by M. J. Pullen
“Nah. Once she gets that ring on her finger, nothing else will matter.”
They dug into the pizza. The long white bands of cheese dripping off the edges made it easy to focus on the process of eating rather than talking. The shock that Jared’s future wife was Charlotte’s despised neighbor had distracted her from something else important, which was now bubbling back to the front of her awareness.
He’d talked to Brianna about her. He’d told his girlfriend that he’d once been madly in love with Charlotte. This contradicted everything he’d said earlier today. He’d made it sound as if he asked her to run away after college on a whim, and that his disappointment had been easily healed by the comforts of being alone—and not alone—on his adventures.
If that were the case, why would he have told his girlfriend of six months about it?
“Brianna doesn’t like surprises,” she said, opting for a safer topic. “Do you think she has any idea you’re going to propose?”
He shrugged. “Maybe. She’s been hinting about it. Talking about the house she wants me to build for her, that kind of thing. You know…”
“Sure. She’s probably picked a good school district, right?”
“She didn’t seem worried about that. Actually, we haven’t talked about kids at all. I guess it’s sort of at the fantasy stage, you know? A house on a cliff overlooking Monterrey Bay, that kind of thing.”
“So you’ll be moving here?” Charlotte’s chest tightened. “Isn’t the business staying in Austin?” She couldn’t decide whether she desperately wanted him to live nearby, or the exact opposite. Would he move in four doors down from her? Would she have to watch his whole damn happy life unfold out her miserable window?
“We haven’t really gotten that far.” He took another slice of pizza from the metal tray between them. “Lots of options. But she has to say yes first.”
Charlotte set down the crust of her first slice and took a long sip of her beer before she selected another piece.
“You still don’t eat the crust,” Jared observed. “What a waste. You know the whole pizza is made on the same crust, right?”
“As you reminded me twice a week in college.” She took an extravagant bite of her new slice.
“I’m always cleaning up after you.” He swiped the abandoned crust from her plate. “Just think, if I do move here, we could have pizza every week like we used to. It would be like old times.”
“How would Brianna feel about that?” Charlotte regretted the question as soon as it came out of her mouth. Too close to the elephant.
He stopped chewing momentarily, then spoke casually. “Fine. She’ll love you just as much as I do. We’ll double date with you and…”
“Whatever poor sap I can find at the moment?”
“Sure,” he said. “You can even bring the real Lily and her DJ boyfriend. We’ll find a place that does trivia night or something.”
Charlotte’s heart ached. It was beautiful picture: the casual, comfortable friendship she’d been missing ever since she’d watched his battered Sentra pull away after graduation. That was college friendship, though, and they had both left it behind years ago.
Besides, did Jared really think Brianna, who hated both her and Lily long before they’d known each other’s names, was going to want to hang out with them every week? Or even let him hang out with them, after he’d apparently told her about his feelings for Charlotte back in the day? If she were in Brianna’s place, there was no frigging way.
She shook her head. “You make it sound like you’ll just move here, and then I’m going to find some amazing guy, and we’ll take turns grilling out at each other’s houses. Our kids will go to the same preschool and we’ll play cards on Saturday nights.”
“Why not?” he said. “You’re the closest thing I have to a best friend. Why shouldn’t we hang out together?”
She stared at him, searching for an answer.
Because I can’t stand your girlfriend and I think you’re making a huge mistake.
Because there’s no way I can stay so close to you when you’re married to someone else.
Because maybe I chose poorly on graduation night. And maybe I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
“Because…that’s just not how things work out. Not in real life. Even the Jared Kunitz Effect has its limitations.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I mean, how you skate through life, doing whatever you feel like doing, and somehow the universe just paves the way for you.”
“I do not skate through life,” he said testily. “I’ve worked hard for what I have.”
“I’m not talking about money, Jared. I’m saying, while the rest of us plan and budget and worry, you just follow your instincts. You think you can just do whatever stupid, impulsive thing strikes you and somehow it’s all going to work out perfectly.”
“Stupid and impulsive, huh?” He downed the rest of his beer and slammed the glass on the table. “You mean like deciding not to become an insurance salesman like Boyd did after college? Deciding to make my own destiny? Just because you didn’t want to be a part of it doesn’t mean it’s wrong…”
She cringed. “This has nothing to do with that. I mean, impulsive like marrying someone you barely know, in another city, with no idea if you even want the same things in life. You haven’t talked about marriage or kids and you have no idea which city you will live in when you get married—but you hired a proposal planner to make this big production out of your engagement? That’s just so typical of you, Jared. Make a big splash, get by on your charm, don’t worry about responsibility or doing the right thing. And I’m supposed to be here to watch it all go down? I’m going to have to tell whatever poor idiot who marries me that we’re already committed to playing cards every Saturday night with someone I hate, because that’s what you want. And God forbid Jared Kunitz doesn’t get what he wants!”
He stared at her. “Someone you hate?”
“She drives a fucking Hummer, Jared! And she double-parks it. All the time. In San Francisco. You don’t do that here.”
“Let me get this straight—you’re yelling at me in a restaurant because I want to marry someone who drives a Hummer?”
“And double-parks it! And she…. There are all these guys. Maybe they’re friends or whatever, but… It’s hard to explain. She’s just…not a good person, Jared.”
He glared at her. “That is unbelievably unfair, Charlotte. You don’t know her. Who are you now, Mrs. Kravitz, the nosy neighbor? Bree has a lot of friends, men and women; I’m cool with it. It’s one of the things I love about her. And just because we haven’t discussed every little detail of our future doesn’t mean our marriage is doomed. Not everyone has to plan their life down to the minute like you do.”
“I don’t—”
“I’m not finished. Because you know what I think this is about? No matter what you say, I think this is about that stupid kiss last night, and you reading more into it than was there. I think this is about you realizing that you made the wrong choice seven years ago, now that I’m….” He clenched his fist, anger keeping him from finding his words. “Now that I’m successful; the kind of guy you might consider a life with. Now that you know you’d be safe.”
It was as if he’d punched her.
He was still talking, but she couldn’t make out the rest of the words. The wind had been knocked from her chest. Never once, in all her ruminations about Jared over the last two days, had Charlotte considered his financial situation as a factor. Not in her feelings, not in whether she should share those feelings with him. She had never once considered that being with Jared could mean a house on a cliff overlooking Monterrey Bay or anywhere else. Charlotte had only been thinking that her best friend was back in her life, and that being with him would mean being with him. It was what she had wanted years ago but had been too
afraid to accept, and now that she had…
Their confrontation had cleared the fog from her brain, and given her a clear view into what was now the smoking, gaping wreckage of her heart.
It had been stupid of her not to think about the money. Or at least to know that he would be. Then again, she’d done a lot of stupid things in the last thirty-six hours. She watched his mouth moving. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she tried to tune in to the words.
“This isn’t some competition where the best person gets to have me, Charlotte. I know it may be hard for your Type A brain to understand, but I am in love with this woman. She double-parks her SUV? Fine. I snore really loud and my feet stink. This is the crap we learn to live with when we marry someone, right?”
“Jared, please. I didn’t mean…”
“Look. Maybe you’ve had some epiphany. Maybe you realize now that I would have loved you better than Boyd, which I think we both knew, even that night.”
“I didn’t. I mean, part of me always…”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said abruptly. “Even if you did want me, now that I meet your standards for a successful life, I’m with Brianna now. The kiss last night was a mistake, and I’m sorry. I never intended for you to misinterpret what was happening between us. I guess it was…you know. Pre-engagement jitters.”
Another jab. “So, you could have kissed anyone last night?”
Something in Jared’s face softened. “No. It’s just, you and I have history. It felt like…unfinished business. You know, like confronting the bully who used to put your head in the toilet, kissing the girl you could never have for breaking your heart.”
“So this was some kind of revenge fantasy?” A horrible thought struck her and the tears began to roll. “Did you know I worked for Perfect Proposals? Did you do all this…on purpose?”
“Are you kidding? Of course not. I was just as surprised yesterday as you were. And it wasn’t a revenge fantasy. Jesus, Charlotte. You’re my friend. I care about you. I’d never hurt you on purpose. If I’d known you had these kinds of feelings, I…”
Somewhere at her center, Charlotte found a hard core of calm civility. “Did I say I had feelings for you?” She almost added, “out loud” but managed to hold back.
“No.” He paused. “I guess you didn’t.”
“Maybe I’m just a concerned friend who doesn’t want you to get hurt.” She wiped frantically at her eyes.
“Well, thanks for your concern,” he echoed. “But I’m a big boy and I can handle myself. I’ve managed just fine for the last seven years without you.”
“That’s fine,” she said. “But I need you to know one thing. When I turned you down on graduation night, I didn’t say all the right things because you surprised me. And you’re right, I was scared. But I wasn’t scared of being poor with you or falling in love with my feckless friend whose life had no direction.
“I was scared of jumping in a car and leaving my sick father to worry about when he might hear from me. I was worried how he’d react when he found out I wasn’t in love with Boyd, whom he adored, and whose parents he’d already met. My dad died believing I was about to marry a nice boy with a nice stable family; he died with pictures in his mind of what his grandchildren would look like.”
The tears were flowing now, and Jared’s eyes were red, too. “As far as Dad knew, Boyd had every intention of taking care of me forever. I could never have given him that if I’d upheaved my life on graduation night and gone to live in a tent with you. However badly I might have wanted to.”
“You knew that day, that your dad was sick? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You didn’t stick around long enough, did you? I had just found out a couple of days earlier. We were just trying to process it and get through graduation. And you were gone before brunch the next day. I never saw you again.”
“But if I’d known—”
“You would have stayed. I know that. Even as a friend. But Jared, I was so confused then. I’d told myself since fall of our freshman year that I was in love with Boyd. Told my family that, and his. My feelings for you were terrifying and different and I had no idea how they would turn out, except that they were going to tear apart everything I felt sure of, while my dying father had to watch. Dad’s cancer was scary, but I had a pretty good idea how that was going to turn out. I couldn’t ask you to put your dreams, your adventure, on hold. Not for something so unlikely to end well.”
“So if I’d waited…”
It was her turn to shrug. “Who knows, Jared? But I’m glad you didn’t. Because that wouldn’t have made you happy. And now…you are. You clearly love Brianna, and I’m sorry if I did anything tonight to sully that. You’re right. I read too much into our kiss. I guess I had more unfinished business in my life than I realized.”
She stood and patted him on the stubbly cheek, trying desperately to be the woman who could take the high road. Sling her lipstick case into a holster on her hip and saunter out with her head held high. She flashed him what she hoped was a sophisticated, Lauren Bacall smile. “You’ve always been my road not taken. Every girl needs the one who got away.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to call Owen to brief him on the plan for tomorrow. You deserve the most spectacular engagement ever, and you can’t have that with me in your way. It was unprofessional of me to try, if I’m honest.”
“Charlotte, wait.” He grabbed her arm.
“I think we’ve said enough, don’t you?” She patted his hand. He had to let go or she was never getting out of here with her dignity intact. “It was beautiful to see you again, Jared. I wish you every happiness.”
Only when she was halfway to the door did it occur to Charlotte she hadn’t paid for her half of the pizza or beer. That might diminish the “high road” aspect of this, just the teensiest bit. Also, they were in her car. He’d have to call for a ride home. Would Lauren Bacall have paid for her own pizza? Maybe Charlotte was more of a Deborah Kerr.
Too late now. It was better not to look back. Every movie she’d ever seen confirmed it. What was she hoping? That he’d follow her out and profess his undying love?
Still, just as she crossed the threshold of the door, she needed to know.
But Jared wasn’t following her. He was leaning on one elbow, propped on the table, looking away. She turned back toward the street. “That’s why you never look back,” she muttered, and went on, pulling out her phone to call Owen before she even got to her car.
“Tell me you didn’t just willingly hand over your richest, most connected client to Owen.” Lily stared at Charlotte as she handed her a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
“Did you miss the part where I said his girlfriend is the freaking White Witch? She’s like, your nemesis.”
“I know, and that’s awful. But giving up like this. It’s just so…not like you.”
“Are you trying to say that I’m normally cutthroat and ambitious?”
“I wouldn’t have said that,” Lily said, carefully. “At least not to your face. It’s just that you typically aren’t so easily defeated.”
“What makes you think I’m defeated?”
“You’re watching An Affair to Remember. That means either a huge professional setback or severe PMS.” Lily kicked off her shoes and sank into the other end of the couch. “And I happen to know we’re still eight days from the latter.”
Charlotte’s spoon froze in midair, the Chubby Hubby suspended momentarily as she stared at her roommate. “We’ve been living together for way too long.”
“So…I guess that makes this an okay time to tell you that Darren asked me to move in with him?”
“Ha, ha. Way to kick the perpetually single girl while she’s down,” Charlotte said, watching Deborah Kerr order a pink champagne cocktail. Now that was a drink order. Deborah Kerr wouldn’t drink gin and tonic from a g
iant plastic cup. “Maybe I should start drinking pink champagne like a classy broad. What do you think Brianna orders at bars? Something fruity maybe, with an umbrella?”
Lily didn’t respond.
“You’re right,” Charlotte went on, scraping the side of the ice cream carton with her spoon. “She’s more like the shot of wheatgrass kind of girl. She probably doesn’t drink at all. Maybe that’s our problem, you and I. Maybe we should give up the wine and booze and start doing yoga at four a.m.”
When Lily didn’t laugh or protest vociferously, Charlotte finally turned to look at her. Lily was pink. She never blushed.
“Oh my God. You’re serious.”
“It’s crazy, right? Too soon.”
“No! Lils, you’ve been dating the guy for over a year and you’re both paying San Francisco rent. Of course he asked you to move in with him!” Charlotte put down the ice cream and threw her arms around her roommate. “I’m so happy for you!”
“It’s not like we’re engaged or anything,” Lily said, though the tears sparkling in her eyes belied the emotional significance of the moment. “But since I have no intention of having some big dramatic proposal after working this job for so long, I guess it’s the closest thing I’ll get.”
“How did he ask?” Charlotte said, in spite of herself.
Lily looked sheepish. “Technically, he didn’t ask.” She reached beneath her collar and extracted a length of red twine, with a shiny silver key dangling at the end. “He just slipped this over my head when he left to go to the club tonight. He said that he didn’t have to look for a new roommate next month if I didn’t want him to. He said there’s plenty of room for both of our equipment in the extra bedroom.”
“So…he asked you to merge equipment?”
“It was sweeter than it sounds. For a DJ and a photographer, equipment is a big deal.”
Charlotte laughed. “I don’t know how I didn’t realize this sooner. Darren’s a DJ, you’re a photographer. You’re half a wedding or bar mitzvah.”