"Is this some kind of race?"
I stared at her. "It's life. And it's passing you by because all of those jackasses who walk all over you are doing just that to get ahead of you. And you are letting them."
She blinked. "So that explains why you're an asshole."
I sent her a wicked grin. "And damn proud of it."
She wasn't smiling in return. Instead, she was watching me with those perceptive blue eyes. Even in the semi-darkness of the bathroom, I could see them, glued to my face, inspecting every inch--maybe even seeing things I didn't want her to see.
I stepped out of the bathroom, breaking the moment. "I'll, uh, let you get yourself together."
While she tidied up, I packed up my stuff, ready to finish this godforsaken day. When she came out, she quietly leaned on the edge of the doorway, tilting her head and watching me again. This time, her face was easier to read as her eyes slipped down my body, warming parts of me I'd like her hands touching instead. She licked her lips when her gaze met mine again.
Fuck. I was in trouble with this one. Deep, deep trouble. I knew that and yet I allowed myself to get pulled into dangerous waters again and again, either oblivious or willingly ignorant to the pull she had on me. And any good surfer knew you avoided a riptide whenever you could. They were nothing but danger--a massive expense of energy to escape with your life intact.
"Quitting time," I said, because I honestly had nothing else to say. And I was trying not to remember the taste of her from last night. Trying to push my way out of that dangerous current that was my attraction to her.
"So I actually get to go home on time?" Her dark brows rose hopefully.
"Don't get cocky. It's only because you have to be back here before dawn."
She drew back. "Say what? I don't do 'before dawn.'"
"Well," I said, slipping my shoulder strap on and hefting the weight of the laptop bag. "You do now. I need you here at six."
"A.M.?" she said, alarmed. "What for?"
"I have a meeting with a banker in Santa Barbara tomorrow morning. You're coming with. Wear a business suit. These assholes are conservative as hell."
She opened her mouth and then shut it.
I turned to walk out the door, calling over my shoulder. "Knock off the fish face."
As much as I didn't relish the idea of being alone in a car with her for hours, I needed to make sure she wasn't here at the complex and not under my watchful eye, that she wouldn't go running to Adam with her confession the first chance she got.
I had to hedge my bets. And besides, I was safe with her in the car as long as I was driving. What could possibly happen?
Chapter 13
April
I thought about those things he told me all the way home. I thought about them as I logged onto Dragon Epoch, and I thought about them the entire time I played. I thought about them as I lay in bed at two in the morning, unable to sleep, in spite of the fact that I had to be up at 4:30.
I couldn't stop thinking about them. Somewhere along the line you learned that you aren't worth standing up for. I struggled against those words, resisted them. Told myself, what the hell does he know? He hardly knew anything about me. But the more I thought about them, the more I decided they were true.
About me. About how I dealt with my friends, my parents. Especially my parents. When I was upset with them, I avoided them until it was impossible to no longer do that. But I never told them what I was thinking. Other people's feelings and opinions are more valuable than your own. Because I didn't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel bad, I allowed myself to continue feeling bad instead.
But how...how had he done that? How on earth had he seen what I couldn't see myself? You keep those feelings inside and show the world a brave face.
I tossed and turned all night, haunted by his words. And because of my freakin' insane notion that I needed to be at work earlier than expected, I was actually wandering the halls of Draco Multimedia before six in the morning on less than two hours' sleep.
The light filtering in from outside was watery and dim--as dim as I felt, actually. I went to the cafeteria for some much-needed coffee, which was about all they served at this hour. I was surprised to see other early risers there, too, sitting at some of the dozen or so round tables in the breakroom.
As I grabbed my coffee and fixed it up with some cream and sweetener, I noticed a couple of people seated nearby, laughing and talking and sounding far too perky for this early in the morning. On a second glance, I noticed it was Mia and Adam's cousin, William, whom I'd met in the alley behind Le Chat Noir a few nights before. He looked over my way and Mia followed his gaze. When she saw me, the smile melted off her face and she turned her gaze away, stirring her coffee. I waved at William and smiled. He smiled back briefly.
Seeing Mia again reminded me of the blown chance at an apology. I'd perfected that thing in my mind since then, running it through different variations. I'd been waiting for another chance, but too afraid to force the issue.
But Jordan's words yesterday...I hadn't stopped thinking about them. The more they'd sunk in, the more they'd marinated my thoughts.
I'd let Cari railroad my one chance at talking to Mia and apologizing for my past rude behavior. I could make up for that now--if I didn't chicken out. I could at least make this right even if I could never right the wrong I had done to Falco.
So with a deep breath, I screwed up my courage and walked over to the table.
"Morning, Mia, William..."
They both looked up at me, surprised. "Good morning," William said.
"Why is anyone in their right mind here this early?" I asked.
"This is our morning to have breakfast together," William explained. He didn't look at me. He didn't look at Mia, either.
Mia cleared her throat and spoke up. "It was a little bit of a tradition for us to have lunch together when I worked here. But I'm starting school soon, so I won't be able to do it much longer unless we meet really early before class. We're trying it out to get used to it."
"Good to know somebody's here voluntarily. I'm just being dragged along on a meeting with the Beast."
Mia almost spit out her coffee and William glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, smiling. I sank down in the seat across from him. "Mind if I sit for a minute before he gets here?"
"Sure. William was telling me about the incident at the bar."
My face flushed hot. "Uh, what incident?"
"About how Jordan thought it would be a great idea to 'educate' William in how to meet women at a bar."
I cracked a smile. "Oh, is that what he was doing?" I turned to William. "Did he give you any good pointers?"
William scowled. "I should have known better than to ask Jordan to take anything seriously."
Mia laughed. "Yeah, what were you even thinking by asking him? Especially when it comes to women. He's never had a serious relationship. He just wants hookups with hot models."
I blinked, thinking about what happened at his house and at the bar the other night. Was that all it had been with me, too? Had he just been bored or horny or both? I tried not to think about that. Plus, I wasn't here about Jordan anyway.
"I hate to intrude on your time together," I said quietly. "But, I was wondering if...I was wondering if..."
They both looked at me as if I were having some kind of seizure. It felt like I was.
I cleared my throat. "Mia, could I talk to you for a minute?"
Mia's features registered slight surprise and she glanced at William. He frowned and looked at his watch. "We have five more minutes of our breakfast..." he began.
"Oh, I don't want to cut things short." I tried to disguise my disappointment.
Mia pushed an opened box toward Adam's cousin. It had fruit and yogurt and a pastry in it. "William, could you do me a favor and spend those last five minutes putting this on Adam's desk? He's going to be in soon. I left before him so he wouldn't think I was following him on that damn motorcycle,
even though I wanted to."
William shook his head. "I still don't understand why he bought it."
"Neither do I." She sighed. "If he's already made it here in one piece, tell him I'll be over in a few."
William rose, picked up his trash and disposed of it. Then he took the box of food and said goodbye to Mia.
Mia sent me a curious glance as I watched William go and then straightened in her seat. I bit my lip and turned to her. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to lift out of my chest and fly away.
I briefly relived that moment three months ago. We were at a charity event at Adam's house, and Cari and I had stood on the porch scoping out Adam--her favorite activity--remarking how he was chatting up a swimsuit model when his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen.
Come to find out, Mia had been inside, probably trying to find the courage to make an appearance. At that point, no one had seen much of her since she'd gotten sick and she was probably self-conscious about her looks. Our thoughtless remarks had only made the situation worse, I imagined.
"Uh..."
"I know what you're going to say," Mia said.
"You--you do?"
She nodded. "You don't need to."
"I do need to. I've felt like crap since the day of that party..."
She folded her arms across her chest. "Because I overheard you?"
I blinked. "Yes. That was part of it. But also because it made me feel really crappy to say those things."
Her mouth quirked. "Makes sense. I assume people who talk like that are doing so because of their own issues." She held up a hand. "I'm not perfect, either. I've done my fair share of hating."
"Mia, I'm really sorry. You were so sick, and--it just wasn't right for us to be talking like that."
Her mouth thinned. "Apology accepted. You don't have to feel bad anymore."
I took a deep breath and let it go, somewhat but not fully relieved.
"I want you to know... well, sometimes it's really hard to stand up to that crowd, you know?"
She nodded knowingly. "Cari is a bit of a force of nature."
"She honestly scares the crap out of me."
Mia laughed. "I think she scares the crap out of everyone."
I smiled and then sobered. "It's always been hard for me to stand up to people. When I was younger, I was the one people picked on. I know how that feels. I'm--I'm sorry. I'm sorry that it felt easier for me to go along with them instead of going with what felt good in my gut."
Mia tilted her head, looking at me as if noticing something new and different. "Huh, and all this time I thought you were just like her."
My face heated and I shrugged a shoulder, looking away. "You had a right to. That's how I was acting."
Mia frowned. "Don't be down on yourself. Chalk it up as a lesson learned. Yeah, it was a shitty thing to say, and yeah, you girls ogling Adam twenty-four-seven was annoying, but I know you can't help yourselves. He is damn hot." She ended with a smirk.
I laughed. "He is hot. But he's yours. So no more ogling from me. I can't speak for the others though."
"Yeah, you shouldn't speak for them." She grinned. "And you shouldn't let them speak for you anymore."
I remembered Jordan's words and was emboldened. This warm feeling burned in the middle of my chest. I felt strong. "I know."
"Women are stronger when we stand together rather than constantly trying to tear each other down."
I took a breath and let it out. Boy, did I know that well. Mia didn't know the mother I had. If she did, she'd probably understand me better.
Every time I'd shop with her, I was either too short or too fat or my coloring was wrong because I wasn't the tall, willowy blonde that she was. Your father's looks and my brains--talk about getting the short end of the stick in the gene pool.
"I hope we're good now..." I said, raising my eyebrows in question.
Mia nodded. "Yeah, we're good. Just be careful of Cari, okay?"
I was amazed at how accurate her warning was, despite it coming too late for me. "Thanks. I've been trying to steer clear."
"That's probably the wisest thing to do."
I shifted and smiled again. "Can I ask you a favor?"
She raised her brows, nodding.
"Jordan has assigned me a project and I'm hoping he approves it. I want to document what it's like for a non-gamer to get into a game like Dragon Epoch--like what gets them interested initially and what keeps them playing. I'm the test subject, obviously... And I know you're a gamer so I'd like your perspective."
She smiled. "Sure." She whipped out a piece of paper from her bag and wrote on it. "Send me an email and ask away."
I took the paper. "Thank you. Just--thanks for everything."
She shifted in her seat to gather her stuff. "You're on your way out of here, I think," she nodded toward the entrance of the cafeteria where Jordan loomed like a thundercloud--tall and sinfully handsome in a charcoal gray suit with an amber tie the only splash of color. Three-piece, no less, with a vest that hugged his trim, solid build.
I actually found myself catching my breath as my heart skipped a beat. He raised his brows at me expectantly. I stood, threw out the rest of my coffee--that stuff from the cafeteria really was crap--and thanked Mia. We walked toward the exit together.
"There you are," he said when I made it to him.
Mia flashed him a thumbs-up, and he waved to her as she passed by on her way out of the cafeteria.
"What was that all about?" he asked while we walked out to the parking lot together.
I shrugged. "Just some unfinished business I had."
He said nothing and I studied his handsome profile out of the corner of my eyes, that same warm feeling coming over me. I was proud of myself, but also grateful for his words that had given me the courage to apologize. I felt relieved and light as air. And if I didn't think he'd give me some kind of snide reaction, I might have thanked him.
But I swallowed that notion. Not yet. We had a long drive ahead of us and it wouldn't do to start it out with awkwardness. It was two and a half hours from here to Santa Barbara, good traffic willing.
We made our way to his parking space at the front of the lot, where--sure enough--there was a vintage-looking motorcycle in the CEO's spot right next to his. Jordan's car was a shiny new silver Range Rover with every extra feature known to mankind. It was a wonder it didn't drive itself.
We stopped at a drive-thru Starbucks near the freeway on-ramp to fuel up on caffeine. I sipped at my double latte with an extra shot, no sugar. The strong, bitter taste, along with the mega dose of caffeine, helped to keep me awake.
We discussed my project for a few minutes, and he approved of me documenting my journey from "muggle" to full-blown geek, suggesting I give it a marketing angle by providing information on how to attract new players to the game. I took a few notes and then we fell into silence, so I pulled out my phone.
I read the rest of Pride and Prejudice as we stopped and started through LA traffic. There was quiet between us as he listened to the business report on the morning news radio show.
But somewhere around Thousand Oaks, as the traffic started to thin, Jordan's phone buzzed with a text.
"Check that, will you? I want to make sure it's not the asshole banker backing out on our meeting."
Gingerly, I picked up his phone and saw the text that popped up on the notification screen. My brows climbed sky high as I read it.
"It's not the banker," I said.
"Oh? Who is it?"
"Uh...well, you have her in your contacts as Sexilicious Sondra."
He snorted, but didn't seem to want to know the contents of the text message. I provided them anyway. Because they were too juicy not to share.
"She wants to know if she left her pink fuzzy handcuffs at your place last time she was there."
I enjoyed the slow creep of color up his neck from the collar of his dress shirt. Without looking at me, he reached up and held out his hand for the ph
one. I slipped it into his palm.
"You shouldn't read it while you're driving."
"I'm not going to." He set it down in its own little cubby specially designed to hold it.
"Sure you don't want me to reply? You can just unlock it with your thumbprint, and I'll let her know whether you still have her handcuffs or not. And I can tell her where she left her vibrator while I'm at it." My cheeks started to hurt from the grin I was wearing.
"That's okay," he said between clenched teeth.
"It also showed that you had five other unread texts, but they had scrolled off--"
"All right, Weiss. I get it. You're amused. Can we move on?"
"Well, you don't want to keep your lady friends waiting. I'm very concerned that they might feel neglected."
In truth, the idea of him with another woman made more than a little heat rise under my own collar. I clenched my jaw at that thought. Was I...was I jealous? I promptly told myself I was being silly and forced myself to ignore it.
"And in what way does that concern you?"
I shrugged, trying not to feel the sting those words caused. "It is in my best interests. If you have a lack of regular...companionship, you might get even grumpier than you already are."
His jaw worked, but he kept his eyes on the road. "I liked it better when you were reading your book."
I shrugged. "Okay. I'll go back to reading, then."
"You read a lot." It was a statement, not a question. He glanced at me before returning his eyes to the road.
"Was that an observation or an insult?"
"What all do you read? Novels?"
"Sometimes novels. Sometimes non-fiction. I've been on an economics theory kick lately."
"Freakonomics?"
"I love that one."
"It figures."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Econ theory lovers are head games people."
I shrugged because I had no real reply to that. Hell, I had no idea what he even meant by it. Did he mean playing head games on others? Or maybe I fooled myself with my own head games?
We rode on in silence for a few more miles, passing the city of Ventura. The highway turned and paralleled the ocean on our left. I found myself gazing out his side of the windshield at the sunlight reflecting on the water. The early morning coastal fog had begun to burn off, and it was going to be another glorious, sunny Southern California day.
And here I was, stuck in a car with the Grumpiest Boss on Earth. The hot, grumpy boss with hands more magical than anything JK Rowling could dream up in any of her Harry Potter books. Orgasmo Patronum. He hadn't even needed a chant...just those hands. The thought of his hands brought back that fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach.
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