Matthew and I heard the others’ conversation as background, but we just sat there, smiling at each other like idiots.
“I really missed you, Lyssa,” he said again, quietly, still holding my hand and slowly rubbing his thumb along the back of it.
“I missed you, too. I’m glad you’re back.”
“So you don’t have the house to yourself tonight, huh?”
I smiled, glad we were on the same page. “No. Becca is heading over to Spokane tomorrow night, though. She’s spending the weekend with some school friends. I guess moms are boring,” I chuckled.
“Lucky for me you’re so ‘boring,’” Matthew said as he leaned in again. And this time he really kissed me. I ran my hand up the back of his neck and pushed my fingers through his thick black hair. All too soon for me, he pulled back again. “If you keep kissing me like that, I won’t care if your daughter is in the next room,” he said huskily. I was already aroused, and about ready to sneak him into one of Robert and Alan’s guest rooms. But I wasn’t that brazen.
“Can I take you out for dinner tomorrow night?” he asked.
I laughed, “I’m not sure I’ll be hungry again any time before December,” I said truthfully.
“A movie? A play? A drink?”
“Tell you what, after I recover from tonight’s meal, and tomorrow’s shopping extravaganza, and get a nap,” Matthew chuckled, “I’ll call you, and we can see what we’re in the mood for,” I shrugged, trying to be casual, but Matthew’s eyes suddenly went from warm and sensual to hunting mode. The warm green pools were suddenly hot emeralds, and I couldn’t rip my eyes away.
“I think I already know what I’m in the mood for,” he said in a low voice.
I swallowed, suddenly feeling like the prey in this scenario. I had kept so much of myself private from Aaron, while at the same time being completely open. I suddenly felt like I would have no such privacy with Matthew. He would see everything. He would know everything. I felt pulled in – and terrified at the same time.
“Um,” I hedged and nervously tucked my hair behind my ear, “I just meant,” I shrugged nervously, “let’s just see what we, um, feel like doing tomorrow night?” It sounded as lame as it felt to say. I had already been pretty clear I was ready to move things along with him. Now I sounded like some teenage tease. Matthew’s gaze didn’t change. I knew what he felt like doing tomorrow night. Hell, I sure felt like doing that right now. I’d give him my body willingly – would he want the rest of me, too?
“Walk me to my car?” I said, standing up.
“Sure,” Matthew stood up, too, but said, “Give me a second,” then he turned so he was facing me and his back was to anyone who might glance in. “I need to… adjust before I rejoin the group.” I looked down and saw what he meant by the bulge in his jeans. Holy shit, that was hot. I looked away as I felt a warmth spread across my chest, and flush my face pink.
I stopped into the living room and said my goodbyes. Alan reminded me to grab my leftover plate, already wrapped and ready to go. That man was efficient.
Then Matthew walked me to my car, holding my hand, not saying anything. He kissed me again, by my car, slowly and gently, one hand in my hair, one around my waist, cradling the small of my back. I leaned into him, letting our bodies meld as much as I could. Matthew groaned as I slid my hands up his back, pulling him into my chest, so my breasts were pressed up against him. Nice one, Lyssa, I thought, this is called giving the man “mixed signals,” and it’s not cool.
They weren’t mixed, though. Every fiber of my being wanted to strip him naked, touch him from head to toe, and feel him inside of me.
Finally he pulled away. “I could do this all night,” he smiled at me, “but I’m not wearing a coat, and it’s starting to snow.”
I laughed as a stray snowflake landed on my eyelash. “I didn’t notice!”
“That’s because you’re not freezing your… fingers off,” he smiled, but his obvious almost-reference made me blush.
He opened the car door for me and stepped back. I slid into the seat of my car and started it up. Matthew leaned in one more time, kissed me gently on the cheek, then pulled back and looked into my eyes. “Get a good nap,” he smiled, “you’re going to need the rest.”
I smiled nervously as he closed the door. I drove away with my heart pounding.
***
I pulled into the garage, and walked into the downstairs rec room, still smiling to myself.
“Hey Mom!” Becca bounced off the couch, already in pajamas, and threw her arms around me.
“Hey, baby!” I hugged her tight. “Oooh! It’s so good to see you!” I buried my nose in her hair. I did that to all my kids. They always teased me about “huffing their hair,” but to me, they still smelled like happiness. “You’re home early,” I pulled back and plopped a kiss on her cheek. “Did you have fun?”
“Yeah,” she said, shrugging and obviously equivocating. “I mean, dinner was fine, and it’s been almost a year now, so it’s not so… uncomfortable being around Dad and Sarah. It’s just,” she sighed, “it’s weird. It’s weird,” she shrugged again. “You and Dad have been great, Sarah’s great. Even Kyle seems to have calmed down about it. But – never mind.” She shook her head and looked down.
“No, Becca. Tell me. What?” She sighed again, and I heard a little catch in her throat: she was trying not to cry. “Oh, honey,” I pulled her back into my arms. “It just makes you sad? That we’ll never be a ‘family’ again? Like we were?”
She nodded, and broke my heart when she sobbed against my shoulder. “Becca, I’m so sorry,” I stroked her hair and held her tight. “There is no way to pretend that divorce isn’t hard. It’s like a death. You have to mourn. I’m sad, too,” and as I said it, I realized how true it was – I was sad for my kids. I held onto my little girl as she wrapped her arms around my waist and cried into my shoulder. I would have given almost anything to shield my kids from this pain. But it was a part of life. All I could do was hold her while she cried. I felt helpless.
“Mo-o-om,” she stuttered. “Can I stay here tomorrow night, too? I have to be at Angie’s Saturday night, but I’d really,” she pulled away and wiped her eyes, “I’d really like to stay here one more night.”
“Of course, honey! This is still your home! You don’t have to ask! You can always stay here!”
“Thanks,” she sniffled and walked over to the end table to grab a tissue. “I guess I need to grow up a little, huh?”
“Bullshit,” she looked up at me, startled. “If by ‘growing up,’ you mean not needing your parents, and not needing to feel safe and secure, then no, you do not need to grow up. That’s being human, not childish,” I kissed her head again as I walked past her. “Now I am going upstairs to get on my pajamas, and then I will come watch with you,” I glanced at the TV and saw a rerun of Grey’s Anatomy “to see what Meredith is up to now. And then, young lady, you and I are going to bed, because you know Molly is going to be ringing our doorbell at four am!”
Becca chuckled and snuggled back onto the couch. “I’m glad we’re still doing Black Friday,” she smiled.
“Wouldn’t miss it, sweetie.” I smiled at her and headed up the stairs.
***
I was brushing my teeth a while later when it suddenly dawned on me that Becca’s new plans meant that my plans with Matthew would have to be put on hold. I glanced at the clock and decided it was early enough to risk texting him.
Hey there. Becca asked if she could stay tomorrow night, too. She’s not as sanguine about this whole divorce thing as she thought she was. Needs her mama Are you free Saturday night?
Less than ten minutes later, as I lay in bed reading, Matthew responded.
Nothing sexier than a devoted mother. You’re worth the wait, Lyssa. Have fun tomorrow. I’ll see you Saturday.
Wow. He managed to make me feel admired, sexy, and appreciated in one short text. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
***
I woke up still smiling, after an erotic dream about Matthew on an exotic beach in Portugal. I rolled over and groaned into my pillow, frustrated at the four am alarm going off. Becca, ever the morning person and the devoted shopper, bounced into my room, coffee in her hand.
“Good morning, Mom!” she said quietly. “Here’s your coffee. Now brush your teeth, throw on some clothes and a cap, and let’s hit some sales!”
This was part of our tradition. Sweats, baseball caps, and lots of coffee. I moaned at the smell of the coffee and let the scent pull me out of bed. I was dressed and ready to go less than ten minutes later, just as Molly pulled up out front.
“I’m so tired,” Molly moaned.
“Too bad,” I said as I hopped into the passenger seat. “I drove last year. Your turn. Here’s your coffee.” I handed her the amazing dark roast Becca had, thankfully, remembered to set up last night before bed.
“Hey, baby,” Molly turned and kissed Becca’s cheek as Becca leaned between the front seats. “How have you been? I’ve missed the crap out of you!” As Becca had gotten older, I had been so grateful that she’d had Molly as the “cool aunt” to talk to. Molly had loved spoiling a surrogate daughter. It made me happy they were still so close. I was glad Becca had another mother figure to talk to. And only a little jealous, occasionally.
“Missed you, too, Molly!” Becca kissed her back, then sat back and put on her seatbelt. “How’s J.J.? How’s Jared?”
We drove off with my daughter and my best friend catching up: Molly regaling her with stories of her students; Becca sharing stories of college life. I settled back in my seat, cradling my coffee and filling up with the sounds of voices I loved.
***
By eight o’clock, we’d had all the fun we could stand on an empty stomach. As we sat in a great little breakfast diner, waiting for the food we’d ordered, Molly pulled a list out of her purse. “I think I’m done,” she said incredulously as she scanned her list. “Robert, check. Alan, check, Jared, check and check. J.J., check. Couple of things for people at school. Yeah, I’m done!”
“What about me?” Becca pretended to wail. Molly reached across the table and gently smacked Becca upside the head. Years ago, when we were broke college students, we’d made a pact not to go nuts shopping for each other’s kids, and we’d stuck to it. “Christmas and birthdays get crazy enough,” I’d told Molly, “Plus, I have three kids and you have one. It wouldn’t be fair.” Our kids got plenty of stuff from family as it was. Molly and I both agreed there was no need to go overboard.
“You know what, though?” Becca took a sip of her coffee, “Maybe we should start a gift exchange next year? You know, all of us can put a name in the hat and draw it? Then we could each get one person something really nice, you know?”
“Absolutely not,” I shook my head. “No way am I giving up shopping for each of my kids!”
“You didn’t shop for us today!” Becca pretended to whine again.
“Didn’t I?” I said enigmatically, raising my eyebrows. I was very good at this: I’d seen Becca admiring some gorgeous boots that were way out of her price range. Molly had distracted her while I’d managed to purchase them and bury the bag with my other stuff.
“Did you do all your shopping, Lyssa?” Molly asked me pointedly.
I immediately got what she was asking: Had I bought anything for Matthew?
“I don’t know, Molly,” I said dryly. “I’ll have to see.” I had seen a few things I’d like to buy for him, but I’d chickened out. It seemed awfully forward to even think of it.
Becca narrowed her eyes and looked back and forth between us, obviously trying to suss out what we were talking about. Fortunately, I was saved from explanation by the arrival of our food, and I was able to shift the topic of conversation onto safer ground.
Two hours and three stores later, Molly dropped Becca and me back off at my house. Molly hopped out to give Becca a big hug goodbye, making her promise to make time for her over Christmas break.
“Of course, Molly. We’ll go out to lunch. Just us two. So we can really talk without anyone listening in,” Becca said that last sotto voce, and narrowed her eyes at me, as Molly mimicked her look.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “All right, smart-asses, I am going back to bed. You keep being all cryptic. I need a shower and a long nap,” I said as I pulled all our packages out of the hatch of Molly’s SUV.
Molly hugged Becca once more and hopped back in her car. “Sounds like an excellent idea, Lys. See you girls later!” We waved as she drove down the street.
Becca took her bags from me and yawned. “Bed sounds great. I’m in.”
We took showers, put on clean comfy sweats, and Becca crashed on my bed with me, as the TV blared a Supernatural marathon. “Oh look, Mom,” Becca said through another yawn. “Dean’s crying again. What a shock.” This was a constant taunt of hers. She was a Sam Winchester girl; I was squarely on Team Dean.
I smacked her with a pillow and told her, “I am too tired to defend my love of Dean to you. Shut up and fall asleep already.”
She laughed and snuggled down, closing her eyes. I put the TV on a thirty-minute timer, and was out long before Sam and Dean had their next heart-felt conversation on the hood of the Impala.
***
I woke up around six, totally disoriented, and still tired. After blinking a few times to reach full consciousness, I checked my phone on the nightstand. I smiled when I saw I had a missed text from Matthew from about an hour before.
You’re STILL sleeping? Or are you still shopping?
I texted him back explaining that I’d just woken up. The phone rang seconds after I hit Send.
“Glad you survived,” Matthew all but purred into the phone. “I spent the day at Robert’s and Alan’s, gorging on leftovers and watching football all day,” he chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed in a long time.”
“You sound relaxed,” I said softly. “Hey, did you talk to your mom? How was their holiday?”
“It was good,” I could hear the smile in his voice. “Thanks for asking. My aunt is settled into the rehab place, and my mom is happy with it. It’s a huge relief, honestly. And Audrey called last night. She’s having a good time with her mom, which is always a relief.”
“Oh, that’s good,” I rolled over and snuggled down in my covers. “So, what are we doing tomorrow night?” I asked playfully.
“Tomorrow night? Oh, I can’t wait that long, Lyssa,” I shivered. Now he was doing it on purpose, but I didn’t care. “Can you be at my place by noon? I will cook you a fantastic meal, and we will actually get to spend a whole day together.”
I smiled. “That sounds like heaven,” I said. “Can I bring anything?”
He hesitated for a second. “No. I’ll text you my address. Have fun with Becca tonight, and I will see you tomorrow.”
“Sounds great. Good night, Matthew.”
“Good night, Lyssa.”
***
Matthew hung up the phone and smiled to himself. When Lyssa had asked, “Can I bring anything?” He’d wanted to say, “Yeah, a toothbrush.” But he’d never be that presumptuous. He did have a full-scale seduction planned, but he was still learning to read her. If she wasn’t ready, he wasn’t going to push.
His mom had noticed his preoccupation, though.
“You are a million miles away,” she’d said to him his second night in Phoenix. He’d bought her a condo with two guestrooms, so it made it easy for him and Audrey to visit.
“Sorry, Mom, what were you saying?” Matthew said absently.
Kathy had grinned at him. “It doesn’t matter what I said. You’ve got it bad, Matthew!”
“Got what bad?”
Kathy laughed. “Oh please! You’re not on the phone for two hours a night with Audrey! What’s her name? Do I get to meet her?”
Kathy tried not to hide her delight when her son blushed. “I don’t know, Mom. We’re just starting out. We had a couple of dates be
fore I came down here, and we’ve been talking on the phone a lot,” Kathy bit back a sarcastic “No, really?” and let Matthew continue. “She’s smart and funny and gorgeous,” Matthew shook his head. “She’s so full of life, it’s just,” he sighed, “really refreshing.”
“Do I get her stats? How old is she? How did you meet her?”
Kathy listened as Matthew filled her in, and she got more and more hopeful as he spoke. Lyssa sounded like exactly the mature woman Matthew needed. He had no interest in a second family, he had no interest in a trophy wife, and he had no interest in the bimbos who seemed to gravitate toward him in Seattle. And any close friend of Robert’s immediately scored points in Kathy’s book.
“She sounds wonderful!” Matthew nodded at his mother’s assessment. “So what’s the problem?” she said shrewdly.
Matthew stood up from the table where they’d been eating dinner. “Well, she was married a long time,” he explained as he pulled a beer from the fridge. “And she’s been divorced less than a year.” He sighed. “She seems so independent. I’m not sure she’s looking for something really serious.”
Kathy’s jaw dropped. “And you are? You’re looking for something serious?”
“With her, yeah, Mom. I think I am.”
Matthew hadn’t always discussed his dating life with his mother. But as Audrey had gotten older and things got more complicated, he’d sought her advice. She had never liked Amanda, but had kept her mouth shut, because her son was obviously besotted with her. About a year after Amanda dumped him and Audrey and took off, though, Kathy had a long talk with Matthew, and warned him she would never keep silent again: this time her granddaughter’s heart was at stake, too, and if Matthew started dating someone who wasn’t good for him – or Audrey – Kathy vowed she would speak up. Matthew took that conversation pretty well – and made it a habit to get his mom’s advice.
“So, um, what do you think?” Matthew said a little nervously.
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