by Casey Dawes
“It’s always about money with you, isn’t it?”
“You don’t seem to have any trouble cashing your alimony check.” Ouch. That was below the belt.
“I put ten years into our marriage. While you were out gallivanting around the world, I was home dealing with David. I earned that money.”
“Someone had to earn it first.”
“There you go again, blaming everything on me.”
This time she didn’t answer. None of the retorts she had on the tip of her tongue would help the situation.
“Why don’t you leave him here, if it’s only for two years?”
“With who? You live in a room.”
“What about Elizabeth? Couldn’t he stay with her? You could come back once a month to see him.”
She began to pace the small kitchen. “I’m not leaving my son behind. He’ll be fine in New Jersey. In fact, it’ll be good for him. Get him away from the losers he’s hanging out with here.”
“You’re going to take him away two years before he finishes high school with the kids he grew up with? That’s cruel, Annie.”
Fred was right. It was cruel. But so was being laid off in a jobless economy.
“We’ll talk about this later. I wanted to let you know what was up, that’s all.”
“We’re not done discussing this, Annie.”
“I’ve got things to do. I can’t talk about it now.”
“You mean you don’t want to,” he said. “Look, I’ll pick up David up from soccer tonight. See if I can get something from him about the shoplifting.”
“I can get him.”
“Annie, David’s important to me, too. I love that kid. Let me talk to him.”
She sighed. “All right. See what you can do. I’m grateful for the help.”
“Yeah.”
Fred hung up.
She went back to her office and put a check mark next to “Tell Fred,” on her list. It hadn’t gone any better than telling David, but it was done. She tapped her pen on the desk and scanned her e-mail for a message from Jim. Nothing. She’d call him tomorrow. She had to get an answer so she could go on to the next item. Once she did that, everything and everyone would fall into line.
Fred brought David home from soccer practice as he’d promised, following him into the house. While their son went to his bedroom to change his clothes, Fred came up to the kitchen.
“Do you mind?” he asked, already grabbing a coffee cup. He gestured toward the round loaf cooling on a metal rack. “Looks good.”
“Thanks. Did David say anything?”
“I couldn’t get anything out of him. All I got were those stupid one-word answers that you and he always give me when you don’t want to talk.” He took a slurping sip of coffee.
God, she hated that noise. She took a deep breath. Calm down. He was just being Fred … except he was being Fred in her kitchen. She scrubbed her already spotless counter. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens at the hearing in two weeks. I’ll call the courthouse tomorrow and find out which public defender he has.”
“Public defender? He needs a real lawyer. Do you really want him stuck in jail at his age? It’s a terrible place.”
“You should know.” Shit. I’m really tired.
“Aw, Annie, don’t go there.”
“Sorry. I’m upset. I can’t afford to get him a ‘real lawyer.’ Fred, a public defender is a real lawyer. It’s David’s first offense. They aren’t going to throw him in jail. They’ll give him community service and probation.” Her voice tightened.
“Oh, yeah, you’re an expert on this, too. You always know everything. What if you’re wrong?” Fred’s voice grew louder.
“I’m doing the best I can, Fred! I work, keep house, run David around, make sure he gets his homework done, and now I have to move to New Jersey! What do you ever do besides pick him up from soccer once a week and watch movies with him on the weekend? Why don’t you go home and back to that bottle you love more than anything else?”
“Shut up!” David stood in the doorway of the kitchen. “Stop yelling at each other! I can’t stand it anymore!”
He glared at them for a minute, shook his head in disgust and then stormed back down the stairs to his room. The door slammed.
The ugly words reverberated in the tiny kitchen. They looked at each other silently. Annie’s breath slowed. “I’m really sorry, Fred. That was out of line, stress talking. But, still, I think you’d better leave.”
Fred nodded and put his coffee cup in the sink. At the top of the stairs he paused. “I’m sorry I hurt you so much, Annie,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to.”
And then he was gone.
• • •
While Annie waited for the computer to start up in her office the next morning, she stared at her list. She hadn’t gotten around to calling the public defender yesterday; she absolutely needed to do it today. Somehow the checkmarks next to the first two items didn’t give her the satisfaction she usually got from ticking things off. She’d told David and Fred, but the after-effects weren’t quite over. What should she do next?
She got out her pen and made some additions:
14. Convince Fred that David’s place is with me
15. Convince David that he’d be better off in NJ
A list. Her life was in control again. Wasn’t it? A flicker of worry wisped through her brain.
Exercise. That was it. All this sitting around and stewing weren’t getting her anywhere. She pulled on her walking shoes, grabbed her company badge, strode out the side door, and marched to the Par-Course track.
She took the long loop, pushing herself around the dirt path that circled almond trees and hay fields to a small rise on the edge of the company property. She’d miss the passing of the seasons, the odor of newly grown hay tickling her nose in the spring, followed by the dusty tang of browning fields. California smelled different from any other place she’d been.
Winded, she slowed down at the top of the hill to catch her breath. Hands on her hips, she looked down on the scene below, the office building cube huddled between still-green hills. It hadn’t been her ideal job, but it was comfortable. She knew what to expect — or at least she’d thought she had. She sighed, picked up her pace, and returned to the office.
Finally.
“Sorry for the delay,” Jim’s e-mail said. “I wanted to talk with Randy before I contacted you and we’ve had a hard time connecting. He highly recommends you. Can you come for an interview next week? It’s short notice, but it’s the only space in my calendar. I want to make sure you get a good idea of what you’ll be stepping into if you take the position. Besides, our corporate director likes to meet potential candidates face to face. You can come to the annual corporate dinner and meet everyone. Let me know as soon as possible.”
Next week! That was impossible! The week after? No, I have to be in court with David. Later? No, they wouldn’t like that.
She cradled her weary head in her hands, resting her tired eyes in her cupped palms. Maybe if I cover my eyes, no one can see me. No one can ask for anything. I won’t have to uproot my life.
She sighed, dug into her resolve, and lifted her head. There were things to do — talk to David’s attorney, make sure David could stay with Elizabeth while she took a quick trip to New Jersey. She’d reply to Jim tomorrow.
After a few more hours of work she headed home, but instead of going south on Highway 1 when she got to Santa Cruz, she went north.
Maybe she could blame her car: I was going home, but when I got to Highway 1 the car refused to go home. There wasn’t a thing I could do about it.
No one would believe it. She didn’t believe it. The truth was she wanted to see John again.
What the hell was she doing?
Annie sauntered into the bookstore, automatically taking her normal route to the travel section. The Montana shelf had been expanded. She idled for a while, browsing books to learn more about where the man came from. Curiosity finally got the better of her and she inched her way to the front of the store.
Hips swaying slightly, she sidled to the new fiction table. A quick scan of the high-level office and the front of the store showed no sign of the new owner.
Disappointed, she picked up the new novel by Debbie Macomber. It would be wonderful to be one of the women in Debbie’s books, find someone to share some of her burdens, a partner in love and life. But wasn’t she walking away from that very opportunity? Could John be the one? She didn’t have time to find out.
Book in hand, she went to the cash register. If she couldn’t have the man, she’d have the fantasy. She started reading the book and was soon caught up in the life of a cat-loving knitter in Seattle.
“Hi, Annie,” John said. “Let me ring up your book.”
She dropped the book with a clatter on the counter. “Are you free for a cup of coffee?” she blurted.
He shook his head. “We’re short-handed today. I need to be by the register. Maybe some other time.”
Annie watched his capable hands scan the book, slide in the free bookmark and ring up her total. She should never have come here. Their fingers brushed when he took her charge card, and she felt the familiar spark that touching him brought.
He handed her the book. “Thanks for coming in. I — ”
“I’d love to go riding.” She watched the grin spread across his face.
“That’s great. How about Friday?” He touched her hand. “I’m glad you’ve changed your mind.”
She took a deep breath. “So am I. Friday would be great.”
Chapter 7
Driving to work the next morning, Annie was oblivious to the white mists ascending from the narrow mountain valleys, and the red-tailed hawk peering down from the Summit Road highway sign. Had she been insane to agree to ride with John? Probably. But going horseback riding seemed so, well, normal. There wouldn’t be time for drama.
Did John drink? He’d had a glass of wine at dinner, but did he drink more than that?
Another reason that riding would be safe. Not a lot of opportunity to belly up to the bar.
She pushed thoughts of John out of her mind to concentrate on her upcoming business trip and made a quick mental list: Tell Fred and David where she was going, make arrangements with the cat sitter, book a flight and hotel, pack her laptop with its extra battery, and repack her standard travel bag. Elizabeth had already okayed David’s stay at her house when she called to invite Annie to Sunday brunch the previous evening.
What was up with Elizabeth and Bobby? Why couldn’t her friend simply marry the man? He was kind, he had money, and they loved each other. They didn’t know how lucky they had it.
She went back to her trip preparation. She’d make her flight arrangements when she got to work and call Fred when he was busy at work, cell phone off, and leave a message.
Coward, the critical member of her internal Greek chorus jibed.
Yep.
The cat sitter could be e-mailed from work and she’d talk to her son tonight. Everyone taken care of.
Except you.
I’m going riding on Friday, she announced to the chorus. Isn’t that enough?
We’ll see.
I must be going crazy. I’m talking to myself.
As soon as Annie got to the office, she booked her flight. A small boutique hotel in Princeton, priced within corporate limits, was a pleasant option. She e-mailed her current and future bosses with her arrangements. Both responded that they were delighted she’d taken action and she felt like she’d been patted on the head and told she was a “good girl.” Only a few more years and she’d be able to get out of Corporate America.
• • •
Friday afternoon, John paced the driveway in front of the small barn as he waited for Annie to show up. Starfire picked up his nervousness and ran restless circles in the corral next to him.
Right on time, a Prius turned cautiously off the road and came up the rise. After it stopped, he opened the car door and gave Annie a hand.
“Good to see you,” he said as he checked out her clothes. The lavender sweater she wore accented her figure nicely.
“Do I pass your approval?” she asked with a smile.
“Sorry. Too many people have no clue. They show up in fancy new clothes and sneakers.” He looked pointedly at her jeans and small-heeled boots. “You knew better.” And you’ve got a great butt in jeans.
“I told you. I took lessons.” She gestured at Starlight. “Your horse?”
He nodded.
She walked slowly toward the horse standing by the fence, eyeing her cautiously. John watched with a smile as she offered the back of her hand to the mare, just like she would to a dog to sniff. Starfire snorted and nodded her head up and down. Annie stroked the mare’s face and soon the mare was nudging her with her head in friendship.
“She’s gorgeous.”
“Thanks.” He walked to the gate and grabbed the lead hanging on the fence. Starfire trotted over, head held high in anticipation. He murmured to her, fastened the lead, and led her out the gate. Glancing at Annie, he said, “Follow me into the barn and I’ll get you set up with Mathilda.”
“Who?”
“The Wiggins horse. Named after a great aunt or something.”
“I wonder if the aunt was flattered.”
“It’s a nice horse.”
“Hopefully, it was a nice aunt.”
John chuckled and led Starfire to the saddling stall. He handed Annie a lead. “You want to get Mathilda ready? There’s another stall over there and her gear’s already set.”
Her eyes widened.
“You have saddled a horse before, haven’t you? I’m happy to do it as soon as I finish here.”
“No, no, that’s okay. I can do it. It’s just … ”
“I’ll check the saddle when you’re done, to be sure the cinch is snug.”
“Thanks.” She approached Mathilda, going through the same routine she’d used with Starfire to introduce herself before taking her to the stall to saddle her.
John watched her movements with approval. She was tentative, but appeared to know what she was doing. He wondered why she’d been so nervous.
“Do you date much?”
“What? No. It’s tough being a single mom and dating. I didn’t want a lot of men coming in and out of my son’s life.”
“But you made an exception in my case.”
She paused in her brushing and looked at him. “I guess you feel safe.”
He grinned. “Safe? Not handsome and daring?”
She stared at him seriously. “Trust me. In my world, safe is a lot more important than tall, dark, and handsome.” She turned away.
He heard the clunk of the brush as she tossed it in the gear box. What had happened in her life to make safe more important than anything else? He thought back to the few times he’d seen her before. She’d been flirty, but cautious, like an animal that had been abused and didn’t quite trust humans.
“I’m ready,” she called out.
Ten minutes later, they were traveling down John’s favorite trail in silence. Coos of mourning doves and the chatter of mockingbirds accompanied the rustling of wrens and sparrows in the brush. The clop of the horses’ hooves and occasional snorts were the only sounds announcing their presence.
The woman knew how to ride.
They reached his favorite spot by Soquel Creek forty-five minutes later. He slid off Starfire, and Annie followed suit.
“Good,” she said. “I needed a break. It’s been a long time sin
ce I’ve ridden and my muscles are feeling it.”
He dug in his pack for the water bottles and snacks he’d prepared and gestured to a large rock overlooking the rushing stream. They settled down and he was amused to see that she left a good amount of space between them.
They chattered for a while about local news and international politics before John felt comfortable introducing a more private topic. Still, he approached it warily. “I suppose it’s none of my business, but I’m curious. What made you finally decide to get divorced?”
She took a long swig of water before she answered. “I think the beginning of the end came when Fred was arrested for DUI. He had to go to jail for four days and pay a fifteen hundred dollar fine. Of course, he wasn’t bringing in much money, so I had to help out. I resented every penny of it.”
John leaned closer, wanting to wrap his arms around her and erase the pain in her voice, but she gave him a quick glance, her eyes wide open like a startled doe. She looked back at the rushing stream, but he doubted she was seeing the water. Her breath shuddered and she continued.
“Things went from bad to worse. He always seemed to be drunk. I’d come home from work every night, take care of David, clean up the mess, and try to sleep until he came home. One night I simply had enough. He fell into bed next to me with his clothes on, stinking of alcohol, fell asleep and started snoring.”
The disgust in her voice was agonizing to hear. He hoped no woman ever talked about him that way.
She took another sip of water. “I got up, got David and myself dressed, and went to Elizabeth’s to live. I never went back to Fred. We were divorced six months later. Fred didn’t fight for anything, so it went fairly quickly.
This time he touched her hand. “I’m so sorry,” he said.
She pulled her hand away, stood up, finished the water, and gave him a sad smile. “It’s over. That’s the important part. But I’m sure you can see why I’m a little reluctant to date.”
He stood and took her hand again. “I would never treat any woman that way. I have a beer now and then, and I enjoy a good glass of wine with my dinner, but that’s it. You said it yourself. I’m safe. Let me prove it to you, Annie.” He looked steadily into her eyes.