Jimmy watched me for a moment as we walked and sarcastically said, “Yeah, I’m seeing that.”
Chapter Seven:
God, Feelings, and Happy Tears
I was giddy, excited, relieved, and most of all, happy in a deep part of me that I was not aware existed, not till it started to burn with a desire for life. How many people can say that? Not many. How many people are excited to come home after a long day at work or school because they’re living a life they adore? See, that was just it! Maybe what my life had become was not for everyone. Having a wolf/human live in our home was, well, challenging at times, but that challenge was what began more growth for me. I fell in love with the gray eyes of my furry best friend, and when challenges arose, I fought hard for what I believed in: my wolf and me.
My parents could not stop grinning as I ate my dinner, as though I were six again and had just been promised a chocolate factory of my very own. I laughed at them staring at me. “What?”
“Our daughter is glowing,” Mom said with a delighted smile.
My father shook his head. “Who would have ever known a pet could mean so much to someone?”
Just then, a howl sounded at our back door, announcing an evening entry. “He’s home!” I ran to answer that call and opened the door to be tackled to the ground and licked with a frenzy that had my parents on their feet, hugging the wolf that had changed our lives for the better.
Standing in my room with my ear at my door was all I could do. I was desperate for my parents to finally go to sleep. When the house was quiet for a while, I turned to face my wolf but what I found was a young man smiling at me. He was sitting on the floor, patiently waiting. My heart slammed against my rib cage as I sighed. “Sebastian.”
I was relieved. He was able to be Sebastian again.
“Marley. Happy to see me?”
No words were needed to explain how happy I was. It was all over my smile.
I gasped. “You’re in pants!”
He looked guilty. “I stole them off a clothes line, transformed, threw them through your window, then transformed and howled at the back door. Are you angry at me?”
I sat in front of him. “No, but I would prefer we find another way in the future to get you some clothes. Oh, I know! My mom said she put together a bag of clothing to be dropped off for donation. I’ll look through it for some of my dad’s old clothes. We’ll hide them in my closet. You know I do my own laundry, so my mom will never notice yours in with mine.”
We sat and whispered for hours. Sebastian had many questions—as did I. I learned he was extremely intelligent with an incredible capacity to learn. He knew algebra and the math course I was presently in, along with all of my other subjects, and he was hungry for more.
Romy and I had a connection and understanding of our affections for each other, but Sebastian and I had to now learn about other beliefs and subjects. He had many questions about God.
“So he lives in the sky?”
I pondered on how to answer this important question. “I don’t know. Some say so. Some believe he lives in everything.”
“Even me?”
I smiled. “If God truly does exist, yes, Sebastian, I believe you would be proof of God being a part of everything.” His head tilted, waiting for more explanation. I quietly giggled, recognizing that simple head tilt as such a Romy gesture. “You’re… a gift to me. Your friendship as Romy has fulfilled my life in measures I will not pretend to be able to judge. And now? I think that’s the beauty of it. Who knows?”
“Who knows what?”
“Where we are headed.” I looked at my door, realizing I was getting excited and too loud. I whispered, “There’s a world to experience, and now? Now you and I can experience it together.”
He nodded. “I am limited on what I have seen but would love to see more. Could I get a job? Or go to school?” He leaned forward. “Oh, college?”
I put my finger over my mouth to remind him to be quiet. “Well, yes and no. You need a social security number for some of those things.”
“What is that?”
I tried to muffle a laugh. “My father says it’s a way for the government to keep track of business that’s not theirs, but it’s a number that is given to you, usually at birth so that, well, I guess so that the government can keep track.”
“Can you get one when you are older?”
“I believe so, but you still need some kind of proof of where you came from. Or maybe there’s a way around that.”
“I will search the internet while you’re at school.”
A visual of Romy typing away at my keyboard had me giggling again. Sebastian pulled me to him. “I have always loved your laughter—so many different versions of it.”
When I realized I was in his arms, I found myself pulling away. His hands followed my retreat. “Why do you change when I’m Sebastian?”
I knew it would take some time to become accustomed to Sebastian’s upfront questions and statements. I looked down, feeling a little shameful. “Uh, not too sure.”
“When I’m a wolf, you hold me endlessly—and last night. But this morning and now, you hold back. Have I done something to upset you?”
“What? No,” I said, a little embarrassed and confused that his bare, beautiful chest was capturing my attention. My unexpected reactions caused me conflict because I was seeing him so differently. That had me wondering how Sebastian was viewing me. Will he now be like other boys? I tried to explain something I didn’t understand myself. “It’s because when you’re Romy, you’re my… Romy?”
I was hoping that would clear things up for us both.
“Am I not your Romy now?”
Not shockingly, it didn’t.
My eyes closed, and my hand rested over my chest. He sounded hurt. Sebastian’s raw, unaltered view of us was liberating and scary at the same time. When I could not answer, I realized that I was the one making this ugly, not beautiful.
“I apologize if I’ve hurt your feelings. It’s just, I’m not sure what I’m feeling. Maybe I have to remind myself you are not like other boys—wanting things from me I’m not ready to give.” It was a crappy reply, but I truly wasn’t sure what was happening inside me.
“What do they want from you, Marley?”
That answer told me he was nothing like the guys at school and that I had just walked myself into a minefield. “Uh, that’s a discussion for another time.”
He nodded in thought. “Hurt my feelings?”
I was not embarrassed about this question. “Yes, feelings.” I touched his chest to show him where. “What you feel here.”
I was a little taken aback with how nice it felt to touch him like that. My body and mind struggled to communicate when I touched his stomach next. “And here.”
My fingers refused to leave his skin, so I stared at them and their misbehavior as my heart thumped faster than usual. I took a sharp intake when his hand grabbed mine, holding it to his stomach. He smiled. “Oh, you mean love.”
My jaw dropped. With my fingers still enjoying his warmth, I asked, a little breathlessly, “Is that what you feel… here?”
“I think so. I learned what love was when every time you hugged me and told me you loved me, I felt something here and here.” He pulled my hand to his chest, forcing my fingers to unfold, lie flat, and touch more of him. And then, as if a fire had been ignited in his soul, he said, “Something so wonderful that it fed my whole body with a food I could not find in the woods. Only you make me feel this way. Love. Are those happy tears, Marley?”
I could barely speak with how much his words and touch affected me. Never had anyone ever spoken to me with such conviction. “Yes, happy tears because I thought I had so much to teach you, but now I see… it’s you who will be teaching me.”
After that tende
r moment, I never again held back my affection from Sebastian. Neither my heart nor body would allow it. That night, we grew, and I learned that love is a simple, wondrous feeling to feed your body and soul. If what someone is giving you feels bad, it is not love.
Sebastian asked if he could stay in his human form for a little longer so he could hold me. He said, as a wolf, he couldn’t squeeze me in return while we slept, but he’d always wanted to. I said yes, as my heart warmed in a way I hoped everyone on earth could someday experience.
In bed, his arms circled me from behind and spoke volumes of his true feelings. I internally giggled. For once, he did not complain about me blanketing him.
In the dark, he spoke with his chin resting on my shoulder. “Your scent has always been my favorite. I can pick it up anywhere.”
Maybe not the words girls dream of hearing when being held by a man, but they were still special to me.
“Marley, when you cry, I feel something different inside. Is that love, too?”
“I guess, in a way, it is. When the person you love hurts, you hurt, too. When we thought you were sick, I hurt for you. When you were experiencing pain and fear with the beginning of your transformation, I felt that pain and fear with you.”
Sebastian thought for a moment. “Marley, do you feel this with Trevor?”
“Here’s the thing. What you have taught me in such a short amount of time is that love is feelings, and there are different levels and degrees to these feelings—like there are different levels and degrees of love. So, yes, I feel these things with him, but with you, Sebastian, it is life or death.”
“Life or death?”
“Yes. If you live, I live. If you die, I die.”
Chapter Eight:
Battered and Tattered Surprises
By morning, Sebastian was Romy, and a warm, wet snout breathed heavily in my ear. His long wolf legs hung over me.
Sebastian was one of the most fascinating people to walk this earth, but Romy could never be replaced. I easily fell back into our routine. Getting ready for school, I pulled clothes out of the closet and asked the furry beast on my bed what he thought. I always got two enthusiastic barks. He simply thought I looked great in everything. Who was I to argue with someone as brilliant as he?
Romy walked me to my bus stop. I told the wolf, “I’ll miss you today.”
Two barks.
The bus pulled up. Trevor and Jimmy lowered their windows. Trevor yelled, “Romy! You’re alive, ya son-of-a-bitch! Damn good to see you, D.O.G!”
One bark. Romy was a wolf.
I kissed Romy’s head and then happily marched up the bus steps. Trevor spoke over Carrie, who was practically in his lap, trying to hold his attention. “Ya look much better, girl.”
I sat with Jimmy, kissed his cheek, then looked behind me. “The world, T. Means the world what you two did for me.” Trevor grinned mischievously, so I asked, “What?”
“You called me T.”
I won’t lie and say it didn’t sting to see Trevor with Carrie, but he was making up for lost time, and where panties dropped, T was found. My panties were still intact, and that made me proud of myself. I hadn’t surrendered something I happened to value because someone wanted it. No, not just someone—an old friend who meant so much to me. But in the end, his hormones outweighed what I needed. Trevor was ready to experiment sexually. I was not and was truly thankful he was honest and let me go.
As the week progressed, it was evident Carrie was not T’s only conquest. At my locker, Jimmy put his arm around me, looking at all the criers gathering in the hallway. “I’m gonna start call’n’ them the Battered and Tattered Ts.”
I shouldn’t have, but I burst out laughing, relieved to not be a Battered and Tattered T. “Let’s eat. I’m starving!”
Jimmy kept his arm around me as we headed to the cafeteria. “Well, you’re not in luck. It’s pizza day, which means dog day.”
“I don’t know why you say the pizza tastes like a wet dog. Do you understand how that sounds?”
“What I imagine a wet dog to taste like. Big difference, smartass.”
Romy’s excitement when I got home from school was normal, of course, and his constant rubbing and claiming me were also routine. And apparently swatting his snout away was also going to continue. Sebastian, on the other hand, complaining about certain scents on me was something that took me by surprise. From time to time, I would forget that Sebastian and Romy were one and the same. The first time it happened, I stood still, a little perplexed, as Sebastian rubbed himself all over me in my bedroom. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know, but his scent on you is making me feel… odd. Can’t describe it without sounding selfish.”
“Huh, okay. Uh, how do you know it’s a he?” I asked, still not moving and still being rubbed on.
“Because I know Jimmy’s scent. It just never irritated me before.”
And then it happened. Sebastian’s nose headed south. I caught his chin, my fingers leading him north again until he was upright. “What the hell do you think you are doing?”
His eyes were glassed over, and a shadow of Romy flashed right in my palm. I gasped but couldn’t move my hand from such magic. Then his expression faded, and Sebastian winced. “Not sure. Just feel a pull to make sure no unfamiliar scent is—”
“Stop right there.” I released him.
“But I can’t explain the need to know—”
I put up my other palm. “Not happening.”
“Marley, please. You won’t let me inspect while I’m Romy.”
“Inspect? What am I? A rack of lamb?”
Sebastian looked down at his trembling hands. This was clearly an issue for Sebastian and causing havoc between his human and wolf form, so I compromised. I grabbed his hands to settle whatever was happening inside him. “Okay, how about I allow Romy—I can’t believe I’m doing this—only Romy a quick sniff when I get home from now on.”
Sebastian’s eyes closed. “Deal.”
“But it has to be a speedy event because this is humiliating.”
“I will not linger, promise.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t even understand the importance to you.”
His eyes glossed over again. “I don’t know.” He bent his knees.
I stepped away, causing Sebastian to hit the floor, growling at my denial. Walking away from him, I laughed over my shoulder. “Growl all you want. Still not happening.”
So every day after school, Romy would rub on me downstairs as my mother stood in her apron with a disapproving look as a speedy sniff took place. Then in my room, Sebastian would rub while I waited. Once the new routine was complete, Romy or Sebastian was all mine.
Sometimes there were parts of Sebastian that I could do without. Entering my room, I loudly whispered, “Sebastian! Did you do another stinky?”
“Sorry.”
I shut my bedroom door behind me and handed him a bowl of chili. Sebastian’s eyes lit up. “Marley! Thank you.” He eagerly took the bowl. “But you do understand passing gas is a natural necessity, right?”
“Can we not discuss this while you’re eating my mother’s famous chili?”
He shrugged, his mouth full of chili. “And I don’t believe they smell bad.”
“I’m taking the bowl back.” I reached for it. Sebastian chuckled and, avoiding my attempts, shoved more chili down his throat.
Later, once we were settled for the night, I appreciated how much easier it was to share a bed with Sebastian. I didn’t have to compete for space on the worn mattress. Thinking about competing for space had me thinking of Trevor and all his newfound conquests. “How come he changed so drastically?” I tried to talk softly so my sleeping parents wouldn’t wake.
The moon shone through our bedroom window, d
elicately lighting the room.
Sebastian lay on his side, spooning me. “Don’t think he did. It’s his actions that have changed.”
“Huh?” I stared at my ceiling.
“Maybe you’re not understanding Trevor’s true form.”
“What true form?”
“His alpha one.”
“Oh, you mean his asshole form,” I teased as I rolled to face Sebastian.
Under his long bangs, Sebastian’s face scrunched up. “Asshole—what an insult to a needed part of your body. Have humans really thought about that? What would happen if your asshole refused to do its job? I think being called an asshole should be a compliment. It makes you one who is willing to sacrifice for the good of the team. Quite heroic, in my opinion.”
Silence.
“You just ruined a perfectly good cuss word for me, Sebastian.”
He kissed my forehead. “Being alpha shouldn’t mean being an asshole—using your definition, of course. Being an alpha means watching over your own, dying for them if needed to keep them safe. Keeping them in line, but with respect, not cruelty. At least, that’s how my father was with my mother and me. A nip on the neck was meant as a reminder, not a promise of future pain.”
“Umm, I see what you’re saying, but what does this have to do with Trevor?”
“Remember that wolf program we watched on TV?”
“Uh, yeah, that was a while back, but go on.”
“Well, that alpha reminded me of my father’s ways, and over the years, I have witnessed Trevor constantly trying to be yours and Jimmy’s alpha. Trevor may not be aware of it, but he’s trying to keep you in line with his actions.”
As days melted into weeks, Sebastian and I effortlessly submerged ourselves into our own little world. I couldn’t prevent it. There were so many things to learn and explore with Sebastian, such as how much he loved doing homework with a pen in his hand. Sounds simple, but to watch his excitement enthralled me. Writing was challenging, but he pushed himself to teach his hand to do what his mind commanded. His stern facial expressions showed his level of concentration. As soon as a click in the communication between his body and mind would take place, Sebastian would have another ability conquered. Soon, it was hard for me to believe he had only recently learned how to write.
My Wolf and me Page 7