by Lauren Smith
“Passion is always possible when two hearts are willing.”
“Always? What about with Lady Melbourne?” Cedric’s lips twitched as he continued to tease his friend.
“She is, as you say, from the land of fairy stories, and therefore not subject to the laws of our reality,” Ashton replied.
“Are you planning on staying at Rushton Steading with us or do you have matters to handle?” Cedric accompanied the word handle by forming a woman’s curves with his hands.
Ashton grunted at Cedric’s jest. “I would not wish to overstay my welcome, Cedric. Tell me to go if that is your wish.”
Cedric sat up straighter in his chair, all teasing gone. “It is not. I would welcome your company. In fact, you would help keep me sane while my world crumbles around me.”
He meant it. At that very moment, everything around him seemed on the verge of collapse, and he was terrified of being alone when it happened.
“Then I remain here.” Ashton’s voice was full of genuine warmth, born of years of deep affection.
Cedric could breathe again, so long as Ashton stayed here and kept him sane.
“Excellent. If the weather permits, we could fish in the lake today.” Cedric hoped that Ashton would agree. He needed to get outside for a bit, but he couldn’t do so alone, unless he wanted to end up drowned at the bottom of the lake. It would be easy to take a footman with him, but it wasn’t the same. Nothing could replace the reassuring comfort of a trusted friend by his side in a gently rocking boat, poles suspended above the water.
“I would like that,” Ashton admitted. “My mind certainly needs clearing after Lady Melbourne. She has put me in a black mood.”
“Shall we meet in the main hall in half an hour?”
“That would give you time to see to Anne’s breakfast.”
“Yes, I must make sure she has everything she needs.” Cedric jumped on the excuse to see her, even if she didn’t want to see him.
The two men parted ways outside the dining room. Cedric climbed the main stairs, thankful to be home again. His body knew this house as well as he knew himself. That awkwardness he often felt in London where there were more people, more dangers for a man who couldn’t see, weren’t present here at this house. In addition, he was becoming more sure of his body and his movements and far less clumsy. He knew where the stairs were, the location of each room he frequently used. Rushton Steading was a safe place.
It had been years since he’d spent more than a few days here. The past decade had been full of womanizing, horse racing and other such occupations that rakes engaged in, all in London of course. Leaving Rushton empty for so long had left him empty as well. The cool feel of the stair banister beneath his hand brought delightful memories of him sliding down it as a boy.
Lord, how he’d missed this place. It was home. Rushton Steading had always been home. Horatia and Audrey had toddled up these stairs in leading strings. He had scampered about the grounds collecting frogs and tadpoles to torture his tutors.
The halls still carried the ghostly scent of his mother’s perfume. Cedric expected to hear his father’s booming laugh from the library at any minute. He had been blessed to have parents who married for love and had deeply loved their children. There was nothing more wonderful, more special than a parent’s love for their child and that child’s love in return. And Cedric had loved his parents with all of his heart.
It never failed to escape his mind that he had been luckier than his sisters. Neither of them had really known their parents as he had. They’d been children when their parents died in a carriage accident. Horatia had also been hurt in the crash. To this day she did not speak of the accident and Cedric did not press her to.
It was hard for him to forget how fortunate he was. His friend Godric hadn’t been so lucky. Godric’s mother had passed away in childbirth, and her loss had driven Godric’s father into dark periods filled with brutal rages. Compared to Godric’s suffering, Cedric had lived a veritable fairytale. It was what he wanted with Anne, to have a life together built on love and trust.
Surely it isn’t too late for us?
Cedric’s hands closed around the doorknob to Anne’s bedchamber. He’d started to twist the knob when the door suddenly gave way. He stumbled as he plunged forward and fell unexpectedly. He expected pain. It always came after the fall. But there was no pain. Only the soft, firm body that cushioned his fall. A sudden gasp filled his ears as the body jerked beneath him and the familiar scent of orchids exploded around him in an intoxicating rush.
“Anne!” Cedric fought to climb off her, panicked that he’d crushed her. But Anne’s struggles under him only locked their bodies more tightly together. Cedric desperately tried to dampen his sudden arousal, but the sounds she made and her squirming made it impossible.
“Anne, darling, please stop that…I can’t see where to…I’m trying to…” Cedric muttered in exasperation until Anne went limp beneath him. Biting back a groan as his body responded enthusiastically to this new position, he tried to focus. The press of her bosom against his chest and the cadence of her panting breaths were not helpful in the least as he sought to restore his self-control.
I must be a bloody cad for wanting her like this. He couldn’t deny it, however. Cedric wanted to take her right there on the damned floor, even after all she’d been through in the past few weeks.
Anne’s next words caught him completely off guard. “I remember that. You calling me Anne, darling.” It was barely a whisper, but he knew what he heard. Anne placed her hands on his shoulders. Cedric wished he could see her face, but his memory of it was all he had left.
“I liked it when you called me that.” Her confession was charming in its shyness.
“Damn,” he cursed to himself.
There was no escaping his desire after that. He dropped his head and found her lips. Anne’s hands fluttered against his neck before settling on his back. Pleasure coursed through him when her fingers dug into his shoulder blades, drawing him closer to her. He wanted more, wanted to taste all of her, but the tremulous quiver in her lips and the hesitancy of her touch turned to tension. His aching need for her plunged him into icy awareness. He couldn’t have her, not yet.
“What’s wrong?” Her warm breath fanned against his throat.
“It seems we’ve taken two steps forward and one step back.” He gathered his wits, which had been like the scattered soldiers of a defeated army. Battle-bruised and weary, his wits rallied together weakly and he climbed off her.
“I’m sorry, Cedric. I would not resist you if wish to assert your marital rights. I am ready to do my duty.” Cedric helped her to rise to her feet and cupped her face in his palms.
“Duty? If you remember nothing else about me, remember this. I want you desperately, I crave you like the air in my lungs. But I will never take what you won’t willingly give me.”
“But I just said that—”
Cedric silenced her with a finger to her lips.
“You offered no resistance. I want mutual passion, mutual desire.”
He placed a feather-light kiss on her forehead and stepped back.
“I have arranged for your breakfast to be brought up. Ash and I will be leaving soon.”
“Leaving?”
Cedric was startled when Anne’s hands clutched his waistcoat, clinging to him.
“We aren’t going far. The lake is close by, and we’ll fish for a few hours.”
“Fish? Oh, I thought that you were leaving me alone here.”
Cedric warmed at the relief in her voice.
“I wouldn’t dream of abandoning you, darling. I want you too much for that.” Cedric held her hips close to him, letting her feel his still throbbing erection. It was a bit evil he supposed, to enjoy her shocked gasp, but he did.
“I thought I could control myself. But I can’t wait much longer
. Soon we will come together as man and wife. But I want you to want it as much as I do.” He paused when she went rigid. “Don’t fear. I will make sure you want me.”
He teased the corner of her mouth with one last kiss. When she leaned into him eagerly, he withdrew and left her alone.
Chapter Sixteen
Anne put a hand to her lips. The taste and feel of Cedric’s mouth still lingered pleasantly. She was torn between running after him and running far away. Although she could not remember him, or anything about herself, she was positive that she desired him. Her body responded with liquid fire to his touch, his kiss, even his voice. Cedric’s every action toward her screamed of the primal mating of bodies and souls. Would it be so bad to give in to her desires? They were husband and wife, after all.
She could give in, but she decided that she would not let him be aware of such an intention. Not yet. Anne had her pride like anyone else, and Cedric’s story had raised some questions she needed answered first. She was, however, fascinated with the idea of Cedric fully dominating her with that tender but exciting passion.
“My lady?” A voice broke through her thoughts. It was the young footman, Sean Hartley. He waited patiently at the edge of the doorway.
“Come in, Hartley. I am told that I owe you my life. I wanted to offer my gratitude to you.”
Hartley blushed and cast his eyes to the ground. “’Twas no trouble, my lady. I am glad you are recovering.”
“I seem to have no memory, except for tiny flashes, but beyond that I feel much better. My shoulder only aches a little.”
Hartley looked mildly concerned at her words, his brows knitting together. Then he began to fish about his trouser pockets before withdrawing something. It was a beautiful garnet stone surrounded by tiny diamonds. Rather than being affixed to a chain, it was threaded through a black satin ribbon.
“I had to remove it when the doctor was seeing to your shoulder. I wanted to give it back to you in person because of what it means to you.”
Anne drew closer, curiosity and bewilderment filling her at the sight of the lovely gem. “What is it?”
“I am told it was your wedding present from his lordship.”
“A necklace?” Something about that stirred a longing inside her. Light caught the red garnet, and ruby spots of light danced on the wall behind her.
“I heard from your lady’s maid that his lordship believed you would often take off the ring he gave you while riding so that it would not ruin your gloves. He wished for you to have this to wear in its place.”
Anne felt the briefest flash, the pang of wanting to return such thoughtfulness. Had she given him something in return for such a beautiful gift? With a sinking feeling, she sensed she hadn’t, and the thought filled her with shame. A man like Cedric deserved something wonderful. While she was recovering, she would put her mind toward that.
“Hartley, would you be so kind as to help me put it on?”
Hartley fixed the clasp at the ends of the ribbon and the garnet fell against Anne’s collarbone as it if had always belonged there.
“Is Brighton very far from here?”
“About half an hour by coach.” Hartley kept his head bowed in respect, eyes fixed on the floor.
“You need not look down when speaking to me, Hartley.” Her voice was gentle as she tried to coax him out of his determined shyness.
“You are my mistress and the Viscountess Sheridan.” His tone implied that was all there was to the matter.
Anne frowned with mild irritation. She didn’t want her servants refusing to meet her gaze.
“And you do as your mistress commands?”
“Always.”
“Then whenever you address me I should like you to look me in the eye. Is that understood?” Anne planted her hands on her hips and waited.
“Yes, my lady.” Hartley met her gaze. His shy blush made him utterly charming. Anne had no doubt that he was a rogue in the making if there ever was one.
“Now, about Brighton. I should like to go. Would you summon the coach for me?”
Hartley’s expression turned grim and resolute. “I was given orders to keep you here on the estate. The doctor does not wish you to be far from the house should your memory return. There could be a chance of pain in such a case.”
“The doctor?” Anne heaved a sigh. “Am I allowed to do anything?”
“I am sorry. The doctor and his lordship are merely concerned with your well-being.” Sean’s crestfallen gaze made her regret her somewhat petulant response.
“But not my happiness it seems,” Anne muttered. “Will Lord Sheridan be gone a long time?”
“I am not sure. He has not been out on the lake since the accident,” Hartley replied.
“What happened to him? Did I know him before…” Anne could not bear to finish.
“It’s not my place to say, my lady.”
One more mystery about my life, Anne thought. She tried to remember, shutting her eyes and focusing on Cedric and his sightless brown eyes. But nothing happened, except twinges of pain right behind her temples.
“Is the lake very far? The one where my husband is fishing?”
“Only a quarter mile.” Hartley’s eagerness showed his relief to discuss something else.
“Then take me there at once.”
Hartley blinked in shock. “You wish to fish?”
“Heavens no. I would, however, like to swim.” Her arm was still in a sling, but she’d practiced moving it this morning, and the pain had been surprisingly limited. A bit of light exercise might assist her recovery, if she took care to do it gently.
Anne stifled a laugh at Hartley’s sputtering protests as she had him lead the way. He scrambled forward, knowing, as any man in his position, that she would not be deterred from this mission. Anne caught up with him in the hallway and marched alongside him, not at all like a well-bred genteel creature she knew she ought to be. Her father had always told her to move with purpose, even if one had no purpose at all.
The sudden recollection caught her breath in her chest. Her father. That brief memory seared her heart. She bit her lip. It was as though memories of him were hiding behind a thin gossamer veil, one she could make out faint shapes behind, but not fully see.
I mustn’t push myself. I should take it slow. She breathed out and put her mind to those few memories which were coming back, the ones of her father, the way he would offer advice over warmed brandy glasses in the evening before the fire in their drawing room. The way Cedric would call her Anne, darling. And his kisses. Those burned through the barriers in her mind. A man who did that to her was no stranger; it was why she trusted him whenever he told her anything of her past. She had trusted him then, and she would continue to do so. Her body wouldn’t lie to her, she knew it.
It was easy to forget her sadness once they reached the outdoors. The day was sunny, and no remains of the storm from the previous night lingered. It was a perfect April day, the trees heavy with emerald canopies and the wildflowers a vibrant multicolored blanket on the fields leading to the lake.
Far out in the water Anne could make out the distant shape of a small fishing boat. It was a brown speck on the dark waters of the lake. Fishing would be good today, Anne knew. Rain always churned up the waters and made it impossibly murky, just the sort of environment fish preferred, as did fishermen. The hooks could be thrown in with shiny lures and the disturbed silt from the lake bottom would blur the fish’s vision, making it far easier for the creature to mistake a lure for prey.
For once, Anne was thankful of her husband’s blindness. He would not be able to see her when she stripped off her clothes and dove into the lake. Although she couldn’t remember much about Cedric, she had a feeling he would be furious at her actions for a multitude of reasons.
“Hartley, please turn your back. I shall call if I need you.”
&
nbsp; “Yes, my lady.” Hartley spun and walked into the nearest pool of shade to wait.
Once she was satisfied the young footman would not be turning around, she started undoing the buttons of her gown and sliding her slippers off. She placed her clothes in a neat pile on a dry patch of grass several feet away from the lake’s edge and dropped the sling on top of them. Clad in only her chemise, she headed toward the water.
* * * * *
Cedric held the fishing pole loose in one hand, while his other trailed lazy patterns on the water’s surface. Tiny fish came up to investigate, nibbling hopefully at the tips of his fingers. The heavy storm had mucked up the water and the fish were bold in their movements.
“I miss this, you know,” Cedric admitted to his friend.
Ashton gave a low chuckle. “Miss what?”
“This.” Cedric waved a hand about in the air, gesturing to the world around them. “I miss spending time with you, and the others. We haven’t done something like this in years.”
“It has been a long time, hasn’t it?” There was a pensive tone to Ashton’s voice, a note of sadness in it that made Cedric’s heart tighten. “It seems the day the five of us forged our bond, that it was also the death knell for our old lives. Boyhood passed and we had to move forward to become the men we are.”
“Not all of us moved forward that day.” Cedric couldn’t help but remember the life that was lost that night they’d saved Charles from drowning.
Ashton’s voice turned somber. “No, not all of us.”
Cedric sighed in agreement. Ashton had always been the one among them to see the truth, even the darker truths about them all.
“I was just thinking how strange it was that none of us have been indulging in our usual whims. Well, everyone except Charles, of course.”
“What do you mean?” Cedric sat up a little straighter.
“Take Godric, for instance. Ordinarily he would be knee-deep in trouble with some arrogant mistress of his. Lucien would be at the Midnight Garden doing Lord-knows-what. And you would be at Tattersalls or the races, betting on horses at all hours of the day.”