Gilbert Winslow was not a man to hide his feelings; that was one of his charms. His expressive features reflected his moods, for he had not formed the habit of concealing his emotions. When he was angry, his bright eyes blazed with a fury that most men could not match, and when he was filled with joy, the light on his face made all who saw him glad.
But now his impassive face revealed no emotion. “Matthew,” he began, “this is a glad day for me. Welcome home.” The words were cordial, perhaps, but they were spoken in a careful, guarded tone, with little warmth.
Matthew’s face, bronzed with an eastern sun, had been tense, but Lydia had seen the sudden light of expectancy that had lurked in his eyes and on his lips. At his father’s words, his face had gone still, and he bit his lip, nodding slightly. “Thank you, sir.”
It was all so formal, painfully so, that Lydia said quickly, “Come in and sit down.”
“Thank you.” He moved toward the table, sat down and folded his hands on the table. Gilbert sat down opposite him, but the two women remained standing.
Gilbert looked his son in the face and said, “You’re looking well.” Then he suddenly struck the table and cried, “Matthew, why—!”
“Father, wait!” Matthew implored, twisting his head to one side. The memory of that mannerism raked hard across Gilbert’s nerves, and he knew for a long time he would be seeing and hearing things he had forgotten.
Matthew suddenly smiled, and though it was a bittersweet expression, his tone revealed no malice. “Let me put your minds at ease—all three of you. You’re all in a state of shock—and you’re all angry with me—” He held up his hand as Gilbert started to speak, and raised his voice as he said, “How could it be otherwise? You are angry, Father, because I ran away from duty. Lydia, how could you not be bitter with a man who deserted you? And you, Rachel, how can you possibly accept a stranger as a father—a man who’s never done one thing for you that a real father would have done?”
The words struck all three of them like musket balls. Gilbert finally spoke, his voice edged with agitation and a trace of wonder. “You have picked up some discernment along the way.” This time a smile touched the corners of his mouth and he said, “In my case you are correct—but I will expect that as we spend time together, I will be able to overcome this attitude.”
Looking intently at each one, Matthew said quietly, “You need have no fear that I’ve come to move into your lives.” At his words a look of surprise swept across Lydia’s face, but he did not see it. “It took me two years to convince myself even to come back. I was ashamed, of course, and I had decided that whatever else I did, the one thing I would not be guilty of was inflicting more pain on you.”
“What changed your mind—Matthew?” Lydia asked. She seemed to have trouble pronouncing his name, but the shock of his presence was lessening, and the tense lines on her face had softened.
He hesitated, then gave a smile tinged with embarrassment. “I’ll tell you—but it sounds so weak, I’d not expect you to believe it.”
“I’d like to hear whatever part of your life you will tell us, Matthew,” Gilbert encouraged him. “Lydia informs me it’s your opinion we would be shocked by some of it—but I think we deserve to know something! You owe us that, I think.”
Matthew bit his lip, then shrugged, saying, “Certainly. Father, if you want to know, I’ll tell you.” He got up and began to pace the floor, and his gait, his every movement brought back to Lydia and Gilbert the young man they had last seen fourteen years earlier.
“As I told Lydia, I was delirious when I left the jail, and you remember that my mind was in bad shape at that time. The ship was bound for Africa, but for most of that long voyage, I was so ill they kept me in the hold, pretty much expecting me to die. Perhaps you don’t know this, but England and Spain are in stiff competition with one sort of merchandise—black slaves from Africa. Well, the Eagle made a good haul, but she was overtaken by a Spanish man-of-war and impounded as contraband. They kept the ship and the slaves, and every man on board was tried and found guilty of smuggling!”
Matthew gave them a curious look, then said, “I was in a Spanish prison for nearly six years—which is as close to hell on earth as you’ll find on this planet!”
“I’ve heard something of it,” Gilbert responded. “It’s a miracle you’re alive at all, from what’s said of such places.”
“I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t escaped. There was a prisoner named Rolfe, Isaac Rolfe. He’d been a soldier, a pirate, and just about everything else—but he got us out of that prison!”
“What did you do then?” Rachel asked suddenly. She had been watching her father pace the floor, and there was a burning desire to know all about him.
“Why, I joined with Rolfe,” he shrugged. “And for the next six years we did all manner of things that men in our condition do to stay alive. We called ourselves ‘soldiers of fortune’—which was a fancy way of saying we would fight on any side for any cause if there was enough gold in it for us.” He paused and his brow furrowed as he thought; then he added, “I must have been in half a dozen armies, and most of the time I didn’t even ask what the war was about.”
“There are worse things than being a soldier,” Lydia said.
“Yes, there are, and I managed to discover one,” Matthew said bitterly. “Trading in human flesh—that was my next fine profession! I joined with Rolfe to buy a schooner and we made the trip to Africa time after time, but it never failed to make me sick. We packed them in so thickly on the ship they had to sleep hugging each other, like spoons pressed together. And when the plague would break out in the hold, they’d die like flies! We’ve thrown them over the side by the dozens—women, nursing mothers, babies—!”
He walked to the window and leaned on the sill, staring out at the green grass and the swaying hills. He stood there so long that he seemed to have forgotten them. Finally Gilbert gave a quick glance at Lydia and cleared his throat. “What happened then?”
“What? Oh, I took it as long as I could—” Matthew turned and looked at them with an odd light in his blue eyes. “Finally I sold my share of the ship to Rolfe and cleared out. I had enough money so that I could go anywhere, and for a few months I just wandered around, looking for something—but I couldn’t find any peace.”
He smiled at Gilbert and said, “Here’s the part you won’t believe. It sounds too much like a bad story. You see, ever since those days in that Spanish prison, something you told me once kept coming back. You may not remember it—but I’ve never forgotten. On the day that Uncle Edward and I were leaving for England, you and mother were there. It was the last time I ever saw her.”
“I remember very well,” Gilbert said quietly.
“Do you remember that you started down the ladder, and you called out to me: ‘Be faithful to God, Matthew—never fail Him! Be true to God—and to yourself ’ ?”
“Yes, I said that.”
“Well, those words came to me all the years I was in prison, and even while I was serving the devil in the wars and in the slave trade. But when I finally cut all my ties with Rolfe and was alone with nothing to do, those words got even stronger. I tell you, it was like losing my mind—the way they kept ringing in my ears! So then—and here’s what I find hard to say to you ...”
He seemed so embarrassed that Gilbert said, “Go on. Let us hear it, son!”
Matthew nodded, then continued in a quiet voice charged with emotion. “I went back to England with no purpose, but one day I suddenly decided to go back to Bedford. It was like a dream when I got there, seeing the little house where we lived, Lydia—and the jail, of course! I found out Pastor Gifford had gone on, but you know about John Bunyan?”
“Yes.” Gilbert smiled for the first time. “He’s become quite a famous preacher since his release three years ago. In great demand all over England. And he and Elizabeth have two children of their own now!”
“Yes, I know,” Matthew said. “I stayed with them for six months. He
hasn’t changed, John hasn’t. The years in prison just made him pure gold! But now I have to tell you both—I was a lost sinner when I went to stay with the Bunyans, but through their love and kindness—I found Christ as my Savior.” The confession seemed very difficult for him, and he laughed shortly. “I told you it would sound like a bad piece of fiction. Sinner gets converted and runs for his father’s house—after ruining the lives of the three people he loves most.” Matthew got up, wheeled and started for the door. He paused, turned and added roughly, “I won’t trouble you, you may be sure of that!”
His departure was so sudden that they were stunned. Gilbert called out, “Wait—!” But he was gone.
“I—I don’t understand, Gilbert,” Lydia said in bewilderment. “Why should he be so—so ashamed to tell us he’s become a Christian?”
“It sounds too easy for him, I think,” Gilbert said slowly, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “I can see how he feels, can’t you? He behaved shamefully, and now his pride won’t let him believe that all he has to do is ask forgiveness.”
“But—is it real? His conversion, I mean?”
Gilbert turned to look at Rachel, then answered, “I don’t know, but in a way, it’s just as well he feels this way. It will give us all time to think, to try and sort this out.”
“But, what will he do?” Lydia asked.
“I think,” Gilbert murmured softly, “he’ll spend a lot of time showing us that he’s found God—instead of telling us!”
Matthew’s words on leaving—I won’t trouble you, you may be sure of that!—were followed so strictly that for the next month it was almost as if his sudden appearance had been a dream! He did not return to the Winslow house, and they had to learn of his movements from others.
“The gentleman with your name, Pastor Winslow, he’s your relation, is he?” Martin Tillotson asked one day as Gilbert stopped by the single inn in Plymouth. Tillotson was new to the town, a small, polite man, very regular in his church attendance. He smiled and said, “I could see the resemblance between the two of you—a fine looking man he is, too, like yourself, if I may say so.”
“Yes, Brother Tillotson,” Gilbert said quickly. “He’s my son. How did you happen to meet him?”
“Why, he took a room here last week, Pastor—but he’s been gone since that first day. Said he’d not be in much. He didn’t mention his business.”
Gilbert didn’t take the broad hint, for not knowing himself what Matthew was doing, he could not very well answer the innkeeper. He repeated the conversation to Lydia and Rachel. They too were perplexed.
“Why did he come here if he was intending to leave so soon?” Rachel asked sharply. “Everyone knows about it. Mercy asked me right out, ‘Is that really your father living at the inn?’ And what was I to say? The whole thing makes me feel so—awkward!”
All three of them felt that way the next Sabbath Day, when Matthew walked in and took a back seat in the small church. It was a small town, and every stranger was subjected to minute examination, but Matthew’s appearance sent a hum of whispering around the congregation, and several members were in danger of dislocating their necks trying to swivel around and catch a glimpse of the visitor.
Lydia’s cheeks burned. Rachel turned to her mother and whispered, “We can’t bear this, Mother!”
Gilbert took in the avid interest, noting the embarrassment on the faces of Rachel and Lydia. His own face was paler than usual, but he rose and called the congregation to order as if nothing had happened. They sang and several members gave interpretations of scriptures; then Gilbert preached for an hour.
No one dared to turn and stare at Matthew during the sermon, except Mrs. Lawson, who would have stared at the archangel Michael. But if the eyes of the congregation were not directed at their visitor, their interest surely was.
Gilbert concluded the sermon, but instead of closing with a final prayer, he said in a steady voice, “We have a guest in our congregation this morning, my son, Matthew. Some of you who have been here for a long time will remember him. He was presumed to be dead for many years—but God in His mercy preserved him. I ask you to welcome him back, and to join his wife and his daughter in thanking God for His tender mercies.”
Then he prayed, and afterward several of Matthew’s old friends approached him eagerly. Matthew’s teacher, in his eighties, but with eyes as sharp as a bird’s, greeted the tall man, so unlike the small boy he had known. “Thank God, my boy! I thank God!” he exclaimed, giving him a hearty grip of the hand. “I’ve never forgotten you, never! It cut me like a knife when the word of your death came, and for all these years I’ve had fond memories of those days when you came to my house—such a bright little chap!” Then he suddenly reached out and embraced Matthew, weeping and patting him on the arm.
Matthew looked over the old man’s head at Gilbert, his eyes misty as he said, “Why, that’s good of you, Mr. Morrison—and just like you! I’ve thought of you often.”
Others came, and those who had moved to Plymouth after his presumed death came to be introduced.
It was a strange moment for Matthew, who stood there receiving the greetings of old friends and others, feeling like an imposter. But it would not have been quite so difficult if Mrs. Lawson had not raised her voice, saying loudly, “Well, now, Lydia Winslow! What will it be like to have a husband again after all these years?”
Lydia flinched slightly at the impertinent question, but she managed to smile. “I rejoice with all of you,” she said noncommittally, “that God has seen fit to preserve my husband.”
Then the awkward moment passed, and the crowd began to leave. Gilbert walked over immediately and said, “I’m glad you came, son.”
“We—expected you to come back,” Lydia said with some hesitation.
Matthew gave her a direct look, then shook his head. “As I said, Lydia, I’ll not be a trouble to you.”
Rachel had moved to stand beside Lydia. “Well, you can’t just ignore us!” she said sharply.
Matthew smiled at her. “Rachel, I realize how awkward it is—especially for your mother—but I’m leaving Plymouth today, so people will have to just wonder about our family.”
“Leaving!” Lydia said quickly. “But—where are you going?”
“I was going to stop by and tell you about it before I left, but—”
“Come and have a bite with us,” Gilbert said quickly. “It will look odd if you don’t—and besides, I want to hear your plans.”
They ate cold beef and bread, their usual Sabbath noonday meal, and Matthew related his plan. “There’s a big market for beaver in England. I’m going into the trading business. As a matter of fact, I brought a wagon load of trade goods with me from England. I’ll be gone for a few weeks; then when I get a shipment, I’ll come back and put them on a ship here at Plymouth.”
All three of them realized it was more than a business venture; he was taking himself out of Plymouth to remove some of the pressure from the three of them. “Matthew,” Gilbert said, “you don’t have to do this on our account—”
“It will be best, I think,” Matthew broke in, “if I’m gone for a time. Give people time to get used to the idea of my being back.” Then he added simply, “I’ll have to go permanently, sooner or later, you know. There’s no other way.”
These weeks since Matthew’s sudden appearance had not been easy on anyone. All three had wondered how he could fit into their lives. It would not do for him to remain at the inn, separated from his wife and daughter. In Plymouth that was simply not done, and in any case, it would have put an intolerable strain on all of them.
Breaking the awkward silence, Matthew stated, “I’ll call when I get back in a few weeks.”
He left, and although the village had not stopped speculating about the strange and sudden appearance, by the middle of June most of them had given up trying to ferret the truth of the affair from the family.
Lydia lost weight, Rachel noted, and was much quieter than usual as she went abou
t her work at home and tended to the many charities she pursued. Rachel wanted to speak about her father to Gilbert and her mother, but they seemed engaged in some sort of inner journey and would only say, “We must continue to pray about it,” when she brought the subject up.
On the last of June John Sassamon suddenly appeared, full of news. Arriving at the cottage, his first words to Rachel were, “I’ve been with your father!”
Rachel eagerly pumped the young Indian for information, and discovered that her father had gone to John’s village. The two had met and become fast friends; Sassamon could not speak highly enough of Matthew.
“He is a good man, Nahteeah! As good as his father!” That was high praise, indeed, from the Indian! He went on to add, “He is the most honest trader my people have ever met, but the other traders are very angry with Mr. Matthew because he gives a fair price and does not rob the People! And he is as good as an Indian in the woods, Nahteeah! I have traveled with him and he can stalk the deer better than I!”
Rachel hung on his words, and Sassamon asked suddenly, “What is wrong between Mr. Matthew and you, Rachel?”
“Why, nothing, John!”
“That is the first lie you have told me in a long time!”
She bit her lip, ashamed to be dishonest with him, then said, “It is an old thing, John. My father did a bad thing years ago, and it still lies between us, I suppose.”
“That is bad—for he is a good Christian,” Sassamon said vigorously. “I am disappointed for the first time with Pastor Winslow. He should thank God he has such a good son—and you and your mother—you have a good husband and father.”
Rachel had no answer, and John said, “I must go to Governor Bradford now.”
“Is it bad news again, John?”
“Not good! Philip is trying to get the other tribes more unhappy with white men. And he is having success.” Sassamon shifted his feet. “I think it will come soon,” he added.
“You must be very careful, John,” Rachel continued. “He will kill you if he even suspects you are talking to the authorities.”
The Captive Bride Page 14