BRIT CEREMONY
The ceremony itself is very brief—fifteen minutes at most. When the kvatterin enters with the infant, the mohel calls out, “Baruch haba” (“Blessed be he who comes in”). Everyone present rises and remains standing throughout. The kvatterin transfers baby to kvatter. The mohel takes the baby from the kvatter and calls out his intention to fulfill the mitzvah of Brit Milah. Next, he takes the baby to the kiseh shel eliahu, who holds him for a minute as the mohel recites a brief prayer. All those assembled respond. The mohel then takes the baby from the kiseh shel eliahu, gives him to the sondek, and the circumcision begins.
The actual law is to perform the Brit while the child is being held on the sondek’s lap (al ha-bircaim, on the knees). Very often, however, the mohel prefers to work at a table, so the sondek will stand or sit on a stool in such a way that his knees touch the bottom of the table, while his hands hold the infant on the table as the mohel does his work.
Mohelim have a good reason for working on a table—the sondek! Our mohel always uses a table. Many years ago, he was preparing to perform a Brit on little Chaim Gross when Chaim’s uncle, a thirty-year-old rabbi and psychologist who was honored with sondek, said to him, “Why don’t you do it the right way, on the lap and not on the table?” Said Reverend Martin Horowitz, the mohel, “Because it’s safer for the baby this way. What would happen if the sondek would faint and drop the baby?!” Said the uncle, “Well, I guess you’ve got a point there.” So the uncle/sondek/rabbi/psychologist stood at the table holding little Chaim. And in the middle of the circumcision, he passed right out.
There are three central points to the circumcision: a blessing preceding the act, the act itself, and a blessing following. The mohel recites:
Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who commanded us regarding circumcision.
In the next instant, he actually removes the foreskin, making sure that at least one drop of blood is drawn from the wound.
Immediately, the father recites:
Baruch ata Adonai Elohainu melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu l’hakhniso bivrito shel Avraham avinu.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to bring him (the child) into the Covenant of our father Abraham.
Everyone present answers Amen and calls out:
k’shem sheh’nichnas labrit, ken yikanes l’Torah, u’le’chupah u’l’maasim tovim.
Just as he entered the Covenant, so may he enter into a study of Torah, into marriage, and into the performance of good deeds.
Meanwhile, the mohel applies a surgical ointment, diapers the infant and places him in his father’s hands. The mohel takes a cup of wine and says the blessing over wine. Then he recites the final prayer in which he announces:
Let his name be called in Israel _______, the son of _______.
The baby usually cries after circumcision, so as the mohel sings out his final prayer, he touches a bit of sweet wine to the lips of the infant who immediately ceases crying and begins to suck his lip in search of more of that good stuff.
What is the role of the mother at the Brit? She is a kimpatur, a woman recovering from childbirth. Great attention, deference, and love are showered upon her. In an intangible sort of way, infant, husband, sondek, and mohel notwithstanding, she is the center of this universe.
If the Brit is performed in a synagogue, the mother will walk in with the kvatterin. Most likely she will take a seat that has been set aside in the front row for her. Some mothers go up to the bimah and stand alongside their husbands. If the Brit is performed at home, her role is even more flexible. Some recite their own prayers or readings during the ceremony.
Most Orthodox women, however, continue to play a low-key role. Jewish law requires the father to recite the circumcision blessings, which seems to suit most women who have a sense of accomplishing this marvelous feat and tend not to want to be “up front” during the circumcision ceremony. Perhaps it’s the power of conditioning, but somehow, it all seems to be quite balanced and sweet, a kind of natural division of functions. On the other hand, when women participate fully in the Simchat Habat ceremonies, that, too, seems just right.
The ceremony is followed by the seudat mitzvah, at which there is a brief speech, or two or three, by the new father, the grandfather or grandmother, the rabbi, and occasionally, the mother. The father usually tells something about the person after whom the child was named. There is often some singing and the meal ends with a special Grace for a Brit Milah.
HATAFAT DAM BRIT
If the baby was circumcised in a hospital before the eighth day, he must nevertheless undergo a symbolic circumcision in order for it to be considered a real Brit and not merely a medical procedure. This ceremony takes place on the eighth day and is called Hatafat Dam Brit—“shedding the blood of the Covenant.” The procedure is very simple. A pinprick brings a drop of blood from the skin of the glans. (This drop of blood will normally result during the actual circumcision on the eighth day.) The proper blessings are then recited, and a seudat mitzvah follows. If an older child is being converted to Judaism and has already undergone a medical circumcision, a Hatafat Dam Brit is performed as part of his conversion.
SIMCHAT HABAT
Of this community, it must also be said: there has long been a gender-skewed appreciation of new life. Until this past decade, the birth of a baby girl went relatively unnoticed by tradition, unmarked by community. Most baby girls in Jewish history have been named during the course of a regular synagogue service when the father is called up for an aliyah and offers the me’sheh’bay’rach blessing.
The me’sheh’bay’rach blessing in which a female is named is:
He Who blessed our fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, Moses and Aaron, David and Solomon, may He bless the mother _______ and her newborn daughter, whose name in Israel shall be called _______. May they raise her for the marriage canopy and for a life of good deeds, and let us say Amen.
Occasionally the mother would be present in the synagogue, but usually not. All who were paying attention would wish the new father a mazel-tov and that, for the most part, was that!
Not any longer. The wisdom of marking so personal an event within the framework of community has finally begun to impress itself on all of us. Girls do not need to undergo circumcision, but that doesn’t mean their entry into the world, and from there into the covenant between God and Israel, must remain a private affair. In all sectors of the Orthodox community there are now celebrations for infant girls that simply didn’t exist a generation ago. For these innovations, we must thank our more liberal coreligionists.
The ceremony is so new that there is no standard procedure, not even a single name by which it goes. Simchat Habat (the rejoicing of the daughter), is most widely used. There is also Brit Kedusha (the covenant of holiness), Brit Sarah (who entered into the covenant along with Abraham; this title was used for a ceremony prepared by a couple who named their daughter Sarah), Brit Nerot (in which candles are used).
The Simchat Habat ceremonies usually follow these outlines:
1. Carrying in the baby ceremoniously, with someone singing a prayer welcoming her. Generally, the carry-in honor is given to one grandmother and holding the baby throughout the ceremony is given to the other one.
2. Reciting the Birkat Hagomel and the Shehecheyanu blessings. The mother or mother and father recite these blessings.
3. A special prayer naming her with her Jewish name. Some use the traditional me’sheh’bay’rach that is used in the synagogue for naming girls. Others use the naming prayer in the Brit altered appropriately for females. Still others formulate their own naming prayers.
4. After her name is given, the guests respond: “Just as she has been entered into the Covenant, let her enter a life of Torah, marriage canopy, and good deeds.” (Recall the traditional prayer for girls omitted the part about Torah.)
5. In some ceremonies, Bibl
ical readings are interspersed throughout.
6. Often a guest or one of the parents delivers a brief speech on this special occasion.
7. The baby is blessed with the priestly blessing.
8. And the ceremony concludes with the blessing over wine, followed by the meal.
As one can see, the ceremony for girls closely follows the covenant ceremony for boys. The Jewish Women’s Resource center in New York City publishes a pamphlet describing several Simchat Habat ceremonies. As has happened many times before, it will take a few decades before it will become standardized and formalized. Or it could happen next year: the publisher of a traditional siddur might select one ceremony and include it in his siddur—and it would henceforth become fixed for all time. Meanwhile, however, since nothing has been fixed as yet, the time of celebrating is also flexible. Some parents celebrate a week or two after the birth, others wait until the baby is a month old—and can write and deliver her own speech.
ADOPTION
The Brit for an adopted child whose natural mother is not Jewish is a bit different. Or, to be more accurate, the procedures are quite the same, but the prayers and blessings are not. The circumcision is specifically designated for the purpose of conversion. But conversion is completed only by ritual immersion. Since immersion in a ritual bath cannot possibly take place that day (that is, until the penis heals), the conversion is incomplete, and the child is still not considered a Jew. Therefore, his full Hebrew name will not be given at a Brit. As soon as ritual immersion takes place, the Jewish name is given. If the child had been previously circumcised as a medical procedure, the Hatafat Dam Brit ceremony is performed. Since there is no need to wait for healing, the ritual immersion can take place immediately following the drawing of a drop of blood from the skin of the glans. In this instance conversion and naming are done at the same time.
Similarly, a girl born to a non-Jewish mother is not named until after her ritual immersion. A Simchat Habat might immediately follow a conversion, but does not precede it.
All of this, by the way, applies to children of an intermarriage where the mother has not yet been converted to Judaism.
As it should be, an adopted child is given the name of its adoptive parent (for example, Aharon ben Moshe for an aliyah or Aharon ben Rivkah for a me’sheh’bay’rach). However, levitical or priestly descent is not passed on to an adopted child.
PIDYON HABEN
The ceremony of the firstborn son is also of Biblical origin:
And God spoke further to Moses, saying: Consecrate to Me every firstborn man and beast. The first issue of every womb among the children of Israel is Mine.
—EXODUS 13:1–2
Consecration to the service of God was a gift, a special privilege, all the more so in contrast to the lot of firstborn Egyptians at the time of the Exodus, who were killed by the tenth plague.
In time, however, the Jews sinned by fashioning the golden calf. The consecration privilege of the firstborn was taken from the Israelites as a whole, and was given only to the tribe of Levites, who had refrained from idol worship:
Now I take the Levites instead of every firstborn among the children of Israel.
—NUMBERS 8:18
In particular, the privilege and responsibility for maintaining the Sanctuary was given to the descendants of Aaron, the High Priest. Thus it was that the firstborn male of an Israelite had to be redeemed by paying symbolic ransom to a priest rather than to a general Levite. Even the price of redemption was fixed in the Bible:
The firstborn … from a month old shall you redeem … Their redemption money shall be the value of five shekels of silver.
—NUMBERS 18:15–16
So! Every firstborn who is male, born of his mother’s womb, must be redeemed from a Kohen (a Jew of priestly descent) who has replaced him in the divine service. There is no need for a Pidyon Haben if:
1. The first issue of the womb is a girl.
2. Either father or mother are of Kohen or Levi lineage (since they are dedicated to the service anyway).
3. The birth was Cesarean (it didn’t issue from the womb).
4. If the mother previously miscarried a fetus that was more than three months old. If the previous miscarriage occurred some time between the fortieth day and three months, then the Pidyon Haben is required for this son; however, the blessings recited by the father are omitted.
The ceremony takes place on the thirty-first day after the birth. If the thirty-first is Shabbat, or a holiday, Pidyon Haben is postponed until a day later.
A Pidyon Haben is generally held at home. A table is set with a cup of wine. The mother carries the baby in on a pillow set on a large tray. The father, standing in front of the table, takes the baby on his pillow and places pillow with baby on the table between himself and the Kohen.
The father faces the Kohen and says:
“This is my firstborn son, the first issue of his mother’s womb, that God has commanded me to redeem … for five shekels.”
The Kohen asks:
“Which would you prefer? To give me the child, or to redeem him?”
The father answers (usually):
“To redeem him.”
Then, holding the five shekels in his hand, the father recites the blessing:
Baruch ata Adonai Elohainu melech ha’olam asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al pidyon haben.
Blessed are You, Lord our God, Ruler of the universe, Who has commanded us regarding the redemption of the firstborn son.”
He also recites the Shehecheyanu.
Then he hands the money to the Kohen, who waves it over the child’s head, saying:
“This money is in place of that … May the child grow to a life of Torah and fear of heaven. May it be God’s will that as he has entered into the redemption of the firstborn, so may he enter into a life of Torah, marriage, and good deeds.”
The Kohen then puts the money down, places his hands over the child’s head, and recites the priestly blessing. Next, he takes the cup of wine, recites the blessing, and the seudat mitzvah (what else!) can then begin.
Today most priests return the money to the parents as a gift for the child. Often, five silver dollars are used, or, more recently, five special silver coins struck by the Israeli government specifically for the Pidyon Haben ceremony.
The Pidyon Haben service can be found in most any siddur, or in special booklets printed with the Brit and Pidyon Haben ceremonies.
In some Jewish circles there is a move to celebrate Pidyon Habat, an equivalent ceremony for girls that expresses the parent’s joy and gratitude for this first child. This has not caught on among the Orthodox, in part because these same sentiments (themes) are generally expressed at the Simchat Habat celebration, and because the idea of redeeming a girl from priestly function—which females never served—seems even more remote and vestigial than redeeming a boy, for whom it is, nevertheless, a mitzvah d’oraita, a Biblical commandment.
Socially, a Pidyon Haben has certain advantages over a Brit. You can schedule it with better advance notice, the mother is stronger and the baby less fragile, and the party can be scheduled for evening or daytime of the thirty-first day. On the other hand, one party per infant seems quite sufficient; after the high of a Brit, the Pidyon Haben always seems anticlimactic. Still, I like it because I am the wife of the Kohen who usually performs the ceremony. If the kid is real cute, I urge my husband to refuse the money and run with the kid. But some men just don’t listen.
More than at a wedding, more than at a funeral, I find myself swept away with emotion at a Brit or Simchat Habat. Sometimes, it is the sense of history and past that rushes over me. At a Brit, memory bridges to consciousness: this is what Jews have been doing ever since that very first encounter between the nomad Abraham and the Creator of the Universe!
Sometimes, it is recalling what trials Jews have gone through in one era or another to have children and to circumcise their sons. Oftentimes, Brit Milah was the first thing an enemy would fo
rbid; yet Jews would do it upon pain of death. Sometimes the joy is tinged with a moment’s panic—the fear that every male Jew who carries the mark of circumcision in his flesh can be singled out on an instant’s notice. Sometimes, a Brit forces me to remember that during the Holocaust, Jewish girls could risk being runners from the ghetto, while Jewish boys could not; boys had to fear the Nazi order, “Pull down your pants!”
Sometimes, at a Simchat Habat, I think to myself it will take a century until we will have built up layers of associations with the covenanting ritual of newborn females. And an instant later, I think how fortunate I am to be present at its historic beginnings.
But most of all, the feeling that surges through me, as it does through everyone present at a Brit or Simchat Habat, is the celebration of new life. New life not only for the immediate family, whose joy and love and tenderness we share, but new life for every one of us there, and for every other member of the covenanted community whose ranks this special child has now entered and enlarged. We celebrate the birth of a Jew, a precious immediate symbol of our promise, our continuity, our future, our strength. This, we know, is a child of all of us.
I’m not exactly sure how tradition and community personalize the commandment: “Be fruitful and multiply.” But I know it happens. I’m not sure why Orthodox Jews still consider children to be the greatest blessing in their lives, when much else in life competes for our time and attention. But I know it is so. For this shared value alone—for not letting me lose perspective of what really counts in life, what is really important as I order my priorities—for this alone...
CHAPTER · 11
ABORTION AND BIRTH CONTROL
How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household Page 25