by Glen Cook
The Stars' End weapons had found the Sangaree. The fringes of their fury had brushed the harvestfleet like the cold breeze of the passing wings of death. And he was pinned here, helpless, in agony.
Slowly, slowly, the breeze faded. The screams died with it—all but his own. Excited chatter surrounded him. He could distinguish no words. His head was tearing itself apart. Once, when he was a kid, it had been almost this bad. He had nearly killed himself smashing his head against a wall.
Someone finally noticed him. His helmet came off. A needle stung his arm. The pain began fading.
The room was nearly dark, so weak were the lights. Gravity had been reduced to half normal. Danion was rationing power.
The faces crossing his field of vision seemed unconcerned with Danion's condition. They were exuberant. There was laughter. Little jokes flew.
"We've won!" motherly Clara told him. "Stars' End killed them."
Not all, Moyshe thought, though he said nothing. One or two had made hyper in time.
The Seiners had just moved up the Sangaree vendetta list, perhaps surpassing Jupp von Drachau.
"But we lost four harvestships," the younger half of his tech team told him. "Four harvestships." He was having a hard time believing that.
It was a victory day, all right, but one which left the Seiners little to celebrate.
Blessed darkness enfolded Moyshe. He fell into the blissful sleep of the needle, a sleep untroubled by fearful dreams.
Eighteen: 3049 AD
Operation Dragon, the Change
He ignored the shoulder-shaking as long as he could. Finally, sleep-slurred, he muttered, "Wha'd'ya wan'?"
"Get up, Moyshe. Time to go to work. There's a million things to do."
So. Amy, he thought. Altogether too businesslike for a girl who thought she should be a wife. He opened an eye, checked the time.
"Five hours? What the hell kind of rest is that?" he grumbled. "How the hell did I get here? I was in Contact."
"It's been eleven hours. The clock's unplugged. To save power. They brought you down on a stretcher. I thought you'd been mind-burned... " She threw herself on top of him, clinging with desperation. "Moyshe, I was so scared... "
"All right. All right. I survived," he grumbled. He still was not accustomed to the Seiner habit of showing emotion.
She reached under the sheet, tickled him. "Come on, Grump. There're things to do."
He threw his arms around her and rolled her over, his mouth seeking hers.
"Moyshe!"
He smothered her protest with a kiss. "It's been a week, lady."
"I know. But... "
"But me no buts, woman. The hump-backed crocodiles of entropy are gnawing at the underbellies of our allotted spans. I'm not going to waste an opportunity on tinkering with a piece of pipe."
"Moyshe! What kind of talk is that?"
"Shut up."
"Yes, Boss."
They dressed hurriedly afterward. Amy decided on a fresh coverall.
"Now, what's the hurry?" Moyshe demanded.
"You've got to get back to work. Moyshe... We really are desperate this time. We're in a decaying orbit around Stars' End. The mindsails went in the spillover from whatever killed the Sangaree. We'll hit the boundary in two days unless we get the drives working."
"Boundary?"
"Limit of approach. Stars' End starts shooting if a ship passes it."
"I wondered why we're alive."
"Only the Sangaree violated it. The machine is very literal. Anyway. We're due on shift in three hours, and Jarl needs you to take some tests first."
"Can't they wait?"
"He said today."
"Might as well. I'm awake now. Where's Mouse?"
"Hospital block. He's doing okay."
Hospital block was fifteen kilometers away. Maybe more if there were detours. Moyshe knew he had to move fast. "We'll go there first."
"Why?"
"To see Mouse."
"But the tests!"
"Damn the tests. I want to see Mouse. You coming?"
"Not anymore. Hey! Wait!"
They ran to a scooter, laughingly fought for the controls. Moyshe made a point of winning. He did not trust her to take him where he wanted to go.
He whipped down the passageway, scattering cursing pedestrians. The wind in his face exhilarated him—till he remembered what had happened. Memories of what he had done kept him quiet till he reached the hospital block.
Bluff and bluster got him past nurses who believed they were running a monastery.
They wandered the ward where Mouse was supposed to be confined, unable to find him.
Feminine laughter suddenly rippled through the passageway. "What do you think?" Moyshe asked.
"Wouldn't bet against it," Amy replied. Her good cheer had not faded.
Moyshe followed the laughter to a small private room where he found Mouse making friends with his nurse. BenRabi began to wonder why he had come. It did not look as if Mouse needed him. Then he understood. He had not come for any good, businesslike reason. He just wanted to see how Mouse was. And that was silly. Landsmen did not behave that way.
Mouse was fine, needless to say.
"What're you doing in here?" Moyshe asked, embarrassed because he was interrupting. "There's work to do."
Mouse grinned, winked. "Moyshe, everybody gets a vacation. Besides, I had to meet Vickie here. Darling, say hello to my friend Moyshe."
"Hello to my friend Moyshe."
"Isn't she something? Been trying to find out if those long lean legs are as fine as they promise to be. Those work outfits just don't do a thing for a woman."
"How are you, Mouse?" benRabi asked.
"Like the man said before they closed the coffin, as well as can be expected under the circumstances." He whipped his top sheet back. His arm and shoulder were heavily bandaged and in a partial cast. "They'll have me back on light duty in a couple of days. Unless I can blow in that dainty ear there and get somebody to keep me here."
Vickie giggled.
"Well, good. I just wanted to check. Sorry I interrupted. Behave."
"Don't I always?" Mouse chuckled. "Hey, Moyshe, go by my cabin and make sure nobody's run off with the silverware."
"All right."
"See you in a couple days."
"Yeah." BenRabi withdrew, Amy on his heels. "Damn!" he told her. "I feel silly."
"What? Why?"
He shook his head. He could not explain. Not to her. A Seiner would never understand what he meant when he said he and Mouse had passed a point of no return and become genuine friends. Amy did not have the background to comprehend what that could mean to a landsman.
She was worried. "Thinking about what Jarl is going to say when we show up late?" he asked.
"Uhm." She remained thoughtful as they stalked the sterile white corridors.
"What're the tests for?"
"I don't know. Just some tests."
He caught a whiff of untruth. He was not supposed to learn their purpose. He always hated that kind of test, though people were always taking them back home: IQ, emotional stability, prejudicial index, social responsiveness, survival index, environmental response, flexibility, adaptability, the government's euphemistically labeled Random Sample Report...
Bureau agents suffered bombardment with them during briefing and debriefing. They even had a test to test one's resistance to testing. His was strong. He did not like having people look inside him. He did too damned much of that himself.
"Wouldn't be the famous Warner test, would it?"
She did not respond. He tried a couple of different tacks, could not get a rise out of her, so gave up.
They had to make a detour returning to the scooter. Their planned path was blocked with casualties just in from one of the dead harvestships.
"It's bad, Moyshe," Amy said looking down that long hallway of stretchers. "They've been bringing people in since the shooting stopped. They may never get them all out of the wrecks.
They're falling in toward Stars' End too."
"Where are they going to put them? We'll end up having to sleep standing up."
"We'll find something."
"Reminds me of my senior year midshipman cruise," he said. "There were war scares that summer too. The Shadowline War and the Sangaree. And somebody had found a McGraw world. The fleet was tied up. Academy contracted our shipboard astrogation training to private carriers."
Memories. That had been the summer he had ended it with Alyce...
"Tell me about it."
"Eh? Why?"
"Because I don't know anything about you. You never talk about yourself. I want to know who you are."
"Well, I got the worst billet on the list. Some people didn't like me. It was a raggedy-ass Freehauler on the Rim Run from Tregorgarth to The Big Rock Candy Mountain to Blackworld, then Carson's, Sierra, and The Broken Wings. Broomstick all the way, with crazy passengers. The Freehaulers carry some real weirdos. Between The Broken Wings and Carson's, coming back, we got jumped by McGraws. My first taste of action."
After he had been silent a few seconds, she asked, "What happened?"
"It was a complete surprise. McGraws don't usually bother Freehaulers, but Navy was pushing them hard and we were carrying weapons for Gneaus Storm... " Why was he telling her this? It was none of her business. Still... Talking kept his mind off the upcoming tests.
"Go on, Moyshe."
He did not doubt that details of the incident were in Kindervoort's files.
"Tinker's Dam—that was the ship—had a cranky drive. Just a hair out of synch. The Freehaulers couldn't afford to tune it till after the run. So the McGraws couldn't phase in and pull us into normspace. They tried putting a warning shot across our nose. The drive did one of its tricks, phased in with theirs, and dragged us both into the explosion. The McGraw was destroyed. Tinker's Dam was hurt pretty bad, but we kept one section airtight. I was trapped there with this crazy family from some First Expansion world. They hated everybody, and Old Earthers and aliens especially. And it was up to me and a Ulantonid radioman to find out where we were and call for help. Took three weeks to rig a transmitter, and three more months before anybody caught our signal. It was miserable. There I was, nineteen years old, scared to death, and all that on me... Hey! Where are we?"
Chagrined, Amy replied, "I was listening. I guess we took a wrong turn. We'll have to go back."
Back they went till she found a passage that would take them in the right direction. It led through a women's intensive-care ward. The casualties were out where the harried nurses could examine them at a glance. There were at least three hundred women crammed into a ward meant for fifty. "It's really bad, isn't it?"
"They're moving the walking wounded into the residential blocks."
Moyshe stopped suddenly, stricken. The face of the final patient, confined to a burn tank, was one he had not expected to see again. "Marya!"
She was alive, and inside her tank, amid the jungle of tubes, she was aware. She met his gaze, tried to communicate her hatred. Her I.V. monitor fed her a little nembutol.
"Moyshe? What's the matter?"
He pointed.
"You didn't know?"
"No. I thought she was dead."
"She would have died if we hadn't gotten her here so quick."
"But... "
"You used the torch from too far away."
"I see."
She dropped the subject, realizing he wanted done with it.
He should have realized that Marya would not go easily.
Did she have a partner? The answer was critical. His life might depend on it.
And if he survived here, Marya would come after him landside. He was winning the battles, but the war remained in doubt.
He did not look forward to their next encounter.
"What's the rush, suddenly?" Amy asked. He was almost running.
Kindervoort was not pleased with his being late, but he shuffled Moyshe into a testing room without remonstrance. "This's benRabi."
Psych types took over. Moyshe suffered through the old parade of idiot questions. Since childhood he had been trying to beat them with random answers—which was why his test sessions always lasted so long. The computers needed a big sample to pin him down.
When the psychs were done they turned him over to regular medical types who gave him a thorough physical. They were in love with his head. He told the life story of his migraine three times, and endured dozens of shallow and area skull scans.
They also wanted to know all about his instel implant.
He developed a sudden muteness. Bureau activities were beyond discussion.
Just when he was about to scream they turned him loose. The chief examiner apologized profusely for taking so long. There was not a hint of sincerity in his tone. Both he and Moyshe knew the time factor was Moyshe's fault.
Moyshe was told to get a good night's rest before going back to work.
He hoped they had not learned anything, but suspected that they had. Profile tests were hard to beat.
Time slipped away quickly, almost as swiftly as it did in the mad, hectic culture groundside. Moyshe returned to Damage Control. His working hours were gruesome.
Somehow, they got the drives functioning and pushed Danion into a stable orbit. Then the real work began. Everyone not engaged in rescue work, or in keeping the ship alive, began preparing her for a hyper fly to the Yards.
Moyshe's work was less demanding than he expected. Danion had suffered more damage to personnel than to plant, had been hurt more by shark attack than by Sangaree fire.
He heard rumors claiming half the harvestship's people had perished, or had been made as good as dead by mindburn. His acquaintances had been lucky. He knew no one who had been a victim. But every day, in the course of work, he encountered new faces, and missed a lot of old ones.
Every time he wakened Moyshe was amazed to find himself still alive. The battle of Stars' End was over and won, but winning had left the harvestfleet on the brink of disaster. New problems arose as fast as old ones were conquered.
And the sharks had not given up. They stalked the fleet and herd still, their numbers growing daily. In a week, or a month, they would strike again.
The fleet was in a race against time. It had to make the Yards before the sharks reached critical...
Time fled swiftly when sudden death lurked behind the veil of time, and every day passing brought Moyshe closer to an hour he dreaded, the moment when he would have to return to Carson's and his old life.
He did not want to leave.
The I want had not sipped at the blood of his soul since the battle, nor had he had visions of imaginary guns. He seemed to have undergone a spontaneous remission of his mental diseases. In that way the weeks were close to tranquil. His problems became more direct and personal.
He had found what he needed, a combination of things to do with belonging: a woman, a useful occupation, and a place in a society that considered him something more than a bundle of statistics to be manipulated. He could not yet quite understand what had happened, or why, but he knew he belonged here. Even if he was not yet wholly accepted.
This was what he had been seeking when he had abandoned Old Earth. Navy had given him some of it, but not enough. This was the real thing.
He had come home.
But how could he stay? There were prior demands on his loyalties. He simply could not accept Kindervoort's terms. He could not betray the Bureau.
Should he see Jarl and try to arrange something?... He vacillated. He swung this way and that. He decided and changed his mind a hundred times a day.
What about Mouse? What would he think? What would he do and say?
And all the while, like a recording mechanism, he kept making his notes for the Bureau. Sometimes he worried about getting them off the ship, but that did not much matter. Writing them down fixed them in his backbrain, from which the Psychs could dredge them with narcohypnosis.
Ass
uming he went home.
Assuming he wanted them recovered. He had not wanted this mission back when, and wanted it even less now. By carrying it out he might destroy something that had become dear.
He was in a proper mood for concluding Jerusalem. And he had found just the quote for summation:
The world was all revenge and thou hadst said:
"It is a seething sea!" Earth had no room
For walking, air was ambushed by the spears,
The stars began to fray, and time and earth
Washed hands in mischief...
—Firdausi (Abul Kasim Mansur)
All Jerusalem's characters had perished while trying to seize their hearts' desires. Farewell, old companions, he thought.
So much for that. It had been a pretentious trial of modern literature anyway. He did not like the thing anymore. Only his suicidal mood had let him finish quickly, rather than with the intimate detail he had planned originally. Sometimes he felt so like his own creations, denied anything but a deadly end...
Ten days remained on his contract when he received the second summons from Contact. Jarl Kindervoort relayed it personally.
"I'd really rather not do any more mindteching, Jarl," he said. "I'm not trained for it, and I'm perfectly happy where I'm at."
"I'd rather you didn't myself." Kindervoort seemed caught in a baffled daze. "You know too goddamned much already. But orders are orders, and these came from the top."
A chill breeze swept Moyshe's cabin. He knew too much... Would they let him go? If they did... Kindervoort was capable of arranging a deep-space accident that would silence the returning landsmen.
Would Jarl's superiors authorize an incident? Starfishers were feisty, but did not go out of their way to provoke Confederation.
"What's going on, Jarl?"
"I don't know. And I don't like it. They've shut me out. They want you reassigned to Contact. That's all I know. I'm just a messenger boy. Grab yourself a scooter and go. Here's your pass."
"But I don't want to... "
"You're still under contract. You agreed to perform whatever duties were assigned."
"Damn. All right. Right now?"