Veering away from that train of thought, she said, "I need to tell you something about the guests who are coming."
"Your sister and brother-in-law?"
"Well, actually the guest who's coming with them, Gillian Moore. She's flying in from California for a reason."
His brow furrowed under his hat brim. "I don't understand."
"Remember, I told you Lucy found me last November?"
"Yes, of course."
She took a moment to think about what she was going to say, then plunged ahead. "She didn't find me by conventional means. The two of us left the hospital as Baby Sullivan #1 and Baby Sullivan #2. My mom put Lucy up for adoption but she kept me."
Ben didn't say anything, just listened.
"A lawyer handled Lucy's adoption as a private transaction with the McIntyre's lawyer, a Mr. Buckley. Last year Mr. Buckley contacted Lucy to tell her the other lawyer had died and he'd received something she might be interested in. It was a baby picture of the two of us in the hospital. All she knew was our mother's name, and all she had was that picture. No one had known she had a sister."
"But you said your mother was killed when you were five."
"Yes. So Mr. Buckley couldn't find any more than that. He had no idea what my name was."
"So it could have been Sullivan, or you could have married or you could have moved out of state."
"Exactly."
"So how did Lucy find you?"
This was the sticky part and there was no way to soft-peddle it. "Zack had hired on at Lucy's parents ranch at the time. He knew of this team in California. One person, Jake Donovan, was a reputable private investigator. His partner, Gillian, had a specialty of finding missing persons and a 99% success rate."
Ben's eyebrow arched. "That's pretty good. This is the Gillian you're talking about?"
"Yes. But Gillian isn't a private investigator. Gillian is—" Cassie took a deep breath. "Gillian can sense things from bonds a person has with someone else. She came to see Lucy, and through the picture and Lucy, she...saw my first name. She saw the arch at the entrance to the ranch and the Twin Pines there. So with that information her partner used his skills and they found me."
"Wait a minute. You said Gillian senses things. Are you telling me she's a psychic?"
There was something about that word that was so off-putting to people, maybe because people who pretended to be psychics and weren't were just charlatans. But she knew Gillian was the real thing.
"Yes, I am."
He frowned. "And why are you telling me this?"
"Because Lucy and I want to find our dad and that's why Gillian's coming here. The one thing that I've kept all these years that belonged to my mom was a pocket watch. It was special to her in some way and I don't know how. Maybe it belonged to her dad. I don't know. But Gillian is flying here so we can explore the possibilities."
"That's an expensive possibility," he muttered. "You could have mailed it."
"She told me not to. She didn't want it passed through lots of hands and she didn't want it to get lost. She said it's important to maintain its integrity. And as far as it being expensive. She and Jake started a not-for-profit foundation. If someone can't afford the daily expenses or their flight travel, they take it out of the funds that come in. Clients who do have money donate. Word is out about what they do and they have other donations rolling in, so this doesn't have anything to do with money."
He looked as if he wanted to say something but was holding back.
"What?" she prompted.
"I just find this hard to believe. Loren knows about it?"
"Yes. And Rachel." Ben was studying her so hard she thought he was trying to see everything she was and maybe everything she might have been. That scared her.
Finally he said, "You are one complicated cowgirl."
She wasn't sure whether or not that was a compliment. "Is that good or bad?"
"I don't think it's either, it just is." He came a little closer to her, looked as if he wanted to touch her, yet he didn't. "I suppose you want me to put all my preconceived notions aside and keep an open mind?"
"Something like that. After all, when Julie told me you knew how to braid her hair and tie little bows on the end I didn't even blink."
A laugh burst from him and she smiled back, feeling closer to him than she wanted to feel.
"All right," he agreed. "I'll promise to keep an open mind if you'll do me a favor."
"What?" she asked warily.
"Sit down with me and let me explain the new computer program that could make bookwork easier. Loren isn't willing to switch over until I have your okay."
Could she get through that without Ben finding out her secret? Sure, she could. She was quick on her feet. She could listen and remember. It wasn't as if she'd have to actually read anything on the computer. All she had to do was listen.
"Okay," she agreed. One day when I have some time. After all, she could postpone the lesson.
She was ready to step away, but Ben laid a hand on her arm. "You realize, I haven't sought you out lately because I didn’t think you wanted me to. Julie's a buffer when she's around, but when it's just the two of us we could probably get into major trouble."
"Yes, we could." She had to be honest with him. "Ben, I don't know what I want. You make me feel something I've never felt before. But I don't want to be a temporary fix for you. I don't want to be a vacation escape."
She saw something flicker in his eyes. Respect? Admiration for her honesty? Yet she knew she could tell him about her inability to read and in an instant that respect would disappear. "I have to change and drive to the airport."
When she started to go, he caught her arm. "I will keep an open mind."
She could only hope that that was true.
***
When Cassie picked up Gillian at the airport, Gillian said, "You and Lucy are almost identical!"
"Almost?" Cassie knew most people who saw her and Lucy together thought that they were.
"Your hair's darker and Lucy has this dimple that appears when she smiles."
"My goodness, you do pay attention to detail."
"I'm not sure it's always a blessing," Gillian said with a laugh.
Gillian Moore had light brown hair, and pretty brown eyes. She was a few years older than Cassie, but right away Cassie got a good vibe off of her. "Lucy tells me you have a little boy."
"Yes, I do. Matthew. He's with his dad right now. I think Nathan was going to take him to SeaWorld so he didn't miss me too much."
"This must be hard on you and your family."
"Well, as Lucy probably told you, I brought Matthew along when I visited her. Sometimes I do that. And I really don't travel that much. A lot of my work is local. But it's for a good cause and as Matthew grows up I think he'll see that."
They began walking toward the exit. "Your husband understands?"
"Oh, yes. I helped Nathan find his ex-wife and daughters, so he personally knows how important this work is."
"I don't know if finding our dad is as important as finding a missing child."
"Finding a loved one is always important," Gillian said without hesitation.
And so it went.
On the drive back to Twin Pines, they talked as friends would and Cassie felt relieved about this whole adventure.
As they drove under the arch with its wooden sign proclaiming Twin Pines Ranch, Gillian smiled. "That's exactly what I saw. I'm still amazed sometimes."
"Do you get clear pictures?"
"They're more sensations than they are like video clips or photographs. But sometimes a picture seems as clear as a Google satellite search."
At the ranch, Zack and Lucy came to meet them. They gave hugs all around. Loren said, "I already introduced your sister and her husband to Ben and Julie."
Ben had stood back while the group said their hellos. But now Cassie brought Gillian to meet him. "Ben O'Donnell, Gillian Moore. And this is Julie O'Donnell," Cassie said, not forget
ting about his daughter.
Gillian shook Ben's hand, then crouched down to Julie. "It's good to meet you. I hear you're staying here for a few weeks. Are you learning to ride?"
At first hanging back shyly, Julie now studied Gillian. "I ride Buttercup. She likes carrots and apples."
"Maybe you can take me to meet Buttercup while I'm here."
Rachel had made a late lunch and they all went inside to sit around the large pedestal table. Conversation flowed easily, about the ranch, life in California, winters in Vermont. Rachel's chili and cornbread were a big hit, as was her chocolate cake with peanut butter icing.
After dessert, Julie asked if she could be excused to play with her electronic game and Ben told her she could. The others looked at Gillian expectantly.
She glanced from Lucy to Cassie. "Do you want to start?"
They both nodded.
Lucy's husband, Zack, spoke up. "So that means we need to clear the room. I know how this works. I've been through it before."
"You don't like anyone to watch you while you work?" Ben asked, sounding a bit suspicious.
"It's not like that," Cassie responded, already protective of Gillian.
"No, it's not," Zack quickly agreed. "When Gillian came to help Lucy, I was around. Lucy and I were...beginning to get involved. My presence in the room made it more difficult for Gillian to tune into Lucy, so the same would be true for all of us. None of us have a connection to the information they need, so we'd just get in the way."
Gillian explained to Ben, "Think of bonds between people as current that can get interrupted."
"So if Zack stayed in the room with Lucy—" He trailed off.
"That would be like an extra crackle I don't need," Gillian answered with a smile.
Ben's gaze went to Cassie and she knew exactly what he was thinking. They both looked at Gillian and she gave a little shrug and said simply, "Yep, lots of bonds in this room today."
Though no one else knew what she meant, the two of them did. Pushing away from the table, Ben said gruffly, "I'll keep Julie occupied."
"Maybe Lucy and Cassie and I can just find a quiet place where we can talk."
"Why don't we go up to my bedroom?" Cassie suggested. "That's going to be your room while you're here. You can make yourself at home."
After Rachel offered, "I'll clean up here. You go ahead," Cassie gave the housekeeper a hug. "Thank you."
Rachel gave her a tight hug back. "No thanks necessary. I told Miss Tina I'd watch over you and that's exactly what I'm doing. Go on now, get started. See what you can find out."
When Lucy and Gillian started up the stairs, Ben stopped Cassie before she could follow them. "I want to wish you luck. I obviously have my doubts about this, but I can see you don't."
"Can't you see Gillian is genuine?"
"I can see a woman who seems very nice...and ordinary, too."
"She caught on to what was happening with us."
"I'm not sure anyone has to be a psychic to catch on to that."
He was probably right.
She couldn't keep her gaze from his for very long. She couldn't help looking at him and thinking about what might be. Maybe it was the same for him.
Proving that it was, he wrapped his arm around her middle and brought her close for a quick but thorough kiss.
When he stepped away, he said, "I just wanted you to take some good energy with you."
She couldn't help but laugh. "I'll come find you when we're finished and tell you what happened."
"I'd like that." Then he went into the living room, picked up his laptop and went to the sofa to sit beside his daughter.
Cassie ran upstairs, hoping she'd find out more about the past and a father she'd never known.
In her room, Gillian sat on the bed with her legs crossed and motioned for Lucy and Cassie to do the same. "I'd like to talk about some of your memories. Can you do that?"
With her chest tightened a bit, Cassie admitted, "I don't remember much. My life was unsettled going from one foster home to another. My past got mixed up in what my future was and what I didn't want it to be. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know what you mean. You were in a situation you didn't like and you couldn't get out of it. You tried to convince yourself before each change that bad memories didn't matter, yet you were afraid to hope for anything better. Right?"
"Yes, that's exactly it."
"But that doesn't mean you don't have some good memories tucked away in there. You told me you took two things with you the night you left the apartment where you and your mom lived."
"It was an apartment above a garage. Just one big room and a bathroom," Cassie explained.
"Okay. You took away a stuffed toy and the watch, right?"
"Yes."
"Do you still have that stuffed toy?"
Cassie exchanged a look with her sister. She thought Gillian would want the watch and start with that, but apparently that wasn't the way she worked. Cassie had carried it in her pocket this morning, not knowing exactly when Gillian would want to start or where. But now she climbed off the bed and went to her closet.
Up on the shelf on top of all her clothes, she reached into a safe corner and pulled down a horse. He was brown with black ears and mane and a red bow around his neck. The red bow was fairly new. She changed it every once in a while, maybe as a homage to the child she'd once been.
Carrying the horse to the bed, she plopped it in front of her. "There he is."
"What was his name?" Gillian asked.
"Choco. Because he was the color of chocolate."
"Do you remember how you got him?"
The horse's mane urged her to rifle her fingers through it. "One of Mom's boyfriends gave him to me."
"Did she bring many men home?" Lucy asked.
"No. Not that I can remember."
Cassie closed her eyes and tried to go back, which wasn't something she did very often. "What I remember most is that he was really tall and he had this belt buckle that was so big and shiny I couldn't stop looking at it. One night he came for supper and he had this horse with him. I don't have a real sense of time but I think that was about a year before Mom was killed."
Gillian nodded then asked, "Do you mind if I hold it?"
"No, go ahead."
She watched as Gillian held the horse, felt his fur, straightened his bow. "You and your mom didn't have much but you were happy."
"I believe we were. Sometimes the only food we had was the meal mom brought home from the restaurant. Once in a while, the woman who stayed with me while mom worked, brought me cookies she baked."
"Your mom didn't like taking handouts," Gillian said.
Surprised, Cassie said, "No. She didn't. She wouldn't take them for herself, but she would for me." Again, Cassie glanced at Lucy and she said something she'd told Lucy before. "Mom really had to love you to give you away. You know that, right?"
As if Lucy couldn't find her voice, she just nodded.
"Do you remember anything before Choco came along?"
"Not much. Alan said—" She stopped. "His name was Alan. I'd forgotten that."
"So before Alan, what do you remember? Think about the room where you lived, the color of the furniture, and any decorations on the wall."
Cassie closed her eyes. "Nothing on the walls. They were dark...really dark. Paneling maybe."
"Did you have a TV?"
"A little one with one of those aerials attached. We got one fuzzy station. I used to stay there and watch cartoons if Mom had to go out for something."
"Were you scared?" Gillian asked.
"Not when I was watching cartoons. If it went really long and they went off, or the TV got really snowy, I can remember hunching up on the sofa with a cover over my head. But Mom usually wasn't gone that long or Flo was with me."
"Flo?"
"The woman who lived in the house near the garage."
"So you learned how to be alone when you were very little."
&nb
sp; "I guess I did. I know I'm looking back now, and not really remembering. But I had this feeling that my mom was lonely."
"What makes you think that?"
"The way she'd take out the watch and look at it. This expression would come over her face, maybe happy, maybe near tears, maybe a combination of both."
"Do you have the watch?"
Suddenly reluctant, not knowing exactly what giving it to Gillian would lead to, Cassie hesitated. But then she slid the suede pouch out of her pocket and handed it to Gillian. "That's what she always kept it in."
Gillian closed her eyes. Then she set the timepiece on the bed in front of her and said to Lucy and Cassie, "Hold my hands. Okay? And each other's."
They did as she requested and she looked down at the watch. "Your mom's nickname was Jannie?"
Lucy looked to Cassie.
But Cassie shook her head. "My babysitter—the woman who lived in the house near the garage—always called her Jeannette. I don't remember anything else."
"Maybe only one person ever called her that," Gillian said. "Maybe only Walt called her that."
Cassie held her breath as she waited for more.
Chapter Six
Gillian let go of their hands and just stared at the watch. "His name was Walt and I know you want answers, but I don't have them. I am getting a strong feeling that we need to do something more than just sit here and look at the watch." She gave them a smile.
"What else can we do?" asked Lucy.
"That depends on Cassie. Cassie, what are you willing to do?" Gillian asked.
"I don't understand."
"I don't exactly, either," Gillian admitted. "But I wonder if the garage in Laramie where your apartment was is still standing."
It had been years since Cassie had even thought about that small apartment and Flo—the woman who'd looked after her and lived in the house. "I don't know. I haven't been back there since I drove out of town that night and ended up in Cheyenne."
"When did you last see the apartment? When you were five?"
"No. One day when I skipped school, I found the place again. I think I just wanted to try to remember my mother. "Lucy squeezed Cassie's hand and she felt her throat tighten unbearably.
Cassidy's Cowboy (Search For Love) Page 5