by B. B. Hamel
I watch him as he cooks, marveling at the way he moves. I surprise myself all over again at how badly I realize that I need him and how head over heels I feel. I thought it was just a physical thing, or at least that’s how it was at first. Now though, it’s becoming a lot more than that, and it scares me a little bit.
I needed direction in my life, but I never thought an older man like Connor would be that direction. I craved something to give my days meaning, something that wasn’t what everyone in my family became. And Connor can offer me all of that and more.
I know my mother doesn’t approve and she likely won’t anytime soon. When this is all over, she can divorce Connor like they plan, and I can start something new with him. She’ll come around eventually, especially when it doesn’t hurt her anymore.
She won’t hate me forever. Though to be honest, there’s some small part of me that’s exactly afraid of her hating me. What if she believes that by passing up on Harvard and spending my time with a man like Connor, I’m squandering everything I’ve been given? She might be right, actually, but I can’t let that hold me back. I have to follow what feels right.
Connor sets out the food and sits down across from me. “Dig in,” he says, smiling.
“I can’t believe you cook.”
“All good men cook.” He takes a forkful of pancake. “And all good men love pancakes.”
I laugh lightly, playing with my food. I don’t feel hungry. I sip my coffee and take a bite, and although it’s good, I know I won’t eat it all.
“Something wrong?” he asks, looking concerned.
“No, nothing,” I say, “just not much of an appetite lately.”
“I understand. Stress can do that. But you should eat anyway.”
I shrug and take another bite. “When this is all over, what do you plan on doing?”
“I don’t know,” he muses, looking at me seriously. “If this works, your mother will pay me a lot of money. I might buy a house by the beach and retire.”
I smile at him, shaking my head. “You don’t seem like the retiring type.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Though a house by the beach would be nice.” I lean toward him. “Will you invite me?”
“You’re always invited,” he says softly.
“Good.” I watch him eat for a second.
“What about you?” he asks. “Going to Harvard?”
“Probably not,” I say. “I think it’s time to admit that out loud.”
He stops and looks at me for a second. “Harvard is a great opportunity.”
“I know. So says everyone.”
“But,” he continues, “If it’s not what you want, good for you for passing it up. Not many people could do that. Takes guts.”
“Guts.” I shake my head. “I don’t have much of that.”
“Sure you do. You kidding?”
“Not at all. I’m afraid all the time.”
“Of course you are. But you’re getting through the shit, and that’s what really matters.”
I sigh and sip my coffee. “What did you want to do, before all this?” I ask him.
“I’m not sure. I was pretty content doing private security and drifting from bed to bed.” He grins at me.
I roll my eyes. “I’m sure you were a big player.”
“I was. But I didn’t have much direction.” He cocks his head at me. “I was a lot like you, actually.”
“Oh yeah? You sat around by the pool in a bikini all day?”
“Damn right. And I pulled it off.”
“I bet you did.” I can’t help but laugh a little bit at the thought.
“Seriously though. I was taking job after job, living for the thrill of it. I couldn’t slow down. I was... addicted, in a way.”
I watch him, surprised at how candidly he’s speaking. I feel like I know him pretty well at this point, but he never really opens up about anything too emotional or difficult. Just hearing him talk like this makes my heart beat fast in my chest.
“But I don’t know. Maybe I want to change all that. Maybe living a little slower, a little more carefully... maybe that’s not so bad.” He eyes me carefully.
I smile at him. “I know I wouldn’t mind that.”
“I bet you wouldn’t. You want me to stay around here, taking care of you all day.”
I lean toward him and give him my best mischievous smile. “Spoil me, Daddy.”
He grins at me, leaning over the table. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Come live in my house by the beach, sit by the ocean all day and get spoiled all night.”
“Not a bad life.” I laugh and shake my head. “Think I’d get bored?”
“I wouldn’t allow you to be bored,” he says.
I smile huge at him and feel something in my stomach, something like excitement. He’s looking into my eyes and I’m looking into his, and I know he feels it too. We’re talking about a future together, but that’s insane, it’s stupid, it’s not possible.
But we’re talking about it anyway, because we both want it to come true.
I reach out across the table. He reaches out and takes my hand. I feel a spark run through my body, up my stomach and along my spine. I feel words tingling on my tongue and I want to say them, want to blurt them out, no matter how stupid and ill-conceived it is.
“You two look comfortable.”
We both look up suddenly. My mother is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, arms crossed over her chest, totally dressed and ready for the day.
I let go of Connor’s hand quickly, eyes wide, fear spiking through my stomach.
“Good morning, Julia,” Connor says, smiling at her like nothing is happening.
“How long?” Her gaze doesn’t break from mine, but I can’t look.
“Long enough,” Connor says. “I know you don’t approve. But it’s happening.”
My mother’s silence is like a dagger in my chest. I want to scream or run but I know I can’t. I know something just changed.
I’m not her child anymore. She knows it as well as I do. I’m not a little girl anymore. Maybe she never realized that I grew up because I never left the house, but I did grow, and now it’s being paraded out in front of her. I’m sure she hates it, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
The genie is out of the bottle. And you can’t shove it back in.
“Doesn’t matter,” she says, shaking her head and looking at Connor. “Dad’s dying.”
“I know that,” he says softly, looking concerned.
“No, I mean, he’s dying. Right now.”
Understanding blossoms on Connor’s face.
“Granddad’s dying?” I ask mom. “Today?”
“Today,” she says, nodding. “A nurse just called me.”
“We should go.” Connor stands up. I go to follow but Mom looks at me.
“You stay,” she says.
“What?” I ask. “He’s my granddad.”
“Stay here for now,” Mom says again. “Please, Syd, just stay. I’ll send someone to get you if it looks safe.”
I pause and release a breath. “Okay,” I say, feeling defeated.
Connor gives me a look then walks over to Julia. “I’ll get dressed.” He disappears upstairs, leaving me alone with my mother.
She looks at me for a second before sighing and walking over to the cupboard. She grabs a mug and gets some coffee. “I can’t say I blame you,” she says.
“What?” I ask.
“Connor.” She shrugs. “He’s handsome, no doubt about it.”
“It’s not just that.”
“Isn’t it? He’s a handsome man giving you attention. Maybe I should have been around more often, or maybe I should have pushed you to go to school.”
“Mom,” I say, standing. “It’s not just that. It’s...” I trail off, not wanting to finish the sentence.
“Okay, sweetie. Fine. But you went against my wishes and so did he.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I
’m sorry.”
“I’m sure you are.” She watches me for a second. “I’ll be in the car. Tell him to hurry up.” She puts down her mug and disappears outside.
That wasn’t too awful. I really figured it would be worse. I stand there in the kitchen, feeling both elated and destroyed all at the same time. My mother knows now, so that’s over and finished at least, but she’s very unhappy about it.
But he wants me. He really wants me, longterm, beyond all of this. He’s talking about being with me, and that makes me feel happier than I ever thought it could. I want to scream and laugh and cry all at once, and it feels good. I feel more alive than I ever have before.
I step toward the hall, wanting to go see him, kiss him, tell him how I feel. I’m ready to do it now. I want to say the words, now that my mother knows, now that there are no secrets between us anymore.
But as soon as I move, something grabs me from behind.
I go to scream, but a cloth is shoved over my mouth. I struggle, eyes wide, as confusion washes over me. I take a deep breath to scream and a strange, horrifying chemical smell assaults me, gets into my throat, and deep into my lungs.
I try to cough, try to fight, but I can’t. The world feels fuzzy, dips, dances, and suddenly goes black.
27
Connor
I come back downstairs but Sydney isn’t there anymore. I assume she’s upset about her mother finding out, and I decide to give her some space. Meanwhile, I hear the car running out front, and I assume Julia is waiting.
What a fucking mess. I never intended for her to find out so soon, but we got caught. At least she didn’t catch us last night. The memory brings a grin to my face.
There’s something real happening with Sydney. The age difference thing is strange, but I don’t care. In fact, I like it. I like taking care of her, wanting to be her Daddy, giving her things, spoiling her. I want to take this money, build my business, and make Sydney my fucking queen. I can see it, how it’ll all play out, and it gives me renewed purpose and energy.
First though, we have to get through today, and finish this. When the old man dies, it’s all over.
I climb into the car and Julia pulls out down the driveway. We drive in silence, the awkward tension straining between us. I can’t think of the right thing to say in this situation. Would it help if I told her that it’s not just about fucking her daughter? Although I do enjoy that very, very much. I can’t imagine it would help. Maybe it would make it worse.
Her daughter isn’t meant for a man like me. I’m a brute, a worker, a drone. Their family is practically rich royalty, and I’m just a servant to people like them.
Except Sydney isn’t like that. Sydney wants to be so much more, so much beyond that. And I want to help give her that life.
“Cars,” Julia says suddenly, bringing me back from my reverie.
“What?”
“Cars.” She nods up ahead. I can see her father’s house, and there are a lot of cars outside of it.
“Yeah,” I say. “Odd.”
“Are your little soldiers following us?”
I nod. “I told them to stay close.”
“Good. I think we’re going to need them.”
Julia pulls the car into the driveway but has to park right near the edge. There are at least ten cars in the driveway, and a lot of men in dark suits are hanging around outside the house.
I know what this is as soon as I see it, but I don’t know what we can do about it. “They’re blockading your dad,” I say to her.
“They’re what?”
“Blockading.” I take off my seatbelt and pull out my phone. “They’re going to keep us from him.”
“What do we do?”
“Nothing. We don’t have the manpower.”
“Connor. We can’t be kept from him right now. This is the time.”
I call up Jonathan in the car following behind me. “Pass us,” I tell him. “Park down the street. Await orders.”
“Got it.”
I hang up the phone and look at Julia. “Come on, let’s go.”
I climb out of the car and she follows me. She hurries to catch up. As soon as we get out of the car, the guys in suits converge on us.
There are at least ten of them there. I recognize Sergei, standing over toward the door. He looks like shit, and I give him a little wave. He just spits on the ground and looks away.
“Whoa there,” one of the guys up front says. “Where are you two going?”
“Who are you?” I ask him.
“I’m Big Jimmy,” he says, “and I’m supposed to keep the riffraff out. Looks like you two are riffraff.”
“This is my father’s house,” Julia says.
“Is it now?” He squints are her. “I don’t know. I don’t see the resemblance. You see it, Robbie?”
The guy names Robbie shakes his head. “Nope. Not enough white hair.”
The goons laugh at the stupid joke and I just keep my cool. “Let the girl through.”
“No can do. Boss’s orders.”
“Is your boss Evan?”
“He sure is,” Big Jimmy says.
“Tell him his sister is here. And her husband.”
Big Jimmy narrows his eyes. “You’re not fucking kidding, are you?”
“Go do it,” I say.
“Leave here,” Big Jimmy says. “Or we’ll start hurting the girl.” He gives Julia a big grin. Robbie pushes his jacket back, revealing a gun, and the other men start to mumble.
“Come on,” I say to her.
“What? No, we’re not leaving.”
I grab her arm and drag her back to the car.
“We have to go,” I say to her. “We’re outnumbered here. You want to die?”
“Fuck,” she says. I get her into the car then get behind the wheel. I turn around and head back toward the house as the goons laugh.
“We’ll figure something out,” I say to her. “Just give me time.”
“We don’t have time. Rosie said he was going to go today. Connor, we have to see him.”
“Be patient. I’ll figure it out.”
She goes quiet, but I can tell she’s pissed off. This morning is not going how she planned it.
Well, frankly I didn’t fucking think it would be like this, either. I’m frustrated. Evan got the drop on us and made a good move. If we can’t get in and see her father, we don’t know if he’s going to leave the company to Julia or not. Evan can whisper in his ear until his dying breath and get any kind of confession out of him.
I keep trying to think up some kind of plan or strategy to turn this around, but I can’t think of anything. That is, I can’t think of anything that isn’t at least a little bit suicidal. Evan has the place locked down, and I don’t know what else to do.
We get back to the house and Julia storms inside, saying something about calling her lawyer. I let her go, knowing better than to try and calm her down. Instead, I head inside and go looking for Sydney.
She’s not up in her room or out by the pool. I didn’t see the truck that the guards were supposed to be in, either, which was confusing. She’s not in the living room or in the kitchen, and by the time I find the note, I’m already starting to panic.
The note is taped to the refrigerator. It’s written in a simple hand, clearly and legibly.
I have Sydney. Concede the company or I start sending her back in pieces. Evan.
I read the note five times before it sinks in, and when it does, anger fills my whole being.
He’s gone too far. He took it too far. He kidnapped his own fucking niece and is threatening to hurt her. So far, this has been a chess match, with only minor injuries on both sides.
But it’s time to stop that. It’s time to let loose. Maybe I was worried about getting hurt before for Sydney’s sake, but not anymore.
I’m going to burn the whole place to the fucking ground and take them all down with me.
28
Sydney
I wake up slowly
and the room feels like it’s spinning.
I don’t know where I am. The last thing I remember was standing in my kitchen as Connor went upstairs to get changed. And then, nothing, just blackness.
I test my limbs and stretch my legs. I think I’m physically okay, although I feel a little sick and the room is still spinning. I try to sit up, but the room blackens and dips, and I have to lie back down.
I’m on a bed in a bedroom. That’s all I know so far. I have to lie there quietly breathing deep until the nausea and pain passes. Eventually, I try sitting up again, this time with a little more success.
I look around and frown at my surroundings. I vaguely recognize the room, but I don’t know how I could have possibly gotten here. I slowly roll onto my side and swing my legs around, getting up. I steady myself on the bed for a second until the spinning passes.
I walk over to the window and look out. I know instantly where I am, and there’s no doubt about it.
That’s my granddad’s back yard. This is one of his guest rooms, although I’ve never stayed in it before, but I know I’ve seen it. I probably played in here once as a child and walked past it at least a hundred times.
How the hell did I get here? I try to wrack my brain but I can’t think of anything. I walk over to the door and grab the knob. I give it a twist, but it’s locked.
I don’t understand that. There’s no reason for me to be locked into one of granddad’s rooms.
I take a sharp breath as I suddenly remember that Connor and mom were coming here. Granddad is downstairs and he’s dying. Maybe they brought me here and something happened to make me forget.
I try the door again, this time giving it some force, but it doesn’t budge. I have to stop and take some deep breaths, steadying myself, before trying again.
I start to feel better with each passing minute, but my memory isn’t coming back. I’m still confused and not sure how I even got here, but I’m not afraid. This is granddad’s house, so I can’t really be in danger.
“Hello?” I call out loudly. I lean against the wall, steadying myself. “Hello? Mom? Connor?”