But first, I find a piece of me in her too, my sense of humor. “Can I talk now?” I ask her with a smile and she nods.
“Tatum, you don’t owe me an apology,” she starts to protest but I shut her up with a kiss and she smiles. “I think it’s safe to say that we both handled each other poorly back then. But, I say we give each other a break. We suffered a horrible loss and we didn’t know how to deal with it, I don’t know that many people in the same situation would. Tatum, I have never stopped loving you. You’ve never been far from my mind, my heart. I want you forever. Always.”
“I’ll move back here, Cole. I want to. I want to be with you here.”
“I planned on giving you a couple days and if I hadn’t heard from you I was going to come after you. I was going to find you and tell you the same thing. That I love you. Want to be with you and I will go to Chicago if that’s what you want.”
“No. I want to be here. This is home. You’re my home.”
I kiss her again and then pull her up. “Let’s get out of here. I need to be with you. And call me crazy, but I’m not really wanting to have my mom walk in and create an awkward moment for her and us.”
She laughs and after scribbling a quick note to my mom, we grab her luggage from my room, as well as a couple things she left in her rental car. Not wanting to deal with her car right now, we decide to leave it here to take care of later. We laugh and kiss all the way up the stairs to my apartment. As I reach for the keys in my pocket, her hands travel up my back, down my ass, and wrap around my waist. Turning to face her, I take her mouth with mine. She moans and I turn and place her back against the door while I continue to kiss her, my tongue exploring her mouth, darting in and out and teasing her.
Her hands move to my waist and she undoes my jeans, and surprises me by shoving her hands down the back of my pants, making me laugh. Just as I turn the lock, a door across the hall opens and I know without looking it’s Ryder. “Well, well, well, lookie what we have here,” he says, and I can hear the amusement in his voice.
“Are you naked again? Should I cover Tatum’s eyes?” I ask and smile when her eyes widen. I whisper, “He spoke to me as I left earlier and mooned me when he walked back into his apartment,” I tell her with a roll of my eyes.
“Secrets don’t make friends,” Ryder says and I finally glance at him over my shoulder. “What are you? Twelve?”
Tatum giggles and the sound makes my heart soar in my chest. “I’ve gotta go, Ryder. Talk later, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Oh, Ryder?” Tatum says.
“Yes, Tatum, love?” he says and I narrow my eyes at him which makes him smile gleefully.
Before I can say a word, Tatum surprises me by pulling my pants down, and I feel air brush across my bare ass as I’m suddenly mooning Ryder. Tatum squeals out a laugh, Ryder makes some comment about never needing to see that again, and I…well I bust up laughing, and it feels so good.
Turning the lock, we stumble inside my apartment, and I pull her back to my room. “I was thinking this time we could make it to the bed, instead of the floor.”
“Well if you insist,” she says with a smile and then pushes away from me. She maintains eye contact while she begins to take off her clothes and I’m so caught up in watching her reveal her flesh inch by inch that when she raises an eyebrow, it takes me a minute to realize she’s wanting me to take my clothes off too. “Yes, ma’am,” I tell her not needing her to voice her command.
When we are naked, we each devour the other with our eyes. I reach out a finger and trace her cheekbone, run it down her neck to her clavicle. I run it down her chest, circle her breast and then move down her stomach and to the curly patch of hair below until I touch her intimately and stroke. Her head falls back on her shoulders and she moans. Stepping toward her I kiss her neck, nibble along her jaw line, and move up to her ear lobe and nibble remembering how she used to love it. I’m rewarded with another moan from her.
Taking her by the waist, I pick her up and take her to my bed. Starting at her mouth, I kiss my way down her body, then push her legs open so I can pleasure her with my mouth. Her hands grip my head, her moans and whispers of encouragement spurn me on. When she finds release, I look at her and smile, and she pushes against my chest, “Lie on your back,” she instructs and I quickly obey.
Rising over me, she kisses down my body and intends to return the favor, but I stop her. “No. I want to be inside of you. Now. I need you.”
She nods and rises above me. Hands balanced on my chest, eyes locked on mine, we become one. As she moves over me, my heart expands in my chest, more and more until it feels like it’s going to explode. “I love you,” I tell her. My mind, my body, my heart consumed with her.
“I love you too, Cole. Always and forever.”
“Forever,” I repeat, then bring her mouth down to mine.
I’m not sure what wakes me. But when I look at the clock on the bedside table in Cole’s room, I see that it’s early yet, only seven in the morning. We barely slept last night. Too consumed with one another to allow ourselves to sleep for long. We were rediscovering one another, making up for lost time I suppose.
Slipping out of bed, I pause and take a look around the room. My paintings cover every single wall; now, looking at them makes me smile. They make me feel happiness and contentment. There’s something comforting knowing that I’ve always been here with him.
My fingers itch to paint. I told Cole last night that I want to go to the store today and get some canvases, easels and paints. I’m feeling inspired and the need to create is making me feel twitchy. I want to paint his likeness – his face, his hands. I want to paint the look in his eyes when he captures a glance of me from across the room, and the smile upon his face when he’s returning one I send his way.
Quickly ducking into the kitchen, I open the refrigerator to see if he has the fixings for breakfast. I’d like to surprise him with breakfast in bed maybe, or hell, just breakfast, who the hell cares where. I just want to spend the morning with him, every morning with him. Happy, and a bit surprised, I spot eggs, bacon and orange juice. I can toast the bread on the counter – and whip a simple, easy meal. I decide to duck into the bathroom to freshen up first.
Stripping off Cole’s t-shirt I stole from his drawer, I wait for the shower water to warm up and ease under the water to rinse off. I take my time, enjoying the scent of Cole’s shampoo and soap. I smell each one, and rub them all over my body and wash my hair. As I run the soap over my body I smile at the love bites I find all over, and my mind goes back to the night before. The way his body felt on mine, taking time to rediscover parts of him I always loved, and muscles that are more defined, and tattoos that have appeared since the last time I was able to take the time to explore him.
Turning off the water, eager to get back to Cole, I quickly towel dry off and grab my makeup case. Cole went to his car and brought all my things inside for me and I’m happy he did so, when I reach for my toothbrush. After I finish, I’m about to open the door and turn off the light, when I happen to catch my reflection in the mirror.
Moving closer, my eyes trace the lines of my face like always, and I look into my own eyes. I try to see it. Like I always do. It’s usually always there, not on the surface, but underneath. The image is the same as always, dark hair, straight nose that lifts slightly at the tip, freckles across my nose and the dimple in my chin. I close my eyes and let go, like always I imagine water pouring over me again like it just did in the shower. I imagine it erasing the façade, exposing the truth beneath. When I open my eyes and look in the mirror, my eyes widen, because it’s harder to see now. The brokenness, the sorrow, the grief, they’re already growing fainter. In their place are small scars, battle scars that show how far I’ve come. I smile, I wear them proudly, they’re proof that I can weather any storm, and that in the end, love prevails.
I will no longer be broken.
After only a few days with Cole, and a night spent making
new commitments, agreements, promises, plans for our future, and talking about our hopes and dreams, for the first time in years, I’m confident that the pieces are going to be reassembled. The remaining cracks will mend, and that wholeness will be found once more. I know it will, because I have hope.
“Tatum?” Cole calls out from the bedroom.
I open the door, “I’m here,” I reply.
“Are you okay?”
I look at myself in the mirror again and smile. “I’m great,” I tell him.
“Then get your ass back to bed, woman!”
With a laugh, I run back to him to do just that.
Two Months Later
“Ten more reps and then you can go.”
“You said that three sets ago,” I complain to Jax, but he only smiles while the other guys gathered around watching like I’m a working exhibit, chuckle. With a sigh, obeying like a well-trained puppy. I lie back on the bench and count out each pump of the weight he’s placed on the bar ten more times. When I’m finished I catch my breath, waiting for him to utter his next instructions before he dismisses me for the day.
Jax is taking his new role as my trainer very seriously. He’s been working me hard for the last couple months, and while I wouldn’t tell him this, I’ve loved every second of it. It’s a whole different ballgame when training with someone that doesn’t only point out the things you need to work on, but also tells you what you’re doing right. Someone that doesn’t scream insults at you the whole time you’re training and gives you guidance and advice on how to become better. I’ve found my love for the sport again, and it feels great. I’m a new man, in more ways than one.
“Alright, you’re done for the day, you can go now, but be back here first thing in the morning.”
“Yes, sir,” I tell him and salute with a big smile for good measure.
He shakes his head and I jet off to the locker room to take a quick shower before heading home to my girl. When I emerge, the guys are all standing around trying to be inconspicuous but are failing miserably. All of them. And at that thought, I smile. A few weeks ago Jax, Ryder and I sat Zane, Levi, Tyson, and Dylan down and told them the truth about Jerry and what had happened. I didn’t spare any detail; I laid it all out for them to judge and ridicule to their heart’s content. They had waited patiently until I was ready to share; no pushing or demanding the details, knowing the whole time that something was up given the amount of time I started spending here. But rather than lecturing or being angry, they were all supportive. They’ve given me shit at times, but each have taken time to privately encourage me, letting me know that they want to see me succeed and be happy. As if that wasn’t enough, Jax made it clearly known to everyone again that Jerry is not allowed to take one step inside the gym and that if he tries, he’s to be notified immediately. If he’s not present then the task of kicking him out falls on one of the other guys. I have a feeling they would fight for the privilege.
Admittedly, it wasn’t what I had expected. I had envisioned they would perhaps tell me how stupid I was; think I deserved the treatment I received given my inability to trust them. Or at a minimum, to give me shit for never asking for help. I’m not really sure but they never did any of that. Nope, I’ve received nothing but compassion and reassurance from all of them. I feel guilty that I expected anything less. As I consider how they’ve all rallied around me, it makes me grateful to have them for friends. It hasn’t gone unnoticed or unappreciated that they’ve all been spending more time at the gym too, particularly when I’m here. They’re all being protective, but of course they would deny it if mentioned, so I don’t. Tatum says guys are weird, but I don’t know what she means. Seems perfectly normal to me.
“What’s going on?” I ask them all.
They all look to Jax, so I do too and see that he’s holding papers in his hands. Old habits kick in automatically and my stomach turns over and I begin to worry, expecting the worse. The anxiety about what’s about to happen must translate to my face because Jax is quick to reassure me, “It’s nothing bad.”
“Okay,” I nod, swallow hard, and take a deep breath. I guess part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, things are going great – maybe too great. “Then what’s going on?”
“I have some papers I need you to sign.”
“For what?” I mentally slap myself knowing that I sound annoyed. Change does not come quickly or easily, I realize, as I hear Jax continue, unruffled by my response.
“Well, I’ve been thinking, you never got the chance to know my…our…grandfather - Jerry’s father. I know you’ve heard me say that he was a good man. Nothing like Jerry.” Jax has always called Jerry by name. He’s never called him dad or father or even referred to him in that role. “Knowing him like I did, if he were still alive, he would have been thrilled by the news that he has another grandson. He’d be here every day, by my side, helping coach you, cheering you on every step of the way. And he’d attend every fight. He would have been the positive influence in your life that Jerry will never be, could never be. And so like I said, it got me thinking, and I know that had he known about you, he also would have left you this gym. We would be joint owners. Brothers in the business.”
I begin shaking my head, thinking I have an idea of where this is going, but he ignores me and keeps talking. “And so, I had these papers drawn up because the right thing to do is to make you part owner now.”
“Jax, no. That’s not at all necessary. I don’t want to share ownership of your business. It’s not your fault; not your responsibility to take care of me just because…Jerry fathered me. This is not at all something you have to do.”
There are some murmurs from the guys, but I don’t hear them, my complete focus on Jax. “But that’s just it, Cole. You are not something that is defined by a ‘fault’, or being a burden. You are not a mistake. I know I don’t have to take care of you. None of that applies.”
“But, Jax-”
He holds up his hands, “No, don’t you get it? “Hell Cole, you are one of the only good things that son of a bitch has ever done in his life. We both are, if I do say so myself. You’re my brother, and because of that, I want you to share the ownership of this gym with me. And truly, you deserve it every bit as much as I do.”
“Look, you’re the business guy, the coach, the head of our pack. You sure you don’t want to do a DNA test or something…just to be sure? I mean, you don’t have to do this. I really feel caught off guard here,” mumbling and bumbling, unsure of what to say, I look down and move invisible objects with my feet.
“First, no I don’t need a DNA test. Your mother confirmed it and ever since we found out, it’s almost embarrassing we never noticed the similarities before. Secondly, I know I don’t have to do this; I want to. It’s a no-brainer. All the guys, they know about it too which is why they are here. Look around you,” he says gesturing to the guys and I look at all of their smiling faces. “We are all excited and we want to celebrate. It’s the right thing to do – and hell – I could use the help. I’d love it. And third, I know I’ve caught you off guard, if you need time to think about it, that’s fine. Take these papers with you. Look them over when you have time to yourself, talk it over with Tatum, hell, take them to an attorney to look over. Do whatever you need to do, and then sign the fuckers so we can all go out to drink and celebrate. Got it?”
“Yeah, okay. I’ll do that,” I take the papers from him and hold them to my chest like they’re breakable. It may be one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.
“Okay, now, don’t you have a pretty woman to get home to?” Jax asks.
“You know what? Hell yes, I do,” I tell him with what I know is a huge ass smile on my face.
“You mean she hasn’t come to her senses yet?” Levi asks.
“You wish, man,” I reply.
“Yeah, actually, we both do,” Zane says with a smile and at some level I kinda want to pound his face in.
“Keep your hands and eyes off o
f my woman or you’ll lose them,” I threaten.
Ryder laughs, “I like this version of Cole,” he says to everyone. “He’s badass again.”
“It’s true,” Dylan chimes in. “I’ve got a boner from his threatening words.”
The guys all laugh and I flip them all off and walk out the door. Hurrying to my car, I find myself anxious to get home to Tatum. She’s been locked up in her little art room day and night all week long.
We wasted no time getting to Chicago and packing her up to get her permanently set up here. In the few days before we left to gather her things, everything fell into place; we found a new apartment, signed a lease, and started packing up my apartment. Ryder was pissed to see me move, but he understood our desire to start over - a new place, a fresh start. We found the perfect place, enough rooms that she has an art studio and I have a room for a few weights. We have more than enough money to live on between her art business and the money I’ve saved over the years. I saved every damn penny I could that didn’t go to Jerry, and I’ve got quite the nice nest egg. Now, with the prospect of owning part of the gym, Tatum and I will be more than fine, and it feels like things are continuing to fall into place.
In between coordinating our move, we attended her gallery show in California, and it went really well. It was nice to see her family again, and the surprised looks on their faces when they saw me, was pretty entertaining. The rest of her tour she insisted on cancelling. She was no longer comfortable with the connection the tour had to Blaine, and the fact it was obtained through his friend. I told her it didn’t bother me one bit, but she insisted it bothered her, especially when we looked at our calendar and saw a couple stops I wouldn’t be able to attend due to fights Jax has lined up. She stated she has no desire to attend without me. I’m not going to argue with that.
Fighting Pride Page 19