by Marni Mann
It was silent inside my cell block. The lights were flickering, and I knew they’d be out soon. I’d cut the hell out of my arm this morning, and it was still bleeding.
It did nothing for me.
Nothing for my dick.
I didn’t even want a release.
I wanted Toy.
The only thing I had of his was the letter he’d sent during the first month I was locked up. It was the one time he’d written me. The last time, too. I’d tucked it inside my pillow, within the foam, so none of the guards would take it.
I needed to feel close to him again. I needed more than just the memories I had of him. So, I took out the letter and held it in my hands. The paper was worn from age, and the ink had lightened over the years. But I could still make out the words.
Shank,
I’m safe.
I’ve found somewhere to live, and I like it here. It’s a good place to start over.
I think that’s what I need.
I think I’ve been lost for a long time. I think I was doing things to please you.
Pleasing you was where I found my happiness.
It was also where I found my weakness.
When Tyler had the baby, I realized that, even though I lived for you and loved you, it wasn’t you who made me happy anymore.
It was him.
I wish the explosion hadn’t happened. It wasn’t the way things should have gone down. But I’m grateful it happened, too, because it got me away from that place, and it brought me to where I needed to be.
You saw them coming in, and you threw that bag of money at me. You told me to take the baby and run. If you hadn’t given me that command, that money, I wouldn’t have made it. The baby and I would have been killed in that fire.
Thank you for saving me.
Not once, but twice.
Thank you for giving me a child. He’ll know who you are, but he’ll never know who you really are. I’ll let you tell him that if he ever gives you the chance.
This will be the last time I ever contact you.
You’re a part of me. That’s something that’ll never change.
In my heart.
In my memories.
In the marks you left on my body.
But you’ll never be in my life again.
—Toy
Arin
I was still in Bangkok. Still sleeping in Huck’s bed. Still working in his office. Except something had changed since I picked up my passport.
It was Huck.
After my walks, he no longer questioned me about the stops I’d made or why I had gone into a particular store, and he never got angry if I asked the security guard to stay outside.
He was making compromises.
So, slowly, I started testing him more. I wouldn’t just visit stores. I’d go to banks and money order centers and other mailing shops.
He didn’t confront me about any of it.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t been told what I had been doing. I was positive the security guard was reporting back to Huck about every move I’d made. He could also track my whereabouts through my cell, which he insisted I always have on me.
The change happened because he was learning to trust me.
We weren’t just fucking and working and living together. We were together in a real sense.
As strong as those feelings were for him, they still came as a shock.
The same was true for every time I looked at him—like now, as he was running his fingers through his beard, talking on the phone in Thai.
He was sensual, even when he wasn’t trying, and charismatic despite that I wasn’t able to understand what he was saying. He just had that face and a tone of voice that struck something inside me.
Maybe it was because today was my three-month anniversary of being in Bangkok or that I’d spoken to Daddy yesterday and I was already emotional, but as soon as Huck got off the phone, I asked him to go on a walk.
“Right now?” he said.
He never left during the day. I had a hard time even pulling him away for dinner. And he was so busy with month-end, he’d gotten up earlier this morning just to get more work time in.
I nodded. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”
He didn’t tell me to wait a minute. He didn’t even close out what he had been working on. He just grabbed the key from his drawer, pushed out his chair, and linked his hand in mine. We went down the stairs and out the back door, and when we reached the entrance of the alley, I stopped.
“What’s wrong, Arin?”
I closed my eyes, knowing that I appeared upset, and I felt his hand slip around my waist. The feel of his fingers moving to my bare skin caused my lids to snap open.
“I don’t know which way.”
“Where do you want to go, baby?”
That word, it sent shivers down my whole body.
“The pier,” I told him. “I want to go back to where it all started.”
He searched my eyes and pressed his palms against my face. My stare didn’t move from his.
“I need to see it, Huck. I need that closure.”
“What are you going to do with it once you have it?”
Would I take the closure and leave this country, or I would accept that the things that had happened in Mumbai had brought me here, and in some sick and twisted way, I was thankful for that?
“I don’t know,” I told him.
“Take a right.”
When his hands dropped from my cheeks, I clenched my fingers around his, and he led me to the docks.
The last time I had taken this route, it had been dark outside. My body had been hurting so badly, it had been impossible to take a deep breath. My feet had been bare, and I remembered little rocks and pieces of glass sticking to them and how much they had stung. I remembered holding on to the side of a building like the brick would somehow keep me standing. I remembered the scent of the salt air and how different it’d smelled from back at home and how it had grown fainter, the farther I got from the pier.
“We’re here,” Huck said.
I felt him look at me.
My eyes were on the marina that was in front of us. It was horseshoe-shaped, and we stood on the backside. It looked much different in the daylight. The docks seemed smaller than they had that night, and there were less than I’d thought.
A small boat with two fishermen inside was pulling up to one. I never saw the boat that had taken me to Bangkok, but I imagined it was around the same size. Both men in this boat wore hats to block the sun, and they had sacks full of fish that they tossed onto the wooden pier.
I knew what it felt like to be tossed that way.
I knew what it felt like to hit the hard surface.
“There,” I said, pointing to the dock all the way to the right. It was the farthest one away, the one closest to the open water to give them the quickest escape. “That’s where they left me.” I followed the steps I had taken, past the small building where the employees of the marina worked and to the sandy area where it eventually met the gravel and broken up tar. “And that’s the way I went,” I said, using my finger to trace the path in the air. “I don’t know how long it took me to reach you. I just recall holding my stomach and making a run for it. I was in so much pain, Huck.”
He growled in response and then said, “And now?”
I turned toward him, taking in his face and his worry.
That was understandable. He didn’t want me to fear that it would happen again. He certainly took every measure to prevent it.
“I feel nothing.”
That was the truth.
But then I added, “I’m not in any pain. I feel safe with you.”
He pulled me closer to him. “I make you feel that way?”
“Yes, since the moment you carried me out of that alley.” I felt the lightness start to hit my face. “It helps that you’re deliciously hot.”
“Deliciously hot, huh?”
When he smiled, I felt
myself start to get wet. The way his lips spread over his teeth was so incredibly sexy.
“I don’t want to go home.”
“I’m not making you.”
I laughed and ran my hand over the side of his beard. “You’ve made that obvious. What I mean is, I’d like to stay if you’ll let me.”
His stare was so intense, I felt it move through me. “I didn’t expect you to pick Bangkok.”
“I didn’t, Huck. I picked you.”
“What about the job back home? And your apartment?”
“I was in touch with my landlord. She’s able to sublease my place until my lease is over. She even offered to move my things into a storage unit, and I’ll pay that bill every month. The job part is easy. I’ll just let them know my plans have changed.”
“You’ve been busy.”
I was sure he was connecting all the stops I’d made during my walks, piecing together which ones had helped me come to this decision.
That thought made me laugh a little.
“You’re giving that all up?” he asked.
As I continued to touch his cheek, my thumb dipped down, and I brushed over his bottom lip. “I don’t look at it that way. I think I’m gaining more than I’m losing.”
He still hadn’t commented on me staying. It was almost like he was trying to talk me out of it.
“If this isn’t what you want, I—”
“Arin,” he growled. His arms quickly circled my waist, and he lifted me in the air. “I wasn’t going to let you go anyway.”
I grinned so hard, it made me giggle. “I want to keep my job in your office. I’ll pay rent and utilities. I refuse to live with you for free. If you’d rather us not work together, that’s fine. I’ll just look for a job somewhere else.”
Since Huck had become so much busier with month-end, he’d given me more responsibility. I was now counting the tips and distributing the cash to each of the girls, and I was coordinating with Lawan to make sure everyone was happy and taken care of.
I enjoyed what I was doing.
“You’ll stay working for me, but I’ll build you an office in our apartment, so you have your own space and the privacy you’ve been wanting.”
“You’re giving me privacy?”
Our apartment.
I hadn’t missed that part either.
“You’ve earned it,” he said.
It felt like that answer went much deeper.
I knew he had learned to trust me.
Now, he’d just confirmed it.
“You’ve given me everything I want,” I told him.
“I’ve been waiting for that tongue of yours all morning. Now, give it to me, Arin.”
As I pressed my lips against his, I took a quick peek at the marina, at the spot where I had been tossed on the wooden dock.
All those bruises had been worth it.
The best part was, none of them had turned into scars.
Huck
Arin had been working seven days a week for the last few months. She’d been helping Lawan with the girls, preparing the new ones on what to expect, and making improvements to all their costumes. She was even trying to learn Thai, so she could communicate with everyone.
My girl was around sex all day.
By the time she came into my office, I knew exactly what she needed. It usually started with my tongue on her clit. She fucking loved that. After her first orgasm, she’d want hard, fast thrusts. And what I wanted was to lose myself in her, in every moan that came out of her mouth, every drip that came from her cunt.
Still, she needed a break from this place.
So did I.
I took a final glance at all the paperwork that was on my desk, flipping through the sheets to make sure I had the correct date, and then I went online and booked a trip. Once my credit card was processed and the website emailed me a confirmation, I went into Arin’s office.
The bedroom she’d stayed in when she first got here had recently been converted into her workspace. I’d had the bed moved out and the walls painted, and she’d decorated with a desk and plants and art and that fucking picture of the snake that she wouldn’t let me move to a different room.
I stood in the doorway and watched her stare at her computer screen. I no longer tracked her activity online, so I didn’t know what she was looking at. But she was in a long dress that was cut low, and there were thin straps that rested across her shoulders. Her hair was down and a little wavy, and the only makeup she had on was something to darken her eyelashes and a gloss that made her lips sexy as fuck.
Damn, she’s gorgeous.
“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to come in?”
My eyes finally left her body to connect with her gaze. “If I come in, I’m going to clear off that fucking desk and throw you on top of it.”
“And break my computer?”
“I’ll buy you a new one.”
“Then, get over here.”
She liked to fuck as much as I did.
Shit, I loved that about her.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. “I can’t, baby. I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”
“Can you be quick?” She rolled her chair back and stood, moving to the front of her desk and leaning against the edge.
“When have you ever known me to be quick when I’m inside you?”
She laughed. “That’s very true.” She walked over and circled her arms around me, scraping my back with her nails. She knew what that did to me, how turned on it got me when they pierced my skin. But all she was giving me was a tease.
“I want to take you away,” I told her.
“Away?”
I leaned into her neck and got a whiff of her skin, the sides of her hair tickling my face before I pulled back. “Yes, away. Away from work and away from Bangkok. I want you in a bikini, sipping something icy and tropical, while my tongue is in your cunt.”
“God, can we leave right now?”
I placed my hands on her waist, sliding them around her until I gripped the top of her ass. “You’ll go?”
“Of course I’ll go.” She pushed all ten nails into the top of my shoulders. “Where are you taking me?”
“We’ll be gone for two weeks, and we’re going to hit up two different spots. So, order clothes online or go shopping—whatever you need to do. Just be ready by next Friday.”
“I’m ready now.”
My hands moved up until they reached the back of her head, and I grabbed a fistful of hair and used it to push her face toward mine. Her lips tasted so fucking good, and I knew the ones on her pussy would be just as sweet. She shifted her body against mine, and I could feel her nipples poking through her dress and straight into me.
“Mmm,” I growled, tugging her head back to move her mouth away from mine. “I’m going to my office. After my meeting, I’ll return to eat the rest of you.”
“Hurry,” she said as I walked out of her office.
Heading down the hallway, my cell rang. The screen showed that Uel was calling, and I answered, “Did you find anything?”
“Nothing, Huck. I’ve called everyone I know, and I’ve worked every connection I have.”
“Fuck.”
“Just let it rest.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I told him. I went into my office, shut the door, and took a seat in my chair.
“Grenada isn’t like it used to be, Huck. Lots of different faces around here now. A whole younger generation that refuses to report to any of the old-timers like me. If they’re involved, there’s no way of me knowing, but it sure sounds like something they’d do.”
He was telling me there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do about Jack.
I didn’t like that response.
Uel had more resources over there than I did, and if he couldn’t find anything out, then I wouldn’t be able to either.
It fucking killed me to think that.
“Thanks for calling me,” I told him.
“Will I be seeing you anytime soon?”
I looked at the computer screen, which showed the confirmation of our travel plans. “In a couple of weeks. How does that sound?”
He laughed. “Sounds real good, Huck.”
I disconnected the call and stared at my phone.
Will I ever accept that there isn’t an answer?
Fuck no.
But I also knew I didn’t have any other choice.
Anonymous
Before
I know you’re getting out.
You know I’m not done.
Shank
Release Day
The guard had handed me a trash bag this morning and told me to empty my cell. Since we weren’t allowed to take anything with us when we left the prison, everything had to go. It was a stupid fucking rule, and the motherfuckers who ran this place were some cheap-ass bastards. They couldn’t even give me a large bag. They’d given me a tiny one that would never hold it all.
I crammed in my bed of blankets, and as I was about to shove in my pillow, I stopped.
Toy’s letter was in the foam.
I reached inside, held it in my hand, and brushed my fingers over his words.
I thought about taking it with me, but I didn’t need this note to remember him. I had plenty of memories for that. So, I tossed in the letter along with all the slivers of soap and my bottles of shampoo. All but one was filled with letters from the kid. I took the most recent one he’d sent—the one I’d gotten two days ago that said, I’m looking forward to you getting out, Shank—and I put it aside.
The only things left were the cardboard toilet paper rolls that I’d collected and my empty tubes of toothpaste that held my razor blades and the plastic wrappers I’d licked clean. There must have been hundreds of those plastic sleeves. I had gotten them from the guards. Whenever they ate something sweet, they’d drop the wrapper in my cell to tease me. Those assholes knew I could barely get down the food and the smell of the plastic alone would get my stomach fucking growling.
There were times I had been so hungry, I’d eaten the plastic.
I pushed the trash bag in the corner of the cell. Since it was full, I started placing the trash on top of it. It was funny. I used to have sweepers to do this bitch work, and now, I’d become one for my own fucking cell.