almost immediately. “Bagels? You really know how to charm a lady.”
I grin to myself like an idiot, sitting at my desk. “I’m full of surprises.”
“Well, if they’re as delicious as these are, I’m ready for it.”
“Meet me at the park today for lunch,” I send her.
Her reply takes a little longer, but she finally answers. “Okay,” she types. “I’ll see you at one.”
I smile to myself for the rest of the morning. I’ve always been of the opinion that there are no problems in this world that can’t be solved by bagels. The tougher the problem, the better the bagel, but still possible. I think I could bring peace to the Middle East with bagels if someone would just give me the chance.
Either way, I manage to get Teagan to meet me in the park, and that’s good enough for now. At exactly one, I spot her sitting on a bench overlooking one of the smaller fountains off to the side of the main thoroughfare. I walk over and she spots me with a smile on her face.
“Glad you came,” I say.
“I figured I owed you for the bagels.” She stands and I kiss her cheek, feeling that ringing excitement course through me. She’s wearing simple dark slacks that cling to her gorgeous ass and a black blouse unbuttoned at the top and showing just a hint of cleavage. I’m guessing she unbuttoned that for me, but I can’t be sure.
We sit down and I open up the bag I brought with me. “Sandwiches from Delassandro’s,” I say, p
ulling them out. “I’ve got a few, so take your pick.”
She ends up with a vegetarian hoagie and I unwrap an Italian. She takes a bite and smiles at me. “Nothing beats good bread.”
“You got that right.” I pause. “Except for good bagels.”
She laughs and I bite into my sandwich. We lapse into silence as we chew for a second, watching the park as it rotates around us.
“Listen, I just want to say something real fast,” I say after a second.
“Okay,” she answers, looking at me.
“I want to cut a deal with you.” She cocks her head and I push on. “I won’t talk about your son—or his father—anymore, if you promise you’ll see me again.”
She watches me silently for a second. “Why would I want that?” she asks.
I smirk at her. “I saw the way you reacted when I asked about him. I’m not blind. If it’s a sore spot, I understand. I won’t press. But I want to see you again.”
She nods slowly. “I can do that.”
“Good.”
“But you have to make sure you keep business out of this.” She grins at me. “No more bagels to my office.”
“Oh, like your coworkers are complaining.”
“They’re not,” she says, “although I think some of the more senior partners might choke if they knew you supplied the goods.”
“Why’s that?” I ask, laughing.
“You’re the devil over there, you know.”
I grin at that. “I’m guessing they’re not fans of my work?”
“Not at all,” she says. “And frankly, neither am I.”
“But you can overlook it, since I’m so charming.”
“Something like that. To be fair, most property developers are evil as far as my office is concerned.”
“We’re not all devils, you know,” I say. “I don’t normally develop stuff like this.”
“I know, you said. It’s your partner.”
I grin at her. “Convenient excuse, I know.”
“It’s okay. Maybe I like a bad boy.”
I laugh and lean closer to her. “I’m sure you do. There’s nothing sexier than a property developer, is there?”
“Oh no,” she says, shaking her head, eyes mock-wide. “I just can’t help myself.”
“Yeah, you love it when we destroy natural habitats. We’re going to pollute the hell out of our local resources and tear up indigenous wildlife, all to make a profit. Does that get you going?”
She laughs, shaking her head. “Actually when you put it like that, I think I agree with my coworkers.”
We both laugh and go back to eating and small talk, the awkwardness of the last few days forgotten.
This is what it’s like when we’re around each other. If we let our guards down and just act like people, things feel so damn good. Every moment I spend with her is better than the last, although that craving is starting to build inside of me.
Sitting close to her, I want to touch her skin so badly. I want to kiss her full lips, taste her tongue against mine, feel her body stiffen as I pull her against me. I want to kiss her neck, whisper in her ear, make that pussy wet and get her off. I want to give her everything I know she’s been imagining since I walked back into her life.
And I will, but I learned something: I need to go a little bit slowly with her. I can’t spook her off. If I want to taste her again, I need to go at her pace, let her show me the way. But sooner or later, I’m going to have her down on her knees, hands tied in front of her, mouth full of my cock.
We finish eating and we go for a short walk, chatting about how the city has changed over the years. Finally we reach the entrance to the park and she leans up against me. “I should get going.”
“You should,” I agree. “You have to go save the world, after all.”
She grins up at me. I reach down and kiss her cheek again, this time lingering slightly longer, our lips practically brushing against each other.
But the moment passes and she pulls away. She waves as she walks away, and I watch her disappear into the midafternoon crowd.
I have a smile on my face for the rest of the day.
8
Teagan
The wind blows through my hair as I look up at the clear sky, sunglasses on my face. I put my hand out the side of the car and let the wind wash over my skin, moving my palm up and down in a wave motion.
Declan grins at me and I smile back. We move around a curve, heading away from the city, trees pressing in on either side of us. The wind is too loud to talk, but that’s okay. We don’t need to talk right now. I’m just enjoying being next to Declan as he drives, just being happy about the moment. Plus, I’ve never been in a car like this before. It’s old, a vintage Aston Martin apparently, like something straight out of an old ‘60s film. It has the round headlights, big metal bumpers, and sleek curves.
I’m not sure where we’re going, but I don’t really care. I didn’t ask him. Friday toward the end of the day, I got a text from him saying that we were going for a little drive the next morning. I just said okay, since I promised to spend more time with him.
Now that we’re driving, I find that I still don’t care where he’s taking me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this free before in my entire life. For so long, everything was all about school and graduating, becoming a lawyer, getting through it. And then Felix came, and while I love him to pieces, he’s still a lot of work. My life became constrained, completely about work and my son, and while that makes me happy, I still crave the freedom I remember from when I was a kid.
Fortunately, Marta could take Felix all afternoon, and now I’m running my hand through the air, a smile on my face.
Declan pulls up to a light, gliding to a stop. “I grew up around here,” he says suddenly.
I look over at him. “I didn’t know that.”
“Not many people do.”
“I have to admit, I kind of pictured you always at this age.”
He grins at that. “I was a young man once upon a time.”
“You’re still pretty young.”
He shrugs a bit. “I stay in good shape, but I’m not twenty anymore.”
Before I can respond, he pulls out again, and the wind swallows up our conversation,
I hadn’t thought about his age before. I know he’s nearly forty, though I’m not exactly sure how old. I guess it just doesn’t matter to me. He could be twenty-two or fifty-two, either way he’s still himself. And clearly, just by looking at him, it doesn’t matter how old he gets. The man is going to keep himself in shape regardless, and I’d be lying if I pretended that I didn’t like it.
We drive through more back roads, getting deeper and deeper into the forest. I feel like I’m totally lost and in some kind of storybook. At any second we’re going to pull through a wardrobe and drive around Narnia or something like that, which is silly. We’re just out in the suburbs, outside of the city, but I guess I’ve been a city girl for so long that I forgot what it feels like to really have space. For an environmental lawyer, I sure don’t get out into nature very often.
We come to a bend in the road and he slows down. He pulls off to the side, onto a wide gravel shoulder, and he kills the engine.
I look at him, my head cocked to the side. “This is it?” I ask. We’re stopped in what looks like the middle of a back street, no lines painted down the middle, no cars or houses in sight. The shoulder is wide enough that we’re ten feet from the street.
“Not here,” he says, climbing out. “Near here. We’ll have to hike a bit.”
“Hike?” I climb out my side. “I wasn’t told anything about hiking.”
He laughs. “Well, call it walking, then.” He grabs a bag from the trunk of the car.
“I guess ‘hike’ is just a fancy word for walking outside, right?”
“Right,” he agrees. “And we’re not fancy.”
“You definitely are,” I mumble as we walk over toward the woods.
He doesn’t hear m
e as he walks along the high grass line until he finds the trailhead. “A little overgrown,” he says. “Stick close.”
We walk out onto the trail and start heading into the woods. He’s right, the trail is pretty overgrown, but it’s still easy to follow. I stick close behind him, trying to avoid stepping in any mud or anything like that. Fortunately I’m wearing sneakers today, though they’re white and clean, which I guess isn’t going to last very long out here.
The forest is very pretty, I have to admit. “It’s so quiet.” I comment.
“Yeah, I know,” he says. “Easy to forget what quiet is like when you live in the city all the time.”
“I like it.”
Up ahead, the trail turns a bit and meets up with another path. He goes right, and this time the path is wide enough for us to walk side by side. Clearly this one gets more foot traffic. I catch up to him and thread my arm through his, grabbing hold of his hand with mine. He smiles at me and squeezes my palm as he keeps walking.
“What are your parents like?” I ask him.
“Dad died five years ago,” he says. “Cancer.”
“Sorry,” I say.
He shrugs. “He was an asshole, to be totally honest. Pushed me hard, never relented. But my mom’s still alive, still lives near here actually. “ He glances down at me with a smirk. “We will not be meeting her today.”
“Good,” I say. “Too early to be meeting the parents.”
“What about you?” he asks.
“My parents are both still alive. My dad is an accountant and my mom works for a school district.” I shrug a little, pressing up against him. “Nothing special, I guess.”
“They local?” he asks.
“No, they’re out in Cleveland. Well, suburbs of Cleveland.”
“That’s where you’re from?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Born and raised,” I admit. “Gotta love the Cleve.”