Straight from the Heart

by Layce Gardner

  “Every officer in town is going to be there,” Steph said.

  “Yeah, now would be a really good time to rob a bank,” Rosa joked.

  Their easy banter was hollow, but the nurse didn’t seem to notice. After a moment, the nurse left the room instructing Rosa to press the buzzer if she needed anything.

  “I’m not so sure about this,” Steph whispered.

  “I am going to that funeral with or without your help,” Rosa hissed back.

  “All right, all right. But this better not mess up your back,” Steph said, pulling Rosa’s police uniform out of a bag.

  “My back is already messed up,” Rosa said.

  Steph helped her sit up and slip on the pants. Rosa winced as Steph worked the pants up over her hips. “I don’t have much practice putting pants on you. Now, if we were taking them off…”

  Rosa smiled tightly. It was all she could manage through the pain.

  After she got the pants on her, Steph eased Rosa back onto the pillows. “I brought your hat, too. It’s getting cold out there, so I got a fleece blanket for your legs. It’s not black but the colors are muted. And you can hide the hat under there until we’re out of the hospital.”

  “You mean you didn’t get me a blanket with zebra print?” Rosa asked, taking the hat.

  Steph’s heart lifted. That was the Rosa she knew. The morose Rosa of the past few days was a stranger that Steph was having a hard time dealing with. Getting out of the hospital, even to go to a friend’s funeral, would help Rosa a lot, Steph thought.

  There was a tap, tap at the door. Steph quickly threw the blanket over Rosa’s lower half, hiding the pants and hat. “Come in!” Steph said brightly.

  The door opened, revealing Parker pushing a wheelchair. “I did not steal this chair. I borrowed it from the maintenance department. I changed out the wonky wheel taking the part from another and I lubricated the rest of the wheels. It will be a quiet smooth ride,” Parker said.

  “Perfect,” Steph said, picking up Rosa’s uniform shirt. “We’re almost ready. We have to finish changing.”

  “No, I have to finish changing,” Rosa said adamantly. She snatched the shirt out of Steph’s hands and put it on over her hospital gown. She left it unbuttoned.

  Parker and Steph looked puzzled. Rosa explained, “This way if we’re caught, I can whip off the shirt. As far as they’ll know, you just took me for a spin around the halls.”

  “Brilliant,” Parker said. She was dressed in a black suit, with a black shirt, and black tie.

  Steph looked Parker up and down. “Why, hello there, Johnny Cash.”

  “Thank you, I think,” Parker said.

  “Where are my shoes?” Rosa asked.

  “Oh, crap. We’ll have to run by the house,” Steph said.

  “We don’t have time,” Parker said, looking at her watch.

  “I can’t go like this,” Rosa said, wiggling her toes. She was wearing blue and pink-striped socks.

  “The blanket will cover them,” Parker said.

  “I suppose so,” Rosa said.

  “Are we ready for the lift?” Steph asked.

  “Let’s do it,” Rosa said. She sat up. Steph took her under the arms and Parker got her legs. “On the count of three,” Steph said. They hoisted Rosa up cautiously and set her down easily into the seat of the wheelchair. Rosa groaned, but stifled any further exclamations by biting her lip.

  “You okay?” Parker asked.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay.”

  “You don’t look okay,” Parker said.

  Steph checked out Rosa’s coloring. She was terribly pale and sweating. “Babe, I don’t know about this.”

  “Look, I’m changed. I’m in the chair. I’m going.”

  Steph sighed. Once Rosa was in this mood, she knew arguing would get her nowhere. She put the fleece blanket on Rosa’s lap and proceeded to tuck her in. Rosa batted away Steph’s hands, saying, “I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.”

  “Sorry,” Steph replied. “Can I tuck in your feet at least?”

  “Yes,” Rosa said, then adding, “Only because I can’t get down there.”

  Parker ignored this exchange. She was looking out the window. “I’ll pull the van up in front of the doors, just past the fire lane. I’ll have the ramp down by the time you all come out the front doors. We need to be quick getting you in. Then Steph will strap your chair down so it won’t move. I’ll take it easy around corners.”

  “Being the speedy racer that you are,” Rosa said.

  It was an old argument of theirs. Rosa always teased Parker about driving like an old woman. “You don’t go racing around corners with wood, tools, paint, screws…” Parker would’ve continued but Rosa stopped her by holding up her hand in a stop signal.

  “Point taken,” Rosa said. She changed the subject. “Where’d you get the wheel chair ramp?”

  “I made it,” Parker said.

  “Should’ve known.”

  Steph poked her head out the door and checked the hallway. It was deserted. “Okay, coast is clear. Let’s roll.” She quickly ran to the bed, picked up a thin blanket and draped it over Rosa’s shoulders.

  Parker left first. She casually strolled down the hall with her hands in her pockets. Steph and Rosa followed. They waited at the bank of elevators while Parker took the stairs.

  Steph and Rosa got into the blessedly empty elevator. When it hit the first floor, Steph pushed Rosa toward the annex where the coffee shop was located.

  “I don’t think we have time for coffee,” Rosa said.

  “It’s a decoy move in case anyone wants to know where we’re going and if you have check-out papers,” Steph said.

  “You could’ve told me. Just because I’m in a wheelchair doesn’t mean I don’t have a say as to where I’m going.”

  “Oh, for Chrissakes, Rosa, will you just stop with all the militancy stuff. We can deal with it later. I’ll memorize the PC rules for handicapped people when we’re not escaping from the hospital.”

  “I believe you should say ‘people with handicaps,’ not ‘handicapped people.’

  “Yes, Your Majesty.”

  Rosa flipped Steph the bird.

  “Nice,” Steph said. She took a sharp right turn before the coffee shop and veered toward Parker’s waiting van.

  “Slow down, you’re going to tip me over,” Rosa said.

  “Sorry, I’ve never helped anyone escape from the hospital before,” Steph said. She took two deep breaths.

  The rear doors of Parker’s van were open and a wooden ramp with non-slip decking was pulled out. Steph wheeled Rosa straight up the ramp and into the back of the van.

  “Whoa, slow down,” Rosa said, white-knuckling the arms of her chair.

  Steph parked Rosa between the two front seats. She was a foot or so behind them, but could sit there and still see out the front window. It wasn’t much different than sitting in the back seat of a car.

  Rosa pulled the brake lever on each side of the wheelchair. “Are the brakes on this thing going to keep me from rolling around back here?”

  Parker climbed into the back of the van. “I bolted D-rings into the floor, so I could strap your chair down. I made it so you can sit as close to the front of the van as possible,” she said. “That way you won’t have to give up your job of being a backseat driver.”

  Rosa smiled. “How thoughtful.”

  “Smart ass,” Parker said. She took tie-downs, fed them through the D-rings and the wheels of the chair, and cinched them tight.

  “Wow, you did a good job getting this set up,” Rosa said, straightening up in the chair. She winced.

  Parker noticed. “You okay?”

  “Would everyone stop asking me that,” Rosa said through gritted teeth. “Let’s go.”

  ***

  The funeral home sat in the middle of the cemetery like a centerpiece on a fancy table. It was a three-story mansion with a porch held up by two immense pillars. The whole thing had a southern got
hic feel. There was a circular driveway where an understated black hearse was parked and waiting for the coffin. A line of police cars ran in front and behind the hearse, ready to escort Gary to his final resting place.

  The parking lot was crammed full. Cars were even double-parked.

  Parker tapped the van’s brakes, scouting for an empty spot. “Tell you what... I’ll drop you both off here. You go in and I’ll catch up.”

  “What do you mean?” Steph asked.

  “I’m going to end up parking far away,” Parker said. “It will be time consuming. You need to get in there or you’ll be late for the service.”

  “But I need you. We need you,” Steph said.

  “What’s wrong? Why are you nervous? We did the hard part. We got here,” Rosa said. She grimaced as she readjusted herself in her wheelchair.

  “We are going to get a lot of shit for you being here and not in the hospital. Parker makes people nervous. They’ll let us pass on by without a lecture if we’re with her.”

  “I’m fairly certain that I should take offence at that,” Parker said.

  “Don’t,” Rosa said. “It’s a unique and useful talent. You wouldn’t believe how many boring conversations I’ve avoided just because I have resting bitch face.”

  “I’ll be in as soon as I can,” Parker said.

  “We’ll just have to do it by ourselves, Steph. Let’s own it,” Rosa said.

  Steph opened the passenger door and hopped out. She threw open the back doors and pulled out the ramp, setting the end firmly on the ground.

  “What’ll we say if somebody stops us and asks why I’m here?” Rosa asked.

  “Tell them to piss off and mind their own business,” Parker said flatly.

  “Good idea,” Rosa said.

  Steph unlocked the tie-down straps and tossed them aside while Rosa unlocked the wheels. She put on her police hat and said, “Ready.”

  A minute later, Rosa was in front of the funeral home’s large wooden doors.

  Steph stepped forward and opened the right door, then realized that she couldn’t hold the door open and push Rosa through it at the same time.

  “Can you wheel yourself while I hold the door?” Steph asked.

  Rosa nodded. She pushed the wheels with her hands, but they stopped at the lip of the threshold. Rosa couldn’t push hard enough to roll the chair over the lip.

  A man saved her. He quickly crossed to the door and held it open.

  “Thank you,” Steph said. She pushed Rosa over the threshold.

  “No problem,” the man said. He held up the hem of his pant leg, showing a prosthetic leg. “I spent some time in a wheelchair when I got back from Afghanistan. Believe me, I’ve experienced the same difficulties.”

  Rosa looked up at him and said, “Thank you for your service.”

  “And yours,” he said. “I know you hear it all the time, but it will get better. Trust me.”

  “I’ll remember that next time I get pissed off,” Rosa said. “Or feel like crying.”

  The man smiled. “You do that.”

  Steph pushed Rosa through the interior door and down the aisle. Then came the problem of finding a spot for Rosa’s chair. God, why hadn’t she figured all this out beforehand? Steph thought, chastising herself.

  Millie came to the rescue. She motioned them over and whispered, “Rosa can sit at the end of the aisle and you can sit next to her.”

  “Perfect,” Steph replied. Then she remembered that Rosa wanted to be consulted on her locations. “Is it all right with you?” she asked Rosa.

  “Yes, it’ll be fine,” Rosa said. She twisted in her seat so she could smile her thanks to Millie.

  “Be careful moving like that. You’ll tear the stitches,” Steph said.

  “Don’t tell me what to do,” Rosa hissed out the side of her mouth.

  Steph swallowed her response. She had a feeling she was going to be doing a lot of that in the days to come. She sat on the pew beside Rosa’s chair. She felt like everyone in the room was staring at them, but each time she caught somebody’s eyes they quickly looked away.

  The room filled up as the music played. Steph turned around when Amy and Parker slipped into the pew behind them. “You made it.”

  “Susan and Tess are coming,” Parker said.

  “How do you know that?” Rosa said, turning her head.

  “I saw them looking for a parking spot,” Parker said. “Amy did the smart thing and came in a cab.”

  Amy reached over and touched Rosa’s shoulder. “Are you doing okay? I mean your back? I don’t think anyone is doing all right with this,” Amy said, indicating the room.

  “I’m okay,” Rosa said.

  “But Susan said she wasn’t coming,” Steph said.

  “Well, she obviously changed her mind,” Parker said.

  “What are we going to do? When she sees Rosa here, she’s going to go ballistic,” Steph said.

  “She’ll just have to get over it,” Rosa said.

  They watched in silence as Carol held Delia’s hand and walked down the aisle to the front pew.

  Steph saw Rosa grip the arms of her wheelchair. She pulled out a packet of Kleenex and handed them to her. Steph didn’t know how Rosa would ever look at Delia and Carol without replaying the scene of Gary’s death. Memories like that never faded. Instead, they seemed to have a power of their own and grow stronger over time.

  Steph had seen people who’d lost loved ones in fires and she knew that day after day they thought of the last moments of their loved ones lives. How terrifying it must’ve been for them knowing they were dying. The loved ones always held out hope that it had been a quick and painless death. That was the one looming question people always asked. Steph knew that most of the time they were lied to and given the answer they wanted, not the truth. It made it easier for them to live with their loss.

  Steph reached over and held Rosa’s hand in her own. She knew that most of the people in the room were thinking the same thing—what if it had been their loved one that died? That thought was quickly followed by a moment of gratitude that the loss wasn’t their own.

  Steph took Rosa’s hand and held it to her cheek. She still had Rosa and she wasn’t ever going to let her go—no matter what. She would be there for Rosa—now and always.

  ***

  Rosa did her best to keep it together, but it was hard as hell. Reverend Davies delivered a heart-wrenching eulogy. Friends of Gary, including many of his fellow officers, came forward and told stories about Gary, but it was Carol’s simple tribute that brought everyone to tears. She ended by simply saying, “Gary would want us to live each day fully. And that’s what I plan to do. I hope you all do, too.”

  Rosa felt guilty for Gary’s death. She shouldn’t have let this happen. The drug dealers could’ve gone to hell without their intervention. They could have waited, followed them, put up a road block. If she and Gary hadn’t ever run across the street like a couple of crazy cowboys, Gary would still be here. It was all her fault. She should have seen it coming, but she hadn’t. It all happened so fast. One minute he was next to her and the next…she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She couldn’t stop dreaming about it.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  Rosa’s head jerked. She was completely lost in her own grief and didn’t realize the funeral was over. In fact, most of the room had already emptied. She looked up to see Susan’s face scowling down at her.

  “What does it look like I’m doing?” Rosa retorted. “I came to pay respects to my partner.”

  “Not now, Susan,” Steph said.

  “Don’t tell me not now,” Susan said.

  Steph held up her hands in a gesture of surrender. Susan’s attention turned back to Rosa. “Lean forward a little.”

  “No,” Rosa said.

  “Do it,” Susan said.

  Rosa sighed dramatically, but complied. She leaned forward in her chair and Susan lifted her shirt and gown. She gently peeled back the bandage an
d examined the wound. “You’re bleeding. The stitches have broken open. Do you realize how serious that is? You could get an infection. That’s the worst possible thing for you right now.”

  “What?” Steph said, jumping into instant alarm mode.

  Parker grabbed her arm. “Calm down. It won’t help. Susan will fix it.”

  “If I can,” Susan added. “Rosa, you have to get back to the hospital now. Look, it’s started to rain. You have a weakened immune system. If you catch a cold…”

  They all knew what that meant—possible pneumonia.

  “We’re going back,” Steph said.

  Parker butted in, “I’ll go get the van and pull it up to the door.”

  “Okay. We’ll meet you out front,” Steph said.

  “You’ll take her straight back to the hospital?” Susan asked.

  Steph nodded.

  Susan looked at Rosa. “I have half a mind to call an ambulance and make you ride back that way.”

  “No,” Rosa said. “I can get back the same way I came.”

  Susan said, “I’ll be waiting for you.” And with that, she huffily walked away.

  Rosa was silent as Steph pushed her toward the door. Her back was screaming in pain. But she didn’t say a word. She felt that she deserved all that pain and more.

  Gary would never feel pain again. He would never feel joy. He would never wake up beside his beautiful wife. He would never kiss his daughter goodnight. He would never grow old, holding his grandbabies in his arms.

  Why couldn’t it have been me? Rosa thought.

  I should have died, not Gary. I don’t have kids. I’m not married. I wouldn’t have left nearly as big a hole in the world.

  Life isn’t fair, Rosa reasoned.

  My only choice is to get better or stay bitter. And at this point, it’s a toss-up which one I’ll choose.

  Chapter Six

  The circus was set up in the middle of a pasture on the outskirts of town. Large hay bales dotted the landscape, creating a bucolic atmosphere. It wasn’t a big circus. It only had one main tent and five or six concession vendors. A petting zoo was set up near the tent’s entrance. There were at least a thousand townspeople who’d showed up for the show. It was the only thing going on in Fenton on Saturday night.