by Casey Dawes
After dinner, Elizabeth sat down with her bank loan papers and studied them. The bankers were right, they were a stretch. But she knew she could make it work. She’d built Beauty by the Bay from a down-at-the-heel cosmetics store to a business that helped support her family after Joe died.
If only she didn’t have to do it alone. She looked at the bottle of perfume Marcos had sent. The bottle was exquisite, exactly the type of product she wanted to create. How had he known? He’d made an effort to find the shop she’d visited. Maybe he would understand her need to create this on her own, but still be a sounding board?
No. Men wanted control. This was her business.
Still, she should thank him for the gift.
She pulled up the email program.
“Marcos,
“Thank you so much for the perfume. It was lovely! So thoughtful.”
She tucked her hair behind her ear. What else could she say?
“Even if I don’t find an assistant in time, I’d like to have dinner with you one of the nights you are in town. And, I could introduce you to a realtor I know, Beth Brighton.”
She stopped typing and erased the last line. Beth was on the lookout for her third husband. Marcos would be catnip to her.
Elizabeth wasn’t taking that chance.
Why not?
Elizabeth saved the half-written email, went into the kitchen, and filled a glass with Storrs’ chardonnay. If she was going to seriously think about a relationship with Marcos, only the best wine would do.
She pushed open the kitchen door and went into her garden, idly dead-heading her roses as she paced her garden. Secret summer was almost here, the balmy October weather that portended the rains of winter. She was blessed to live on the central coast. Why would she ever want to leave it?
Especially, for a man, a man she knew very little about. All she knew was that her blood seemed to course more quickly through her veins whenever she thought of him. She was more alive when he was around.
And it scared her to death.
She wasn’t going to be able to control her relationship with Marcos; he was too different. Hell, she didn’t even know if there was a relationship!
Could she live with uncertainty and find out? Since her unplanned pregnancy and Joe’s death, she’d always remained in control. Even building Beauty by the Bay was a step-by-step process. She always knew where she was going.
Being with Marcos would be totally different.
She swallowed the last of the wine and returned to the kitchen. Time to wrap it up for the night. Her appointment with the credit union was tomorrow.
When she returned to the computer, a flash at the bottom of her screen let her know an email message had come in.
A shiver went through her as she opened it.
“Ciao, bella.
“I hope you are well and that you have received the package I sent. The carrier has said it will arrive today.
“Harvest is wrapping up, so I plan to be in the US in a few weeks to look at vineyards. Here is what I am thinking.”
Marcos laid out his vineyard travels and Elizabeth glanced at the calendar. Only three weeks to find an assistant. Suddenly, she desperately wanted to be the one to show Marcos the secrets of the mountains.
“I know you have had a few problems with your assistant and I am sorry to hear that. I pray you will be able to find a new assistant by the time I am there. If not, perhaps you can recommend someone to show me vineyards for sale. I hope I will be able to take you to dinner in the evening. I wish to see you again, Elizabeth.
“Let me know if I have chosen well with the perfume.
“Ciao, Marcos.”
Elizabeth stroked the silk scarf she wore around her neck, remembering the touch of Marcos’ fingers as he’d traced them down her arms when he said good-bye in Italy. She sniffed the delicate lemon scent from her wrist. Goosebumps rose on her arms as she ran her tongue over her lips.
Elizabeth brought up her half-written email and changed her reply.
“The perfume is perfect. Thank you so much for taking the time to find the shop and send it to me. And for convincing them to ship to America! They were quite against it when I spoke with them.
“I still don’t know about a new assistant. I’ll try to think of someone to take you around … ”
A new thought struck her. “ … or I can close the shop for a day or two and show you myself.”
She took a deep breath. Closing the shop was a huge risk, but maybe it was worth it.
Just this once.
“I would like to have dinner with you. I know some good restaurants you would like.”
She ended the note and clicked the send button.
What would her mother have said about her running around with a man she didn’t know well? What would the neighbors think?
She smoothed out the frown between her eyebrows. Maybe she should let them think whatever they wanted.
She swallowed hard. She would have to leave everything to God. It hadn’t worked out well before, but maybe this time would be different.
• • •
The next afternoon she watched Catherine examine her loan papers with a frown. Elizabeth’s heart sank.
“Do you have any savings you’re going to invest in this venture?” Catherine asked.
“I wasn’t planning to, no,” Elizabeth replied, clenching her fist. Banks really wanted blood these days.
Catherine leaned back with a somber expression. Her blond hair was cut in a sleek bob and her expertly applied make-up softened the angular planes of her face. “I don’t see how we can loan you the money if you’re not willing to take a risk, too.”
“But I am taking a risk.” Elizabeth heard her voice rise. “I’m risking my store, my livelihood. I’m putting that up as collateral. You know me. I’d never default on a loan.”
Catherine shook her head. “People I never thought would default are losing their homes. Things aren’t the way they used to be, Elizabeth. Banks and credit unions don’t want to own businesses anymore than we want to own houses. We have to be careful about the money we lend.”
“But I’m not like that! I’m a good businesswoman. I built Beauty by the Bay from nothing. Doesn’t character matter?”
Catherine handed the papers to Elizabeth. “It’s strictly numbers these days, I’m afraid. You don’t have enough margin in the business to take on a new venture. And you can’t rely totally on a loan. If you’re not willing to invest your savings, I’m afraid I can’t help you.”
“I’ll get back to you,” Elizabeth said.
When hell freezes over.
She stood, stuffed the papers in her purse and slammed out of the credit union.
She willed herself not to cry as she unlocked the door of her little red sports car and slid in. Key in the ignition, hands on the steering wheel, she stared at the credit union logo, a sailboat speeding through stylized waves.
Maybe she should simply sail away from all her troubles. But who would she sail off with? Marcos?
Impossible.
She slammed the car in reverse and gave it gas without looking.
A blaring horn made her slam on her brakes, jerking her forward into the seat belt.
She turned off the car and leapt out. A large tan SUV blocked her path. The driver, a middle-aged portly man in a suit began yelling. “Are you stupid? You could have hit my car! I work hard for this car!”
Elizabeth walked forward, holding her breath. The SUV didn’t have a scratch on it.
“You idiot.” The man continued to yell. “You backed up without looking! What if it had been a kid on a bicycle?”
She strode over to the blustering businessman. “It wasn’t a kid on a bicycle. I didn’t even hit you. Stop shouting at me an
d move your damn car!”
“I never! You can’t talk to me that way!”
Elizabeth stabbed her finger at the man’s chest. “No, mister. You can’t talk to me that way! Get into your car and move it before I call the police.”
A crowd had begun to gather. The man glanced around. “Stupid woman. You’re all stupid,” he mumbled as he got into his car, slammed the door and roared away.
Elizabeth returned to her own car and slid back onto the driver’s seat, grinning a smile of satisfaction. For once in her life she stood up for herself.
It was only after she put her hands on the steering wheel she noticed they were trembling. That’s what she got for giving into impulse.
• • •
A few hours later, Elizabeth sat in her kitchen, a glass of pinot grigio on the table. She scanned the kitchen mindlessly. It sparkled from the scrubbing she’d given it when she’d returned from the credit union.
The ravioli press on the wall caught her eye and she stood up to get it. She ran her fingers over the old wood, wondering how many women’s hands had touched the press and what their lives had been like. Did the man they loved return their feelings? Had their lives worked out or had they struggled?
A knock on the door disturbed her.
“Yes?” she said when she opened the door.
A young Hispanic woman stood there. Elizabeth’s first thought was how beautiful she was.
“I … I … my name is Serena.”
“Hello, Serena. How can I help you?”
“I knew Joe.”
Elizabeth’s stomach flipped. A lot of people had known Joe; he’d lived in Costanoa all his life. But somehow, she didn’t think that’s what this woman meant. “How did you know my husband?”
The woman shrugged shoulders, her elbows bent with her palms facing skyward.
“Would you like to come in?” Elizabeth asked, the knot in the pit of her stomach growing worse.
Serena nodded and entered.
Elizabeth gestured to the sofa and said, “Would you like something to drink?”
Serena shook her head and sat. “I don’t know how to say this. I know it was wrong, but I loved Joe so much. We knew each other when we were little. In Los Baños.”
Vaguely, Elizabeth remembered Joe’s grandmother having a house in the small town in the San Joaquin Valley.
“We ran into each other in the tacqueria one day.” Serena shrugged again. “We had dinner and things happened.”
“How … how long?” Elizabeth’s heart pounded.
“Three years. Up until he passed.”
Three years. Elizabeth sank into the living room chair. Silence filled the room.
“Why are you telling me this now? Joe’s been gone for over a decade.”
Serena looked at the floor. “There was a child. A daughter.”
Elizabeth’s heart went through the floor. “He … I … he told me he’d had a vasectomy.”
Serena shook her head. “He did. But only after … .” She looked up, her brown eyes pleading for understanding. “It was an accident. He said he was tired of having accidental children and went the next day.”
“But we made love. I could never get pregnant again. There was nothing wrong with me.”
“I believe Joe … ” A wan smile crossed Serena’s face. “His sperm, they had a mind of their own. Not many. But enough.”
Enough was an understatement. Elizabeth gulped for air; there didn’t seem to be a lot in the living room. But Serena hadn’t really answered the question.
“But why are you telling me this now?” Elizabeth repeated.
“My daughter, she is sixteen now. She has gotten in trouble in Los Baños.” Serena glanced up at Elizabeth. “Pregnant. I have brought her to live with her grandmother in Watsonville. I hope it will be better for her here.” She shrugged again. “I work all day and have a second job at night to make ends meet. I cannot supervise her. My mother is strong.”
“Didn’t Joe do anything for you?”
“Oh, yes,” Serena said. “He put aside money. But it’s gone. Living is more expensive now than it was.”
“What do you want?” Elizabeth couldn’t stand the conversation a moment longer.
“My daughter will be going to high school that accepts girls like her. They have a place for the babies … afterwards. But she needs a job. Her dream is to be a cosmetologist.” Once again Serena’s eyes pleaded.
“And you want me … to … ” Elizabeth couldn’t complete the sentence. She stood and started pacing the room. The audacity of the woman! To try to foist her pregnant daughter off on Elizabeth.
“I thought you, of all people, would understand,” Serena said, rising. “I guess I was wrong.”
“Wait. Wait.” Elizabeth said, her mind a jumble of hurt, incredulousness and bewilderment. She did understand, but this was Joe’s child, a child she never knew about. How could Joe have done this to her?
“I can’t make this decision right now,” she finally said. “I need to talk to someone. Is there somewhere I can reach you?”
“Si, si.” Serena scribbled a phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to Elizabeth. “Thank you.”
“I haven’t said yes,” Elizabeth said.
“But you didn’t say no, either.”
Chapter 10
Elizabeth didn’t sleep well.
She had sent an emergency email to her coach late the night before and tried to get in touch with Annie, but the coach hadn’t replied and Annie had been out. Elizabeth had left a brief message for her friend.
Nothing made sense. All she could do was function.
She dragged herself out of bed and did her best to erase the circles under her eyes. A cold shower and expensive eye cream did little to make a difference. Joe had betrayed her. And she was left to clean up the mess he’d made. All her life she wanted a second child and now it was too late. But he’d had another one. Damn him!
Her eyes filled with tears.
She took a deep breath to calm herself down. Time to pull it together and go to work. Maybe she should hire the girl. It would solve the problem she’d had since she’d fired Lara.
But how could she hire Joe’s daughter?
She was just finishing up her coffee when the phone rang. Annie.
“Oh, Elizabeth,” Annie said. “I’m so sorry.”
Elizabeth burst into the tears she’d been holding back all night.
“You want me to come over?”
“Mmm … shop … need to open.”
“Open late. I’ll pick up something and be right there.”
Annie was right. Elizabeth couldn’t face the public right now. She needed time to pull herself together and figure out what to do. She stared at her coffee cup. If her husband, the man who’d promised to love and honor her, had lied to her for three years, how could she believe in anything?
The phone rang again.
“Hi,” the coach said, “I had a few minutes and wanted to make sure you were okay. You received some pretty devastating news.”
“You can say that again.” Elizabeth sniffed.
“Have you talked to anyone?”
“Annie’s on her way.”
“Good,” the coach said. “Your message said that Joe had cheated on you. How did you find out?”
Elizabeth quickly told her about Serena and her request.
“That’s asking a lot,” Carol said.
“Yes. I … I’m not sure what to do.” Tears were threatening to overflow again as Elizabeth felt her heart wrench.
“What if this wasn’t Joe’s child?”
“I’d take her on in an instant. I like helping young people get a start, especially if they’ve had trouble. If I’d had someone to
help me, maybe … maybe I would have made a different choice.” Elizabeth stared out the window, as if she was seeing the view for the first time. “I never realized how much pressure there was to marry Joe,” she added. “He must have felt the same thing. Maybe he didn’t want to marry me. Maybe he didn’t love me.” Her lower lip trembled.
“Mmmm,” was all Carol said.
Had Joe loved her? Or had he only tried to make the best out of a bad situation? They’d been happy in the beginning, hadn’t they? What changed?
“Maybe we were too young, too full of Catholic guilt. And my mother made me feel like … like … a … ” Elizabeth couldn’t even say the word.
“Lots of shame.”
“Yeah.” Elizabeth hung her head like a small child caught robbing the cookie jar.
The silence lingered.
“But this is Joe’s child,” Elizabeth finally said.
“Can you forgive her for being that?”
“I can’t forgive Joe. Or Serena. Not yet. Maybe never. I wanted another child so badly … and he … ” The sobs began again.
After Elizabeth became silent, the coach said, “I’m not asking you to forgive them right now. I’m asking you if you can forgive the child for being who she is.”
Could she? Elizabeth remembered how it had been when she was pregnant. Carol was right. Shame was everywhere. If someone had accepted her, mistakes and all, it might have made a difference. Damn.
Could she have made it as a single mother? She thought she’d been in love with Joe. Would she have listened to anyone who told her there were other choices? Maybe. Statistically, odds said marriage between two teens was bound to fail. She’d always been proud they’d made it.
But apparently they hadn’t. The air went out of her. All their lives were a little sadder because Joe and Serena hadn’t been honest. But their daughter wasn’t to blame.
The child was the result of Joe’s infidelity, not the cause.
“There’s nothing for me to forgive,” Elizabeth finally said. “She didn’t ask to be born. She’s an innocent child who has some big problems.”
“Can you help her?”