Last Bride, Last Man (Book Three of the Red River Valley Brides Series)

by Hestand, Rita

  Nadine felt proud to be wanted by a man of his esteem. Everyone in the community revered him, as he was such the suffering husband, waiting on a wife that would never heal.

  But Nadine had to admit, her thoughts were never of his wife, and her suffering. Instead her mind focused on him. He could look at her in a way that had her ready for him.

  So they continued to meet in many places away from the town so as not to be noticed and occasionally in his barn.

  She was eager to meet him, needing to be with him.

  John was a fine figure of a man with just enough gray in his hair to be distinguished. Although he was stout built, he wasn't fat or slovenly. He took pride in his appearance. She relished that too.

  Many weeks later, she stood there in his barn, waiting for him to come out to her, so that they could be alone together, she realized how much she relished being his woman. She was proud of it. He loved her, and she knew it.

  But now, she began to have some doubts as to the wisdom of her own folly. She had purposely allowed it to blossom into an affair. But once he began touching her like that, she knew she didn't want to stop. John cared for her, she kept telling herself. And she cared for him, especially when he made love to her. She was eager to see him and sorry to see him leave. They met in the darkness of the night, down an ally, in a deserted old barn, in his barn, under a tree on his property. They invented new places to be together. They openly shared the responsibility of guilt.

  "I don't mean to treat you like a backstreet whore, but, I cannot let Mildred find out about us…" He explained when she hesitated one day.

  "I know…" she kissed his jaw and moved to be closer to him. "It doesn't matter…as long as we are together," she whispered as his lips began to explore her.

  Now she closed her eyes and hid the shame that had finally caught up with her wickedness. She had liked John right off. The first day he met her he told her she was a comfort to him. The next time he smiled and told her how beautiful she was to care so much for his troubles. By the third time, he kissed her and it began to change things. One kiss didn't seem enough. The next time he kissed her and let his hands roam over her freely. Absorbed in him, she gave him the freedom. She didn't mind, she moaned raggedly when he pushed away her dresses and caressed her. When he finally possessed her, she blindly pushed away all guilt and rejoiced in their love. By then, her compassion had turned to passion. Her needs matched his.

  It thrilled Nadine to be wanted by a white man. Really wanted by him. An upstanding man at that. But every time they kissed, it was in some hidden from view place. When they made love it was out in the woods, or in his very own barn. They seemed to have fun inventing places to be together at first. It was thrilling, exciting, and oh so wrong. Still, Nadine had lived a life of wrongs and this was no different. Sin was sin to her, no one sin worse than another. Perhaps she'd been a whore too long to change her ways. But John had something she wanted, his love. By the time guilt had set in, she was too involved with him to stop. She didn't want to stop.

  Nadine lived with the guilt. When she was away from him she would scold herself for wanting him, needing him. But when he came, he made love to her endlessly, promising that someday she would be all his.

  In the back of her mind, she knew it was wrong to love this man. She knew it. But she couldn't stop it. She was hungry for love.

  At first he told her he couldn't help the feelings growing inside him for her. She understood, she had the same feelings, she told him. He said he hated hiding his love for her. He hated sneaking around with her. But she was so beautiful, he loved her dark skin, her shining eyes. Then as time went on he didn't hide his feelings. He sought her eagerly and with such passion it made her swoon. He could hardly wait to get her into some dark corner and make love to her.

  She remembered that first night in the barn again, when his hands crept up from the hem of her dress and he touched her gently.

  Although their emotions were both out of control, they had still used their heads until that day.

  "I shouldn't do this…" He panted, his eyes holding her still. "But I cannot restrain myself any longer. I want you so. Do you want me…as much."

  "Oh God…yes…oh yes, John." She whispered. "You are right…we shouldn't. But…I can't deny I want you inside me."

  On other occasions he bought her jewelry, and perfumes, and fancy dresses. He would take her far off sometimes so they could be alone together. Sometimes he had rented a room so they could spend the night together in another town. All the while he told his wife he was away on business.

  Nadine was thrilled they that could lay together in a bed, and make love all night long. He was a good lover.

  But today she reckoned a home and children were more important than just a good lover. Today there was a new prospect.

  Besides, she told herself, John would never take her as a wife, even if his wife died. It would be too scandalous. There just wasn't a future with him. It had only been a beautiful dream in her mind and she had to realize that.

  How had it come down to this? How had she reasoned him out of her life, so easily.

  Still giving him up sent a cold chill through her. Their relationship had bloomed into so much more. He comforted her when she was sad, he nursed her when she was ill, and he made love to her constantly. So much so she began to wonder if it was his wife that could not conceive or him that could not produce a child. For as much as they consummated their love, Nadine hadn't gotten pregnant. She almost wished she had, she thought sadly.

  Despite all the odds against them, Nadine allowed the relationship.

  Maybe if Gabe didn't want her, she could meet up with John every now and then. That thought thrilled her too. Maybe she could have it all!

  She shook herself, that was evil thinking!

  And what would she be telling John when she saw him again? He usually came to town on Saturdays. He'd buy a drink in the saloon and then hunt her down, and sneak away with her. She was eager to be with him. She made herself available to him at all times, needing his touch, his caress, his love.

  She would always manage to be in an alleyway when he'd had his drink and came looking. She was never that far away from him. Purposely she waited for him, anxious for his touches.

  It had been an adventure for Nadine. But looking at it now, she realized it was not a wise thing. Even with his wife at death's door, she had made love with John without the slightest guilt. Now seeing the wrong in it, she felt almost dirty. She'd never felt dirty before. But then, no one had ever wanted to marry her before. John spoke of making her his many times, but the only thing happening was the escape they created for their love.

  She had long since reasoned that her relationship with John was no different than the men she'd had at Al's. But the way he made love was much different and she hungered for him as much as he did her. Lust could deceive so easily.

  The next day Gabe was busy outside, oiling his wheels on the old buggy in the barn, and painting them.

  Nadine was fascinated by all his work. Gabe worked hard every day and never complained of it. The more she was around Gabe the more she realized how good a man he really was. She could do a lot worse.

  "It's a fine looking buggy," she finally told him that afternoon.

  "It'll do. Got to look nice for this Sunday."

  "Oh…our wedding?" She murmured, trying to think about something other than John.

  "Yes ma'am. How's Gerty?"

  "She's the same, but I have to admit, she perked up when she saw you. Maybe we can heal her after all."

  "I hope so. I made some chicken soup for her to eat, and she got a little down last night."

  "You can cook?" She asked.

  "I shore can. They taught me that in the army. I can sew, and do for myself."

  "You've been in the army?"

  "They called us the Buffalo soldiers. The Indians gave us the name. I was proud to fight. It was an honor."

  "Buffalo soldiers?"

  "That'
s right."

  "Is that where you learned to shoot?"

  "No, I learned to shoot with my daddy. We used to go hunting all the time when I was little. I was already a good shot when I signed up. That's why I made Corporal so fast."

  "You did?" Her eyes got wider with wonder. This man had accomplished things that most black men around here would never imagine. Nadine stared at him.

  Gabe was a quiet man, not one to boast of his accomplishments. Still, that put him in a different category than John.

  "Well, I didn't know I was about to marry a hero."

  "We need to talk about that."

  "About marrying. Do you want to take it back?"

  His puzzled look confused her.

  "No," He stood up and wiped his hands on a rag he was using. "I figure I need help around here. And you need a home of your own. So that's what it is gonna be, just us getting hitched. Don't expect me to kiss you and make love to you. That won't happen."

  Nadine's smile faded. "I see."

  "Just so you knowed."

  "You don't want me…" she uttered the hurt rattling her voice. Despite the fact that she hadn't told John about Gabe, she was very happy she hadn't now. Gabe only wanted to put up some false front for them both. He didn't want or need a wife.

  He took a deep breath before speaking, his facial expression tense. "You are a fine lookin' woman. And I'll be proud to call you my wife." He stared into her eyes. "And as far as anyone else is concerned you are mine. But I won't expect you to sleep with me. I'll take a bed on the floor. I need help here is all, and you need a home. I'm being honest with you. We are strangers. That's a fact. You've had yourself a white lover, and you may not want me! But I must tell you that you have to give the man up, if we are to marry."

  Nadine bit back the tears as the hurt his words inflicted made her sick. What had she expected? She barely knew the man, and he already knew about John.

  "I'm a good cook." She offered, changing the subject.

  "That's good. I'm a good eater." He almost smiled then. "But Nadine, marriage is sacred, good or bad, it's sacred. I won't have a wife that sleeps around. It isn't decent."

  He went back to work on the buggy. She went inside.

  A tear slipped down her cheek, knowing he wasn't attracted to her. His words had hurt, but she swore he'd never know it. If that's all he wanted, that's all he'd get.

  Anger buried any hope of a life with Gabe.

  She should be glad. But something told her she was being cheated once more. And Nadine was a woman with needs, always had been. How would she take care of that?

  All week Jo Ella and the others helped Nadine make a wedding dress and veil. They planned the whole thing. Nadine felt beautiful when she tried the dress on. It was so lovely. She'd never had anything like it before. It had big puffy sleeves that narrowed on her arm to her wrists. The neckline was daring, and the skirt flared and trailed behind her. It was made of the finest silk and had beads and ribbons all over it. She'd never dreamed of having such a dress.

  She put on a smile for the girls, pretending to be happy. Although the excitement of getting married did raise her spirits. They had worked so hard to make this Sunday a special day. She couldn't disappoint them.

  On Saturday John came into town. He went to the saloon had his drink then went to find her.

  She was waiting for him in the alley. His handsome good looks distracted her as he took his hat off and stared at her with those warm brown eyes of his. The way he looked at her, made her hot and wanton. John appreciated her love. He always made her feel beautiful. He was tall and well proportioned, not as much as Gabe, but still quite manly looking.

  "John," she called out. Her voice shaking with emotions. "I wasn't sure you'd be here."

  "I've missed you…" He murmured in her ear as he took her in his arms and kissed her senseless. John's kisses were so practiced he took her breath away. The way his hands possessed her thrilled her, and she shuddered against him. His hands were never idle. And his thumbs caressed the nipples beneath the material of her dress, he was so practiced with his movements.

  She felt her body growing hot. She had to stop him before it was too late, once more.

  She swooned. His hands went around her, smiling down into her face as one hand went inside squeezed and massaged her the tip of her breast. "Have you missed me?"

  "Y-yes, of course I have." She closed her eyes and enjoyed for a moment the feel of his mastery. "But…I gotta tell you somethin'." She felt breathless with his hand manipulating her.

  "You're with child?" He asked with a smile.

  "No…I'm not pregnant." Her breath hitched when his head dipped to nip her gently.

  "I'm getting married Sunday." She cried out suddenly.

  "Getting married? To whom?" he boomed, and then glanced around to see if anyone was about. He pulled her into the shadows. Then he kissed her hard and lovingly. His mouth was all over her face, and down her neck until she was panting with needs of a woman.

  She trembled fiercely, from withholding herself.

  "You can't marry anyone, you are mine." He claimed, his hands seeking to arouse her breast once more. That was no hard work for him. She was putty in his arms. She didn't want to end it with John. She wasn't sure she could. She ached for him now.

  Nadine's body responded to him as it always did.

  Maybe she could sneak away and they could make love every now and then. After all, Gabe made it plain, he didn't want her that way. Yet, he also made it plain that she would not have a lover.

  "I can't be yours…John. Not any longer. I've got a chance to be a wife…and maybe someday a mother. You can't give me that, John. You'll never give me that, and we both know it."

  "But you know I love you…" He whispered as his kisses did his talking. She let him touch and kiss her, his lips forcing the edge of her dress lower, she moaned raggedly, as he kept kissing her until she was panting. His lips dipped to the tip of her breast and he licked them with his hot wet tongue. "When my wife dies, we can be together always. Then I will give you a child or two or three, if you like."

  "That's crazy talk. People would talk, wonder. I can't have a child with you John, you'd be ruined in this town, you'd have no business. And have you forgotten I'm black and that no one would recognize us as anything but living in sin. You wouldn't live like that. I wouldn't live like that. What we have is good…and I do love you John, but I can't go on with this. You have to understand." She said breathless.

  "You are my woman, you always will be. I won't let you go to this man…unless you love him." His eyes sought her and his lips ravaged her nipples. She moaned aloud. The pleasures he evoked blotted everything out.

  "Look at yourself, you want me, and you know it. How can you think of marrying another?"

  His kisses melted her resistance.

  "I don't want to go to him, but I have to. You know I love you. I always will…John…."

  "My wife…hasn't got much longer…"

  "You keep saying that. But it doesn't matter. We would still have to sneak away to be together and you know it. It just won't work. You know how I feel about you, how much I love your touch. But it's useless. We are kidding ourselves if we think we can live on this part time love. Sneaking away like we do. Someday we could get caught, and what a scandal that would be." She cried as his tongue circled her nipple and he looked up to smile into her eyes.

  She was on the edge of giving into him again.

  "Your body responds to me, look." He feasted on her breast.

  "I can't control that, and you know it. I don't even want to. You know how I feel, but this is best…for both of us."

  "I want you, and I want you now…" He cried for her ears alone.

  She glanced about, weighing what she should do. She shook her head, as tears rolled down her face.

  "I want you too…" She cried. "Very much…but…no John."

  John was not deterred. He held her in his arms and kissed her hotly.

  His
tongue waltzed with hers, deep into her throat and their breathing grew quicker. Her breast heaved against him heavily, and his glance looked down at her. "I want you, here and now. We've got to be together, especially now. You know it as well as I do. We have needs, Nadine my love."

  "We can't…someone might see."

  "I won't let you leave me…" he whispered at her ear.

  With all her strength, she pushed him away and shook her head. "I can't do this anymore, John. I love you too, but you know it can't work, and sooner or later someone is going to see us…then what? You'll be shamed and I'll be run out of town. No…I'm getting married and this…this is the end of it." She shoved him away and straightened her dress.

  "But I love you Nadine. And you just admitted you love me too. We'll make it work, Nadine. It can't be the end. I need you so…"

  She shook her head, "I can't….I just can't."

  "We can have an affair, no one will be the wiser. I'll come to you, anywhere, anytime. We must be together. You are all that holds me together now. I need you Nadine."

  She pushed him away again. "Loves not enough. Even if your wife dies, you'll never marry me. You'll never claim me in front of others. And I won't be your mistress forever, John. I want to be your wife. Can you give me that?"

  "Not now…it's impossible and you know it. But soon, my darling…"

  "No…no more!" She panted moving away. "We've got to stop lying to ourselves. We aren't getting married, nor having children…It's a fantasy we built in our heads."

  "How can you do this, Nadine? I love you so, and I know by the way your body reacts to me, you love me too. We have the same needs. I can't marry you, that's the truth of it. But I will always love you. And that I can't and won't give up. We belong to each other. It's too late. We were meant for each other. Despite what others think. You are my woman, and you know it. You always will be…"

  "I like to make love with you…but I’m not in love with you John. I knew from the beginning it would never work out. I couldn't fall in love with you. I wouldn't allow myself to love you. I can't. Even though I wanted to. I knew you'd never marry me. So I forced myself to accept it. And I can't be your whore no more…I've finally got a chance at being a wife. And I guess I want that more than anything. I want some security in my life and there is no security with you. We have to face this…together."