I wished I could sleep so that the rest of the flight would go faster, but my mind kept drifting back to the woman asleep beside me. Her face was relaxed and beautiful. Her high cheekbones made her beauty more defined, and I could not take my eyes off her. I thought of how her life could have been different if I did not speak up in the deliberation room. She would probably be spending years in prison right now. How could she have harmed anyone? She was very warm, friendly, and intelligent. She did not possess an evil bone in her body, and I was happy that I got a chance to see that.
We both turned down the salad we were contemplating because I was leaving room for the dinner my grandmother had prepared. Kathy turned down her salad because she was certain we would end up having dinner together. I knew she was joking, but it sounded rather tempting, and for a moment, I thought about skipping my family tradition to spend this time with her. I was not sure if I just felt sorry for her or I was just trying to satisfy my curiosity about who Kathy Poland really was. I knew she had a story, and I was eager to learn even a tiny bit of it, however, it was not worth disappointing my grandmother and having to live through the reprimand for the next few years of her life.
Kathy turned and looked at me while her head rested on the ivory leather of her chair. She smiled shyly, and I took a deep breath to stop myself from suffocating. Her eyes were so sharp and defined that it was difficult to hold her stare without drowning in them. I closed my eyes because I needed a break from her and suddenly found myself praying that the flight would come to an end. I did not understand what was happening to me or why Kathy Poland affected me that much. I needed time and distance to put all these clues together to find out if I was feeling sorry for her, or if I was just feeling overwhelmed that I fought to ensure her freedom, then get to spend time with her and receive an invitation to have dinner. I wondered what the other jurors would think.
I needed to stay far away from Kathy Poland because I had done my job. I did more for her than she could ever understand. There would be no dinner and no further interactions between us because I was getting too caught up with her, with everything I knew about her, and everything there was to know about her. I closed my eyes and tried to wipe her from my thoughts. This flight would be over soon, and she would be out of my life forever.
Chapter 3
I was not sure of how long I slept but I woke up just as the plane was landing. The transition from air to ground was very smooth, and I could not wait to get off the plane. I tried not to look to my right because those eyes were there waiting to haunt me. From my peripheral vision, I could see that she was busy getting ready to exit the flight. She had not made any attempt to talk to me, and I wondered if she noticed that I was trying to avoid her. It was for the best. There was just so much pressure inside my chest from being so close to her, and I knew it was a warning sign that I should keep her out of my life.
“Hey,” she said, and I was forced to look at her.
“Hey,” I responded and tried hard not to smile so that she didn’t get any indication that I wanted any further conversation.
“Will you make it in time for Thanksgiving?” she asked with a smile.
“Nope. It started long ago,” I said as I zipped up my bag.
“They will understand.”
“They are not really understanding people,” I informed her. “However, it would be worse if I didn’t show up.”
“You mean if you chose to have dinner with me instead?” she asked with a smile and a wink.
She was definitely hitting on me. Was she gay? It was starting to look a little obvious. I was not gay and had only dated men my entire life, but I was open to love from any gender, however, Katy Poland was not on my list of possible dates, nor was she on my imaginary ones.
Instead of answering her, I looked around to see that everyone had left the first class and our carry-on was waiting in the passage with the flight attendant who was too scared to tell us to get the hell off the plane. I got out of my seat and grabbed my carry-on, then thanked the beautiful young lady and quickly made my way out. As I hurried to get as far away as possible from Kathy, I heard her calling my name.
“River! Wait!”
I wanted to pretend not to hear her, but I got the feeling that she would not stop calling. I turned around just as she caught up to me.
“I’m really in a hurry.”
“I know, but...please put my number in your phone...I would like to see you again...please just…”
“I’m already late, Kathy…”
“All I’m asking you to do is put my number in your phone and call me so that I can get yours. That way, we’re wired and you can call me if you want,” she said and bit her lip in desperation.
“OK,” I said and took out my phone.
I entered the number she gave and called her so that she could get to save my number as well. I was so ashamed that she got to see my fingers shaking as I did this very natural and frequent activity. I had lost all control of my mind and body. If she was a lesbian, then there was no missing the fact that I was aware of her and having a hard time holding myself together in her presence. I did not want that. I did not want her to get the wrong message, but it didn't matter because in a second, I would be out of her company and out of her life. Although I gave her my number, I had the power to answer her calls or not, so I was not worried about that. My job with her was done and we had no reason to be in touch with each other.
"Thank you," she said after calling the number to make sure that we were wired.
"I'm sorry...I have to run and I'm already late…"
"They are going to be mad at you anyway, so why not have a cup of coffee with me and…"
"Sorry. Can't...I have to run," I said and quickly walked away. I turned around because it felt so rude, and I was not a rude person. "I'll call you."
She stood in the same position as I walked further and further away from her. I disappeared around the corner in the opposite direction of where I needed to be, but I needed to get away from Kathy so that I could gather my thoughts. As I walked further away from her, my breathing slowly returned to normal, and I knew that I never wanted to see her again.
I jumped in the first cab I could find and did not look to my right because I didn't want to run the risk of seeing Kathy through the glass. I took deep breaths to rid myself of the last residue of nerves that had lingered and focused my thoughts on what I would say to my grandmother to make her feel better. I hoped she would understand that this was out of my control because my boss had a meeting that I could not miss.
For the remainder of the ride, I successfully kept my thoughts on my family and all the shit they pulled year after year. I had no idea why my grandmother wanted them around every Thanksgiving and now they have added their rotten kids to the mix. I had nothing against kids, as a matter of fact, I wanted a couple of my own, but these kids were monsters. Their only goal in life was to invent new ways to break everything around them, including their own bones. Anyway, my grandmother seemed destined to spend the rest of her years loving them while complaining about them.
As I approached the house, I started to worry more about what my mother would say about me not letting her know that I was on the plane. I would have called her if I had not found myself sitting beside the woman I had helped to acquit of assault charges. There I went again, allowing Kathy to pop into my head. I did not have to fight myself to get rid of her this time because the cab drove up in front of my grandmother's house and they would do it for me.
They must have been looking out the window because as soon as I got out of the cab, my mother rushed out to me followed by my sister's eldest son, and my father behind him.
"Auntie Riv!" Allan shouted and ran as fast as he could to me, passing my mother along the way.
"Hey, AB!" I shouted and opened my arms to him.
He was nine years old but much taller than his peers. He was almost as tall as I was and probably weighed more than I did.
"River!
I don't understand you!" my mother started. "You have everybody so worried because you couldn’t take a moment to make a call to let us know that you were on your way."
I ended the hug with my nephew so that I could respond to the first of the hundreds of questions and accusations that were about to come my way.
"You know I was on my way, Mom…"
"You weren't sure if you would get on a plane because of the delays…"
"So the fact that you didn’t hear from me means that I am on my way."
"That is not the point, River!"
"Deb, please," my father intervened. "I'm happy you're here, my darling."
"Thanks, Dad," I said as I gave him a hug.
"Auntie Riv, you missed Grandma Belle's pre-dinner," Allan said.
"I know. I tried, but I couldn't get here on time…"
"You ruined what would otherwise be a very wonderful occasion. Your grandmother was so gloomy because you were not there, and it pulled everyone's spirit down," my mom said, and I walked away. "I don't understand you, Riv. Why couldn't you just tell your boss that you couldn't make it to his stupid meeting?"
I ignored her and continued to my grandmother's front door.
"River, you know how your grandmother feels about you," my dad joined in. "You knew Thanksgiving was coming so you should have made proper arrangements so you don't miss it. This is not OK."
"Absolutely not!" my mother concurred.
"This is my job!" I shouted angrily as I stepped through the front door. "I cannot tell my boss that I can't be at an important emergency meeting because I have to go to some stupid Thanksgiving!"
My parents and my nephew gasped, and I knew right away that I was in a whole fucking lot of trouble. My grandmother was definitely standing behind me. I wanted to die. I slowly turned around and there she was looking as if I had just ripped her heart out. She just stood there looking at me with such sadness and disappointment that I could literally feel the pain in my stomach.
"Gram," I whispered, not sure if she could even hear me. "Grandma, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
I started to walk over to her and she raised one hand to stop me. She was a feeble old lady but she exuded such power that she could get everyone to stop in their tracks with just the raising of a finger. Well, except my nieces and nephews.
"You need to leave," my grandmother said and my knees went weak.
"Wha... what?"
"I want you to go, River. I guess all this is not important to you anymore," she said.
"Of course it is, Gram. I'm sorry…"
"I am not going to say this again," she said firmly. "I want you out of this house. You are not welcome to join our Thanksgiving dinner."
"Mama, it's her job why she's late. It's not her fault like you said earlier," my mom stepped in. "She said something...but that's because she was upset with me. This is River... she's your favorite person in the whole world."
"That's what makes it so painful," she said and walked away.
I watched as she took slow steps out of the living room and headed in the direction of her bedroom, and I could not breathe. The tears burned my eyes and my vision got so blurred that I could hardly see my brother walking toward me.
"Look who decided to show up. And don’t give me that bullshit about your job because we all have jobs…"
"Lincoln, stop…," my father started before he was interrupted by the sound of children who were coming inside from the backyard.
"Auntie Riv!" they rushed in and threw themselves at me.
I stumbled because they had no idea what happened, and I was sure they wouldn’t even care.
"Wait...wait guys," my mother and nephew said, pulling them away.
Slowly, I turned around, opened the front door and stepped outside, allowing the tears to flow to release the pressure in my head. I sat on the steps of my grandmother's porch and searched inside my bag for my phone to get as far away from here as possible. I knew I would go through an initial rough spot with them for being late, but I did not expect that my grandmother would hear me referring to the most important event to her life in that manner. It was the one event she hosted and made it mandatory since I could remember. I enjoyed it very much because we all got to be together, but most of all, it made my grandmother so happy. It was the one day where everyone knew all the major things going on in each other's lives. A few pregnancy announcements were made at the pre-dinner table.
I got up from the steps and hurried out to the streets because I knew my mother had gone to the backyard to call everyone to descend on me with sympathy or accusations. My aunts and uncles could be unbearable sometimes, and I didn't want to deal with all they had to say when I was so depressed about my grandmother.
I could hear my mother shouting my name as I hurried down the street. I searched for a number to call a cab, but it was Thanksgiving and three companies told me they had no one available. I got to the main road, and except for the gas station, everywhere was closed. I looked around for a cab but none was in sight, so I went searching on my phone again. I just wished I had gone with Kathy instead of coming here. Grams would have been less hurt if I wasn't able to make it than to tell her how stupid her Thanksgiving dinner was when it meant so much to her. She was mostly embarrassed that the person who was dearest to her could undermine such a significant tradition that she was so passionate about.
I was lost. I had no idea where to turn because I could not get a cab to return to the airport, and I could not go back to my grandmother and deal with everyone. I decided to buy a bottle of water from the gas station, but as I walked toward the door my phone started to vibrate in my hand. It was Kathy!
"Hello," I greeted and closed my eyes when she responded because memories of the soothing sound of her voice on the plane came back to me.
"Hey. Just checking if you got to your grandmother's OK and if you are still in one piece," she chuckled, and I wished I could return the humor.
"Hi...I got there OK…," I said then sighed.
"Is everything OK?" she asked.
"No...yea...I'm trying to get a cab…"
"A cab? Why do you need a cab?" she asked, sounding really concerned now.
"I'm...I...does your offer still stand? Can you come and get me?"
"Of course! Where are you? What happened?" she asked anxiously.
"I'll tell you about it when I see you. I'll send you...what address is this?" I asked myself as I looked around. "I'll send you the address…"
"Riv! Riv!" I turned in the direction the familiar voice was coming from and saw my dad hurrying toward me.
"My dad found me," I said to Kathy.
"So...should I still come?"
"Ah...yes. My grandmother doesn't want me here so there is nothing my dad can do…"
"Oh my God…"
"Thanks, Kathy. See you soon."
"I'm on my way."
"River! Why did you run away like that?" my dad asked. "You didn't even give your grandmother a chance to change her mind."
"Did she change her mind?" I asked calmly as I sent the address to Kathy.
"No."
I looked up at my father who had no idea what to say. I knew my mom sent him after me, and he needed to return with me so I could beg Grandma to understand and give me another chance. However, I knew her. When she made a decision, it would not be changed until she decided, without any outside influence. I was very hurt and disappointed that I was missing this dinner for the first time in my life. She was hurt too, but it was based on a misunderstanding because what she overhead couldn't possibly be the way I felt. I knew how important this tradition was to her and it was just as important to me.
"Dad, thank you for coming after me…"
"River! Where the hell are you going!" my uncle and some of my cousins ran toward me.
"Riv, I don't think you should leave," my dad said.
"I want to."
"Your grandmother is an old woman set in her ways, but she loves you and will come around
before the day is over," he said.
"I will talk to Grandma in a few days and work things out, but she will not listen to me today. I know her and you all know her as well. She will not back down until she is ready, and she will not be forced. She also wants to make an example out of me for the next person who decides to mess up her Thanksgiving another year," I said for everyone to hear.
"How the hell did you make this happen, Riv?" my uncle asked.
"Now Grandma is going to be mad at all of us, as if we are responsible. This is bullshit!"
"Hey!" my uncle scolded his seventeen-year-old son. "Everybody just calm down. River…"
We waited for him to say what he was thinking but he was stumped. He had no workable idea.
"How are you getting to the airport? Did you call a cab?" my dad asked.
"A fr...someone is coming to get me," I said, knowing questions would come if I said friend.
"Who?" my dad asked anyway.
"A friend of mine."
"Friend? What friend do you have here?"
"Someone I met on the plane. She's staying in Coral Springs. She’s giving me a ride to the airport," I explained.
"So you’re going with a complete stranger…"
"She is not a stranger. I knew her...from before," I explained, not giving them more than they needed to know.
"OK. We'll wait with you…"
"No. Please go back to Grandma. I don't want her to feel like I’m doing more damage to her dinner," I begged.
"Jonah, you guys go, and I’ll stay with, Riv," my dad said.
"Dad, you should go back too."
"I can't go back and tell your mother that I left you alone to wait for a friend we don't know."
"You don't need to know my friends."
"But I need to at least present the license plate number to your mother."
I rolled my eyes and gave up. They were so fucking obnoxious, it was nauseating. Everyone said their goodbyes and expressed their regret that I would not be with them for the day. My dad stood beside me without saying a word, but I knew his mind was all over the place. I was uneasy with his silence, but I was even more uneasy about seeing Kathy again. My heart was racing and I had to take a deep breath, which my father noticed.
The Juror Page 3