Wrong answer, asshole.
“Godfrey went to make me some coffee,” I replied, suddenly feeling exhausted and sad. I stood up and started to fix my clothes, feeling his hot gaze over my body.
I looked at him. Really looked at him. I could have told him how they’d touched and teased me—I could have hurt him as much as he’d hurt me. But as my eyes swept up and down his body, I realized that I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want whatever this was between us if it was only going to be destructive. It could be hot, yeah. But I couldn’t handle that toxic fucked up push and pull all the time. I needed steady ground to stand on if I was going to survive this.
Just like that, my own outrage fizzled out of me. My anger was like a switch. On one minute, then off the next. The emotions swirling within me were a mix of shame and sadness. Godfrey might’ve thought that jealousy could push a man to step up, but it looked like it was just pushing Rogue away. I didn’t want to play this game. It was too emotionally draining, and I just didn’t have it in me. If he was going to keep me at arm’s length, it was better to end this now.
“I didn’t do anything with Godfrey and Luis, except get teased,” I relented with a sigh, totally spent. I was used to the tug of war with Godfrey. I expected the flirtatious banter with Luis, and the nice moments with Bonham. But Rogue consumed me. The emotional whiplash was getting too much to handle.
“I can’t do this, Rogue,” I whispered, and his eyes lost their angry edge, growing with intense scrutiny instead. “I should’ve stopped this, but I didn’t. I should’ve...I don’t know. Not let you devour me like this,” I said, looking around as if I could find the answer to all of my problems somewhere in this room. “You know what the worst part of all of this is?” I asked with a dark laugh. “You warned me. You told me not to want the things that don’t want me back. I didn’t listen. That’s on me.”
Shaking my head, tears filled my eyes, and I blew out a puff of hair that had fallen in my face. I bent down and grabbed my boots. While sitting on the plush mattress, I stepped into them and started lacing the brown leather up on my feet. I could feel his eyes on me. Rogue was hanging on to every honest word pouring from my lips.
“I put up with a lot of shit, Rogue, but you can’t bully your way into owning me if I don’t own you back. You can’t treat me like shit and exclude me. Fuck, Rogue, you can’t keep breaking my heart. You want to spend your nights with other girls? Fine. I know how you operate. But I won’t be one of them. I can’t handle not having you completely. It was never like that with us. I thought you knew. For me, it has to be different.”
I flashed a sad look at Rogue as he ran a shaky hand through his brown hair. I could see the indecision on his face. I was daring him to disagree with me. Pleading for him to say what I wanted to hear.
But he said nothing, and my heart broke more—no. It fucking shattered.
“I don’t know what we are now, but we were friends once. I know there was a time that you loved me. I think that changed when all of this happened. Somewhere along the way, our relationship got too fucked up. I know that you guys were trying to protect me, but something twisted between us, and I don’t know if we can learn to trust each other again. I feel more ruined than ever,” I admitted, finishing tying up my shoes as my voice caught. “You don’t treat your friends this way. You don’t lie to them and deliberately hurt them. You don’t bend them to your will, and then get pissed off when they finally break. And you certainly don’t fuck them and then go sleep with Stephanie Palmisano.”
I stood up and took one last inhale. “Whatever this was? Let’s just be done. Don’t touch me. Don’t kiss me. Don’t talk to me. Don’t try to explain your behavior. I get it, okay? I only have a scrap of the bigger picture. But I refuse to be like my mama, clinging to a man that does nothing but hurt me. If you care about me at all, you’ll let me go. We can try to just be friends, maybe, but the rest? We need to stop, Rogue.”
Our shirts brushed together as I passed by and walked out. Once again, he didn’t try to stop me.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I didn’t sleep again last night. After leaving Rogue's house Sunday morning, my mama ran me ragged at home, making me put in some extra practice for my cotillion classes by going over some of the etiquette bullshit. She kept impressing upon me how I couldn’t embarrass her in front of Mrs. Brodie. If I hadn’t been so down after my conversation with Rogue, I might’ve been pissed and argued with her, but I didn’t have it in me.
After that, I had a three hour session for a ballroom dancing lesson with my dance teacher. He kept cursing at me, asking how I could possibly have gotten worse than I was before. I didn’t know how to tell him that my heart wasn’t in it. My heart wasn’t in anything these days. Hell, it barely had enough energy to beat.
I'd gone home after class and immediately soaked in the tub until my fingers and toes turned into prunes and every last bubble had popped. My only consolation was that Mama signed me up for gymnastics classes again, and I was starting in a few days. But even that was a hollow triumph. Gymnastics reminded me of how the guys would show up with handmade crown signs, cheering at inappropriate times and throwing candy at me after a performance instead of flowers, because they understood my love of sweets. Fuck, everything made me think of them, and it was pissing me off.
I tried to watch mindless movies on Netflix last night, but I was too preoccupied with Rogue to actually pay attention to anything. He hadn't texted or called a single time. That said a lot.
If I was honest with myself, I was surprised. He'd been so possessive of me after he'd taken my virginity that I expected him to fight for me. The fact that he didn't told me that he didn't want me. Not really. And that hurt. It hurt more than the last seven months of bullying combined. Fuck Rogue Kelly and his commanding eyes and demanding body.
Maybe I'd been so starved for affection that I was blind, but I really thought that things would be different. I thought that once we came together, that he'd never let me go. I thought that he would let me all the way in, and that we'd be able to do this thing for real. But I was always naïve when it came to the Heirs. I was just his conquest.
I rolled out of bed at four in the morning, because I just couldn't try to sleep anymore. My mind was a mess, and to be honest, my body was, too. Ever since Luis and Godfrey teased me yesterday morning, there was a heat low in my belly that couldn't be quenched. The one person I knew who could sate me was the one person who proved he didn't want me.
I needed to feel control of my body, needed to stretch my muscles and push them hard so that I could feel a semblance of pride again. So, I went to the one place where I called the shots. The gym didn’t break hearts, it hardened them. It sculpted athletes into the best version of themselves, and the best version of me wanted to stop loving Rogue Kelly.
I dressed in a pale pink leotard and black workout shorts, then threw on an off-the-shoulder long sleeved shirt before grabbing my backpack, stuffing in my uniform, and then slipping on some sneakers. I crept downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to leave a note for Mama before walking out the front door.
Outside, the sun was still hours from rising, and the chilled air bit into my bare legs. I slipped into Mama’s Bugatti and drove to the school. I didn't listen to any music. I just let the silence and the darkness wash over me all the way to the parking lot. Once I got to the school, I parked and went into the gym using the extra key that Coach Michaels had given me.
The inside of the gym was dark and cold, but I didn't flip on any of the lights. I relished the darkness, and I knew that soon, the cold air would feel like bliss against my skin. The only illumination in the room was coming from the skylights in the tall ceilings, but this wasn’t the first time I’d practiced in the dark. For some reason, when I was overly stressed or upset about something, doing gymnastics without the ability to see soothed me. Maybe I’d always been more at home in the shadows.
I walked across the mats to the corner, taking my place to d
o some tumbling and rhythmic dance routines first. Launching into a backhand spring, I closed my eyes and let my body go. I did a routine that I’d learned a few years ago, when I’d competed in a state competition. My body did all of the work, memory and strength shaking hands with each other. There was no room for jumbled thoughts or twisted emotions. There was only muscles and movement. I trusted the floor to be where it needed to be, my body to connect with the mat when I told it to, and my mind to think of nothing but air.
I landed on my hands first, then flipped again to land on my feet. As I went through the routine, I did a backwards somersault, an aerial cartwheel, a walkover, a roundoff, split leaps, and more, all mixed in with dance.
When I finished the three-minute routine, landing tall and straight. My chest heaved, my blood pumped, and when I opened my eyes, a wide smile split across my face. I nailed it, even though I hadn’t done it in years, and that felt damn good.
No matter what was going on in my life, This? This I knew. This I was good at. I controlled it, and I could be free of all the outside bullshit. When my body was moving, my heart didn’t hurt so much. So I did more. And more. And more.
After the mats, I chalked my hands and walked over to the uneven bars. Jumping up, I got my balance and momentum by swinging my body forward, and then flipped myself up and around several times before letting go and launching upward to grab onto the higher bar. I did a few hip circles, letting my body grip the bar, spinning around it and then dismounting with a flyaway.
My upper body strength would need some work before I got back to where I’d been, but my form wasn’t terrible, so I felt hopeful that I could quickly get to where I needed to be with Coach Michael’s help.
I decided to do the balance beam next, since it was my favorite. I stood up on the beam, letting my feet get the feel for it in the shadows, not needing my eyes to tell my body where to go. With one leg extended, I did a complete wolf turn—making two and a half rotations on the beam before completing a full twisting double back.
My breath was like my music, every pant filling a rhythm that only I could hear. My muscles burned and flexed, grounding me in a way that nothing else could. And yet, as I went through another routine, and then another, pushing my body to its limits, my mind finally opened up.
I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tears dripping onto my bare feet. But I kept going. I kept pushing. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. The fact was, I was broken hearted. I was screwed up, in over my head, all because I’d fallen in love with Rogue Kelly. I was such an idiot.
I was about to move into a back tuck, when I suddenly felt hands grip my waist from behind and lift me off the beam and set my feet on the mat. I let out a startled shriek, but when I tried to look behind me, one of the hands reached forward to grip my jaw, keeping my head facing straight ahead. It was still dark, so all I could see was the shadowed silhouette of his hand grazing over my hip.
I was panting, now with both exertion and a hint of fear, but I knew these hands. I knew his touch.
Taking a step forward, he pressed against me, and I could feel his hardness dig into my back. The hand at my hip trailed lower, and then he cupped me over my shorts and leotard. My heart was pounding so hard that I was sure it was loud enough to fill the massive room with its beat.
Wasting no time, he curled his fingers over the waistband and pulled my shorts off, letting them pool at my ankles until I kicked them off. When his finger dipped under my leotard to trail across my slit, I sucked in a ragged breath. With his other hand, he began to peel the straps off of my shoulders, and then I was standing there, completely bare. I stared at his dark figure, burning with need. It was palpable in the air between us, and even though I knew I should push him away, all I wanted in that moment was to let him take me.
He suddenly flipped me around so that I was facing him, and then he started walking us backward toward the parallel bars. Once underneath them, he slowly lifted my arms one at a time, placing my hands on the bar above me. I followed his lead and gripped it, holding on tight as he kept hold of my hips. My skin was on fire where he touched me, my entire body crackling with our magnetic connection.
“Rogue,” I said breathlessly, but he didn’t answer. The only reply I got was him suddenly dropping to his knees in front of me, and then he pulled my legs over his shoulders.
My hands tightened on the bar and I nearly started hyperventilating with a mixture of nervousness, thrill, and desire forcing the breath from my chest. I could feel his hot breath against my pussy, and I whimpered when he leaned forward and licked up my heat.
Because it was Rogue, he didn’t take things slow. He didn’t tease. He took what he wanted, and I nearly cried with gratefulness when his mouth latched onto my clit and sucked. It was just what my body wanted since Godfrey and Luis had teased me, leaving me aching and wanting.
“Fuck!” My hands shook on the bar as I held on, my weight slumping over his shoulders as he ate me out. He was fast and thorough, his tongue changing from licking my clit to fucking my pussy. I came with a shaken scream, my mouth forming incoherent words as I saw stars that had nothing to do with the ones above us visible through the skylights.
When I came back down from my high, I felt him gently tap my arms, signaling me to let go of the bar, and then he moved my legs to let me slide down against him. I felt his erection against my stomach, and then he was walking me backward and flipping me around.
He pressed his free hand against my upper back and pushed, making me bend over, and my hands automatically went out to land on the balance beam. My breath caught in my chest, and I practically shook with anticipation. When I heard his zipper lower, it sounded louder than thunder. When I heard a condom wrapper being ripped open and tossed to the side, it was nearly deafening.
He still hadn’t spoken. He’d barely made a single sound. He was letting his body do all the talking for him. Keeping his palm against my back, he used his other hand to grip my hip, and then without warning, he slammed all the way into me from behind.
I cried out, biting my bottom lip as his solid, hot length breached my body and hit that delicious spot inside of me. He started fucking me fast and hard, clearly not caring that my skin was dampened with sweat, my breath never having had a chance to slow.
He fucked me right there in our school gym, while I braced against the balance beam, with only the barest hint of light coming through the window above us. It was dark. It was wicked. It was everything I wanted and yet knew that I shouldn’t let him do.
The fact that I couldn’t see him clearly, that I couldn’t turn around and know for sure that it was him…it added a twisted thrill to this that I wasn’t ready to analyze.
Just when I was about to hit my peak, he flipped me around and lifted me up, setting my ass on the edge of the beam, and then slammed into me again from the front, his hands holding my waist. I screamed, my voice echoing off the cavernous walls as I came hard around him.
He didn’t let up though. He kept fucking me, and I braced one hand on the beam while my other arm I curled around his neck so I wouldn’t fall back.
“Oh, fuck,” I panted, feeling every delicious inch of his cock as he pounded into me over and over. I wanted to come again, but when I brought my fingers between us to touch my clit, he yanked my hand away.
“Please,” I begged. I could see the outline of his face and the whites of his eyes as he watched me, but instead of letting me touch myself, he brought his hand between us and took charge.
Angling my hips up to just the right angle, he fucked me with the perfect rhythm, and when I came again, my pussy clenching around his cock, he came with me this time, letting out the first noise he’d made since walking in.
Spent, panting, sweaty, and sated, I stayed pressed against his chest for a long time, not wanting this moment to pass but knowing it would.
When I finally peeled myself away, he brought his hands up to cup my cheek in a surprisingly gentle gesture. When his thumb swept
over my cheek, I realized there were still tears escaping my eyes. The sun must’ve risen by then, because there was a hint of purple now lighting up the room.
I wanted so badly to lean in and kiss him in that moment, but I was still so hurt. When I realized we hadn’t kissed at all during this impromptu sexual encounter, my heart constricted with pain. You fucked people that you used. You didn’t kiss them. God, what was wrong with me? I just let him fuck me, again, and I didn’t once resist.
I pulled away, yanking my hair free from its bun so I could fist the strands in my hand and pull, hoping the pain would ground me. “Why are you doing this to me?” I cried, shaking my head.
I yanked on my leotard and shorts, furious with myself for being so weak when it came to him.
“Doing what?” he asked, crowding my space as he gripped my shoulders, not allowing me to walk away from him.
“This,” I said with exasperation. “It’s cruel, Rogue.”
Anger flashed over his dark eyes. “How is making you come three times cruel?”
“Don’t,” I snapped. “Don’t do that. You know what I’m talking about.”
“Fuck, Scarlett,” he said, dropping his hands so he could run a palm over his face in frustration. “I’m not good at this shit.”
“Then get good at it,” I retorted. “Tell me why you followed me here.”
“Because I fucking missed you, alright?”
I blinked at him in surprise, but I wasn’t going to let myself read into this. I wasn’t going to let myself be fooled. “Not good enough, Rogue.”
“God dammit, Scar,” he grit out between his teeth.
“You came here because you missed me,” I repeated. “Missed what? Fucking me?”
“I always miss fucking you,” he said.
“Is that it? Is that all you want from me? Am I just a good fuck?” I cried. “Because I love you, Rogue.”
My admission seemed to shock the hell out of him, because he went completely still, his eyes flying to my face.
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