The truth was, I had insisted that this be done immediately, believing the whole time that soon I would join Amenhotep. But each day the sun rose and I was still alive.
Without waiting for the stupid attendant to remove the bandage I snatched it from my own head, ignoring his look of disapproval. Kill me, then, brave one! I thought, scowling back at him.
I walked with my head held high into my newly finished tomb. The walls were gaily colored with bright blue peacocks, a palm-lined river flowed along the expanse of it, and a collection of birds fluttered above it all. If by chance I was not permitted into the Otherworld and had to dwell here for eternity, I would at least have something pleasant to look at. Along the entrance wall were portraits of my family. I smiled at seeing the image of my brown-skinned Thutmose and my own parents. How small they appeared to me now! I could also see the list of the names that my beloved had given me over the years. I did not take the time to read them, for I knew them all by heart.
Hereditary Princess, Lady of the Two Lands, Great King’s Wife, Mistress of Upper and Lower Egypt, Keeper of Pharaoh’s Heart.
What did any of these titles mean now? What wouldn’t I have given to spend one more day sailing across the lake with my husband by my side? What wouldn’t I have given to lay my head in his lap and feel his hands stroke my hair? I walked to the back of the tomb and into the inner chamber that would hold my sarcophagus. I lay on the golden bier and stared at the ceiling. It had been lovingly painted with stars and heavenly sights. I closed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest pretending to be dead. What if I could die? I was strong. I could just will myself to die, couldn’t I?
Oh, Amenhotep! Let me come to you now! Summon me, my love!
My words echoed through the chamber, trembling in the air. I waited, hoping to hear my husband’s voice ring through the emptiness, but alas, I heard nothing. Only the beating of my heart, the pulsing of my blood, my shallow breathing. Determined, I remained still, my arms across my chest in the figure of one who was dead. These actions availed me nothing. I lived still. I sighed into the darkness and whispered once again, “Amenhotep, call me to you. Call me to you, and I will run like a gazelle. Call me to you, and I will crush my own heart to obey. Call me to you, and I will seal myself into these rooms and wait for death to take me. Tell Osiris that I long to join you, I, your rightful wife and Queen of Egypt.”
I heard nothing for a long while and then the rustling of something. Quiet at first, then louder, clearer. It was something dry, something unseen. “Amenhotep, is that you?” I whispered, my faithless heart pounding like a tightly bound drum. I heard the sound again and did not move.
Then I heard his voice. Not in the air and not in my ears, but I heard it in my heart. His words came to me: Remember our sons. The one alive, the one who is dead. Remember your promise to me. Do what I failed to do. With a gasp I sat up, swinging my short legs over the side of the cold metal stand. I slid off the box and spun about the room, hoping to see the tall figure of my husband. For a second, I did see a shadow looming in the corner. Then it faded. It was nothing. I knew it was a foolish thing to hope for. He was dead—I had seen him dead. I had visited the embalmers. I knew Amenhotep was gone. Whether by his own choice or by the gods, he was gone. But my promise to him lived on, and I must obey it. I must keep it. For him and for my sons.
“Yes, husband. I remember my promise to you. I will do as you ask, and then I will join you, my love. Prepare a place for me!”
I heard nothing but the soft rustling again and walked out of my tomb with a new resolve. As much as I longed for death, even embraced it, my work here was not yet done. I had heard his voice, and that was proof to me that he was not yet at rest. I would not fail him. I stepped out of the dark tomb rubbing my hands along the cool wall. I did not hesitate in the doorway but stepped into the sun, embracing its warmth by turning my face to it. I breathed in the dusty air and climbed into my litter, waving away the servant who would attempt to blindfold me once again.
“Don’t be a fool! This is my own tomb. Do you think that I would rob myself? Do you think that I would tell someone where I shall lie? Move out of my way.” Surprised at my abruptness, the man stepped back with his gold cloth in his hand. Memre, my faithful servant, waited in the litter for me. I said to her, “We must go see the new Queen. There are things that I must do—that we must do.” With a grim nod, Memre gave the order and the litter began to move. We had barely exited the valley before she and I had worked up our plan. Nefertiti must be queen, and I must have my revenge.
The Desert Queen had not been the quick study I had hoped for, but in truth I had abandoned her to wallow selfishly in my grief. The time for that was ended. I was sure the Monkey had not spent her time mourning my husband.
“Have they arrived yet?” She did not ask me who. Besides Huya, Memre knew my thoughts better than anyone. It was the Hittites I spoke of, the grasping, deceitful Hittites.
“Yes, and their mission is clear. Even now your son is entertaining them, listening to them, hoping to follow in his father’s footsteps and keep peace between the kingdoms. I wonder what lies the Hittite woman is pouring into his ear.”
“He will entertain her for a time because he is Pharaoh, but it would take much more than some sweet words to lure him away from Nefertiti. Of that I am sure. The boy is smitten with her—I had to do little more than introduce the two of them. Nothing less than Fate brought them together.”
She snorted. “Are you Fate now, my Queen? Is that one of the titles of Isis? If I remember correctly the same could be said for you and your husband, but you still had to fight to keep him.”
“Do not mock me!” I barked at her. As usual she shrugged it off and I continued, “What can these Hittites offer my son besides a spoiled princess? What would lure him away from his Desert Queen? What threat is there?”
“Perhaps there is none. Like you say, these are merely formalities.”
I tapped my lip with my finger and looked at her through slitted eyes. “What are you not telling me?”
“Would I keep anything from you, my Queen? In regards to Tadukhipa, I know nothing beyond what you already know. However, when I visited Nefertiti I saw she had the daughter of Heby in her retinue.”
“Heby’s daughter? When did this happen? Why was I not consulted?”
“You would not allow me in your room, my Queen. I do not know who made the arrangements for Nefertiti’s court, but I can tell you that there are a great many questionable characters in her circle.”
I sat up stiffer and gave her a wrinkled frown. “Well, we shall see about that. I’m anxious to meet Heby’s daughter and see what other snakes are slithering in the grass.”
We rode the rest of the way in silence except for the flickering of my fan and the footsteps of my attendants. I could hear the boisterous sounds of the city as we approached. Thebes was not a quiet place—and it had taken on quite a frenzied feeling of late. With so many new visitors to court, if you could count the Hittites as new, and the arrival of the surprisingly exciting Desert Queen, there was much to be done. Courtiers from around Egypt had arrived hoping to catch a glimpse of the beautiful young monarch and her handsome Pharaoh. Of course there were also other factions present including those representing Kiya and other families, great families, noble families who hoped Pharaoh would look with kindness upon their households and bring their daughters into such elevated states of grace. It was the dream of all noble families to marry into Amenhotep’s bloodline. And since there was no limit to the number of wives an Egyptian king could have, all things were possible. Even now Amenhotep’s neglected harem was ridiculously large. I would never wish my daughter to fill a spot in the harem, as it was a lonely life, but many fathers did just that.
“What of Sitamen? How does she fare in her new palace? She has not been to see me since her father passed to the Otherworld.”
“Perhaps we should go see her first, my Queen. A visit from her mother would do her good.”
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It was my turn to snort in derision. I remembered that Memre had a particular softness for my daughters, especially Sitamen. Detecting my attitude, she wisely said nothing else. How could I explain to her the complexity of my feelings for my daughter? Finally the swaying slowed. I could tell the attendants were tired, for their feet shuffled clumsily after walking for hours in the heat. I happily got shuffled out of the litter, resisting the urge to rub my tired back and behind. How queenly would that have been? Instead I walked straight up the steps to one of the cool patios. This was my son’s palace, and I would not rush into his courts during his negotiations, no matter how much I hated Tadukhipa’s people. He had enough to think about now. I quietly vowed to visit him in a day or two before I returned home. It had been too long since I had seen his handsome face, a face so much like his father’s.
Immediately a flurry of activity surrounded me. I took a seat and allowed the various attendants to meet my needs. I whispered to Memre, and she left me to do my bidding. I did not have to wait long.
“Great Queen,” the young Queen called to me. She bowed and to my surprise greeted me with the sacred Isis gesture. With a delighted smile I returned the gesture and invited her to sit with me.
“Queen Nefertiti, how well you look. I trust my son is treating you well.”
She could not hold back her smile. “He is the best of husbands, my Queen. Does he know you are here? I am sure he would want to see you.” I took her hand and squeezed it. Yes, she was a beautiful girl. But still too kind, too trusting. I could see that in her eyes. We will have to drive that out of her. I also saw something else. What was that? Fear? Loneliness? Ah, she would have to get used to that. Fear and loneliness were a queen’s constant companions.
“I will see him soon. It is you I came to see, Queen Nefertiti.” I looked at Memre, and without saying a word she collected the servants and shooed them away so that my daughter-in-law and I could speak alone. She appeared to breathe a sigh of relief. “How are things between you two? Memre tells me you are with child. Is it true?”
“Yes, it is true.”
“Then why are there no banners? No celebration? Egypt should know that a new Prince or Princess is soon to arrive. Surely your steward has instructed you in these things. The arrival of a child into your household is a holy, wonderful event, and it must be respected. Who do you have advising you?”
“I did as you asked me to. I made peace with my uncle. We have visited, and I have given him some tasks, but I have not planned on doing anything special yet in regards to the announcement of my child—our child. As you know, Amenhotep is in the middle of negotiating with the Hittites over their daughter and other things. I did not wish to complicate matters.”
“Nonsense! Your child is the child of Pharaoh. I can promise you that Tadukhipa would offer you no such relief. She would insist on every advantage being bestowed upon her. You must do nothing less. It is a good thing that I have come, for your advisers, whoever they may be, are seriously derelict in their duties.” Nefertiti appeared troubled, and I immediately felt sympathy for her. It was hard being a new queen—especially an outsider, someone with no allies or influential friends. I had been away for too long. Why had Amenhotep not spoken to her about these things? Perhaps I had neglected them both. I chewed on the inside of my lip and peered at her.
“No matter. I’m here now, and I will help you. I can see you have something on your mind. What is it?”
“Amenhotep is leaving. He is taking a trip with Tadukhipa. He says it is to please the Hittites only, that his heart is not hers, but I know how things are. For all his strength he is but a man, and Tadukhipa a very cunning woman.”
“There is nothing you can tell me about Tadukhipa that would surprise me. She was my sister-wife long before she was yours, but I know my son. She can throw whatever she likes at him. Flirtatious looks, succulent dishes, extravagant gifts, even decadent pleasures. Amenhotep is a man of character. A thinking man and not one to be won with a few back rubs or guilty pleasures. You are thinking like a commoner. And Tadukhipa is no common street whore. She is royalty, even if it is barbarian royalty. She was raised at a large court, which gives her an advantage over you, but I have no doubt that my son loves you and will put you above all his other wives, including his sister.”
“He says that he cannot think only of himself but of all Egypt. He has made no promises to me, and I am to be left here to sit upon his throne. I’m glad you are here, for I do not know what to do.” Suddenly she grasped my hands. “Promise me you will stay with me, Great Queen.”
I had to remind myself not to flinch or slap her. I was not used to being handled. I took a deep breath and said, “If he has asked you to sit on his throne, he has afforded you a great privilege. He has never asked Tadukhipa to do such a thing. He is giving you the opportunity to show the people of Egypt that you are indeed truly worthy of the title of Great Wife. Do not disappoint him. I will spend a few days with you, but beyond that these things are up to you. I have my own destiny to fulfill, Nefertiti.” Then she asked me a surprising question.
“Why did you pick me, Queen Tiye? Of all the women in the Red Lands and the Black Lands, why did you pick me? For I know it was you who orchestrated all this.”
I looked deeply into her green eyes. She deserved an answer, but the truth was I did not know what led me to compel her to stay with me. Perhaps it was the desert blood that ran in our veins, calling us to one another. Perhaps it was the sight of her glorious red hair trailing down her narrow back—a true sign of the gods. Perhaps it was her willingness to give everything for her tribe. If she had refused my conditions, would I have helped her?
“I compelled you to stay because you were always meant to be here. This is your place. Not because I said so, and not because my son loves you, but because you were meant to be here. This is your destiny, Nefertiti.” She nodded, acknowledging my words, And I added, “I have found it is better to spend less time questioning why and more time thinking about serving your Pharaoh. It helps to keep things in perspective. There is nothing outside of him. No god or goddess. Not even your children can you love as much as you love him.” Suddenly my stomach rumbled and hunger struck me just as if it were a tangible thing.
The young queen must have heard my stomach’s complaints, for she quickly said, “It would be my honor if you would join me for the evening meal. We can dine in my room where it is cool and quiet. I value your opinion, Great Wife.”
I was sure that my presence was known all over the palace by now, so it would do us little good to hide out in the queen’s chambers. However, this would serve as the perfect opportunity to meet her servants in an informal atmosphere. I agreed, and together we strolled to her rooms. We walked in silence and as I passed by the familiar painted columns and marble statues I remembered happier days. The echo of Thutmose’s laughter. The playful giggles of my daughters. Amenhotep’s booming voice as he called his many dogs to his side. To Egypt the palace was a grand place, a thing of beauty, a copy of the mansion of heaven. But to me it had been home. It felt good to be home again.
Chapter Seven
Sitamen—Choices
I rubbed the sandalwood oil all over my hands and arms as I enjoyed the peaceful quiet of my solitary bath house. I stared down into the palms of my small hands. I could hardly believe the things they had done just a few days ago. The blood—oh, so much blood—and the squirming, wriggling life they held.
I would never forget how the smell of the blood filled my nostrils, how it offended me. Warriors like Ramose must have smelled it all the time since they hacked, murdered and maimed as part of their careers. The general waited for me now, and my anticipation of the meeting surprised me. Rubbing the oil furiously into my cuticles, I thought about the few times we had exchanged words. If I were not Pharaoh’s daughter, I was sure he would not know my name.
For someone with so much courage, at least that was the talk, Ramose knew very little about women. Like most men he to
ok them at face and figure value. To men like him, women were merely convenient receptacles for their seed. Not equal at all. But that was his mistake.
I stared into the mirror and made an honest assessment of the face that stared back at me. Small like my mother with longer arms and legs, I had an angular face like my father. I also had his full lips and clear, smooth olive skin. Unlike the rest of the court, I had grown my hair back over the past few years, and it was a decision I did not regret. Doing so gave me a power and confidence I had not expected. I brushed my hair and let the dark brown cascades fall around my face. I no longer wore a crown except during those rare matters of state when anyone remembered to summon or include me. I preferred to leave my head bare, but as that was not acceptable for royalty, I did as the Persian women did; I wore jewels on my forehead and always had a wide necklace about my neck. These were my only adornments today. My brows were naturally heavy, but I’d recently had my servant shape them with wax and was pleased with the results.
My ears were too large, but there was nothing I could do about that except keep them hidden. Tadukhipa often said that my mother frowned when she saw me because I reminded her of the small brown bats she so feared, so large were my ears. I sniffed at the thought.
I had large brown eyes that were expressive, too expressive at times, but I had spent the past few months learning to wear the same mask that my mother wore so well. I became a master at controlling my emotions—I had been a child too long. Today would be my first audience with someone outside of my immediate circle of friends, and it would be a test of my abilities.
The Kingdom of Nefertiti (The Desert Queen Book 3) Page 7