by Casey Dawes
“So what happened?”
She played with her napkin, unfolding and refolding it. He let the silence drag out as he gazed into the fire over her shoulder.
“He went back to his wife.”
“He was married? Didn’t you know that?” He flipped his gaze back to Deborah. Sometimes he didn’t understand the perfidy of his own gender. Or women, for that matter. Deborah had made a commitment to him and rather than be honest and talk to him about changing her mind, she’d gone to bed with someone behind his back. Seems like her “boyfriend” had had the same moral standards.
“They were separated. He said that they were getting divorced. He told me that he’d never met anyone like me; that I supported his dreams and his wife only nagged at him. He said with me by his side he could get out of the state university system and into a real school like Harvard or Stanford.”
“He lied,” John said bluntly.
She nodded, the single tear turned into a flood.
John felt his resolve soften. What she’d done to him was wrong, but she’d paid heavily for it. He put his hand over hers and looked straight into her eyes.
“I’m sorry for what’s happened to you, Deb. I truly am. I know how it feels.”
“Oh, John. I know. Can you possibly forgive me?”
He hesitated. Forgiving wasn’t forgetting. You could forgive a snake for being what it was, but not forget to look where you put your sleeping bag at night.
“Yes,” he said. “I can forgive you.”
She dried her eyes with her napkin and put her hand over his. “Is there a chance for us?” she asked.
“No.” His answer was rapid and final.
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
She studied him. “There’s someone else, isn’t there?”
John nodded. At least, I hope there will be.
• • •
Annie put the phone down. Elizabeth and Bobby would be there soon. They’d been together at a restaurant when they got her call. Fred was staying at his place in case David showed up there. She glanced at her watch. It was getting close to nine and it had been dark for an hour. Where could David be? If this was how he was reacting to the plan to move, how would he act when they actually got there? If he ran away after the move, she wouldn’t be able to call on her friends to help. She’d be truly alone.
Like you deserve to be, the demon voice in her head began. Annie tried to shut it out. I’m doing the best I can. Why can’t everyone understand that? Why can’t I get a break?
She sank into a chair. Oh, God, I’ve made such a mess of this. I keep trying to do the right thing and all it does is get worse. What’s that saying? Insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results? I must be insane.
But I don’t know any other way to be.
Carol’s words came back to her. Just because she couldn’t see any other way to be, didn’t mean there wasn’t any.
Annie put her chin in her hands, her elbows propped on her knees and stared at the floor. She’d think about that later. Right now she needed to figure out where David was.
Bobby and Elizabeth arrived a few minutes later, but Annie barely noticed them — she was too busy sitting on the couch, examining nothing, worrying about David.
Elizabeth’s arms went around her and Annie began to cry.
Bobby must have made tea, because all of a sudden there was a cup of steaming tea on the coffee table in front of Annie.
After a few minutes, Annie dried her tears and looked at her friend. “I’m sorry to be such a bother. I couldn’t keep going alone anymore. All I could do was imagine the worst. What if someone hurts my baby?”
“Hush, Annie. You’re not a bother. You’re human. Sometimes you forget that. It was only a matter of time before you got to the end of your rope. I don’t think the worst has happened to David. He’s mad. Teenagers do stupid things when they get mad. Remember all the problems I had with Sarah at that age?”
“But there’s no note and it doesn’t look like he packed any clothes,” Annie said.
“Then he’s at a friend’s house.”
“What if he’s in trouble again? What if he’s hanging out with Larry and that gang of creeps?”
“He’s going to come home eventually — when he gets hungry. And,” Elizabeth added, “if he is with Larry and his friends, we’ll know that soon, too. David’s not a good criminal — too easily caught.”
“I don’t want him caught. I can’t bear the thought of them putting handcuffs on him again.” She shivered.
“Let’s not borrow trouble,” Elizabeth said. “David’s got your genes — steady, loyal and responsible. Let’s think the best and start making phone calls. Do you have a list of his friends?”
“All except Larry. David never would give me his number.”
“Well, maybe one of the other kids knows it.”
Bobby walked into the room, cell phone in hand. “I called the hospital and police station to eliminate those two places. He’s not there.”
“Thanks,” Annie said, trying to smile.
The trio split the list that Annie gave them and began calling. Fifteen minutes later they’d called everyone on the list with no results. No one knew Larry’s number, either. Bobby went into the kitchen to start up the teakettle again. The phone rang and Annie scrambled to answer it.
The news was good. “He’s at Fred’s!” she called out to Bobby and Elizabeth. “Thank God,” she said into the phone. “I’ll be right over to get him.”
After a few minutes of conversation with Fred, Annie hung up the phone. Her voice toneless, she said, “David doesn’t want to come home. He’s staying with Fred tonight, sleeping on the floor.” Sighing, she slumped on the couch and put her chin in her hands. “I wish I knew what to do. All my life I kept putting one foot in front of the other no matter how hard it was. I was the rock while everyone around me was falling apart. Maybe it was stupid, I don’t know. But right now I don’t know which direction to go.”
“Have you talked to the life coach?” Elizabeth asked.
Annie nodded.
“Is it helping at all?”
“We’ve had a few conversations. I think that’s why I’m in such a muddle. I’m questioning everything I thought I knew.”
“That’s not a bad thing.”
“It is when you need to make a decision. I feel totally incapable of deciding anything right now. Sometimes I think it’s clear — I need to move. Other times, I think it may be possible to stay here. You know, find a new job. I wish a note would come down from God giving me instructions.”
Elizabeth laughed. “I don’t think it works that way.”
“Probably not.” Annie looked up at Elizabeth. “I think I really want to stay. My friends are here. And … I really like John. There’s a possibility there.”
“Um … Great!” Elizabeth said, clearly working overtime to sound cheerful. “It’s what I’ve been asking you to do all along.”
Annie wasn’t fooled. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at her friend. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Elizabeth looked at Bobby who’d come back into the room with more tea. He shrugged, shook his head and sat down in the rocking chair.
“Give,” Annie said.
“Uh, well, I stopped by Beth Brighton’s office the other day to drop off the chamber raffle tickets, and, uh … ” Elizabeth trailed off.
“If I know what it is, I can deal with it,” Annie said.
“She was kissing him.”
Annie snorted, unaffected by this news. “Beth Brighton has a thing for any guy who’s not attached. Ever since she divorced husband number two, she’s been after number three. She even went after Fred, for God’s sake!”
Bobby let out a guffaw and Annie joined him in laughter, releasing the tension in the room — but only slightly. Elizabeth didn’t join in the laughter. Annie stopped mid-chuckle.
“There’s something else,” she said. “Isn’t there?”
Elizabeth nodded. “On our way here we walked by the wine bar in Costanoa. John was in there with a woman I didn’t recognize. They looked like they were having a very intense conversation.” She paused. “And they were holding hands.”
“Oh, no,” said Annie in a small voice. She burst into tears again.
Chapter 16
When the phone rang the next morning, John knew it was going to be Deborah. She’d become one determined female. He’d told her there was no chance for them, but she refused to give up hope. Kind of like what he was doing with Annie, he thought, smiling ruefully.
If he wanted a chance with Annie, he knew he had to get Deborah out of his life.
“Hi,” Deborah said when he picked up.
“Hi, Deb. Look, you’ve got to stop calling. I feel sorry for you, but there’s nothing I can do for you. You made your choice and I had to live with it. I’ve moved on. You’ll need to do the same. Like I told you last night, I don’t want you to call.”
“But if you only understood, you’d give us another chance.”
“I do understand. I’m sorry for you. But I don’t have any feelings for you anymore.”
“I have feelings for you, John.” Her voice became low and seductive.
He shook his head. “I hate to do this, Deborah, but I’m going to hang up now. Please don’t call again.”
Feeling like a complete heel, he hung up the phone on the protesting woman. He grabbed his hat and walked out the back to the truck, once again noting the unkempt lawn and peeling paint, more glaring in the bright morning sun. The new house should close soon, Beth assured him. He couldn’t wait. A home would be perfect, especially if he could find the right woman and fill the home with family and friends.
Who was he kidding? He’d already found the right woman. What he needed to do was entice her to stay. As he drove toward Soquel, he pondered their last conversation. She’d lit up when she discussed her music. He understood why she hadn’t pursued it as a career. Like him, she took her responsibilities seriously. But it seemed like she was taking them too far, locked in a job she didn’t like that was forcing her to move when she didn’t want to do it.
What made her so chary of taking even a low-risk chance and looking for another job? It had to be more than Fred. She seemed well past him. He’d need to invite her for coffee again soon and see if he could learn more. Maybe uncovering her fear would be the key to getting her to stay.
Sunday morning gave him time for a longer ride on Starfire, so John hitched the trailer to his pickup and loaded in his mare. Riding through ancient redwoods gave him plenty of time to explore and think. Like riding through the Rockies, he felt closer to God under those trees than in almost any church he’d been in.
He’d been back to the little church in Costanoa a few times, finally convincing most of the women that he wasn’t looking for a new wife. He liked the pastor and some of the programs that the church was involved in that made the world, and the neighborhood, a better place to be. Joining in would allow him to help the community he was beginning to call home.
John had unloaded Starfire and was checking the saddle strap when a woman called out. “What a great horse!” He looked up to see Elizabeth jogging toward him. Good. Maybe he could get some news about Annie.
She stopped jogging and walked up slowly to the chestnut mare, holding her hand out as if she were allowing a dog to sniff it. Starfire obliged, her soft muzzle caressing Elizabeth’s hand, tickling her hand with horse whiskers. Finally, the mare snorted her approval and Elizabeth moved in to rub the horse’s glossy nose.
“She’s beautiful,” she said. “I’ve been horse-crazy since my teens. You’re lucky to have her.”
“Yes, ma’am,” John said, trying to figure out how to introduce the subject of Annie as Elizabeth oohed and ahhed over the horse. He finally bit the bullet. “How’s Annie doing?”
Elizabeth gave him a sharp glance. “Okay.”
“Anything new on the job front?”
“No,” Elizabeth said sharply.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Her eyes flashed. “I don’t want to see my friend hurt. She’s been hurt enough already. So why don’t you stay away from her?” She turned and started to walk away.
“Wait, Elizabeth. What are you talking about? I’m not going to hurt her.” Then it hit him. “You’re talking about the kiss you saw. Beth threw herself at me. I didn’t initiate it. You saw me get out of there as fast as I could. My manager, Sunshine, says Beth’s after every single man within a hundred miles. That wasn’t my fault.”
“That’s not all I’m talking about. I saw you last night — holding hands with that woman.”
Deborah. Was there no end to the trouble that woman was going to cause him? “She’s an old friend in trouble. It didn’t mean anything.”
“It didn’t look like an old friend. Apparently everyone else is to blame for your actions. You’re just like Fred. I don’t know how Annie manages to attract men like you, but apparently she’s not over the losing streak yet. Stay away from her!”
Elizabeth turned away again and ran toward the entrance of the park. Santa Cruz County was turning out to be like a very small town — no secrets anywhere. John shook his head and swung his leg over Starfire, turning the mare up the trail and urging her into a quick trot. He needed time away from trouble-causing females.
• • •
Annie attended David’s early morning soccer game the next day, her feelings close to the surface. David mumbled hello before heading off to join his team.
Fred shrugged. “He hasn’t said much. I’ve let him be for now. Hopefully, he’ll open up to you.” He looked over at her. “I really think you should reconsider this move, Annie.”
She started to speak, but he raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to say any more right now. But I want you to think about what it’s doing to David.”
She felt like that’s all she was ever thinking about. When was the answer going to come clear to her?
“Why’d you run away?” she asked her son after they were both in the car and pulling away from the soccer field.
David shuffled his feet on the floor mat. “I heard you telling Dad you were taking me to New Jersey. I keep trying to tell you I don’t want to go there. You don’t believe me. I thought if I left, you’d miss me and change your mind. Then I thought if I stayed with Dad you’d see we could make it work since you’re all bent on leaving.”
Teenage logic at its best. “I hear what you’re saying,” Annie said. “I’m trying to do the right thing — make sure we have enough and that there’s money for college. Keeping my job seems to be the only way to do that. But I don’t want you miserable either. And I definitely don’t want you acting out anymore — understood?”
“I get it. Does that mean we’re staying in California?”
“No, it means I’m going to think some more about other options.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I promise to see if I can come up with another idea and you promise to stop acting out. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Annie could hear the relief in his voice. “Promise?”
“Promise.”
The phone was ringing when Annie walked into the house with David. “Hello?” Annie said.
“Hi, Annie. It’s John.”
“Oh. Hello.”
“I thought I’d take you to coffee if you aren’t too busy,” he said.
“I’m sorry John, but I’m really busy.”
�
��Let me bring you coffee then.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Look,” John said, “I ran into Elizabeth this morning and she told me she’d seen some things — things that could be misinterpreted. I guess she told you, too.”
“It’s no concern to me. I’m moving to New Jersey, remember?” He doesn’t need to know any differently.
“It’s important to me. I’d like to come over and explain.”
“No explanations necessary. I’ve got to go. See you next time I stop by the bookstore.” Annie hung up the phone quietly, feeling a loss she couldn’t quite explain. Maybe this is what Carol meant by denying her feelings. What was she feeling about John? Could she be in love?
I don’t have time for love. I have a teenager to take care of.
Annie slammed the door on her emotions and went into the office to surf the web, looking for new bread recipes. Getting her hands in some yeasty, sticky dough would improve her mood.
“Mom?” A freshly washed David stood at her office door. “Can I go over to Kerry’s? We’ve got a chemistry test on Monday and she said she’d help me study.”
“Who’s Kerry?”
“Ah, Mom, you know who Kerry is. We’ve gone to school, like, together, like, forever.”
“Kerry Sunderson?”
“Yeah.”
Annie searched her memory — finally the image surfaced — a round-faced child with café-au-lait skin and brown corkscrew curls. “I remember now. She used to be at all your birthday parties. Where’s she been the last ten years?”
“Around. We just haven’t talked much. So can I go?”
Annie felt her eyes widen slightly. David and Kerry hadn’t talked much … until now. Was her son actually developing an interest in girls? What kind of girl had Kerry turned into?
“Um … sure … just make sure I have their phone number.”
David rolled his eyes. “I’m not five.”
“No, but you’ve sure been acting like it — running away, shoplifting.”
“M-o-m, I promised I wouldn’t do it anymore.”