by Raven Steele
My breath hitched and lips parted. The disappointment I felt in that moment was crushing.
“You barely scratched the surface.” His voice lowered. “But I don’t like to be scratched. And so you will remember your place in the shadows. Next time you try to interfere, my punishment won’t be so light.”
“Naburus can drink from me,” Mateo said quickly.
Naburus made a strange snorting sound. “Ew. I’d rather drink blood from a pig.”
I closed my eyes, wishing I was anywhere but here. I never wanted the man I loved to see me in such a submissive position to someone like Naburus. The Kiss, already hovering on the edges of my mind, also resisted the disgusting request. But it didn’t want to disappear like I did. It wanted to fight and destroy. I felt it tugging on my aggression, urging me to strike out.
“You look upset,” Korin said, frowning at me. He snapped his fingers, igniting a flame between his thumb and forefinger. “Come here, Mateo.”
Once again, this compulsion’s energy filled the room. Mateo obeyed.
I didn’t wait to find out what he’d do next. It wouldn’t be good. Only hurt me and Mateo. I shoved Mateo aside, stepped over the woman on the floor, and circled to the other side of the table. I held my arm out in front of Naburus, the one that wasn’t covering the wound Aris gave me. “Get it over with.”
“No.” Korin commanded. “I want you on your knees.” The fire still blazed as he shifted it over his fingers, playing with it without even looking. “Kneel before Naburus. Show your contrition for destroying my weapon.” His voice grew venomous. “You behaved like a petulant child, now take your punishment.”
Avoiding looking at Aris and Mateo, I knelt before Naburus, my insides shaking.
Naburus clapped his hands together with glee and stepped forward. “I like this, Father.”
“Give him your wrist and bow your head,” Korin ordered me.
Swallowing down the bile in my throat, and my pride, I did as he asked.
“Yes,” Naburus hissed. Taking my wrist, he jerked me forward, shoving my face into his crotch. I squeezed my eyes tight, suffering through my humiliation, all while imagining Korin’s head being sliced from his body, followed by Naburus’s.
Aris sighed as if bored, but Naburus took his time. Instead of immediately biting me, he sliced a knife forward, cutting into my flesh. I gasped at how deep the blade went.
“Remember, my son. Zane instructed us on the rules. Don’t cut her too deep.”
Zane? The vampire from Sinsual? Why was he instructing an ancient vampire on rules? I needed to find more information about him later.
Naburus sighed. “I remember.” His other hand stabbed a fork into the wound and rotated it, splitting my skin open. Lowering his head, he began to drink from the blood rapidly flowing from me. I cringed at the feel of his lips against my flesh, his crotch rubbing against my face.
I couldn’t see what was happening, but something must’ve because Aris said quickly. “I changed my mind. Mateo, help me to my car. I’m not a fan of vampire on vampire action.”
Mateo stumbled into my peripheral view as if Aris had shoved him. It looked like it took great effort for Mateo to bend over and pick up the woman. He didn’t look away from me once. I wish I could tell him that everything was okay. That all of this was just temporary. One day soon, we’d kill Korin. But to get to that point, we had to survive first.
Aris still had to help Mateo along by tugging on his arm. “I’m sure this won’t be the last time we see each other, Korin. Thank you for the humans.”
Korin didn’t bother looking at Aris and Mateo. He seemed only interested in the way Naburus was drinking my blood. “Enjoy my gift.”
Mateo only tore his gaze away from mine when Aris pushed him out the door. Naburus switched from drinking my blood to lapping at it, moaning his pleasure. Another minute passed, and I began to grow faint.
“That’s enough.” I yanked my face back and away from the disgusting smell coming from Naburus’ groin.
Naburus pulled back the fork and let me go. Jumping up, I grabbed the closest napkin and pressed it to my arm.
“How does she taste?” Korin asked Naburus.
Naburus moaned. “So good. But parts of her are still sweet. Here especially.” He reached up to rub his hand against my breast, right over my heart.
I stepped back and out of his reach.
“We can take care of that.” Korin looked up at me, tilting his head to the side thoughtfully. “You are free to go.”
I didn’t waste a second. Without glancing back, I caught up to Mateo and Aris just as they had finished loading the humans. “Get me out of here.”
Disgust rolled over me, and I paused, catching the door to hold myself steady as I leaned over, gagging. Mateo pressed his side into me, rubbing my back as all the blood and food I’d just consumed heaved from my stomach and onto the ground.
“She can’t drive on her own,” Mateo said to Aris.
I didn’t hear Aris’ response as I heaved again. When I straightened, Mateo wiped his hand across my face and pulled me into his lap in the front seat of Aris’ car.
I leaned against Mateo’s chest, staring out the front window as Aris drove us away from the very pit of hell. I closed my eyes, trying to close out the sounds of Naburus’ slurping, the smell of his arousal right in my nostrils. I lurched again, clutching at the door handle and Aris slammed his foot on the break, jerking to a stop. Throwing open the door just in time, I threw up again. This time it was clear liquid, possibly the inner lining of my stomach.
When I was done heaving, I curled back into Mateo’s lap, feeling weak and empty. I nodded my head weakly towards the humans in the backseat. “What will you do with them?”
“I’ll take them to the Ames de la Terra. From there, they may be sent to Wildemoor for treatment.”
I nodded, glad he was here. I felt so far gone I might not have thought of the recovery center in Wildemoor built specifically for humans who had gone through trauma from supernatural abuse.
“Thank you for stopping me,” I said to him, pain clenching my heart. “I didn’t mean to hurt that woman.”
“He stopped you?” Mateo asked.
“By stabbing me.” I slowly lifted my arm and shirt , showing him the wound. It was a clean cut between my ribs. The skin had already healed over.
“Sorry about that,” Aris said. “It’s the only thing I could think of to stop you. I knew you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if that woman died.”
“Listen, Aris,” Mateo began. “I know you think you’re helping, but what if Korin saw what you did? Was it really worth exposing all of us for the life of a human?”
“Yes,” Aris and I said at the same time.
I forced myself to straighten so that I could look into Mateo’s eyes. “It’s not just about saving humans. It’s about saving myself. Don’t you understand that?”
He searched my eyes. “But you’re a vampire, only doing what you were meant to do. You shouldn’t feel guilt.”
I sighed and leaned back into him so I couldn’t see his disapproving gaze. There it was again. The only thorn between us was our differing views on human life.
“I think what Samira is trying to tell you,” Aris said, “is she wants to be more. She needs to be more. Just like I do. Why should we let our vampirism decide who we are to be? Can we not strive to become a better species?”
Mateo’s silence was deafening. Had I been in a better state of mind, I might’ve tried to explain it to him further, but my sanity hung by a thread. It was one thing to take the life of a human who deliberately harmed others in horrific ways, but it was something else to kill an innocent. Those kind of killings created shadows on the mind and heart, the kind that whispered dark words when no one was around.
And right now they were whispering loudly.
Chapter 24
After Mateo gave directions to his hotel, Aris dropped him off, then drove us and the humans to Blutel Est
ate. My body felt numb as I helped carry them inside and quickly cleaned myself off. I made quick work of it as I didn’t want to see Sersi. I was afraid she’d see the storm brewing inside of me. This would bring me much shame, and I’d already had enough of that for one night.
I waited in the car for Aris while he left a message for Oz. The sun couldn’t rise fast enough. I never wanted to think of this night ever again. A spider caught my eye as it crawled across the hood of the car. It left a thin string of silk in its wake; the beginning of a web. A subtle reminder to all those around it of the danger it posed.
When Aris returned, he slid behind the steering wheel and gripped it tightly, sighing long and loud. He turned to me.
“This Mateo,” Aris said. “You must really care for him.”
I stared down at my hands, at the small spot of blood between my fingers that hadn’t washed away. “I don’t want him harmed anymore.”
“I get that.”
“Tell me of your time with the Ministry. Has it changed you much?”
He shrugged. “It’s opened my eyes to a lot of things. The world isn’t so black and white or good and evil. There are many shades of gray. I find myself spending a lot of time in that muddled color.”
“It’s a hard place to exist in,” I said and swallowed around the fullness in my throat.
“It is, and yet, it is possible.” He sighed and rubbed his hand across his face. He looked tired. “I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I can tell it’s tearing you apart.”
I stared straight ahead. “I almost killed that woman.”
“You’re walking a tight line. Just like me.”
“Is it worth it?”
He paused for a moment to think. “I believe so. People like you and me, we exist in both worlds. Trapped in the gray between light and dark. I do things I’m not proud of and yet, if I don’t, I can’t do the good I feel I was meant to do. Those humans tonight? Had I not drank from them, played the role I know Korin likes, I could not have saved them. They would’ve died under his hands or another vampire’s. It took me awhile, but I accept this role now. And so should you.”
I curled my fingers into my palms. “But if I get too close to the dark, I could lose everything.”
“You need to trust yourself. You could’ve lost control tonight, but you didn’t. What stopped you?”
“The fear that if I give in to the Kiss, I will harm those I care about.”
“So focus on that.” He started the engine and began driving back to Fire Ridge where we were going to stay for the night. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned about living in both the human and vampire world, it’s that love is more powerful than fear and anger. It can be terrifying to trust in love, to believe it will be enough, but I promise you it will.”
I finally turned to him and smiled, a bone-deep weariness tugging on my instincts to sleep. “When did the student become the teacher?”
He chuckled softly. “I still have a lot to learn, but loving Emma taught me a lot. So did killing my father.”
“How is Emma?” I asked. “Have you seen her?”
He shook his head, his eyes filling. “And I won’t. She needs to be free to live her life without my interference. It will only bring us both pain.”
I understood that kind of pain. I leaned back into the seat, and we remained silent all the way home. We dragged ourselves downstairs to the coffins, each of us haunted by the lives we might’ve had, the people we could’ve loved.
“Samira.” Aris stopped me before I climbed inside. “There’s something new about you. A power that’s straining to get out. I can feel it.”
I stared at him in wonder. “How?”
“I don’t know. It’s like it’s reaching out to my own.” He clawed at his chest. “Ever since I saw you, I’ve been more on edge. It’s like I crave destruction … more than usual.” He looked at me pointedly. “You want to tell me why?”
Leaning against my closed coffin, I exhaled a deep breath. Of everyone, Aris would understand the most. The unending pain. The constant inner battle. The inability to enjoy life to the fullest for fear I’d lose control.
And so I told him. I told him about Faithe, about how I had to protect her from Korin’s influence. I told him about Mateo and how I thought he had abandoned me. Heartbroken, I’d searched for a way to avoid the pain from my crushed heart. I’d sought out the Kiss of Eternal Night, not fully understanding the consequences. At the time, I hadn’t cared as long as I could stop feeling.
Aris stared at me in wonder at my tale. His face paled when I recounted all the horrible things I’d done after I had obtained the Kiss. I couldn’t look at him when I admitted these atrocities, but the more I spoke, the more the tightness around my chest eased.
I’d never opened up to anyone like this. Mateo held a special place in my heart, a possession that would never go away. But we hadn’t had a chance to talk, and wouldn’t, for a while. It felt good to confess the sins of my past to Aris.
I finally looked up at him. “I can’t fight Korin. Not as I am. The Kiss is the only thing powerful enough to go against him. But if I embrace it fully, I’ll hurt those around me. The Kiss feeds on my emotions and will do anything to incite them.”
Aris stepped toward me and took hold of my hands. The action normally would’ve had me retreating, but after opening myself and exposing all my dark secrets, this simple gesture grounded me.
“I’m here now,” he said. “I won’t let you lose yourself to this Kiss. You helped me once, and it’s time I returned the favor. Let me help you carry this burden.”
I nodded slowly. “Thank you.”
“Others can help you too, you know. I can tell Briar cares a lot about you. And Mateo. The love he feels for you is strong. I could feel it.”
I let go of his hands. “But I can’t return those feelings. The Kiss will devour them.”
“Maybe what you have with Mateo is strong enough to hold back the Kiss. Have you thought of that?”
“I don’t dare risk it.”
He smiled kindly. “The ever careful Samira. Always methodical.”
I opened my mouth to say that’s the way it had to be, but he interrupted me.
“I know you think you need to be that way to protect those around you, but you could be wrong. It’s worth trying for the chance to be free from the darkness inside you.”
I pursed my lips, disagreeing. It wasn’t worth trying.
My bones began to ache. “Sun’s up.”
He looked upward as if he could see the sky through the floor. “A new day.” His gaze lowered to mine. “What will we do with it?”
I opened the lid of my coffin and climbed inside, ready to sleep. “Destroy Korin.”
Even though sunlight still occupied part of the day, my need for blood drove me from my coffin early while Aris still slept. My gut burned and my teeth ached from my vomit the night before, and I’d gone to bed with an empty stomach. The coolness of the concrete floor felt good against my bare feet.
I stood at the bottom of the basement stairs for a few minutes, staring, listening, feeling the emptiness inside before I walked upstairs and into the kitchen for blood, ignoring the faces of shifters around me. Every sound seemed amplified, setting my nerves on edge. Dozens of voices. My footsteps. The creaking of the refrigerator door. The tear of thick plastic as I ripped into a blood bag. I hadn’t bothered putting it into a thermos. I drank three more.
With a somewhat full belly of unsatisfactory blood, my mind began to clear. I sat at the kitchen table and stared outside as several bonfires were lit around the perimeter of the wide yard. It filled the air with an eerie orange glow that mingled with the last of the sun’s rays.
“How are you feeling this morning?” Aris asked from behind me.
I continued to stare forward. “I’m fine.”
After grabbing a blood bag in the fridge for himself, he joined me at the table.
Marge appeared just then and bega
n to give Aris a shoulder massage. “You’re tense.”
“I am now,” he said.
He squirmed under her touch but she held him firm, her thumbs digging into him. “Relax, bird boy. I’ll work these knots out.”
Someone yelled from the living room. I looked over toward a group of shifters crowding the large screen TV playing some kind of sniper video game. Gerald was there standing close to Loxley, looking over Samantha’s shoulder as she yelled at the screen. Whatever game they were playing, she seemed to be losing.
With Aris unwillingly preoccupied, I slipped upstairs to find Briar. The sounds of a blow dryer echoed from her room. I knocked on the door and entered when I heard Luke’s deep voice say, “Come in.”
His face lit up when he saw me; he pulled a shirt over his head and down his massive chest. “Hey, Samira. I’m glad you’re here. Safe.”
“Where’s Briar?”
He crossed the room past the unmade bed and wrapped his knuckles on the bathroom door. “Sammie’s here.”
Briar opened the door, her eyes wide when she saw me. “I texted you last night but you didn’t respond.”
“Sorry. I wasn’t in the mood to check my phone.” I didn’t explain what that meant but I didn’t need to.
“Everything okay?” She pulled her hair into a pony tail and attempted to smooth the wrinkles in her t-shirt. I thought of teasing her about why Luke was just getting dressed, and why she was showering so early in the evening. But again, I wasn’t in the mood to play. I needed revenge. My hands itched for it, my heart craved it. I needed to move on with my life, to be with Mateo the way Briar was with Luke. I needed love and normalcy in my life again.
“I wanted to discuss how we can get into the cathedral. It must be our next move.”
Luke flinched. “That’s the last place you should be going, especially now. It’s too dangerous.”
“No.” I shook my head. “We need to strike now.”
“What happened with Korin last night?” Briar asked.
I met her troubled eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”