Cade struggled to remain composed. “What’s she doing here?”
“She did say she was coming.”
“I made it clear she was to stay away from my family—from the funeral. She knows being here is a bad idea.”
Only, I wasn’t sure she did.
“She heard and understood you. She just doesn’t care.”
And it was too late to stop her now.
Wendy stepped up to the microphone and scanned the crowd, pausing long enough to appraise the mixed reactions on everyone’s faces, from those who didn’t know her, to those who knew her all too well. She beamed a broad smile around the room, seeming unruffled by the attention. Cade’s Aunt Bonnie, who was next in line to speak, looked like she wanted to pluck the amplifier from Wendy’s hands and blacken her other eye with it.
“For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Wendy McCoy. I mean, well, it’s actually Wendy Smart McCoy Sanders. I just haven’t made it to the courthouse to change it back again.”
Smart had to have been the most ironic maiden name for this woman ever. At least she had the “smarts” to admit she was no longer married to Cade.
“Anyway, I knew Serena,” she continued, “and I just wanted to say that although we weren’t as close at the end of her life as I wanted to be, we were close at the beginning. Well, not the beginning … the middle, I guess you could say. I met her when I was dating my … umm … when I was with Cade, and we got to be good friends.”
Just in case anyone was unfamiliar with the Cade she was referring to, she didn’t just look in his direction, she waved at him. I thought I was going to need to find him a paper bag to breathe into.
“Serena accepted me,” Wendy said. “She always treated me like I was her equal, no matter how many times I screwed up. Most of you don’t know I kept in touch with her over the years. Not a lot, a few phone conversations here and there. I wanted to stand up here today and publicly say how much I’ll miss her.”
Wendy’s speech, even with its flawed, and at times, laugh-out-loud moments, had turned out better than I pictured in my mind. If only that had been the end of it.
“A couple weeks ago I was in a bad place in my life,” Wendy continued, “and I reached out to the only person I knew I could trust. Serena gave me some great advice. I took her advice, and now I’m standing here today. Alive and free. Mourning not only a friend, but the unborn baby she was carrying.”
The words “unborn baby” tore through the room, igniting an audible gasp that reverberated across the crowd. It was like a bomb had detonated, and I was waiting for the dust to settle so I could gauge how many people had been affected, how much damage she’d done. In seconds it became obvious everyone heard and understood what Wendy had said. Whispers began, everyone wondering why they’d been kept in the dark about Serena’s pregnancy.
Feeling responsible for Wendy’s verbal blunder, Cade started to rise until Bonnie took a few steps toward Wendy and said, “You’ve had your turn, Wendy. There are many others waiting for the opportunity to have their say.”
“I wasn’t finished,” Wendy said. “There’s no time limit on these things, Bonnie.”
“You are finished.”
The words “you are finished” were spoken with a kind of quiet respect, but they hadn’t been voiced by Bonnie. They’d been uttered by Jack. He sat in the front row, his head down, hands cupping both sides of his face.
“Jack,” Wendy pleaded. “There’s so much more I want to say. I was just—”
“I have to put a stop to this,” Cade said. “It will only get worse.”
An otherwise flawless ceremony had taken a scandalous turn. It was disheartening. If only Wendy could have been spotted at the beginning, before she had the chance to wreak irreversible havoc.
A tearful, visibly shamed Shelby stood, looked Wendy in the eyes. “Mom, you need to leave.”
Wendy froze, still blissfully unaware of what she’d done wrong.
With Shelby falling apart and Cade about to tear Wendy apart, I attempted to fix the situation in the only way I knew how. I walked to the front, leaned in, and whispered, “Come on, Wendy. Let me walk you out.”
She shrugged me off. “No … I …”
“If you cared for Serena as you say you did, come with me. Please.”
She was lucky. I didn’t hand out “pleases” often, but in that moment, I was prepared to beg her if it meant sparing Serena’s family any further humiliation.
Reluctant, yet seeing she was in over her head in a way she didn’t fathom, the two of us did the “Wendy walk of shame.” All eyes followed us down the aisle and through the double doors until we reached the main courtyard outside, shielded from everyone’s line of sight.
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Wendy started. “I’m so tired of people pointing the finger, blaming everything on me. Not everything I do is my fault, you know.”
“Wendy.”
“I mean it. I’m sick of it. I’m not going to allow—”
“Wendy!”
She stood, feet apart, hands on hips. “What?”
“Shut … up!”
“You know something? You’re freaking rude.”
I attempted to find even the smallest shred of Zen balance that would keep me from killing the woman I’d saved only a day before. “The last day has been challenging for me. I need you to put a muzzle on it for one minute and hear what I have to say. If you can do that, I’ll explain why everyone was trying to stop you in there. If you can’t, I’ll put you in my car and we’ll drive away. You won’t talk to anyone else here, you won’t see anyone else here.”
She flung her head from side to side thinking about it. “I … guess that sounds fair.”
I didn’t waste any time. I dug right in.
“Besides Jack, Cade, Grace, and myself, no one knew Serena was pregnant.”
I stood there, hoping it would sink in without me having to draw a diagram to explain the ripple effect she’d just caused. The light in her head, if there was one, switched on and off and back on again.
“I didn’t know,” she muttered. “I swear.”
“I believe you. I truly don’t believe you would have said anything if you did.”
“Serena never told me it was a secret.”
“She probably never expected her own funeral either, with you in attendance and talking about it before she and Jack had the chance to tell everyone themselves.”
“Why didn’t they tell anyone?”
“Serena died before she had the chance. Jack is too grieved to talk about it right now. He asked Cade to keep it a secret until he was ready to share it with everyone.”
She placed her hands on her hips, turned away from me, her voice unstable. “I screw everything up, you know? No matter how many times I think I’m doing the right thing, I always manage to get it wrong.”
“You’re not alone, believe me.”
She snorted a laugh. “You? Are you kidding? You probably haven’t made a misstep in your entire, perfect life.”
She was wrong in ways she’d never understand. I wasn’t about to enlighten her.
“I think it’s best for you and everyone else if you leave before the reception. I’m not saying that because I want to keep you from Cade. I just think you being here after what just happened isn’t the best idea.”
“You must hate me, for coming back to Jackson, dragging up the past,” she said. “And yet you saved my life. Why?”
“I don’t hate you, Wendy, and I have no right to judge you. I saved your life because it was the right thing to do.”
“The right thing … I’ve heard that exact phrase before from Cade. Look, it’s not easy for me to say this, but you seem good for him. When he looks at you, he looks happy, like he’s found what he wants in life. Treat him right, okay? Don’t break his heart. He’s too good of a person to have it happen twice in a lifetime.”
“First you don’t want me to be with him, and now you do?”
; “When Cade came to see me last night at the hospital, we talked, not long, just long enough for me to be honest with myself. The way he talks to me—it’s like he’s a robot. No emotion. He doesn’t love me anymore. He loves you. So, I’m leaving. Right now, actually. I planned on telling him after the funeral.”
“Where will you go?”
“I’m headed back east for a while, moving in with my sister. We talked last night for the first time in a long time. She invited me to stay with her, help me get things together. It’s time I straighten my life out. Besides, it’s best for everyone if I go. Say goodbye for me, okay?”
“No, Wendy, wait. It wouldn’t be best for everyone if you left like this. You walked out on Shelby’s life once without saying goodbye. She’s your daughter. Don’t let it happen a second time. If you ever want her to find it in her heart to forgive you for what happened, you can start by not repeating the same missteps you made in the past.”
Twenty minutes later, I stood by Cade’s side, watched Shelby walk Wendy to her car. Words were exchanged, and the conversation was civil, for once. Shelby hugged Wendy goodbye, even managed a small grin. As much as Shelby wanted to hate her, I knew deep down the pain of desertion had caused her suffering. However flawed Wendy was, a part of Shelby would always yearn to have her in her life.
Cade stood behind me, his hands running up and down my arms. “You know somethin’? You’re one hell of a woman.”
CHAPTER 31
I woke the next morning curled into a fetal position on the floor of the room I’d been sleeping in for the past several days. I didn’t know how I got there, how long I’d been there, or why. Someone had covered me with a fleece blanket and tucked a pillow under my head. The last thing I remembered was sitting by the fire next to Cade the night before, indulging in a glass of wine, talking about … what was it we talked about? I couldn’t remember.
“You’re awake.”
I surveyed the room, jumped when I noticed Cade sitting on a rocking chair a few feet behind me.
“How … long have you been sitting there?” I asked.
“I slept here.”
“In the chair? All night?”
I didn’t know whether to feel creeped out, appreciative, or like a complete idiot. Currently, I was sure I was exhibiting all three emotions simultaneously. Before I could ask why he was there or why he felt the need to watch over me, he answered my concerns by stating, “You screamed in your sleep last night.”
I propped a pillow behind me on the wall, scooted back onto it. “No, I didn’t.”
“Sloane, you did.”
“Maybe it wasn’t me you heard. Maybe it was Shelby.”
“Wasn’t me,” Shelby leaned against the door jamb, yawned while she was talking. “I’m the one who told him you were screaming.”
“Great, you both heard me?”
Somehow I’d managed to get out of bed, scream loud enough for Shelby to hear, and not remember any of it. I looked at the bed. It was still made from the day before. There was one thing out of place, a lumpy area in the middle, leading me to believe at one point I’d laid on top of it, or set on top of it, at least.
“I came to see what all the fuss was about and found you on the floor,” Shelby said. “You’d stopped screaming, and your eyes were closed like you were sleeping. I didn’t know what to do, so I got my dad.”
“Thank you, Shelby. I’m sorry for waking you. I don’t think I’ve ever done that before.”
Shelby looked at Cade, gnawed on the outside of her bottom lip. “Why were you screaming?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t even remember it.”
“Bonnie’s here,” Cade said.
Great. Does she know too? Does everyone? Is this how it works in this family?
“What’s she doing here?” I asked.
Cade and Shelby exchanged glances again. Neither spoke.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. “Is it Jack? Is he okay? Finn? Is there news?”
I couldn’t handle hearing about another tragedy. Not now.
“Everything’s fine,” Cade said. “And there’s nothin’ new on Finn as far as I know.”
Shelby backed out of the room without saying another word and disappeared down the hall.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Bonnie tapped on the outside of my open door then poked her head inside. “Cade, Harold’s here to see you.”
“The chief?” I asked. “Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”
Cade looked at me. “Like I said, everything’s fine. I’ll be right back.”
I’d hoped Bonnie would close the door behind her, allowing me to conceal what little dignity I had left. She didn’t. She stood there, smiling down at me. Staring.
“What do you say we take a walk?” she suggested.
Taking a walk on a brisk, fall morning was the last thing I wanted to do right now. I needed a long, hot soak in the bathtub.
“I’m not dressed or ready to go out yet, Bonnie. Another day?”
Bonnie raised the blanket with a few fingers, assessed my attire. “You’re wearing pants and a tank top. You look plenty dressed to me.” She held out a hand. “Up you go.”
…
I had my hoodie tied in a bow so tight around my face, only my eyes and the top part of my nose stuck out. And yet, my face didn’t feel warmer, not even a tiny bit. The cool breeze managed to slip through the cracks, blasting me with shots of ice-cold air until I couldn’t feel my face anymore. Bonnie, on the other hand, was dressed in a T-shirt and Capri pants, prancing around like it was the middle of summer.
“I just love days like this,” Bonnie said. “Sun out, leaves a multitude of different colors. I bet you couldn’t find fresher mountain air if you tried.”
Right now the only thing I wanted to find was a heat source.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “And why do I have the impression it has something to do with me?”
“You get right to the point, don’t you?”
“I don’t mean to seem—”
“You’re not, hun. I like you just the way you are, fiery spirit and all. You’re direct, no-nonsense. Wish more women in my life were that way. To answer your question, I did come here to talk to you.”
“Why?”
“Cade called me. I know what happened to the girl, Hannah. I also know about your outburst last night. Question is, do you remember it?”
“Screaming? No. Let me guess. You’re here because he’s worried. I’m fine, Bonnie. I appreciate your concern, but I don’t need—”
“Therapy?”
Therapy? I was going to say advice. Was she suggesting I book an appointment with her daughter?
“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think talking to Grace is a good idea.”
“I never suggested you talk to Grace.”
“What are you suggesting then?”
“For today, why not talk to me?”
“We are talking. Isn’t that why we’re out here, to talk?”
I was doing everything in my power to keep my anxiety from bubbling over like an unattended kettle on the stove. Bonnie reached out, felt my hand. “My, you’re freezing! I have to apologize. I didn’t even stop to think you might not be as warm-blooded as I am. Let’s get you back inside.”
Although I felt like a weakling, I made no objections.
The chief had come and gone by the time we returned. Not knowing why he’d stopped by, yet again, bothered me. Until I could shake free of Bonnie, the mystery of his visit would have to wait.
Cade and Shelby were talking in the dining room when we walked in.
“You two, out,” Bonnie demanded.
“Out?” Cade asked.
“That’s what I said, Cade. Take Shelby and grab some hot cocoa somewhere. Sloane and I have a conversation to finish. I don’t need long. A few minutes should do it.”
“We can talk another—”
“Nonsense,” Bonnie replied to me
. “We’ll finish now.”
Three minutes later, we were alone, sitting beside one another on the couch.
“Grace is an accomplished therapist. And …” Bonnie winked, “she happened to learn from the best.”
“You’re both therapists?” I finally understood what she was doing here and why. “Therapy isn’t my thing.”
She placed a hand on her hip. Frowned. “How do you know? Have you ever tried it?”
“Do you talk to all of your patients this way?”
“You’re not my patient. Besides, I’m not practicing anymore. I retired last year.”
I stood, turned. “I’m not comfortable discussing my personal life with you. I yelled in my sleep one time. So what? I don’t deserve to sit here and be interrogated over it. I never asked for your advice.”
“Three times.”
I whipped around. “Excuse me?”
“Last night was the third time you’ve screamed in the middle of the night since you’ve been here.”
“It doesn’t make sense. I’ve never had this problem before.”
“Actually, you have, hun,” Bonnie said. “Shelby told Cade when she stayed at your house last year, you did it then too. Just the one night though.”
I lowered myself back onto my spot on the sofa, let her words marinate, tried to accept what she was suggesting, even though I didn’t want to believe it was real.
“I tend to believe listening is what I do best,” she said. “And you can talk to me anytime about anything. My door’s always open to you. That said, I understand the level of discomfort you might have talking to a relation of Cade’s. I came here to offer you the number of a good friend of mine instead.”
She dug inside her pocket, held out a folded slip of paper. “Don’t put up a fight, and don’t refuse the number and say you won’t go. Take it. Whether you choose to find a way past your troubles or not is up to you. You seem like an amazing woman, Sloane. Don’t make the blunder of deciding therapy will take that away from you. If you embrace it, it has the power to change your life in ways you can’t imagine.”
CHAPTER 32
Sloane Monroe 06-Hush Now Baby Page 14