The Kingdom of Nefertiti (The Desert Queen Book 3)

by M. L. Bullock

  When my brother gave me this palace I felt such dismay because I knew that he had sealed my fate. He would not take me as a true wife, as some brothers did their sisters. I would not be so honored and would remain a forgotten minor queen until the day I died. I would never love or be loved by a man. I would never have children. The realization was more than I could bear. I would never forget Tadukhipa’s expression of pity as I told her the news. How quickly she forgot me when I was no longer of use to her.

  It did not take long to reconsider my thoughts about leaving the Royal Harem. I was glad to be free from the constant pulling and pushing between my mother and Tadukhipa. I was glad to be away from the turmoil caused by the redheaded Desert Queen. What a fool I had been to think that Inhapi and Tadukhipa were my friends! I tossed the brush down in anger thinking of the latter. Was I not Pharaoh’s daughter? Didn’t Amenhotep’s blood run in my veins? Let them think me a “mouse” as they sometimes called me. Even a mouse had power. I practiced my smile in the mirror while I doused my skin with perfume. This perfume had been Inhapi’s favorite. Whether he wanted to or not, Ramose would find the scent seductive—at least I hoped he would.

  “My lady, the general is here.”

  “Good,” I said as I continued to rub my skin until it shone. I had lovely skin, and I intended on showing it off. The servant lingered in the doorway as if to hear further instructions from me. I waved my hand dismissively and said, “You can go now. Make the general comfortable, and make sure he has plenty to drink. The good wine, Mariway.”

  “Yes lady.” The girl scurried away to do my bidding.

  I searched my closet for the garment I had in mind. I would wear nothing too grand today. I wanted General Ramose to see me as a woman, not a princess or a cast-off queen. I had to be patient—careful. Men like Ramose did not like to be forced into things; I would have to lead him into my plan.

  Not for the first time, I thought about Ramose and the Meshwesh woman. What he ever saw in her I did not know. I did not understand the attraction. She was neither pretty nor intelligent, but apparently she had been skilled enough to produce Ramose a son.

  I chose a plain tan-colored gown of ethereal fabric. It would float when I walked. The garment had no sleeves and a low neckline that plunged to my navel. I stepped into it and adjusted the straps as I studied myself in the mirror. Yes, this would do quite nicely. Even I could see how much I had changed!

  Although I was dressed and ready to meet my guest, I was in no hurry. I wanted to remind Ramose of his rank and standing. Whether he considered me so or not, I was a queen.

  I tore pieces from this morning’s bread and tossed it to my birds. I loved my birds. I ran my fingers across the bars of the new cages. They were made of gold and were embellished with sapphires. My father and I shared a love for the blue stones. I had many gifts from him. Why should they not adorn the cages of my children? The dozen or so birds chirped with delight as I tossed the pieces into the cages. I poked my hand inside, and one of my favorites hopped onto my finger. As always I handled them with loving care. My mother had been right. I cared more for these birds than I did for the people around me. Birds were simple, gentle and loving creatures. They were happy to eat whatever came from my hand, and they provided me with endless songs without requiring coins or some benefit for themselves. I loved them, and when one died I always mourned. I prayed that one day I might become one, in either this life or the next. This was probably a fool’s dream—a child’s dream—but it was mine.

  Nobody could steal dreams, could they?

  After I finished chattering with my pets, I returned the tiny brown finch to his home. I dusted the crumbs from my hands and strolled along the columned porch outside my chambers. The sun had been up for quite some time, and the purple irises had fully opened to welcome the sunlight. I poked my nose into one and enjoyed the sweet aroma. The supple petals would not last very long in this heat, but luckily this kind produced blooms often. It never lacked flowers.

  This bed of irises had been a thoughtful touch from my brother, who knew how much I loved living things. It was hard to hate him, and indeed I did not. I loved him. He and I had both been lost in the shadow of our dead brother Thutmose, forever hidden from our mother’s heart. For a time, we had one another. We were as close as the twin stars, forever together, or so I had believed. I remembered the kind boy he had been. How he used to love bringing me birds and small kittens. He never shamed me or mocked me. But that was so long ago, before my mother twisted his mind against me. Before she stole his affection from me! Then she convinced my father to make me his wife and by doing so moved me from our home to the Royal Harem. My father had never claimed his rights as a husband, thankfully, but I had no doubt that my mother had wanted him to do so. “It will be the only way you have children, Sitamen. It is an honor to carry the seed of Amenhotep and your duty to keep our dynasty alive.” The idea revolted me, and I suspected it also offended my father for he never engaged in such behavior. Queen Tiye had tidily removed me from my brother’s and father’s lives. Like most women she was a deceiver, a betrayer.

  I heard shouts coming from below me and peered over the edge of the balcony. I heard Ramose’s voice demanding to see me. I smiled to myself. Yes, I knew what I was doing.

  A few minutes later, I heard the sound of Mariway’s heavy feet padding into my room. “Lady, your guests are waiting in the portico. They’ve refused food and drink. And…”

  “And?” I said, walking toward her calmly, my face a trained mask of control.

  “The general demands to see you now. He says it is urgent and that he cannot wait any longer.”

  I could not help but laugh. To think such a Mouse as I could have such power over a man like Ramose. I was enjoying this more than I had imagined I would.

  “Tell the general that I will come when it pleases me. Offer him food and drink again, and make him and his friend comfortable.”

  The girl looked unhappy to hear those words, but that was not my concern. Fortunately for her she did not express her unhappiness to me. She padded away again, and I stood on the balcony, hoping to hear the conversation. At that moment my birds decided to break into loud and boisterous songs. It was probably for the best. I waited another half an hour and then slowly descended the stairs to greet my guests.

  Kafta saw me first. He tapped Ramose on the arm to draw his attention. The general had a dark, disapproving scowl on his face, but only for a moment. I could see my improvements had not escaped his notice. That pleased me and warmed my skin. I reminded myself not to look away or appear to notice. I stood at a distance. I welcomed them to my palace and gestured for them to follow me. It was another moment, another opportunity to demonstrate my power to the general. I was in charge here. This was not my brother’s palace or the Royal Harem. I traveled the long hallway with the general and his man behind me. I did not engage them in conversation or turn my attention away from my destination. As I had instructed, my servants had gathered in the hallway and bowed obediently as we passed by them. I led my guests out of the palace, down the steps and to the grotto. Until I came to this place I had never seen such a grotto. I lived in an exquisite prison full of hidden delights.

  Before we entered the tunnel that would lead us to the child, I paused. “Please wait here,” I said to Kafta even as I waved Ramose ahead. Kafta shot Ramose a raised eyebrow, and the general nodded.

  “As you wish,” the bowlegged warrior grumbled before leaving us to walk through the grotto alone. At this point I did not make him walk behind me. I could tell my change in position made him uncomfortable, but he did not question it.

  “I am sorry about your wife, General Ramose. I know she was a great favorite at court.”

  “Yes, she will be missed. Forgive me, Princess, if I do not feel talkative. I had given up hope on seeing my son, but to hear that he’s here with you…I have to admit I am curious to know how he ended up in your care. And…”

  We stepped out of the shady gr
otto and into the sunlit courtyard. Young servants milled about performing their tasks for the child. I had not left out a thing, and I wanted Ramose to see what good care his child had been in. There were small animals, a child’s pool and many other amenities to enjoy. “I will answer all your questions, but first…” I waved Naomi toward me. In her arms was the precious, active bundle, the son of Ramose. I pushed my hair behind my shoulder and accepted the squirming child. He was quite handsome, despite the fact that he was only a few days old.

  “General, meet your son.”

  I held the bundle up slightly and watched the man’s face soften. I had known the soldier all my life and like many ladies in the court had admired his handsome face. I was pleased to see him immediately reach for the baby. Many men, including my own father, did not care to handle their offspring. I could see Ramose was not that kind of man. And that made me want him even more.

  Yes! He is the one for me!

  Funny that I should want him at all. He had been unfaithful to Inhapi, but she knew all about his dalliances and did not seem to mind. I would have been wroth with jealousy had he been my husband. The past few weeks I had tended to his lover, at least until the child was born.

  I wasn’t sure what I would do about Ramose until just now. I would never have children, not in the way most women had them. I would have to adopt mine, and what better child to adopt than the noble child of a decorated general? It was not an easy thing to want, but I wanted this baby and I wanted Ramose!

  “Like this,” I said with a soft laugh as he fumbled with his grip on the child. I led him by the arm to the shade and invited him to sit as he held his son. The soft white cloth of the child’s blanket appeared even whiter next to the general’s sun-bronzed skin. For the first time that I remembered, Ramose smiled a smile from the heart. It was a big smile that spread across his face, making him even more handsome, and I saw the fringes of his lashes wet with unexpected tears. My heart leapt at the sight of it. Oh yes, things were going nicely.

  “He is well? Not sick or weak?”

  “He is the strongest child I have ever seen. You should be proud of him. He will grow to be a strong warrior.”

  His deep voice rumbled, “I am proud of him.” He finally looked me fully in the eyes, and I caught my breath. “Thank you, Princess.”

  “The pleasure is mine,” I said, touching the child’s soft hair with my finger.

  “Is he always so quiet?”

  I laughed. “No, indeed he is not. He can cry quite loudly when he is hungry, but we do not let him cry long. I have a wet nurse here who loves to dandle him at her breast.”

  He smiled at that and stared again into the sleeping child’s face. “I do not want him spoiled. He is a soldier’s son and will be a soldier himself one day.” I nodded and sat in silence watching him count toes and fingers. “I wish he would open his eyes so I might see them.”

  “He has two,” I said playfully. “Look in any mirror, General, and you will see them, for he has the eyes of his father.”

  “Please, call me Ramose.”

  I felt my face flush and said, “Very well, Ramose.” Just at that moment the child began to squirm and fuss, as if he knew we were speaking of him. Ramose appeared nervous, and I smiled gently. “Let me take him. It is time to feed. See? He is a strong boy.” I scooped up the child and handed him to Naomi, who sped away with him to find the baby’s nurse.

  I returned to my seat, leaning back on the cushion, I swung my feet up beside me. It seemed odd being so casual with a man, especially Ramose, but I wanted to enjoy every second.

  “His name is Kames.”

  “Kames is a good name, and I am sure it will be on the lips of many throughout his life.”

  My answer pleased him, but he appeared unsure of me. “Forgive me for not telling you that Ayn was with me. I know that by doing so I extended your grief and worry, but you have to understand, I had only your son’s welfare in mind.”

  “What do you mean? Is she still alive?”

  I sipped from the cup of water that sat between us and met his eyes fully. “I was returning from visiting the Green Temple when my servant ran to tell me the news. It was then that I saw Ayn running from the palace and heard the commotion. She had a bruised face and blood on her hands. I hid her in the wine cellars under the Blue Gate for a few days and then moved her out of the city. When my brother gave me this palace as a gift, I brought her here. She was barely able to stand by then, so pregnant was she. I was convinced that she would have the baby immediately, but her pregnancy lasted longer than I expected. She stayed in those rooms there until she…”

  He said nothing so I continued, “I don’t know what made me hide her. I just did. I cannot explain my actions, Ramose. I wanted to bring her out many times, but I was afraid for the child. After the horrible thing happened with Inhapi, Tadukhipa was so angry that I was sure she would kill both the mother and the child. She said that she would, and I knew she did not care about rousing the wrath of my brother, his wife or anyone else. She had fallen out of his favor by that time. And you know how much she cared for Inhapi.”

  I blushed at my memories of the two women together. I had seen them often but had never participated in their activities. I did not know how much Ramose knew about his wife’s practices, so I spoke cautiously. “I spoke with Kafta one afternoon and asked for his help. He advised me on how to move forward. I apologize for holding the truth back from you.”

  “She is dead?”

  I met his gaze with steely resolve. “I wish I could tell you better news, but perhaps it is for the best. She has met her fate.”

  He swallowed but said nothing else for a long time. Small birds sailed into the courtyard and skittered about searching for treats. I had similar birds in my menagerie but none as lovely as these, with bold purple and blue feathers. I chided myself for wanting to capture them and put them in one of my pretty cages—I had plenty of birds. Why did I want the ones I could not possess? I should have had more pity, more appreciation for their freedom. But even more, I wanted to possess Ramose. He needed me, I would show him how much, but I had to move slowly. I had some skill in these matters. I had been observing the women in the harem all my life.

  “What can I give you to thank you, Princess?” Ramose always addressed me as princess despite the fact that I had been a queen for many years. It used to irritate me, but now I liked hearing him call me by that title. I liked thinking that he still saw me as a princess of Egypt, not a forgotten queen doomed to dwell in this lavish prison except on the rare occasions when I was allowed to venture out. Hearing it made it easier to believe that I had a choice—that I still had a future.

  “No thanks are necessary, Ramose. It was a joy to help bring Kames into the world—he is a beautiful child.”

  “I have taxed your hospitality long enough. I will take my son home now.”

  “Wait!” I stood swiftly. “Please stay a little while. You asked me what you could give me.”

  Shielding his eyes from the sun that rose above us, he looked into my face. It stung my heart to see the distrust, but I smiled at him pleasantly. “Stay with me. At least for today. I do not receive many guests, and I would like to hear news about my brother.” I knew he wanted to refuse me. “Please,” I added. I couldn’t give him my proposal yet. I needed more time because I knew he would refuse me if I told him now. He needed to trust me, to listen to reason. The dark circles under his eyes and the haggard look he wore told me that Ramose had not been cared for in a while. He needed me, even if he did not yet know it.

  “If it pleases you, then I am happy to stay for a little while,” he added. “Once again you show me honor that I do not deserve. I find you very much grown, Princess. Very different from the girl who used to hang on her father’s neck. Tell me, do you still keep birds?”

  “Please, call me Sitamen. It has been a long time since I have heard anyone call me that name. It is music to my ears and makes me feel young.”

  He
laughed, and it was a pleasant but unpracticed sound. I doubted he had done much laughing lately. “You are very young still. If it pleases you, I will call you Sitamen, at least when we are alone.” I suppressed a beaming smile into a demure one. In spite of himself, Ramose was flirting with me. That at least was something.

  “That pleases me greatly. Thank you for the indulgence.”

  As he stood he looked tired, even more tired than earlier. “Princess, one more thing and this may sound strange. I would like to see Ayn. Is her body here?”

  I clasped my hands in front of me as casually as I could. “Oh dear. The woman’s body is no longer here. I asked the priestesses from the Green Temple to retrieve her. She should be…she is likely no more now.” I had to think quickly. No man could enter the Green Temple, but Ramose was a resourceful man. He would find a way if he could. I added, “I know you cared for her; I ordered her consigned with all honors.”

  “Consigned?” he asked. The suggestion appeared repulsive to him, and if I had thought about it, I would have answered him differently. I honestly had not expected him to care. That was an oversight. He was disappointed, but I could not allow him to probe deeper into my lie.

  I frowned at him in mock surprise. “Was I wrong to do so? I am afraid I do not know what gods she served. Have I offended you?”

  “No, you have not. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.”

  With a nod of dismissal I left him in the courtyard. He wasted no time in going to find Kames. I could hear his sandals slapping on the stones as he walked into the child’s rooms. Now I had to focus on my task. He had to see that leaving the boy with me was the best option. A child needed a mother.

  And Ramose needed me.

  Chapter Eight

  Pah—Fire and Water

  My head itched like a hundred angry ants were biting me. I rubbed at it and felt nothing but fuzz. The itching was inside my head, not on my skin. It was a strange sensation. Surprised at feeling something besides smooth skin, I could not stop touching my head. At last my hair was returning, and along with it, my memory. That I wished I could forget.