A shadowed expression crossed Cassie's face that he didn't understand. It was there and gone so quickly he thought maybe he'd imagined it.
She answered simply, "Loren takes care of all that."
From upstairs Rachel called, "I'm changing the beds. I'll be down soon to start lunch."
"Take your time," Cassie called back.
Then she handed the pile of mail to Julie. "Can you take this back to my office and put it on the desk?"
"Sure can. Can I hang with you this afternoon? Dad wants to ride out with Loren."
When Cassie's gaze met Ben's, he shrugged. "I didn't say that."
"You know you want to, Daddy. And it's okay. Unless I'll be in the way," she said to Cassie.
"You won't be in the way. I'm going to work with Sunny for a bit, maybe try to put a blanket on her back. Maybe you'd like to try taking some pictures with my camera. Then you can show your dad how things go when he gets back."
"Yeah. Super." Julie hurried back the hallway with the mail.
"Are you sure you don't mind her being around?"
Cassie touched his arm and he felt fire shoot through his whole body. She looked up at him with such sincerity he wanted to...kiss her.
"You should know by now, Ben, I don't mind. You're lightening my load by helping Loren and I like spending time with Julie. Really." Her hand was still on his arm and he wanted to pull her close and feel her against him.
But just then, his cell phone buzzed.
Cassie backed away and he wished—he wished his life were simpler.
***
A short time later, as his manager and VP related production problems that had cropped up in the past twenty-four hours, Ben found himself pacing the living room as he figured out what to do, told Greg what documents to email him and gave him the best way to approach the account that would be held up. "Tell Mr. Salinger we'll give him a discount of 10%. If that doesn't do it and he needs to talk to me, I'm available. Don't hesitate to let me know if there are any more problems."
After a few more instructions, Ben ended the call.
When he returned to the kitchen, Cassie was pulling salads from the refrigerator. She said, "Julie went upstairs to 'help' Rachel."
He smiled. His daughter was involved here and he liked that. She felt as if she was part of the household and it didn't just revolve around her. "Great. Rachel told her Sue Ann will be coming again tomorrow."
Cassie nodded to his phone. "Trouble?"
"Some. I'm hoping it'll all smooth out. I might have to set up a video conference for later today."
"I'm impressed by the way you're handling your company long-distance. That can't be easy."
"I have good people who work for me. That solves a lot of problems right there. What I do isn't so different from what you do."
"How so?" When she tilted her head, her hair slid over her shoulder and his fingers itched to stroke it.
Attempting to concentrate on their conversation, he said, "I'm CEO of O'Donnell Carpet. You're CEO of Twin Pines."
Again, he thought he saw a shadow pass over her eyes. This time she didn't chase it away. She said, "It's not the same at all."
He took her hands in his and held them. She seemed surprised but didn't pull away. "You downplay your strength. You downplay what you do in a day, from gentling a mustang, to overseeing how the hands handle the cattle, to keeping on the same wavelength with Loren and Rachel. Why do you do that?"
When she glanced away from him, he could sense she was ready to turn away, too. But he wouldn't let her. "Cassie," he said again, "why don't you believe in yourself?"
That made her spine straighten and her eyes flash. "I do believe in myself. I know I work hard. But I have a lot to live up to. Tina gave me all this."
"And you don't believe you deserve it? Is that the problem?"
Now she did pull away. "There is no problem, Ben. I don't know what you think you're seeing, but I'm capable. I work hard and at the end of the day I know I've done the best for Twin Pines that I can possibly do. That's what matters to me. But I'm not winning the Nobel Peace prize. I'm not finding a cure for cancer. I'm not running a company the size of yours. I know my strengths and I'm realistic about them."
This time they were interrupted by Loren coming through the door, who apparently could feel the tension in the air because he looked from one of them to the other. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No, of course not," Cassie answered, crossing to the refrigerator and pulling a pitcher of iced tea from it. "Are you going to join us for lunch?"
"No, I ate with the guys down at the bunkhouse. But I did want to tell you Fred Whittaker stopped by this morning while you were out riding." Loren explained to Ben, "When those storms went through, lightning struck his barn. It burned to the ground. Thank goodness the horses were in the pasture."
"So he's ready for a barn raising?" Cassie asked.
"Yep, he is. Everything's ordered for Saturday. He said Marilyn's starting to cook up a storm already. Are you going to be able to get away?"
"Of course, I'll come help."
Loren glanced at Ben. "You got any carpentry skills?"
"A few. Are you saying you need an extra hand?"
"We need all the hands we can get."
"Count me in," Ben said. "That's if Julie won't be in the way."
"Rachel will probably be helping with the food. Maybe she can bring Sue Ann along, then the girls won't get bored with what the rest of us are doing."
"Sounds good," Ben decided.
Loren capped Ben's shoulder. "Seems like you and Julie fit right in around here."
Yes, it seemed that he did. Yet he and Julie didn't belong here. They had a life in Vermont that was waiting for them.
Somehow, that thought was more troubling than comforting.
***
As Ben hammered a plank into place on Saturday, he had to admit too many of his thoughts had centered around Cassie since he'd arrived at Twin Pines almost a month ago. Dressed for a day of physical labor that he'd welcomed so he didn't think about other things, his tank shirt molded to him and he could feel the sweat dripping down his back. He tilted his hat and hammered with renewed vigor.
He'd risen at 4:00 a.m. and driven to the sight of the barn raising. Cassie planned to bring Julie as soon as she was ready. To his surprise, Julie hadn't cared that he'd left early and was looking forward to the day, playing with Sue Ann.
How she'd changed in just a few weeks. He caught sight of her now as she darted around the yard with Sue Ann, throwing a ball to the family's yellow lab.
Maybe he should get a dog. A little voice whispered, She really wants a horse.
That's not going to happen, he thought.
Then his gaze fell on Cassie as she rubbed elbows with a handsome neighbor. She handed a plank to him. He smiled, took it, then hammered it in place.
Ben felt a pang of jealousy that absolutely shook him. He hadn't even looked at a woman since his divorce, now here he was, jealous, wishing he could carry Cassie off to bed, worrying about what would happen when she tried to reach her father. That was, if the private investigator could find out anything. She'd been quieter since her visit to Laramie, except when she was around Julie. He wondered what kind of childhood she'd had and how she'd ended up at Twin Pines. But he'd found Cassie didn't share personal information easily, which told him she didn't trust many people. He wanted her to trust him...more than wanted her to trust him.
The morning passed quickly and sandwiches were passed around for lunch. From the activity in the kitchen and the women buzzing around, they were preparing a feast for supper.
Mid-afternoon he'd just climbed down from the roof to pull a bottle of water from the cooler when Cassie approached him with a tall plastic cup. "How about some homemade lemonade?"
The cup she was holding was full of ice as well as lemonade and was sweating in her hand. He knew he wasn't fit to be around after working on the roof, but she didn't seem to mind as she stood
there holding out the cup to him.
His gaze ran from the cup to her. She'd pulled her hair back into a low ponytail. She'd gotten some sun today, too. It was evident on her cheeks, on her arms, on her neckline. He couldn't help looking, and more important, he couldn't help wanting. A hunger he barely recognized was doing a slow burn in his gut. She must have seen it in his eyes because her breaths seemed to come a little faster.
To shift his mind to something else, he quickly asked, "What are the girls up to?"
Looking relieved, Cassie smiled. "They're the smart ones. They're sitting under the cottonwood with Barker, reading Little Women. Marilyn Whittaker pulled it from her bookshelf. She'd kept it, hoping for some grandkids."
"That was her son you were talking to earlier?"
"I was talking to a lot of people, but yes, Chet and I were talking. Why?"
"I just wondered if you ever dated him."
Cassie laughed and shook her head. "Chet is a confirmed bachelor, usually out for a good time. We're neighbors and that's about it." She eyed Ben curiously, then asked, "Does it matter who I talk to, or if I dated Chet?"
He'd never known Cassie to be coy or even flirty, but her question was flirty now, and he found he liked the idea of bantering with her. "Maybe it bothers me to think about you kissing somebody else." He took the cup from her hand, took a few swallows, then watched her reaction.
"It shouldn't bother you unless—"
"Unless I was thinking about being more than friends?" He took a step closer to her and she didn't back up.
"How is that even possible?" she asked, looking fairly startled...or maybe she was just looking afraid.
"I don't know. I do know I'd like those few kisses to go a lot farther."
After a few moments, when she looked away from him over the rolling pastures to the cedars in the distance, she said, "I can't risk getting involved knowing you'll be leaving."
After studying her, he asked, "Would you risk getting involved if you knew I was staying?"
That frightened look was back in her eyes. "I don't know."
"You're going to have to let a few walls down if you want to be happy, Cassie. Since I came here, I've realized I have to do that. Sure, it's hard after being hurt and I don't even know if you have been hurt because you don't seem to want to confide in me."
"Confide in you about what? I've told you things I wouldn't tell just anybody. Only Loren and Rachel knew how Gillian found me. And now, looking for my dad, I told you all about that."
"Yes, you did, and that's what's happening right now. But you haven't told me about what happened after your mom died or how you came to Twin Pines. Secrets are usually just painful memories. I understand that. But I'd like to know who you really are, Cassie, besides the woman who gentles horses, ropes cattle and can relate so well to my daughter."
He could see his words were affecting her. Her expression grew more vulnerable, her brown eyes shiny. There were too many people around or he'd take her into his arms. Maybe later. Maybe tonight. Maybe when they got back to Twin Pines. After all, her bedroom wasn't so far from his.
"Cassie!" someone called to her from the other side of the barn. "I hear you've got lemonade. We might be willing to pay you a quarter for a glass."
Turning away from Ben, she laughed. "It's free today, Jacob. I'll pour some more and bring it right over." Then before Ben could say another word, she gave him a look that said they were done with their conversation.
As she headed for the house, he thought—she could believe that they were finished if it would make her feel better. But it wasn't true...because he'd be bringing up the subject again.
Chapter Nine
Cassie couldn't take her eyes off of Ben whether he was hammering a new wall in place or helping to shingle the roof. In that shirt, with his summer tan, he drew her gaze to him over and over again.
Loren had filled Ben in on barn raising and the social that usually followed, so like everyone else he'd brought along a change of clothes. The men were all washing off under the spigot outside and Cassie took in Ben's naked upper body with more relish than she wanted to. She'd known he had muscles. When he'd kissed her, she'd felt them. She'd seen them in that tank he'd worn today. Although once before she'd seen him shirtless, his body was even more magnificent today. As he ran his head under the spigot and slid his fingers through his dark wet hair and straightened, she watched the play in the muscles of his back, the indentation of his spine, the width of his shoulders. One of the other men said something and he laughed.
As he turned toward the house, his black chest hair glimmered with droplets of water and she followed the line of it down under his belt. A body tremble shivered up her spine as she remembered everything he'd said. Just what was he suggesting? That they carry on a long-distance affair? Would she be willing to do that? Looking at him now, and feeling as if he were Adam and she was Eve, it was a distinct possibility.
Darkness had fallen until all the food was served on the tables in the backyard of the house. It was a feast all right—smoked pulled-pork, ribs, roasted chicken. Side dishes were numerous, too, including baked beans, salads and vegetable casseroles. With the long hard day, everyone had ravenous appetites, except maybe for her. She'd lost hers entirely, at least any appetite for food, as she'd watched Ben wash under the spigot. Still, she pretended to push food around on her plate as she made conversation and tried to keep her eyes from meeting his across the table. But every time he cut her a glance, she felt a tingle to her boots. When she glanced at Julie sitting farther down the table with Sue Ann, she felt a kind of warmth in her heart that she'd never known before. Is this how Tina had felt about her? Is that why she had left her almost everything? Maybe you didn't have to do anything to deserve love. It just was.
Love. Had she fallen in love with Ben O'Donnell? That idea made her head spin.
He reached across the table and tapped her hand. "Are you okay?"
Her mouth was dry and she felt as if she had one of Sunny's cookie biscuits lodged in her throat. But somehow she managed to say, "I'm fine."
"You're not eating."
"Sure, I am."
"Maybe you got too much sun?"
No, not too much sun. But maybe she was drowning in sensations and feelings she didn't understand.
She just shook her head. "Really, I'm fine." Pushing her folding chair back, she stood, picked up her plate and said, "I'm going to see what the dessert table looks like."
Ben just quirked an eyebrow at her as she headed for the dessert table and chocolate cake. She needed something to calm her down.
Dessert worked just fine until music started playing, until couples started dancing on the patio, until the darkness and the lights and the chatter made the end-of-the-day celebration a party. Julie and Sue Ann wandered into the house and settled on the sofa watching a DVD while the grownups mingled outside.
Realizing she'd left her phone in her duffel when she'd changed clothes earlier—it was in the pocket of the jeans she'd worn to help with the building of the barn—she was about to go up the back porch steps to fetch it when she felt a hand on her shoulder—a very large, warm, masculine hand.
"How about a dance?" Ben asked, nodding to the patio.
"I don't dance," she responded automatically, feeling totally out of her league.
"Don't or won't?"
"I just never learned." Usually at this type of get-together she joined in square dancing, but not much else.
"That's no problem. Come on. There's really nothing to it."
Nothing to it. Being held in Ben O'Donnell's arms. Right! Nothing to it.
Tables and chairs from the patio had been set around the outskirts. A few men played horseshoes under the floodlight's glare, and Cassie heard the clink of a ringer as Ben took her into his arms.
She panicked for a moment. "I'm going to step on your feet."
He laughed and didn't seem to think much of her warning. "My boots will survive. Just try to follow my lead."
Follow his lead. Into what? Heartache and loss? More abandonment? She couldn't forget her childhood and the families who hadn't wanted her. She couldn't forget her mother dying, other people she tried to get close to moving away.
"You're thinking too much," Ben scolded. "Just relax."
No, she wasn't thinking, she was feeling. She was feeling desired and needed, and as if she wanted to crawl into his embrace and let him lead her anywhere. That was much too dangerous to even contemplate!
But Ben's hold wouldn't let her resist the exciting intoxication of being this close to him. It wouldn't let her resist breathing in his scent of hard work that still lingered. It wouldn't let her resist looking up into his eyes and getting lost in their green depths.
Oh, my gosh! She was so in trouble here. She didn't think she could call what they were doing dancing. They were swaying, and he was moving his feet now and then. Caught against him, she had no choice but to follow.
So many delicious sensations washed over her she couldn't sort them out. He was tall and strong and she felt herself leaning into him. How long had it been since she'd actually leaned on someone? All of her life she'd been fighting to be self-sufficient.
"Come with me," he murmured close to her ear, and she didn't think twice about letting him guide her around two tall pines until they were in the shadows and away from the glare of the patio lights and the chatter of the other people.
Before she had time to breathe he'd slipped his hands under her hair and tilted her face up to his. The scents of sage and pine wound about her as his lips possessed hers. His kiss asked that she hold nothing back, and she didn't.
When he broke away, she could hear his ragged breathing and she knew hers was the same. "I've been wanting to do that all day," he said.
"And I've wanted you to do it all day."
He wrapped his arms around her as if he was afraid she'd run away. That should have warned her what was coming.
Cassidy's Cowboy (Search For Love) Page 8