Ruby cried, then. For the would-haves, the could-haves, the should-haves. She was splashing cold water on her face when she heard the kitchen door open and close. She leaned closer to the mirror over the sink. Surely the creature staring back at her wasn’t herself. She turned and sat back down on the edge of the tub; her feet scuffed the pearl-gray carpet alongside the claw feet.
How long, she wondered, was she going to sit here like a ninny? She should be angry, and she was to a point, but what she was feeling more than anything was shame and guilt. Shame that once again she hadn’t seen the signs, or, if she had, she’d subconsciously chosen to ignore them because her life was on an even keel, and she hadn’t wanted to disturb it. She should have known, suspected, the day Andrew said he was taking over the bills. Instead, she relinquished the annoying job, gladly, as a matter of fact, because it freed some of her time.
Ruby blew her nose in a piece of toilet paper. She flushed the toilet just to hear sound in the quiet house. She straightened her shoulders, put one foot in front of the other, and walked out to the kitchen. There was no sign that Andrew had been home. She closed her eyes, hoping it was all a bad dream.
She was making coffee when the phone rang. She reached for it automatically and burst into tears when she heard Dixie’s concerned voice.
“I’ll be right there,” Dixie said. “Put on coffee, and don’t think about anything until I get there. Shift into neutral, Ruby, and we’ll work it out together.”
Ruby cried harder.
Why was it, Ruby wondered when Dixie was done soothing and crooning to her and patting her on the shoulder, that only a woman, a mother, had the right words, the right touch to make things bearable? Dixie’s plump arms were a haven, her soft voice so peaceful-sounding. Ruby hiccoughed as she sipped the strong coffee.
“Listen to me, Ruby. I just got fired. You did, too. Mrs. Harris said nothing was more important than her inventory. I told her what she could do with it. You’re important, I’m important. You told me that so many times these past few years, it’s burned into my brain. You were entitled to cry and you’ve done that, so let’s get down to business here. We’re jobless, and that means we’re going to have to forge ahead with our idea. You are not, I repeat, you are not a failure where Andrew is concerned. My God, Ruby, no one could have done more. You’ve kept this family together. You are not like your mother. You have to believe that or you’re lost. Your circumstances are totally different. And you were right in keeping your real estate dealings secret. If Andrew had known about your tax returns and the properties, he probably would have used that money, too. Gambling is a disease, Ruby. It’s not your fault. And there are things you can do if you are prepared to do them. It’s not as if you have no choices.”
“But . . .”
“There are no buts. I don’t think it gets much worse than this, so that means you’ve hit bottom. There’s nowhere to go but up, unless you want to wallow in your own misery.”
“It’s this awful guilt.” Ruby whimpered.
Dixie’s voice grew stern. “I want you to think about something. What if you didn’t have the houses in Georgetown, what if you didn’t have the house in Florida, what if you didn’t have the money from the ring? What if ... you really were going to lose this house, what if you really couldn’t pay the bills, what if there was no food in your refrigerator? Did you forget about that time you were in Hawaii with Martha when things got so fouled up? What if Andy really couldn’t go back to school in the fall? None of that is going to happen because you can make it right. You make it right, you cut your losses, and go forward. Without Andrew. You have the guts, Ruby, use them. How’s that for a pep talk?” she said cheerily. “Hugo is going to have a fit when he finds out I got fired. What the heck, it will just go to prove that I’m as worthless as he says I am. You know what? I don’t care anymore. Do you think we’re screwed up, Ruby?” She giggled.
“About as screwed up as you can get.” Ruby sniffed. “God, what would I do without you, Dixie?”
“Does that mean I’m up there with your old friend Nola?”
Ruby’s eyes popped open. “Up there with her! For God’s sake, Dix, you are so far ahead of Nola, she’s . . . what brought that up?”
“I was always jealous of your friendship with her. I thought I could never measure up. I wanted to be your best friend.”
Ruby hugged Dixie. “You are my best friend. Nola was ... Nola. All these years she never bothered to ... it only takes a few minutes to scratch off a note or a few dollars to make a phone call. I don’t know what her reasons are. I did my best to try and keep in touch by staying in contact with Mrs. Quantrell. Nola isn’t the person you are, Dixie. As far as friends go, I couldn’t ask for a more wonderful one. I truly treasure our friendship. I thought you knew that. The day you wrote me all those years ago was one of the happiest days of my life.”
It was Dixie’s turn to burst into tears, which she did, with gusto.
“Now that’s all behind us. Let’s get on with my problem,” Ruby said briskly.
Dixie rummaged in Ruby’s sink drawer for paper and pencils.
“I have a sort of running tally in my head, so we can compute within a few hundred dollars. We have enough to go on.”
It was four o’clock when Dixie leaned back in her chair and bit into a glossy red apple. “I have to hand it to you, Ruby, I don’t know if I could have been as generous as you were with your sisters. Or your parents.”
“They were debts of honor,” Ruby mumbled. “The ring was given to me, but my grandmother didn’t know how valuable it really was. I truly believe if she knew, she would have wanted me to share it with my sisters. She meant to make my early years a little easier, but I did it on my own. I had to share.”
“With Amber getting the lion’s share. I wish you’d show me the justice in that,” Dixie snorted.
Ruby shrugged. “It’s expensive to raise kids. Amber has eleven. Nangi’s salary goes only so far. Opal has a house that’s hers. My grandmother had a saying: When you get you give, otherwise it will never mean anything. If there’s one thing I’m proud of, it’s that I paid back the debt to my father and provided a home for them in their last years. If you don’t understand, don’t worry about it. I don’t understand it, either.”
Dixie laughed. “It’s like the seasons of your life, right? What are we in now?”
Ruby propped her chin in her cupped hands. Her eyes were serious. “The down side of summer. Any day now it will be autumn. That’s when you’re settled into your marriage, the kids are grown, and you go back to work to provide for the winter of your life. Big things can happen in the autumn.”
“You could be right,” she grinned devilishly. “You might have a chance at the man of your dreams.”
Dixie looked as if she wanted to bite off her tongue the minute the words came from her mouth. Tears had come to Ruby’s eyes. “Ruby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean . . . no, I’m not sorry. Once you’re free, you can do whatever you please.”
“He’s married, Dixie. I can’t . . . I wouldn’t . . . I’m not that kind of person. Calvin is like Nola. They aren’t the people I thought they were.”
“Okay, if you say so,” Dixie muttered.
“I say so,” Ruby said through clenched teeth.
A while later, when Dixie had gone, Ruby realized she had to tell the children. She called Martha first.
“Mom, is anything wrong?” Martha asked anxiously. “You never call at this time of day. Aren’t you working anymore?”
“As a matter of fact, I got fired today. I didn’t realize I was such a creature of habit and routine that you had my calls fine-tuned to a certain time of day, and yes, Martha, something is wrong, depending on your point of view. Should we go through the how-are-you, you-don’t-call-often-enough amenities first?”
“Mom, I’m sorry. I know how you loved your job. I spoke to Andy last night and he was fine, so that leaves Dad. Are you calling to tell me something in particular or to discus
s whatever it is that’s bothering you?” Ruby hated the way her daughter’s voice turned reverent when she mentioned her father’s name.
“A little of both, I guess. Your father and I are going to separate. We’re not going to get a divorce right away. At least I don’t think so. This is ... I came to the decision . . . your father doesn’t know I’m planning all this, but he will when he gets home.”
“Do you want to tell me why?” Martha asked softly.
“Yes, I do, Martha, but I don’t want to upset you.”
“Mom, when it comes to Dad, you can’t upset me. I’m not a kid anymore. Tell me what he did to make you reach this point.”
Ruby told her. Once or twice she thought she heard her daughter gasp, but it was probably her imagination or, worse yet, her own guilt.
“It doesn’t surprise me,” Martha drawled. “I thought it was kind of funny when he called and asked if I could lay my hands on eight hundred fifty dollars real quick. Don’t panic, Mom, I didn’t give it to him. I called Andy and asked if he had any idea why Dad would need money. Andy said he bet on sports events and the horses. He told me not to give it to him.”
“Martha, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. This whole thing just socked me between the eyes. I guess I’ve been living in my own little dream world too long.”
“Are you gonna be all right, Mom?”
“I’m fine, honey. Don’t worry about me.”
“You want to know something, Mom? You are the most together lady I know.”
“Thank you, Marty,” Ruby said proudly.
“Listen, I have a date, but I can call you later tonight, and we can have a real gab session. You probably want to call Andy now, since it’s suppertime and you’ll catch him in.”
Ruby laughed. “You could always anticipate me.”
“One more thing, Mom. Don’t let Dad buffalo you. Stand firm. I’m behind you, and Andy is, too. I love you. Bye, Mom.”
Ruby smiled. It was good to know she had the support of the children. She dialed her son’s number.
“Yo, Ma! How’s it going?” Andy boomed.
“Some days good, some days not so good. This is one of those not-so-good days, Andy. I’m filing for a legal separation from your father. I wanted you to know. Your father is going to move out of the house, probably tonight. I’m going to pack his things after I hang up.”
“What’d he do this time?”
She told him.
“You okay, Ma?”
“I’m fine, Andy. That’s not exactly true, but I will be fine. I got fired today, and Dixie and I are going into business.”
“Do you want me to come home? I can be there in forty-five minutes.”
“Absolutely not! Andy, don’t lend your father any money. Marty told me you knew he was gambling. Is that true?”
“Yes and no. I suspected. I heard him a couple of times on the phone. Everyone lays down a bet at sometime or other, but when you gamble the homestead, that’s something else. Do what you gotta do, Ma. And if you need money, I have a little put away . . .”
“Andy, no. I’ll be fine. Once I sell the house in Georgetown, things will be fine. Promise me you won’t worry about me.”
“You got it, Ma. I love you. Call me if you need anything, or even if you just want to talk. I’m a good listener. Be tough, Ma. That’s the best advice I can give.”
“I love you, Andy. Talk to you later in the week.”
Ruby wished for a dog, something warm and snuggly that she could hug. Animals were loyal and they loved unconditionally. She had asked Andrew for a dog once, and Andy had cried for weeks after his father refused to be swayed. She should have stood her ground.
In a little less than an hour, Ruby had neatly packed her husband’s bags, dusty Gucci luggage he’d purchased without her consent and took on his golfing jaunts, where he said he won prizes of money. She lugged the four matched suitcases out to the hallway. She looked back at the room they’d shared and would never share again. It looked the same. It was as if Andrew had never slept there.
The first time she walked down the stairs, her shoulders were slumped. The second time, her head righted itself. The third time, her shoulders were back. A lone tear trickled down her cheek when she made the last trip down the stairs.
Andrew wouldn’t see the bags unless he went into the living room. He wouldn’t know that he wasn’t going to sleep in this house ever again until she told him. Of course, if he argued with her, didn’t take her offer to pay off his debts in exchange for a divorce, he would sleep upstairs, but she wouldn’t be in the bed. She knew he’d take her offer because it was his only salvation. Tomorrow she would have the locks changed on all the doors.
The minutes and hours crawled by. Eight o’clock ticked onward to nine, ten, eleven. She stopped watching the clock then and started to pace the kitchen. She stopped to drink two cups of tea. At twenty minutes to one, the Buick’s headlights flashed on the window. Ruby drew in her breath and put her hands in the pockets of her robe so her husband wouldn’t see them tremble. She clenched her hands into balled fists and gritted her teeth. She was ready.
“Here,” Andrew said, tossing a paper shopping bag full of bills onto the table when he came in. “It’s all yours.”
“On one condition,” Ruby said quietly.
Andrew sneered. “You aren’t in any position to make deals. Filing late tax returns, forging my name, keeping money that should have been ours, paying that crazy coot of a father with money I could have used. Uh-uh, that won’t work. I haven’t forgotten St. Andrew’s either.”
“I never forged your name. Any time your attorney wants to see the tax returns, he can contact my attorney,” Ruby said in a level voice. “You have no grounds to fight me on, Andrew. If you want to pay a lawyer to find out what I’m telling you is true, then be my guest. It’s your money. I don’t want anything from you.”
Andrew snarled and stormed about the kitchen. “Now you don’t want anything from me. What about before?”
Ruby ignored him. “I have a proposition for you. Would you care to hear it?”
“Not likely. You just get the money together you’ve been keeping from me and pay off these bills before we lose the house. I never thought you were a sneak like that, Ruby.”
Be tough, Andy’d said.
“Andrew, I’m going to ask you just once more if you want to hear my proposition. If you don’t, you can go under with this house, and I’ll move back to Washington.”
“You are a living, breathing bitch, do you know that? Okay, what’s this proposition that’s going to make up for the lies you’ve told all our married life.”
Andrew listened, his eyes narrowed, his face going from red to white and back to red. He raised his hand. Petrified, Ruby remained still. Her mother must have felt like this. Be tough, Andy said.
“If you strike me, I swear to God I’ll make you regret it. Please, Andrew, don’t be like my father.”
Andrew’s hand dropped to his side. He licked his lips. Then he slammed his fist into the wall. He looked pleased when little bits of plaster and paint showered down on the floor.
“You’re right, Ruby. As usual,” he said bitterly. “I’ll sign whatever you want, but—”
“But what?” Ruby said stonily.
“It seems to me I’m giving up a lot here. You, on the other hand, have some pretty nice cushions to fall back on. Let’s not forget the dirty dealing you did behind my back all these years.
I should be compensated for that. I could make a lot of trouble for you legally; but, like you said, why go through all that and pay a lawyer to tell us what we already know? A piece of the house your parents live in in Florida when they kick the bucket. I keep my military pension. Andrew makes it on his own. You don’t hit me up for tuition. And,” he said craftily, “if you do decide to go into some kind of business with that cripple, I get a percentage if it gets off the ground. These are my terms.”
Ruby’s head reeled. She’d been expecting something,
but this was almost more than she could comprehend. She nodded numbly, knowing she was probably making the biggest mistake of her life by giving in. But Andrew was the father of her children. Actually, it would be the second biggest mistake. Marrying Andrew had been her biggest.
“Okay,” she said hoarsely. “Tomorrow I’ll go to a lawyer and have him draw up an agreement and file for a separation. I want this legal.”
. Andrew smiled. He would be affable now, Ruby thought, even charming. It was after two in the morning when they finally had hammered out an agreement satisfactory to both of them. Andrew would receive semiannually, if the business got off the ground, one and a half percent of the gross. She would pick up all the car insurance premiums, and when the house in Florida was finally sold, he was to get another five percent.
“Okay, I’ll need you to write some checks,” he demanded. “To pay off my debts.”
“Not on your life,” Ruby grated. “You get them tomorrow, when you sign the agreement, and not one second before. I want a legal opinion on all of this. Your bags are in the living room. I’ll stop by the store tomorrow or you can meet me at the lawyer’s office at five o’clock. If there’s a change, I’ll call you at the store.”
“Jesus Christ, it’s three o’clock in the morning. Where am I going to go at this time of night?”
“Try the parking lot at Sears, or an all-night diner,” Ruby said callously. “Out! Now!”
“By God, the nut doesn’t fall far from the tree! You really are like your crazy father. You better watch it or you’ll end up just like him.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ruby screeched.
Andrew laughed. “Did I hit a nerve, Ruby? You figure it out.”
Ruby’s throat constricted. Her voice, when she managed to speak, was little more than a hoarse croak. “Andrew, why did you marry me?”
“I needed a wife. You were a virgin. You were available.”
If ever Ruby had held any illusions about her marriage, at that moment they shattered. Until now, this very second, she would have gone on with her life just the way it was, and settled for whatever little happiness she could find. Tears blurred her vision as she watched the taillights of Andrew’s car until they were tiny red dots in the night. Almost instantly she saw a full set of headlights spring to light down the street. She frowned as the car drew closer and then swerved into her driveway. “Dixie!” she cried, running out the front door.
Seasons of Her Life Page 39