by Casey Dawes
Mandy opened her eyes and stared at the white painted ceiling. Should she talk to a psychiatrist? If she had inherited her mother’s bipolar disorder, getting on drugs early would be best, although maybe her mood swings were all in her mind.
But that was the problem, wasn’t it?
She thought about Lola. Had this been how it had begun for her? Why couldn’t Dana have been more patient, more understanding, gotten her help?
Why had it taken so long for her mother to get help?
Mandy pawed through her purse to find her phone, scrolled down her contacts, and clicked the send button when she reached her mother’s name.
“Oh, hi, darling,” Lola said after she answered the phone. “How are you? When are you coming home? I miss you, darling.”
“I’m okay.”
“Did I tell you I finally got this marvelous little part in a drama at the Paper Mill Playhouse? I’m so glad I kept my Equity membership all these years. Expensive, but worth it. I may be able to get my career on track after all. So you see—” Her tone turned wheedling. “That’s why I need you to come home. I need your help.”
Mandy knew she was supposed to ask her mother about the part, but decided not to play her role in the script they’d been acting most of their lives. “I know this is difficult, but I have to ask you a few questions … about … about your illness.”
“How’s your love life, darling? You know, a good man can make you feel so much better about yourself.”
“Lola. Please. Stop and listen to me. How did you know there was something wrong with you?”
“Darling. There’s nothing wrong with me. I … um … ” Her voice faltered. “I simply had a hard time dealing with your father’s infidelity. Trust me. If there were anything wrong with me, I would have taken care of it years ago. That’s why I keep warning you to stay away from those Hollywood men, Amanda. They will only cause you trouble.”
“But you were hospitalized. You’re taking medication.”
“I went a little crazy after your father left. That’s all. The pills. The pills make life a little easier. I could give them up tomorrow. There’s nothing wrong with me.” Lola’s voice brightened again. “In fact, I may do that soon. I’ve met the most marvelous man. He owns lots of car dealerships and he’s filthy rich. He’s thinking of investing in a play.”
Mandy listened to Lola drone on about the new man in her life for several minutes before ending the call.
Her mother wasn’t going to provide any help. If Mandy wanted to find out if she’d inherited the disease, she was going to have to seek help herself. The only problem was she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answer.
• • •
With sheer determination Mandy pulled herself together for the next two weeks of July. Concern thrummed in the back of her mind. She was perpetuating the same thing she’d been doing for the past two years. A change was needed, but a move in any direction might make her problems worse.
What if I wind up in a mental institute for the rest of my life?
The place Lola had stayed had been light and airy, the best her money could buy, but it still had locked doors and bars on the window. Mandy would die in such a place.
She hefted the tray of dirty dishes and walked back to the Costanoa Grill’s kitchen. Since the move ended, traffic had fallen off. It didn’t make any sense—it was still summer. The economy must be doing another roller coaster ride, just as it had since it tanked in 2008. Sometimes the grill was booked solid. Other times echoes bounced off the stone walls.
She set the tray down in the kitchen and turned to go back out to the floor.
“Mandy?” Her boss stuck her head out of her office. “Can I see you a minute?”
Mandy’s stomach clenched. “Sure.” She walked into the office, automatically shutting the door behind her.
“There’s no easy way to put this,” her boss said, fiddling with paper on her desk. “We’ve tried to keep everyone at their full hours throughout the recession, but the darn thing doesn’t seem to want to end. The owners are looking to retire. They want to sell the business, but they can’t until they bring expenses down.” She shook her head. “Everyone’s hours have been cut, including yours.” She handed Mandy a new schedule.
Mandy glanced it over. Her hours had been slashed in half. Tips had been down as well, customers sticking to the conservative fifteen percent.
Her boss put a hand on her arm. “We’ll get through this, Mandy. As soon as the economy improves, we can go back to running full time shifts.”
“When do you suppose that will be?” Mandy knew it was a dumb question.
Her boss rolled her eyes. “God knows, and he’s not telling.” She went behind her desk. “There aren’t very many customers out there. Why don’t you call it a day?”
“Yeah. See you—” Mandy consulted the schedule again. “Sunday.”
She left the office, hung up her apron, and walked down to the seawall.
Ocean waves crashed against the empty sand. The fog had stayed close to the shoreline, and it was cold. She sat on a wooden bench and drew her knees up to her chin.
She stared at the ocean and mentally added up her expenses. Sarah gave her a room for free in return for cooking breakfast and creating a few lunches and dinners when needed. Most of the time she took her other meals at the grill at a discount, or chipped in with Hunter and Sarah for food. Gas was ridiculously expensive, but she didn’t really drive anywhere except to work.
She’d been saving for a new car, but her fifteen-year-old Subaru would have to hold out a bit longer.
She could get by.
God, I’m sick of getting by!
Standing up from the bench she strode to the water’s edge. Her life was stagnant. The thought of marketing her catering business made her tired. It wasn’t that she expected things to fall into her lap, but she didn’t know the first thing about trying to convince people to use her as a caterer. She no longer woke up bursting with energy ready to start a new day. That hadn’t happened since the movie shoot ended.
She walked north on the sand, idly looking for beach glass.
What would happen if she took the job with Sally? Sally had a built-in clientele from years of being a movie caterer. She was thinking about retiring. What would happen to the business then? Whoever bought it, if they knew what they were doing, could make a good living. Sally had.
Do I have that ability?
Her track record sure didn’t show it. She had a culinary degree, but didn’t use it. She claimed she wanted a catering business, but didn’t work at getting more clients.
Her resume reflected who she was—an aimless drifter with no ambition.
She reached the point on the beach where the river met the sea, turned, and faced the ocean again, imagining people in small boats struggling against the ill-named Pacific to get to a better place. Some made it and some didn’t, but they all were willing to take the risk.
Am I ready to face my biggest fear—Hollywood?
She needed some answers to make the decision. There were a lot of players in Tinsel Town, but she knew at least one straight shooter.
She’d contact Sally tomorrow and get the answers to her questions.
Chapter 9
Mandy was in her third cookdown for the lasagna Bolognaise she was making for dinner when Sarah walked into the kitchen, baby Hannah in her arms. Mandy wiped her hands and reached for the little one.
Sarah pulled back. “Oh, no you don’t. I just got her to sleep.”
“What happened? She’s usually so good.”
Sarah looked down at the infant, a rueful smile on her face. “Something I ate.” She looked suspiciously at the pot on the stove. “There’s not a lot of garlic in that, is there?”
“Nope. It’s one of the milder dishes I make.”
“Good thing.”
“Um. Sarah?” Mandy stirred the contents of the pot one more time before she joined Sarah at the kitchen table.
&nbs
p; “What, honey?” Sarah’s dark eyes showed concern.
“They’ve cut back my hours at the grill. They say it’s just temporary, but—” She shrugged.
“Don’t worry.” Sarah waved a hand. “You do all the cooking and shopping anyway. There’s no need to pay for meals, and your rent here is covered already. You’ll make it until business picks up again. Besides, it will give you more time to market your catering business, if that’s what you want.”
Mandy shook her head. “I’m tired of being dependent on other people and scraping by just to make things worse. I’ve been stuck in this circle all my life. I need to do something to shake it up.”
She stood, stirred, and refilled her coffee cup. “I called the woman I worked for during the movie shoot—Sally.”
“You did?” Sarah’s voice squeaked. “I thought you wanted nothing to do with the film industry.”
“I didn’t. I don’t. I wanted to explore the option.”
“Are you going to give up the catering business?”
“I hate marketing.”
Sarah laughed. “Tell me about it.”
“You’re good at it. To me it feels like I’m sucking up to every rich person in the county, begging them to try my hors d’oervres.” She shook her head. “It’s pretty humiliating.”
“You have to persevere, Mandy. It takes time.”
“Time I don’t have.”
“I told you. Your room and board are free for now.”
Irritation began a scratchy attack on Mandy’s throat. Why couldn’t anyone listen to her? “I heard you. And, I know if I left, you’d have to replace me.”
Hannah cooed and stretched, but didn’t wake. The action focused Sarah’s attention on the baby.
Good. “Sally and I talked for a long time about the help she needs for a shoot in Yosemite, and what the future in movie catering is like.” Mandy picked a crumb off the table and flicked it into the sink. “It’s a tough gig. I’d have to learn to get the right license to drive the catering RV, producers are always trying to cut costs, and no surprise, actors can be a pain in the you-know-where.”
“Why do it then?”
“Sally did it all these years because she enjoyed the challenge, travel, and variety. She said some people do it so they can break into the Hollywood world of personal catering.”
“Is that what you want?”
“I don’t think so.”
“But you’re not sure.”
“No.” Mandy sat down and looked at Sarah intently. “Part of me wants to accept your offer, stay here, and pretend to be a caterer. It would be so easy. Far easier than facing any demons in Hollywood.” She traced the table’s wood grain with her finger. “I enjoyed the shoot in Davenport. It was crazy and hectic, but I felt alive for the first time in a long while. I want to do the Yosemite shoot and see where it leads.”
“What about James?”
Mandy stood again and stirred the pot. The liquid was almost cooked down. “He’s made his position clear. He’s got his career plan, and relationships are strictly short and casual.”
She kept stirring the pot, embarrassment flushing her face along with the steam from the hot mixture. No way was she letting Sarah know how she’d wanted to be one of James’s flings. His rejection, noble as it was, still stung.
“How will you deal with him on the set?”
“I guess I’m going to have to grow up, aren’t I?”
Sarah grinned. “Or convince him how irresistible you are.”
Mandy forced a chuckle. She added another cup of milk to the ground meat mixture. “There’s only one problem. I’d leave you in the lurch.”
“I can work it out,” Sarah said. “There’s always Gayle’s. I’m sure I can get someone from the college’s culinary school to fill in while you’re gone.” She paused. “One thing, though. Are you doing this for the job or the man?”
Mandy swallowed past the lump in her throat, sat down, and decided to tell the truth. “I’d like to say the job, but I guess that’s one of the things I need to figure out.”
Sarah studied her. “Go for it, Mandy. Please don’t get hurt in the process.” She reached her hand across the table. “You mean too much to me.”
Mandy squeezed her friend’s hand. “We both know getting hurt is part of the process. I remember all the tears you shed before you opened up to Hunter.”
“True. I guess I learned the pain of not knowing the truth is far worse than knowing it."
Mandy nodded. “Thanks. I’ll call Sally tomorrow.”
• • •
James surveyed the damage done by the 2013 Rim Fire as he climbed the road out of Yosemite Valley into the Crane Flats area. Blackened tree trunks marched like a skeleton army up the dark earth. Bits of green promised renewal that would be a long time coming. Fortunately the fire had spared the most spectacular scenes of the national park.
Beth Ann had chosen an untouched area close to Tuolumne Meadows for the shoot. The lodge had agreed to keep the tent cabins open a few extra weeks to accommodate cast and crew, but the restaurant would shut down in a month, giving Sally extra meals to prepare for the last weeks of shooting.
James had been relieved when Sally told him about Mandy’s decision. The mess he’d made in Costanoa haunted him. He’d have to work hard to set things right so the tension wouldn’t carry over to the set.
He pushed away the niggling thought that he’d missed her smile.
The scenery shifted from tall trees to the glacier-polished granite of Olmsted Point, then twisted again to reveal the iridescent blue of Tenaya Lake. The stress of the past few weeks fell away as James observed the landscape that the strong hand of nature had created and listened for the whisper of God in the stone canyons and crevices.
A half hour later Tuolumne Meadows came into view. James pulled into the parking lot, relieved to see Sally’s RV parked at the far end of the lot. He drove up beside her rig and got out of the car.
The caterer opened the door and stepped out. “I am seriously getting too old for this gig,” she said before giving him a bear hug.
“Where’s your assistant?”
“We need to talk about that.” Sally planted her hands on her hips. “I don’t know what you did in Costanoa, but I don’t need her heart tied up in knots by a guy only focused on his career. Mandy needs a guy who’s going to settle down, buy her a pretty little house in the burbs, and give her the kids she’s anxious to have. That’s not you, so leave her alone.”
“I messed up. I’ll make it right.”
“Yeah. You messed up. Now do as I say and leave her alone.”
James was silent. He’d deal with Mandy in his own way.
Sally shook her head in resignation. “I emailed her a list of stuff to bring with her from the coast. She’ll be here about five this afternoon.”
“Good. The crew should be here tomorrow and the cast rolls in the day after that.”
“Where are we setting up?”
“Up by the Dog Lake trailhead. Beth Ann wants to be able to use the meadow and river backgrounds for some of the scenes.” He knew Sally wasn’t happy with him, but it couldn’t be helped. “Have you registered at the lodge yet?”
Sally snorted. “Lodge? That’s camping … somewhat glamorous camping, but camping nonetheless!”
James smiled. “At least you don’t have to pitch your own tent. And they’ll give breakfast and dinner for another four weeks. Except when Beth Ann wants to shoot early or late, you only have to handle lunch so the work is cut down.”
“It’s the only reason I agreed to do this film.” She touched his arm. “Seriously, James, I think this is my last location shoot. I’m ready to go to Hawaii and be with my sister. Live the good life. Find me a young surfer dude and learn to ride the big waves.”
The image of Sally on a surfboard, her short arms clutched around a boy toy, made him chortle, lifting his spirits. He’d miss Sally. “What will happen to the business?”
She shru
gged. “Maybe I can convince Ms. Parker to buy it. If not, someone else will take it.”
Another problem that he’d deal with later. “Let me check in and then I’ll help you get the rig set up in the right place.”
After confirming his tent assignment, James returned to the parking lot and showed Sally how to get to the trailhead parking. He helped her get the rig stabilized and went back to the parking lot to wait for Mandy.
A few minutes before five, Mandy’s maroon station wagon pulled next to the Explorer. He got out of the car as she rolled down her window.
He drank in the sight of her.
“Where’s Sally?” she asked.
“She’s set up. Follow me and I’ll take you to her.”
“Okay. Lead on.”
As he drove the short distance, James wondered if he was going to survive the next month. Seeing Mandy rekindled the desire to kiss her, touch her, and explore every inch of her body. With nothing but canvas between them at night, would he be able to refrain from approaching her?
Sally’s warning came into his mind.
He wasn’t ready for a woman like Mandy, a woman who brightened his days with laughter and made him feel man enough to protect her. Best to leave her alone.
• • •
Mandy had been nuts to take this job.
She followed the Explorer down the rutted road to the familiar trailer, cursing herself the whole way. Did she think that she’d be able to be within feet of James and not want to explore the sensations his kiss on the beach had awoken? Was she delusional enough to think magic happened, and the genie of passion could be stuffed back into a cold brew bottle?
If only James had a rotten personality to go along with his good looks. But, no, he had to treat her like a gentleman, and he was no slouch when it came to hard work.
No way could she move to Hollywood. Not with James within a hundred mile radius of the city.
Nope. The only way to survive the stew she’d dumped herself into was to maintain professionalism, keep her distance, and skedaddle out of Yosemite the first chance she got. Fortunately, the logistics of feeding people on the shoot would keep her busy and out of James’s way.