“Well, if someone could get those two to quit humping like rabbits every five minutes this wouldn’t be a problem. Seriously, we might have to get one of them fixed.”
“Danika…let it go.” Katy hissed from her bathroom stall. She sounded really irritated. I guess she still has some unresolved feeling for Penny and Grim, but of course letting the werewolf know that you have a sore spot is just planting a giant neon sign over your head that screams, “Come mess with me!” So of course, Danika wasn’t about to let it go. “Come on, we get Grim fixed and maybe they’ll let us all fly again. Besides, if we talked Penny into it, maybe she’d get him to wear one of those cones of shame that you put on dogs to keep them from chewing on their stitches.” Danika and Niki both started laughing.
“Shut…up!” Katy’s voice was becoming a lot more threatening. This was the absolute worst thing to do if she wanted to get the two women to drop the subject.
“I can just see my brother wearing the cone of shame while Penny takes him for walkies.” Niki cackled. “Would it really be that big a difference from now? I mean, she already leads him around by his di-” Danika’s words were interrupted by the both women yelping in shock. The distinct sound of splashing water was followed by Katy’s threatening hiss, “Keep it up you two, and my next little surprise will feel like a fire hose.”
Both women grumbled, but were careful not to give Katy a reason to back up her threat. I’m not sure what happened, but my best guess is that a little magic was used to turn these rest stop toilets into bidets of vengeance. An unexpected shot of water can go a long way to winning an argument when its victims are both a captive audience. Niki and Danika hurried to get out of their stalls. The playful mood was long gone, and the two women washed up and went straight to the van.
I squeezed into the stall, and thank God, they had those paper toilet seat covers. I’m not a clean freak, but I seriously hate public toilets. I know it’s probably clean, but I still picture some white trash girl pushing out her prom night’s mistake. Maybe I have an overactive imagination, but I just always feel like an hour before I sat down, this bathroom stall became the inspiration for the next Lifetime movie.
At least the seat is warm. Danika’s body temperature runs much warmer than the average human. So it’s actually kind of toasty. Katy is still in the stall next to me, and I’m not sure, but I think she might be crying a bit. “Katy? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” But her voice is tight, and clipped. I know I should probably just let it go, but she’s become like family. They all have. “Katy, are you sure? I mean if you want to talk about it…I’m here if you need anything.”
“Thanks DD. I mean it, but there are just some things I’d prefer not to talk about.” I heard a few more sniffles before she finally hopped up and left.
“She’s really hurting.” Janine’s voice made me jump, and I banged the back of my head against the bathroom wall. “Ouch, a little warning next time!”
“Sorry DD. I just got bored in the car and wanted to see what you all were up to.”
“It’s a bathroom, what else would we be up to?” I grumbled.
“Well, let’s just say Penny and Grim are having a lot more fun in the men’s room than any of you are having over here.” Janine chuckled.
Wow, they really do go at it like rabbits. “Janine, I really could have gone my whole day without knowing that, and could you please make yourself solid? It’s just weird talking to an empty bathroom stall.
Janine’s body flickered on like someone flipped a switch. Her head and shoulders stuck out from the stall door. I wonder if someone standing outside the stall just saw her headless body. Janine looked like some hunter’s trophy.
“You do realize how creepy that is, right?”
“Oh, don’t be such a baby.” Janine smirked.
I was just about to say something really smart when I heard a muffled gasp followed by several heavy rhythmic thumps. “Oh God, is that...?”
“Yep, that would be Penny and Grim.”
“They aren’t?”
Janine giggled, “Oh, they definitely are.” Almost as if on cue the thumps picked up speed. I could hear their muffled moans through the walls. Seriously, how is a girl supposed to go tinkle when someone is staring at them, and two of her friends are living out their own porn movie on the other side of the wall. At this rate, I’ll never get to go potty.
“Janine, I don’t want to be rude. I know I asked you to become visible, but can you go somewhere else? It’s kind of hard to do what I have to in here with you watching me.”
“Okay, I see your point. Besides, Grim and Penny are way more fun to watch right now, anyway.” Janine went to go through the wall, and passed through me. I tried not to shudder as she went through me. The thumping was picking up when I heard Janine laughing, “Dear God, how do you two even get into that position?” The thumping was replaced by two very startled screams, and the sound of a flushing toilet. I couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation because I was laughing too hard.
Finally, I finished piddling and made my way back to the car. Grimmy and Penny were also coming out from the men’s restroom at the same time. They both looked a little irritated. I kept hearing a sloshing sound, and when I looked down I saw Joseph’s right shoe and pant leg was soaked, and dyed blue. “Everything okay, Grim? You look like you had a bit of a whoopsie.” I asked, trying as hard as I could not to laugh.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Can we just drop it?” Grim growled.
I kept fighting the grin that was spreading across my face, and just when I thought I was about to win the battle of the giggles, Danika, Niki, and Janine started cackling. My eyes focused on them, and it was clear Janine was telling them everything. She was even acting some of it out. That’s when I started to lose it. A snort fought its way out of my mouth.
Grimmy saw Janine miming the position he and Penny must have been in near the end, “Well, fuck me.” He grumbled in frustration.
Penny apparently wasn’t nearly as irritated by the intrusion. She almost seemed proud that people knew what she had been up to. She practically purred with satisfaction, “I’m pretty sure that was what I was trying to do before we were so rudely interrupted.” Then she reached around and goosed him to punctuate her statement.
There was just no fighting off the giggles then. I broke down laughing. It didn’t help when Niki looked down at Grim’s now very blue leg and laughed, “Oh my God bro, you’re turning into a smurf!” Even Katy, who’d been glaring at us all until then, started laughing.
Grim grumbled, “Okay, enough of this foolishness. We still have a long drive, so let’s get rolling.” He tried to sound annoyed, but a playful smirk kept creeping out onto his face. At least the big guy can still take a joke. Most men that look like he does gave up on a sense of humor a long time ago, but Grimmy still has a childlike sense of humor. It takes a real man to laugh at himself, and it’s just so cute how his blue eyes twinkle when he’s trying not to laugh.
Chapter 2
Grim changed his pants, and took over the driving. We still had a ways to go, but we’d made good time. Our hotel rooms should go a long way toward improving everyone’s mood. Maybe after we get checked in, we can all go out for a night on the town. The best part is that we get to write all this off as a business expense. Saving the free world has its perks. The best is name recognition, and so when I formed my own research and development company, it was like someone handed me a blank check.
So of course, I did the only thing a smart, upwardly mobile woman such as myself would do…after going on a three day shopping spree, I made the rest of the team my partners. They increased brand recognition. We’ve become so popular we even have our own clothing line. The commercial doesn’t make any sense, but as long as the checks keep clearing, who cares? The M.S. line of clothing is the hottest thing since boy bands. Really, the only problems we had forming the partnership were Penny and Janine. We couldn’t make Janine an official partner since she’
s…well…dead.
Penny’s problem was more legally difficult. Since she could pass for living, we only had to get her a social security card, and clear up any tax problems she might have had. This would be a pain under normal circumstances, but with Penny, there was a mountain of paperwork. We had to find ways to document everywhere she’d been during her existence, and then pay all the back taxes, with accrued interest. The president was nice enough to help get her a special exemption for citizenship. For the record, accrued interest on back taxes is a royal pain.
Now we’re all filthy rich, but it’s been such a whirlwind of success, none of us has had a chance to enjoy it. I’m developing weapons, body armor, and basically anything that catches my fancy. Danika and Penny test a lot of the equipment out, and Joseph helps with the final touches on any military equipment. He has a real knack for knowing what will and won’t work on a battlefield, but I guess he should, considering how much of his life has been spent there. Katy’s even been pretty tied up with the company. Currently, she’s been adding wards of protection to the new body armor that we’re planning on testing this weekend. Her wards will keep the wearer safe from any outside magical influences. I really don’t understand the hocus pocus, but I know our customers have shown a real concern about supernatural influences since we came to the world’s stage. When you make the customer happy, the customer makes you rich. We’ve been going out of our way to make our customers very happy.
Joseph’s stepfather has helped us to build some very good relationships with several important people in the military business, and surprisingly, it is a business. I just thought they got together and said, “Hey, we need an assault rifle.” Then they went out and made an assault rifle. I realize now just how naïve that thinking was. It’s a business, just like any other. You have to have connections, and someone has to help open doors for you to really succeed. Joseph’s stepfather really came through on that for us.
This week is a perfect example. If we can convince enough people this weekend that the new armor we developed will save more lives, and still be cost effective, then we’ll be coming home with a big fat check. A check that would have us set up for life, and by that, I mean going from being well off to filthy stinking rich. We’re all a little antsy about it, but as long as the testing goes well, then we’ve got this in the bag.
The only problem is that we had to drive all this way. We’d taken a group vacation about a month ago to Hawaii. Outside of my sunburn, the entire vacation went amazing. We went to several luaus; we saw the Lahaina show at the Maui Theater. We went with Grim to the Arizona Memorial, and afterward watched some Elvis impersonators. We spent a day looking at waterfalls. It probably would have only been a half day, but we had to wait on Joseph and Penny. We were waterfall hunting, and they were waterfall humping. One night we split up. Katy, Janine, and I went to visit an aquarium, and Danika, Niki, Penny, and Grimmy went on a couples cruise.
I think the most fun we all had together was when Janine talked us into going ghost hunting. They offer night tours, and we actually rode around with a bunch of real ghost hunters. Janine was hilarious. She kept screwing with their equipment, and before the night was over, they thought she was a gay pirate named Ralph that lost his leg to an angry shark, lost his eye to an angry pelican, lost his heart to a toothless missionary named Sam, and then lost his life when he fell overboard and was attacked by a sexually aggressive dolphin. They really bought into the story. I thought Joseph was going to wet himself laughing so hard. We found out later that jerking around ghost hunters is really popular amongst the “life challenged”, as Janine sometimes says. Since ghost hunter equipment actually can be used to communicate, it becomes the biggest source of entertainment for ghosts.
Even the weakest spooks can trip an E.M.F. detector. So it becomes a game for them. I asked her why they didn’t try to actually communicate. Janine just shook her head and said, “Where’s the fun in that?” Apparently it was some kind of ghost faux pas to seriously communicate with a ghost hunter. I pressed her about it, and Janine finally said, “A ghost is dead. We know we’re dead, but we aren’t desperate. How would you feel if somebody just kept bothering you? If you actually communicate with those…groupies, then they never go away. It’s just annoying. So whenever a ghost runs into one of these…people, it’s just accepted practice to jerk them around a bit and send them on their way. That way no one will take them seriously after they investigate the evidence. If we actually talked with them seriously, then there’d be no getting rid of them. We used to be pretty chatty with the living, but in the eighteen hundreds, mediums and séances became big things. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is when some medium learns your real name and they call you up whenever they need to earn a few coins, or impress a customer? That was bad enough, but they went home and started calling me themselves. It wasn't long before every hick and rube was trying to call on us to get a glimpse at the other side. Even a strong ghost like me had to answer all those stupid compulsions.”
Janine flickered in annoyance as she started mimicking many of the people that called her in past, “When am I going to die? Should I invest in wheat or cotton? Should I go see Aladdin and the wonderful lamp with our son, or see Our American Cousin with that delightful Major Rathbone and Ira Harris’ daughter Clara. They make such a cute couple.” She suddenly stopped, and looked very guilty, “The point DD, is that it eventually became necessary to start making them all look a bit like nutters so that they’d just leave us alone. Now the only time we talk seriously is when we are strong enough to make ourselves appear, and even then we only do it for select company.” She faded away, and seemed a little sad in going.
The whole vacation went incredibly well. That might have been the problem. It went so well that everyone was happy. In fact, Grimmy and Penny were so happy that they decided to sneak into the airplane bathroom to…share their happiness. Unfortunately, she’s very…vocal, and it wasn’t long before the air marshal was beating on the bathroom door. We were on the no fly list an hour after landing. It’s just a miracle that we weren’t the butt of every joke on late night television. All I can say is thank God for Katy.
Since we’ve become so famous, living a normal…well normal for us, life has been hectic. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to sign autographs and have people take pictures of you when you are standing in the feminine care aisle, holding a box of tampons, and trying to figure out how to keep them from reading “ultra” on the side of the box? It’s really hard to be personable when you have to worry about some meanie with a camera selling your picture to a tabloid, and then the rest of the world knows all about your heavy flow day.
Katy used her magic to work a glamour on us. She made each of us a pendant, and when we wear it, no one can recognize us. So when Grim and Penny were busy joining the mile high club, everyone thought they were just a tacky couple. Unfortunately, we’d all bought our tickets together so we all were put on the no fly list, but considering that it could have been a scandal of epic proportions, I think we all were happy that we got off so easily.
We finally made it to the hotel, and not a moment too soon. My bottom was starting to cramp up again. Grim, being the gentleman that he is, loaded all our bags onto one of those fancy carts. There should have been a bellboy to help us. As we made our way in, one of the bellboys was coming back from his break. He was a scraggly kid with red hair and freckles. Ha-ha, who am I calling kid? I’m only twenty-two. I’m young, but I’ve seen so much that I’m very mature for my age. With all I’ve had to do to take care of my family, it’s laughable that I could have ever been a kid.
*Ding-Ding* The little metal bell rang, and a pudgy receptionist name Bob stepped up. “Yes? Welcome to the Leitmotif, America’s greatest theme hotel where all your dreams come true. How may we serve your fantasies today?” Bob waited patiently while I dug through my purse to find the company credit card.
“We have reservations under Night Troop Enterprises. I’m Daphne
Dinkly, C.E.O.” I tried not to giggle at that last part. I admit Night Troop isn’t exactly inventive, but we learned early that the easiest way to keep a low profile was to be right out in the open. The news and tabloids all assume we’re trying to hide, and they’re right. So they start looking for all these obscure names, or combinations of names, and never once notice Night Troop Enterprises because it’s just so obvious that nobody thinks it could be us.
“We have your rooms ready. If you’ll follow Renaldo, he’ll take you up.” Renaldo, a skinny blonde with dull eyes and an acne problem turned and trudged off towards the elevator. He ignored our bags. For what we spent on the rooms, you’d think we would get better service.
“Well, I guess we have to get our own bags?” Niki grumbled.
“Speak for yourself. Oh, Grimmy?” Penny cooed.
“Yes?”
“Get my bags will you?” Penny’s voice was honey sweet.
“What’s in it for me?”
“If you bring up the bags I’ll let you give me the tip.”
“Don’t you mean you’ll give me a tip?” Joseph questioned.
Penny leaned in and purred, “Honey, I know what I said.” Grim almost stumbled over himself getting over to the push cart.
“Move it Ronald, I’m a man on a mission!”
The bellhop turned and very tersely responded, “Renaldo.”
“What?” Joseph grunted as the cart got stuck for a second at the threshold of the elevator.
“My name is Renaldo.”
“RO-nald, RE-nard, RE-noir, RE-Naldo, RE-ally don’t give a flying fuck. Now move your narrow ass so I can get this big bastard of a luggage cart into the elevator.” That’s Grimmy, always making friends, and spreading goodwill in his own special way.
The bellhop didn’t look happy, but he certainly wasn’t about to get into an argument. Grim is a big man. When I say big, I mean mountainous. He towers over most people, and he just looks like a man waiting for an excuse to twist your head off. The truth is, he looks rough on the outside, but inside he’s actually a very caring man. The only problem is that before you get to the inside, there is that rough outside that might just be looking for an excuse to twist your head off. Hey, I never once said the man was perfect.
Midnight Squad: The Ties That Bind Page 2