by Hornsby, Kim
He sighed. “God, Nikki. Just tell me you weren’t trying to kill yourself.” He looked defeated, frightened, and something else she didn’t recognize.
No one’s husband should look at another woman like that. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”
The door slammed, and he was gone.
She slumped against the shower wall and let the heat penetrate her skin. Goddamned fucker, giving her a look like that. Goddamned fucker who saved her life. She’d be dead by now if Pete Bayer hadn’t seen her drowning in the middle of the bay. She owed her life to that goddamned fucker. Her life and her baby’s. Tears broke through, and she sobbed as the hot water pelted her back and legs.
****
Ten minutes later, bundled in a blanket and sitting in front of the fireplace, she let the heat soak through to her bones as she considered the logistics of what just happened. How did Pete know where the boat key was? She glanced to the hook by the door where she usually kept it. He must have noticed when they’d been over for dinner. Thank goodness he knew how to drive a boat. And that Pete knew how to swim and was strong enough to lift her out of the water and a million other things. How did he get in the locked house?
And the kiss. Her nerves ignited at the memory. Did he kiss Connie like that? Oh, God, Connie. What had she done? Guilt smothered any excitement Nikki might have enjoyed. How could she forget that Pete was married? How could he have kissed her like that? Her attraction to a married man, someone she knew to be a cheater, was shameful.
And then she realized why it had happened. Not because she was trying to steal a man away but because she’d always been a sucker for the bad boy. Burn had been off limits when she met him at seventeen. Her grandparents, who raised Nikki when her parents died in a plane crash, had firmly objected to her involvement with a man in his late twenties—a guitar-playing, long-haired rocker. She’d wanted him with every molecule in her body. And now she’d lost her bad-boy husband. Did this attraction have anything to do with Burn? Was she seeking a bad boy’s interest so she could reject him like Burn rejected her? She winced, hoping she was wrong.
The fire crackled and when an ember popped out onto the hearth, she shoveled it back into the fireplace. Closing the screen, she sat back with her tea and let her head fall back against the cushion. Thoughts of her participation in that kiss would have to stay buried. She and Pete could not be alone together again. Connie was probably going to avoid her anyhow, now that Nikki said she blamed her for putting her son in peril by staying with this man.
Were Connie and Pete even married or just shacking up together? They always hesitated to say “my husband” and “my wife” and were strangely elusive about the marriage thing. Nikki had to admit she didn’t know exactly what was going on over at that house or who contributed to all the strife, but the fact that Pete had a gun in a house with an eleven-year-old boy wasn’t impressive, especially when it was out of its holster so much.
She sipped her cup of tea, feeling the warmth seep back to her body’s core. Touching her tummy under the blanket, she felt her recent weight gain, a roundness only noticeable when she sat down. Without realizing it, Pete had saved two lives today. A sob escaped from her throat, a volcano of emotions rising to the surface. Before she could decide how to control this jumble of feelings, heavy steps sounded on the deck. Swiveling in the chair, she saw Pete Bayer opening the door.
Wrapping the blanket tightly around her, she watched him walk into the house like he had a right to do that. He wore dry jeans and a long-sleeved shirt.
“Feeling better?” He hung up the keys then glanced at Nikki.
She hugged the blanket to her. “Yes. Thank you.”
Pete stood at the door, arms folded across his chest, his expression steely. “That was a stupid thing you did.”
“I know. Thank you.”
“You’ve thanked me enough.” Pete backed up a few steps. “The canoe sank to the bottom of the bay so I hope I can count on you not doing that again.”
She wanted to explain. “Elvis saw an otter and capsized me.”
“You were damned lucky I saw you.” Pete looked like he was the victim.
“I’d be lying at the bottom right now, if it weren’t for you.” She shuddered.
There was no going back to how it had been between them. Life had moved on. Pete saved her life. They kissed. Intimate moments had been shared, parts of each other given up.
“I had no right to kiss you.” He looked at the floor.
She nodded.
“I apologize. I want to forget it happened.” Pete looked pained at the memory.
He was taking it back. Sorry for the kiss. That was how it should be. But still, something inside Nikki dropped a long way to the bottom of her heart. The apology negated anything good, still left. She deserved the blow. “Me too.”
Pete opened the door and started out. “I’m just glad you’re alive.”
She was too. Without him...If Pete Bayer wasn’t the FBI agent assigned to her, then where was the agent when she was drowning, and why didn’t he come get her instead of the handsome neighbor?
Chapter 14
Walking away from Nikki’s house, Pete knew he had to forget that kiss. What bothered him more than kissing Nikki was that it looked like he was taking advantage of her weakened state after saving her life. He wasn’t taking payment and hoped she knew that.
Without even remembering he’d been afraid of water for the last year, he’d actually jumped in the lake. If there was anything amusing in this situation, that was it. He didn’t even remember that he couldn’t go near water these days. Goddamned useless FBI agent stationed at the head of the road. What was the point of having those twits there if they didn’t even know what was going on with her? By the time he was running to the dock with the boat key, the agent was probably trying to open the gate to get to the house. Useless rookie.
Pete had pulled away from the dock, not willing to wait for the numbskull to take his goddamned shoes off. When he got to where she’d sunk, he jumped in and dove under. Didn’t think about it. Funny thing. But going out in the boat, just now to get the canoe, he’d started to hyperventilate again and had to come in.
Getting trapped in the storm drain last year had taken its toll on him. If Hansen hadn’t dived down to pull him out, he’d never have made it. The memory of those few seconds of being plastered to the wall by the force of the current was his nightmare now.
But he hadn’t thought about any of that when he ran over to Nikki’s. He’d disarmed the security in one sweep, grabbed the key and taken her boat, hoping to get there in time to save her life. Good old adrenaline.
Being afraid of the water was ridiculous. As ridiculous as having a crush on Goldy. If he couldn’t get past the nightmares and fear, what was he going to do about his retirement plan on a sailboat? He needed to swim, to voluntarily walk into water without his heart racing, to submerge and swim. Dive under. Laugh when he came up.
****
Nikki was being extra cautious since the near-drowning scare. She’d convinced herself to stay put for a few days. There’d be no running off to a rental house for a few days anyhow. The press’s interest in her was tapering again, this time thanks to a high-profile celebrity who played an all-American dad on TV and was busted for committing adultery with a porn star. It would be awhile before this story died, seeing the porn star was naming names and other celebrities were being exposed.
Since her canoeing accident, she’d been talking to her baby. “I love you, little one. I really do love you so much.” Knowing she carried another life in her belly, Nikki had fought beyond the edge in that cold water to hang on and ultimately save both their lives. They’d saved each other’s lives that day.
Approaching the fourth month of pregnancy, her belly was rounding and it was time for a doctor to check on the baby’s progress. Although she was not a candidate for a high-risk pregnancy, being pregnant at thirty-nine was a red flag seeing the medical community thought she wa
s past prime child-bearing years. There was an obstetrician in Louisa Lake, and if Nikki wore her disguise, slipping into town might be possible.
Giving a fake name to the nurse she drove in for the last appointment of the day. Elvis had to remain at Birch House in case his celebrity status had risen without her knowledge. Taking a chance at being recognized wasn’t smart. This doctor appointment was too important.
Dr. Robertson looked at her suspiciously, and when she asked Nikki to remove her sunglasses, she was surprised. “I’m a big fan,” she said as she took Nikki’s blood pressure. Luckily, the doctor seemed trustworthy and promised to keep her patient’s whereabouts a secret. More importantly, she assured Nikki that there was a strong heartbeat. A quick ultrasound confirmed the fetus’s health, and Nikki was so enamored with the sight of her baby, she almost walked out of the doctor office with her itchy wig in her hand. The waiting room was empty at that time of day and Nikki fit the wig back on her head and left the building with the ultrasound photo of her baby in her hand. Two hours later, she was back at the house, peeling off the wig and telling Elvis he was going to be a big brother.
****
The next morning, Phyllis called before seven a.m. “I’m sorry to wake you, Nikki, but this is what you pay me for.”
“It’s all right, Phyllis. What’s up?” Nikki struggled to open her eyes. It would be bad news. Phyllis never called this early with good news unless it was the awards season, which it was not.
“It’s Burn. He’s fine, but the news this morning is going to report that a model is saying he fathered a son three years ago.”
Nikki groaned and sat up in bed. “Not good.” Elvis looked at her with his little head tilted. “I wonder if it is his.” He’d been named in paternity suits before.
“I don’t know. He’ll probably have to do a test.”
Nikki swung her legs out the side of the bed, her toes touching the cold floor. Elvis jumped off the bed and crouched, beckoning her to play.
“What do you think?”
“She’s a big name lingerie model. She doesn’t need money.”
“Have you talked to Burn?” Nikki asked.
“He fired me.”
“Again? Please call him, Phyllis, give him the details. Tell him I suggested he rehire you and tell him to call our lawyer.” Nikki rubbed her forehead, anticipating a headache.
“It might have more credibility if you call him, Nikki.”
“Yes.” Quinn would be upset to learn she might have a half brother. At the very least, Quinn might be disappointed in her father.
Her baby would also be Quinn’s half sibling, so what was the difference in the two situations? When Nikki conceived, she and Burn were divorced, but any way you looked at it, both of Quinn’s parents had had sex with someone and produced a baby. Poor Quinny with parents like us.
An hour later the phone rang and Quinn’s voice greeted her. Nikki wasn’t surprised. “Hi, kiddo, I was just thinking about you.”
“Did you see that Dad’s in the news today?” Nikki asked.
“No. What for?”
“Paternity claim.” It was a shame that at such a young age Quinn was only too familiar with women claiming a piece of her father through blood lineage.
“Shitfuck. Not again.”
This was her daughter’s favorite swear word. “Honey.” Nikki tried to sound like swearing was more important than her father’s fidelity.
“But you know how unfair it is to Dad.” Quinn had no idea the women who claimed paternity had actually slept with him.
“I know, sweetie. Be warned it might be big news today. Or not.” They hung up. Why couldn’t Burn just keep his prick in his pants? And now, Nikki was no better when it came to having their daughter contend with indiscretions and babies.
Nikki gave Elvis a long look and he wagged his tail. “I have to tell her I’m pregnant now, don’t I?”
****
The long drive to Seattle gave Nikki time to rehearse what she’d say to her daughter. But when she picked up Quinn at the apartment building and they headed to the Four Seasons Hotel, Nikki wasn’t ready to reveal that she was pregnant from a liaison with a stranger. Any words used still made it sound cheap.
After the two polished off a barbeque chicken pizza in front of an old Katherine Hepburn movie in their suite, Nikki saw her chance.
“She was such a forerunner in the women’s movement,” Quinn said, turning off the TV. “Not caring what other people thought of her.”
“I agree.” Nikki took a deep breath and tackled the second subject of the night. “Quinn, Honey, you are taking the news about Dad’s predicament well.” She took a run at the next sentence. “...and because of that, I want to tell you something else.”
Quinn looked up from texting her boyfriend.
Inch into it. “It’s actually kind of ironic.” Nikki took another run. “Your dad’s situation prompted me to tell you this before I let any more time lapse.”
Quinn laughed and looked at her mother, now sitting forward on her chair, head tilted. “What? You’re pregnant?” Quinn joked.
Nikki paused and stared at her daughter meaningfully.
“Did you hear me?” Quinn chuckled. “I made a joke.’
The pause gave Quinn time to think.
“What?!” Quinn’s smile was replaced with a look of disbelief, then horror. “You’re kidding, right?”
Nikki shook her head.
“Oh, my God, Mom. Are you pregnant?”
“I am.”
“Mom! You’re too old!”
“Apparently not.” She braced herself for the part that would follow. “I know the idea seems strange to you. To me too, sweetie. But I’m having a baby.” She patted her belly. She had to let Quinn know that bursting her bubble wouldn’t be nice if that was the direction she was headed. “And, after a lot of thinking, I’m happy.”
“You’re having a baby?” Quinn stared at her mother’s belly with a sour look on her face.
“At first I was embarrassed and in shock, but now I’m excited. I’m having a baby in five months.” She let the news sink in.
Quinn walked to the window of the living room and looked out at Seattle’s downtown. “That’s what this retirement is all about?”
“Not completely. I was going to retire anyhow in the next year. You knew that.”
“I thought your retirement might have been for me.”
Nikki crossed the room and hugged her, cradling Quinn’s head on her shoulder. “I love you, Quinny Girl, and if you’d asked me to retire, I would have. Part of this is to be close to you here in Seattle, I’ll admit. While you go to school. I do want to be available for you. So, yes, it is for you too. And remember I took those months off after rehab?” Nikki needed her to know that she’d tried to be a good mother, in her own way. “You are the light of my life, Quinn, and always will be my darling girl.” She pulled away to look at her daughter’s sweet face. “But you are seventeen, and I don’t honestly think you want me in your face all the time, do you?”
“No.” Quinn smirked.
“So maybe it’s a good thing I’m able to give you some space now. Soon I’ll have someone who needs to be diapered thirty-seven times a day.”
Quinn pulled back. “Does Dad know?”
“No, sweetie.” She’d assumed it was Burn’s. “As if that isn’t strange enough news, I have more.” Nikki pulled Quinn to sit on the hotel room couch with her. “The baby is not Dad’s. It happened during a brief love affair with someone else, after Dad and I divorced.” Surprise flooded over her daughter’s face, but Nikki persevered. She’d rehearsed this speech on the drive. “I never cheated on Dad while we were married. Never. After we’d been divorced a month, I wanted a little attention and accepted a date with a man who turned out to be not my type. I made a mistake.”
Nikki didn’t want Quinn to know the details but enough to understand. “…see, I’d felt unloved by Dad in that way for a long time and I needed something. I
’m ashamed to say that, but it’s the truth. It’s human nature to need love and I’m no different, Quinny.”
“Oh, Momsy, it’s okay,” she sighed and hung her head in thought. “I want you to feel loved.” Long pause. Quinn met her mother’s eyes, her expression soft. “A baby. It’s hard to imagine.” Quinn almost smiled. “I’ll help you raise her.”
****
Two days later, Nikki was back at the lake, with Quinn’s permission to be pregnant. She shuffled down the stairs, put the kettle on, made herself toast and looked across the bay to see if anyone was wandering around at Dickerson’s. On her brief respite, she’d almost forgotten about the Bayers. Almost. When she arrived home, the night before, it had been late. Aside from the FBI’s disguised delivery truck at the road, there’d been no activity.
Leaves were turning gold and crimson now and fall had moved in to Louisa Lake. Wandering out to the dock with her tea, Nikki let the cool wind blow her hair around and thought of the media blitz about Burn and the model. The woman insisted the boy was theirs. Although she wanted to believe their lives were separate now, she couldn’t help but be annoyed with Burn. At least her pregnancy happened after the divorce. Having told Quinn about the baby, Nikki’s shoulders had become lighter.
Nikki zipped her jacket closed and remembered Pete rescuing her from the lake days before. Their kiss in the shower seemed months away now. They hadn’t gotten far into it. She was grateful for that even though it would probably be years before she was intimate with anyone again. Who’d want a pregnant woman? Or a new mother? She sighed and looked over to Dickerson’s. No truck.
The log house looked different. It looked uninhabited. The curtains were wide open, but it was more than that. It looked like no one had been there for days.
She’d been gone thirty-six hours, more than enough time for the Bayers to move out. The thought made her feel strange, like something unfinished would never be resolved. The Dickerson’s front door key was hidden in a kitchen drawer.
Leaving Elvis in the house barking, she walked down the dirt road with the silver key on a Louisa Lake Marina keychain. Her step was quick, her purpose clear. She was going to knock and if there was no answer she would let herself in to see if, in fact, the Bayers had left.