"You don't know my heart. You can't see it. And until you do, you won't have it." She cried and ran to the bedroom.
Gabe didn't follow.
She missed John, and right now she was wondering if she'd made a mistake by trying to save her marriage.
Chapter Six
John came back once, and Gabe caught him trying to sneak his way to the house.
"She ain't home." Gabe approached him.
John seemed to freeze, then turned a smile on him.
"So…you know about us?" John's lip curled into a hateful smirk.
"Of course I do. So would your wife if she was well."
"Nadine tell ya?"
"She did."
"She's in love with me, you know. We will be together if we have to sneak around to do it. You know that. No use us fightin' about it. Since you don’t' want her, why don't you just turn your head and let us be? No use making a fuss about it."
"She's my wife, of course I want her. She's also a black woman. I will protect her from evil any way I can. And you are evil. Now get off my land and stay off. Because the next time I see you, I'll kill you."
"She's a whore, what did you expect." John chided him.
Fire lit Gabe's eyes as he came closer. With one grab, he thrust John into the dirt by the head. John rolled over, and had a hard time getting up. "Get off my land before I kill you. You bastard, have you no respect for your own sick wife?"
"What do you know of her?" John spat.
"Enough. Now get the hell off my land, I'm not tellin' you again. Your trespassing."
"She'll come to me. You wait and see." John smirked.
"If she does, she won't come back here."
"Stupid colored, you don't know how to please your own wife…"
Gabe started to tackle him again.
John ran.
~*~
Weeks passed and John didn't come back. Nadine wrestled with that fact. She took a good long look at what she was and the tears began to pour down her cheek.
What was wrong with her all of a sudden? She had always believed in God, and the good book, but she knew her own weaknesses too.
Shame had taken control of her now. Every time she looked in the cracked mirror in the bedroom, she felt that shame. She felt like that thirteen year old girl when her own mother called her a whore. She was only thirteen, she didn't know any better then. Is a whore all she wanted to be? How could that be, she didn't have to come here with Jo Ella, it was her choice. She wanted a home and family.
Not finding the right answers, she went to church, and sat with Sarah every Sunday.
It was a beautiful summer morning and the first time she'd been here since the wedding, and Sarah was smiling at her husband, the preacher. The music got louder and the songs poured from the heart and spoke to Nadine.
She heard the preacher's words, echoing in her ears.
Problem was, she was in church and all the parishioners took her to being saved. Nadine was aghast when one of the leading townswomen took her to the front of the church and presented her as a sinner who had suddenly seen her wicked ways and wanted to repent.
Nadine dried her eyes quickly. She shook her head but the preacher was so endowed with saving her soul, he came toward her.
She wanted to back away, to run.
"It is good that you've found God." He said gently.
Found him? She already knew him. God was what kept her out of dangers so many times as a child. But when she took up whoring, she put her beliefs behind her and swore to never look back.
Now, here she stood in front of the congregation, crying, and everyone thinking, she'd found God again.
The preacher took her hands together and prayed for her, and Nadine watched spellbound.
When the service was over, all the women folk came up to her and congratulated her for turning her life over to God.
Gabe had watched in silence.
But she noticed the near smile on his face as they rode home in the wagon.
"I'm surprised you didn't bust out laughing." She said sarcastically.
Gabe frowned at her. "You didn't get saved?"
"I was saved a long time ago. I was baptized by my daddy's brother. He was a preacher too. But I think then he scared me so bad, I was afraid not to be baptized."
"Then how…did you become a whore?" Gabe asked.
"I don't know. I was a kid, and Uncle Henry paid attention to me. He always had. If he hadn't been such a good lover, so gentle with me, I might never have started whoring, but I liked it. I strayed I guess. I was tired of living in a sod house, with barely enough food to eat. I was tired of being the last kid they noticed every day. I was tired or working as hard as my mother every day, and me only a child. My Pa had a friend, and he turned his head when Uncle Henry told him he wanted me. One day when Pa was out in the field, he looked at me and asked how old I was. I told him thirteen, and he smiled. "That's old enough." He said and he took me. I didn't mind so much, he was good to me, and I knew he liked looking at me. Sometimes we didn't make love, he'd just sit and stare at me with no clothes on. Then he'd reach a hand over and touch me. That's all it took after the first time. I wanted more. Oh he made it pleasurable, so I'd always wanted more, and I did. I was a kid, I didn't know no better. We made love all afternoon that day, I remember it so well. I thought I'd died and went to heaven. He loved me dearly and said so every time. He paid attention to me. He came real often. He came nearly once a week to have me. We usually found places to go where Ma would never suspect. But Ma finally caught us. And when I refused to behave, that was the end of my having a home. I wasn't even fourteen yet. She was afraid I'd get pregnant. And I probably should have as much as we did it. I couldn't help it, he taught me to like it."
"And now?"
"In your eyes I'm still a whore…" She cried and went running into the bedroom.
He followed. "I never said that. That's guilt talking. Maybe you should consider how you feel now…"
She hung her head. "Maybe I should."
"You're a good woman Nadine, it's just sometimes I don't think you know it."
Nadine glanced up at him. He was smiling.
"We all sin Nadine. It's in our nature. But as we grow older we learn to control our behavior so we can fit into society. I've sinned too. I've had my share of women. I didn't marry any of them…except you. You are different. You have a beautiful soul Nadine, and I don’t think you know it. Because no matter what you do wrong, you confess it. Because I've done wrong, I want to make this marriage a good one. I want to get to know you Nadine."
It was the first smile she'd seen on him in a long while and it curled her toes.
"You're a handsome man when you smile. You should do it more often." She said and went to the kitchen.
It angered her that her husband tempted her. He was a handsome devil, and at times she really wanted him. But his attitude was never going to change toward her.
"There's gonna be a dance this Saturday, and I've offered my help in settin' it up. Do you want to go?" He asked her, not looking at her.
"Isn't dancing sinful?" She asked her sarcasm slurring her words.
"Not as far as I know. Either you want to go or you don't. Which is it?"
"Yes." She nearly yelled at him. "I want to go."
"Good." He took his bible out and began reading it.
"Can you dance?" She asked looking at him from the kitchen.
"Sure can." He smiled.
"Where did you learn?" She asked watching his expressions change as he spoke.
"My Mama taught me the waltz and my friends showed me a time a two. I'm pretty good at it. Can you?" He asked turning his head to look at her.
"I'm very good at it." She seemed aggravated that he asked.
"Good. Then we'll go to the dance."
"Will I need to take a dish of something?"
"Probably be a good idea. This ain't a white man's dance, Nadine. It's for colored folks. You still want to go?"
"Of course I do." She frowned. Was that what ate at him. Did he think she rejected her colored world? Did he think she preferred a white man over him? She'd never looked at it from that point of view. As a whore, it never mattered to the men if it was a white woman or a black woman. They only wanted one thing. Her world became mixed and now, she was back in the colored world. She hadn't even realized it. Dear God!
He didn't say another word. Angered by the fact that she was looking forward to this dance, she wiped her hands and announced. "I'm going to bed."
"Goodnight."
~*~
The dance was located in an old run down barn. The barn needed paint. Music played as they drove up in their wagon. Nadine was already keeping time with her foot to the music inside.
Gabe took her hand and helped her down from the wagon. As they stood together a moment, he eyed her.
"You look…very nice." He managed a tight smile.
She ignored the compliment. She grabbed the food she'd brought from the back of the wagon and they went inside.
Inside the women had decorated the place with lanterns and flowers and made it appealing. There were several people in the center playing music, with their banjo's, guitars and harmonicas
It was different being in an all colored place. It felt different. Nadine felt out of place. She'd been in the white world so long, she didn't know how to fit in here. Secretly she hoped Gabe would give her a little help, introducing her to most of the people. He did introduce her to the first two ladies that came up to them, but after that, she was on her own.
Realizing that Gabe felt she no longer accepted her own people, she began to see him differently. It wasn't John so much as the rejection of black men. Somehow she had to make him understand.
She'd come to Vada wanting a black husband, but in truth, she hadn't lived in a black community before. That forced her to look at him differently.
Chewing on her bottom lip, she gazed around the barn.
But she needn't have worried, the women accepted her, now that she was married to Gabe. All but one, Martina Rodriquez. She was half Mexican, half black, gorgeous and she kept looking at her. Martina eyed her with perception, a scowl on her face. Nadine wondered why. She didn't know the woman. What had she done to anger her?
She didn't have to guess long.
As the women laid out the wonderful food, fried chicken, corn on the cob, beans of every kind, cobblers and puddings and cornbread, Martina kept eyeing her. Her nostrils flared, her eyes flashed as she approached Nadine, with all the caution of a rattlesnake about to strike. Nadine felt a chill run up her spine.
Directly when the others went to get more food, she glowered directly at Nadine.
She didn't say anything for a long minute, then she burst out at her.
"How long you and Gabe been married?" She asked as though it were her business to know. She sounded bitter, and spoke with contempt.
Nadine stared at her, noting how full breasted she was and how tiny her waist was. Her long black hair hung to her waist. She was beautiful, and she'd spent her time staring after Gabe since they got there. Nadine was shocked, wondering how many more secrets her husband had.
"A short while, why?"
"I never expected Gabe to settle for a black woman…" Martina's eyes widened with anger flashing in her cold black eyes. "After all, he could easily have either. My people are much more hot blooded. You look too angelic to be a real wife to a man like that. He is a real man."
"And you are?"
"I am Martina Rodriquez…I am Black and Mexican, the best of both worlds, you see. I was his woman once….and I will be again." She explained with a sarcastic twist to her mouth. "You cannot hold a man like that."
"Really, what happened? Why didn't you marry?"
"Gabe would not have me unless we were married. My folks didn't like him. I am Catholic for one. I would have broken their hearts had I married him. But it don't keep me from enjoying the view. And if he tires of you, he knows where to find me. We could easily be lovers once more. How would you like that, I wonder?"
Nadine's ire spread through her. Gabe had a girlfriend and he hadn't spoken of her. Why? Why hadn't he flaunted her as she had done John?
"I'm sorry for you." Nadine managed in a low voice.
"Don't be. He still wants me. I see that in his eyes when he looks at me. He fools you, but not me. And I want him. Look into his eyes and you will see. He needs a real woman, a woman who knows how to satisfy his appetite."
"If he wanted you so badly, why didn't he take you when he first came back?"
"We could not marry, so he wouldn't touch me. Doesn't stop the wanting though." She smiled at her. "Does it?"
Martina lifted her nose to the air and smiled.
"What are you talking about?"
"I know about the white man you make love with. Does Gabe?"
"This is none of your business!" She started to walk off but Martina raised her voice and she stormed back at her.
"It might interest you to know that I had him too, before you and after. John is a fine lover, not my first, and certainly not my last. Still is. You did not think he only had you, did you?" She laughed aloud. "Such a fool."
Nadine's eyes widened in shock. Her mouth flew open to say something, but nothing came to mind. Could it be true?
Nadine knew her cheeks were glowing red now. Her anger seethed just below the surface. She fisted her hands to keep from slapping the woman's face. If it were true, then she truly was through with John. She never imagined John having anyone else as a lover. For she had never sought John, he had sought her. Now she wondered why.
Even Gabe had wanted this mix-breed. Gabe wanted Martina, but wouldn't touch her without marrying her. At least he had some morals, which when she thought of it, she hadn't.
She stood there, drinking in the information, trying not to appear shocked by Martina's outburst.
Martina's folks wouldn't allow a non-Catholic marriage. John wanted Nadine, but he couldn't marry her because he was already married. But John and Martina had been lovers according to Martina. That shocked her. She never once suspicioned John with another woman other than his wife. It was all so hopeless.
And it left her feeling the fool.
"You may want him, Martina, but he is my husband. And if you try to take him, you'll have me to wrestle with."
"Really, you love him too, then?"
"He is my husband."
"That's not what I asked."
"It's the only answer you will get from me. It should be enough." Nadine promised. "Excuse me."
Nadine removed herself from the crowd and went outside.
She didn't want Martina to have the pleasure of knowing how shook up she felt. The news about John took some digesting. Took rethinking.
She'd been such a fool!
One of the women had witnessed their exchange and walked outside to speak to Nadine.
"Don't let that little tart of a woman bother you. Gabe was never really interested in her. It was all her imagination. She envisions every man wanting her." The old woman smiled at Nadine, touched her hand and started to go back inside.
"Well, thank you. I don't even know her. She just came up to me and started talking about my husband."
"Yes, but I do. Do not fret. She lies."
Nadine smiled at the woman as she turned to go back inside.
Rage and disappointment seared Nadine's heart though. The only man she had ever been sure that loved her, had another mistress, Martina. John was unfaithful as any man she had been with. She bit her hand to keep from crying. Not for the loss, but for her stupidity.
Gabe found her standing out near a pecan tree. "There you are. Aren't you enjoying yourself?"
"Not exactly." Nadine wiped at her eyes for a second and turned so he couldn't see her face. "Your old girlfriend informed me, she still loves you." Nadine huffed.
Gabe's eyes widened. "Martina?"
"That's the one…" Her voice sounded bitter.
"There is nothing between us. Never has been. She was very young when she had such a feelings for me. Too young I might add." Gabe explained. "Besides, what do you care?"
"Like you said, we're married. And I didn't know a thing about her until I came here. It was a little humiliating. But it looks as though you have an option if you have the need."
"You don't know me any better than that, yet?" He stormed her. Now his anger stared her down.
"She said…"
"She says many things. To upset people. That is how she is. How she has always been. Had it been important I would have told you. You are my wife…Look, I've been gone from here a long time. She was just a child at the time. I didn't take her too seriously. But she's Catholic. I am not. It would never have worked out, even if I had wanted to marry her. Which I did not. Don't get me wrong, she was a beautiful young girl, and very tempting. But I didn't want to marry her. For one she was much too young at the time and for two, her folks would not hear of her marrying a man that was not Catholic." Gabe said. "Now, can we go back inside and enjoy the music?"
Nadine shrugged. "She's still in love with you."
"That's too bad. I'm a married man…aren't I?" He questioned.
"Yes, you are!" Nadine affirmed.
"Good, now do you want to dance?" He asked smiling this time.
That smile, it always got to her. She nodded and returned the smile.
When he took her in his arms, it was like they fit together so perfectly. They both seemed to forget their problems and fell into the music. They danced several dances together. Most of the bystanders were staring at them.
"You are a good dancer." She whispered with surprise forcing her emotions to the back of her mind.
"And you are shocked, I see." He smiled, a teasing glint in his eyes.
"A little. I guess." She admitted shyly.
"Well now, you've learned something about me, haven't you?"
Wordlessly she stared at him. When she finally found her voice she glanced up at him shyly.
Last Bride, Last Man (Book Three of the Red River Valley Brides Series) Page 7