Matthew’s eyes opened wide. That was very uncharacteristic of Robert. He laughed nervously. “Well, it’s a weird situation, isn’t it? I mean, she’s your office manager. She’s one of your best friends. She just got divorced. So, I wasn’t sure…”
Robert would never admit it to anyone but Alan, but he was enjoying this just a tiny bit. Matthew – self-assured, successful, always-confident Matthew – was nervous about asking a woman out. But he knew him well enough to know just how strange it was for Matthew to be feeling this way.
“Well what did she say?” Robert asked.
“What did who say?”
Robert looked at Matthew quizzically. “What did Lyssa say? When you asked her out.”
“Oh. Oh! I haven’t. Yet. I came to see you first,” Matthew was stammering again.
Robert leaned forward and crossed his hands on his desk. “Matthew, did you come in here to ask my permission to ask Lyssa out?”
“No,” Matthew said defensively. “Maybe. Yes,” he finally admitted. “Robert, I love you and Alan. You know that. I do not want to step on any toes.”
“Matthew,” Robert leaned back now, getting comfortable and thoroughly enjoying taunting his friend. “Do you intend to hurt her?”
“What? No!”
“Use her for sex, then ignore her?”
“Jesus, Robert, no! Of course not!”
“Take her out once, then never call her again?”
“No! I really like her. I know it’s been a while, but I can’t get her out of my head.”
“OK,” Robert said, “then were the fuck have you been for almost three months?”
Robert rarely cursed, so he got Matthew’s attention. Matthew took a deep breath and exhaled. “Look, she just got divorced. I didn’t want to be a rebound. But finally, I just decided,” he shrugged, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
Robert grinned. “Theeeeere he is. That’s the Matthew I know. Now get in there and take charge. Be the guy who helped Inlay Systems become a billion-dollar company. You don’t wear ‘lovesick teenager’ well.” He managed not to say the last part cruelly.
Matthew grinned back and stood up. “All right. I’m going in.”
“And Matthew?” He turned back around to Robert, “according to my sister, you have an excellent chance of her saying yes,” Robert said dryly.
“Did you just smirk at me, Miller? Did you just smirk?” Matthew asked incredulously.
“Maybe. Just a little,” Robert smirked deliberately. “Now get out of here. And good luck.”
Matthew left chuckling and shaking his head.
***
I pulled up to the restaurant and checked myself in the mirror for the millionth time. Get a grip, woman, I told myself. I got out of the car just as Matthew pulled up next to me. In the bite of the fall air, I was glad I’d opted for some jeans and a sweater – jeans that Molly had assured me did not make my ass look big, and an off-the-shoulder blue sweater that I hoped said “sexy but not slutty.” I’d twisted my hair up into a knot, hoping it looked a little dressier.
“You look beautiful,” he said as he walked up to me.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and took him in. Jeans and a dark green, zippered mock turtle-neck did not hide the fact that this man was in excellent shape. “Thanks. You look pretty nice yourself,” I smiled, wondering if I could get him to walk in front of me so I could check out his ass. Then I shook my head, kind of horrified at myself.
“Shall we?” Matthew gestured in front of him, and I started forward. I felt his hand on the small of my back as we crossed the parking lot. It was one of those old-fashioned gestures, but came across as protective without being possessive. I could not imagine Scott ever doing anything so chivalrous.
Also, Scott’s hand there would not have sent a tingle through my body like Matthew’s did.
Once we were seated and had ordered a couple of beers, I finally got up the courage to ask something that I’d been wondering all day.
“Can I ask you something?” I tried to sound casual.
“Sure,” he leaned back as the waiter set our beers in front of us.
I took a deep breath, and shot out my question: “Why did it take you so long to finally ask me out?”
He looked a little sheepish, a little embarrassed. Looking up at me from under his lashes, he said, “I was shy, OK?”
I laughed out loud. “No, I’m serious. I really want to know.”
“I’m really telling you the truth!” he threw his hands up. “I’m Matthew. I’m a grown man, with a grown daughter, and I am shy about asking attractive women out. Happy now?” He grinned and shook his head. “I’m not exactly in practice with this, either, you know. I’m not much of a casual dater.”
I laughed again. “I haven’t been single long enough to figure out what I am,” I took a sip of my beer.
“You’re incredibly sexy,” he said very quietly.
I put my beer down and gulped. So much for being shy. If he kept that up, I was going to drag him out to his car and tear his clothes off.
“Um, the nigiri here is fantastic!” I said a little too enthusiastically, in a desperate attempt to steer things into safer waters.
We talked and laughed and had a fantastic dinner. It felt so good to connect with someone whose life experience mirrored my own. Except for one thing: Matthew had seen the world.
“Wow, Egypt? Really? What was that like?” I knew I sounded like a wide-eyed country bumpkin, but I was fascinated. “I have always wanted to travel.”
“Why haven’t you?”
I had to think about that. “I don’t know. I guess, I was busy with work, with the kids, helping Becca get through school. I guess I just,” I shrugged, “put it on the back burner.” I thought for a moment. “You know, I don’t think that part has hit me yet: my kids are grown and gone, I am on my own. Now I can finally do what I want to do.”
Matthew nodded. “Hot.”
I was taken aback by seeming non sequitur. “Excuse me?”
“You asked me what Egypt was like. It was hot. Really, really hot.”
I laughed. “What’s your favorite place you’ve been?”
He didn’t even hesitate: “Portugal.”
I was completely shocked. “You’re kidding.”
“No, why?”
“I have always been fascinated by Portugal. I have no idea why. It’s the one place I have always wanted to see. It’s on my bucket list.”
“For no particular reason?”
“Nope,” I shook my head and laughed, “but Molly swears I must have lived a past life there. I even bought Portuguese for Rosetta Stone.
Matthew’s eyes lit up. “Maravilhoso!”
“Oh my god – you speak Portuguese?!” I almost shrieked it.
Matthew laughed at my reaction. “A few words,” he looked a little uncomfortable for a minute. “Listen, I don’t like throwing this out there, when we barely know each other, but…”
I felt my face fall. “Oh my god, what? You have a wife and eight kids in Portugal?”
He laughed out loud. “God, no! But…”
“What, Matthew? You killed a man in Portugal? You’re a lost prince? What?”
“I own a home there. In Cascais, a town on the coast. There are a lot of Americans there and – what?”
I swear, the only thing that kept me from jumping him right then and there was the fact that we were in public.
“You own a home there?” I whispered.
“I know,” he said quietly, “what are the odds we’d both be obsessed by the same corner of Europe?”
This time I reached out and took his hand. “Matthew, you continue to intrigue me.”
He looked surprised. “I do? I thought you were just going out with me to be polite to Robert’s old friend.” As soon as it was out of his mouth, he looked like he regretted saying it. “I mean, I – never mind.” He laughed and took a bite of rice.
“Yes, you’re right. That’s it exactl
y,” I said flatly. “What could I possibly find interesting in a gorgeous, intelligent, worldly triathlete who, by his own account, treats his mother and his daughter like queens?”
His face lit up, and I saw a childlike smile I hadn’t seen before. “You think I’m gorgeous?” I rolled my eyes. “What? That’s the first compliment you’ve paid me, OK? Can’t blame a guy for trying to soak it in.”
I laughed. “Oh my god, you’re adorable.”
“Compliment Number 2!” He held up his beer bottle to clink with mine, and I laughed again. It felt great.
“Can I ask you a question, Lyssa?”
“Of course.”
“Why didn’t you call me after the first night we met?”
“I… um… did you want me to? You didn’t ask for my number, or give me yours…” I was so confused.
He laughed. “I guess we’re both bad at this. Glad I finally sucked it up and just showed up at your office.”
“Yeah, me too,” I smiled. And he smiled back.
***
I made sure to finish up my meal with some of the pickled ginger. I didn’t want wasabi breath if he decided to go in for a kiss.
As we walked out to our cars, I was grateful I’d had the foresight to suggest we drive ourselves. If he’d driven me home, I’m not sure I would have shown any restraint. Big Ed was getting quite the workout since Aaron had left, but my body ached for some actual touch. My body ached for Matthew’s touch.
I walked a little in front on Matthew, and again he kept his hand on the small of my back as we made small talk across the parking lot. I was commenting on the beautiful moon when suddenly, he grabbed my elbow and pulled me around.
“Lyssa,” he said quietly.
I held my breath. He was standing so close to me. My body wanted nothing more than to lean into him, to feel him along every inch of me. But I just didn’t know how to make myself move. Matthew wasn’t some kid I could play with and toss back. He was… dangerously close to everything I could want in a man. I was terrified to screw it up.
“Lyssa,” he said again, and leaned in to kiss me. He was so gentle, so respectful. His kiss was soft, but insistent. I slipped my arms around his waist, running my hands up his back; he cupped my face in his hands, sliding one hand back through my hair to the base of my skull. He pulled the comb out of my hair, so it tumbled down my shoulders. Then he tightened his fist in my hair, pulling on my hair very gently. I felt my breath catch as I fought back a moan. I felt like my knees were going weak. All I could think was, he knew how to do it right.
Matthew stirred feelings in me that Aaron never had. I had lust for Aaron, and I really liked him, but Matthew… Matthew made me feel like a schoolgirl with her first crush.
First crushes can lead to broken hearts.
Finally, he pulled back with a huge smile on his face. “Wow,” he said, still with his hands in my hair. “You have such beautiful hair. It’s as soft as I imagined.” He leaned his forehead against mine and massaged my head with his fingers. But I wasn’t done. I tilted my face up to his again. He was a little shorter than Aaron, which made his height the perfect match for mine. I took his face in my hands and pulled him down to me. Matthew didn’t even hesitate. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me, just a little, up onto my toes. Our bodies pressed against each other, oblivious to the cold November air.
We might have stood there for hours like that, but a car door slammed a few feet away, and we pulled apart, reluctantly.
We stood there for a moment, still holding each other, neither of us knowing what to say. I wondered if he was going to invite me home, or should I invite him home? I didn’t want to seem easy, I just didn’t know what to do.
Finally Matthew decided for us. “Hey, it’s cold. Hop in my car with me for a minute,” he said a little breathlessly.
“OK,” I answered, just as breathlessly. He opened the passenger-side door for me, and I got in.
He went around and got in his side, immediately starting the engine to get the heater going.
“I didn’t mention this yet, but I sold my Port Orchard house. I’m finally living here full-time.”
“When did you decide that?” I asked nervously – I hoped our karaoke night hadn’t had anything to do with it.
He smiled, clearly reading my mind. “Quite a while ago, actually,” he reached across the seats and took my hand. He began massaging my palm as he continued to explain, “Audrey finished college and has settled in Portland. My mom is ready to go somewhere warm, ‘where the sun makes more than an occasional appearance,’ as she put it, so she found a place in Arizona near her sister. I’m truly on my own for the first time in more than twenty years,” he sighed deeply, and I grinned.
“I know exactly how you feel,” I nodded, trying not to be distracted by his thumb pressing circles into my palm. I was wondering if there was some sort of erotic pressure point there. “It is so liberating to be answerable to no one,” I said, trying to focus on our conversation.
“Yeah,” he said quietly, “but a little lonely, too. Listen, Lyssa, I don’t want to pressure you. I don’t want… I don’t want to screw this up,” he looked up at me. “You need to tell me how and when you… you want to move forward.”
I had to admit: seeing a self-assured gorgeous triathlete looking so nervous was incredibly appealing. Also, I really, really wanted to rip his clothes off. But I just didn’t know how to go about this.
I turned so I was sitting on my hip and facing him. Before I could speak, he said, “How about dinner again tomorrow night?”
“I can’t,” I grimaced. “I have plans with my son, Kyle. I’m meeting his new girlfriend. How about Wednesday night?”
“That’d be great! Can I cook for you?”
Cook for me. Out at his place. The same part of me that screamed at me to take a chance and have a wild affair with Aaron was now screaming at me to slow down. And I knew why: my heart was never really in danger with Aaron. I just wasn’t ready for a nice romantic dinner in close proximity to his bedroom. I didn’t trust myself.
“Um, how about dinner at the Wine Cave?” I suggested, and I saw his face register where I was going. Or rather, where I wasn’t willing to go. Yet. But the Wine Cave was the most romantic place in town, and the food was fantastic.
“I’d love that,” he pulled my hand up to his mouth and kissed it. “But you have to at least let me pick you up this time.” I nodded. Then, impulsively, I pulled his hand up and entwined my fingers with his, and used my other hand to pull his head closer to me. I leaned in and kissed him again, not as gently this time.
Kissing across two front seats in an SUV is not the easiest thing to do comfortably. But I didn’t care. Matthew was an amazing kisser. He let go of my hand and slid his hand up my side, inside my sweater. He didn’t go near my breasts, but the heat from his hand on my skin was making me wonder how many erotic pressure points the human body has.
It was taking a lot of self-control not to climb into his lap. After a minute I realized I was going to bruise my ribs leaning into the center console, so I tried to shift my weight. That’s when Matthew pulled away and smiled at me.
“It was easier to make out in cars when the front had bench seats,” he said huskily. His eyes were dilated, and his lips were red and a little swollen. I bit my lip, realizing I looked the same way. “Lyssa – “ he said in that same husky voice and he leaned in and kissed me again, but then he pulled back. “Lyssa, I don’t want to go too fast. I want you to be comfortable,” he chuckled, “and from the way your body is contorted right now, you do not look comfortable.”
He was right. This was not the place for our first time together. When I was honest with myself, I wasn’t ready to go home with him, or invite him home with me – no matter how badly I was going to abuse Big Ed later tonight.
I pulled away, reluctantly, straightening my sweater. But when I looked back at him, his soft eyes and full lips, the look of wonder on his face, I couldn’t resist – I sli
d my hand up inside his shirt. God, he was like a rock. I leaned in and kissed his cheek just in front of his ear, and I whispered, “You are so beautiful, I just want to touch you one more time.”
Matthew moaned and rolled his head back as I slid my hand up his chest. Then, before I could even react, he slammed his chair back all the way and pulled me into his lap. He had me lying across his lap with my head against the window, his mouth all over mine, our hands all over each other, frantically pulling each other’s shirts up.
I had no idea how long we were like that – not long enough – but he pulled away, and stared into my eyes, both of us almost panting, “Lyssa, Lyssa, stop.” He pulled me upright. “I… I am getting way too carried away, here – ”
“Yeah,” I swallowed, “me too.” I scrambled back across the console into my seat and tried to right my clothes again.
I glanced up and realized Matthew was watching me.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I am going to end up in your lap again,” I smiled at him.
“Like what?” he asked.
I almost said, “Like a lion in heat,” because that’s what he looked like. But we were trying to tone things down, so I laughed and looked out the front windshield. Then I started giggling: “Oh my god, we completely fogged up the windows!”
He laughed, too, then winced.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, panicking that I’d hurt him in all my tumbling.
He shook his head, put his weight on his feet and pulled himself off the seat, straightening his legs and adjusting his jeans. I tried not to stare at the bulge in his jeans, but I couldn’t look away. “It’s been a long time – a long time – since I was this, um, aroused,” he smiled sheepishly, “while still confined in a pair of jeans.” I was still staring at his bulge, and I knew my face was flushing with heat again. He put his hand under my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. “If you keep looking at me like that,” he said quietly, “I am going to get you in the back seat and take you.”
I put my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes, trying not to think about how that would feel. And I tried really hard not to moan out loud… but did not succeed. “Lyssa,” Matthew said seriously, “do you want me to take you home?”
Hard Choices Page 18