"Yeah, but it didn't exactly happen over-night. Still, I am very happy with Gabe. And we're tryin' to have another baby soon."
"Oh Nadine, don't rush it. Give yourself time to get over what happened. I've heard a lot of horror stories about women getting pregnant too soon." Jo Ella cautioned.
"I know, but we both want children." Nadine explained.
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Much better. Why I've even gone out and helped Gabe mend the fence." Nadine said with a smile. "He tries to do everything himself, and he needs help, so I try to help him as best I can."
"But are you feeling up to having a baby?"
"I know what you are saying, Gabe says the same, but I so want a baby, and the more I'm around little Lucas, the more I want one. "She glanced over in the corner where Lucas was playing on a blanket." I guess maybe I'm trying to replace the void but…God knows I love children." Nadine cried aloud.
Jo Ella stared for a moment, then moved to hug her. "What you need most is a good cry, honey."
Jo Ella's encouragement broke the barrier of ice Nadine had surrounded her heart with. She did cry long and hard and Jo Ella was there to comfort her.
"It's going to be alright. You've just got to get your strength back before you try again. That's all. It makes good sense, now doesn't it?" Jo Ella encouraged her.
Nadine pulled away, wiped her eyes and smiled through her misery at her. "You are right. I know you are, and I know that Gabe is only thinking of me and the babies to come. But I'm impatient, you know that. I always have been."
"Patience is something that has to be practiced over and over before you acquire it. It's like God testing us. But you are a strong woman, and you have a good man. You listen to him and don't be angry. He loves you. He wants what is best for you."
"I know you are right. Sometimes…you need someone else to talk to other than your husband. That's why I come here all the time. I consider you and all the girls, and even Ma my best friends. I tell you things I would never dream of telling Gabe. And I love Gabe."
Jo Ella smiled. "Well, I think talking about children, is more understandable with other women, most of the time. But you remember, Gabe loves you and wants the best for you. He was hurt too, when the baby died, and you must remember that."
Nadine stared into Jo Ella's eyes. "You have changed Jo Ella. You've got your head on right. I love you, because you tell me like it is. Thank you…."
"You'd do the same for me…" Jo Ella sat down in the rocking chair, holding Lucas.
"Are you feeling alright?" Nadine asked.
"Oh I'm fine, just a little tired is all." Jo Ella smiled now.
"I'll try to be more patient." Nadine promised.
"Good. It'll come, Nadine. It'll come."
Nadine squeezed her hand and after a while Nadine left to meet Gabe.
Jo Ella was right. She was rushing things and she knew it. She so wanted to give Gabe a child. But the time wasn't right yet.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sarah drove the buggy up into the yard and waited as Nadine came running out of the house. Sarah's face was a wad of emotions. She looked nervous or something. Her eyes wouldn't hold Nadine's glance. Nadine stirred to an uneasiness as she stared at her friend.
"My goodness, what brings you out here so early in the morning, Sarah?" Nadine asked as she greeted her friend with a tremulous smile.
"There's been some news around town. I didn't figure you had heard it, so I thought I'd come tell you, personally." Sarah said in a breathless whisper. "I wasn't sure if anyone told you, and if they hadn't I thought it might be better coming from one of us…"
Sarah was talking in riddles. Nadine put a hand on her arm. "Calm down, honey."
Sarah awkwardly cleared her throat.
"Well get down and come on in and have some coffee and tell me about it." Nadine offered, hugging her friend.
The tension Sarah carried was unfamiliar, and Nadine braced herself for bad news.
Nadine prepared them a cup of coffee and they sat at the table. She brought sugar and cream for Sarah who drank it very sweet. "I can see you got somethin' on your mind, somethin' hard to talk about, so what is it, Sarah? Spit it out, girl."
"I don't know if I should be telling you this. But I didn't want you finding out from someone else. It's about John…there's no easy way to say this, his wife died, last night." Sarah said quietly looking about for Gabe.
"Gabe's out in the fields working." Nadine absorbed Sarah's tension now, her hands kneading on the table, then reaching to hold Sarah's.
"There's been a lot of speculation. People all over town are talking about him. They think that he might try to claim Martina's child, now."
Nadine's head flew up, a question in her eyes as she stared into Sarah's eyes.
"Oh, I guess you hadn't heard about that either. She had the baby last week, in prison. Her father came and picked him up and took him home with him. It was a boy." Sarah said in a soft whisper.
Nadine digested the news with apprehension, and a strange sense of awe.
"You don't have to whisper." Nadine told her, as she looked away for a moment, gathering her own thoughts and feelings on the matter.
Sarah looked puzzled.
"Gabe could walk in any minute…" Sarah fussed. "I wanted to tell you first." She folded and refolded her hands.
"I don't have secrets from Gabe. I tell him everything. It's best he knows now too." Nadine grabbed Sarah's hand in hers.
"It seems that everyone's expecting trouble. There's a tension in the town right now. A what if kind of thing. The funeral is in three days, and we all sorta figure he might come out and try to take the baby with him. The talk is he is leaving Vada for good." Sarah looked worried, but Nadine tried to stay her fears. "Mr. Rodriquez is determined to raise the child himself."
Nadine swallowed the information with little reaction, she felt a numbness come over her. She should feel something, but she didn't. Only sadness that his wife had finally passed. She couldn't help but remember it wasn't that long ago that she had wished for her to die so her and John could be together. Nadine marveled at her own transformation. What had long bothered her, was now nothing to her. How strange that life could take so many turns. How could she have been so foolish? She felt humbled by the news of the lady's death.
"Did she suffer in the end…?" Nadine asked.
"No…she wasn't even conscious. She just slipped away. They said that John took it very hard, but that's unbelievable if you know what I mean." Sarah glanced at her now.
Nadine shook her head. "The more I think on it, the more I'm convinced he loved her. At least at some time in their marriage, he loved her deeply and truly. But sometimes people don't snap out of things like they should. When she couldn't have children, he couldn't face the fact that there would be none. But he did love her. I just know that, and deep down, somewhere in his heart, he knew it too."
Nadine thought about that a moment. Had John really loved his wife that much, or had the guilt finally made him face life head on? Did he see what he'd done to her? Was he remorseful? She hoped so. She hoped he repented.
"The last time I talked to John, I thought he was going to admit it was his child. I thought he'd do the right thing and claim the child, despite what people might say. I mean, his affairs were not that secret. His name, although never smeared in public, we all knew him for what he was. He should have claimed the child long ago, before Martina went to prison. He might have prevented a lot of trouble if he had. Although he was always afraid his wife might find out, and understandably so. Now there is no reason to keep things secret. Except his business life. He'd be through here in Vada, I'm afraid if he tried to take the child and claim it." Nadine tried not to sound catty but knew she didn't come off that good. "I appreciate you tellin' me about it Sarah. Are you going to the funeral?"
"He asked Joe to preach at her funeral, so yes, I'll go. I didn't know Mildred personally, and for that I am ashamed. We should
have visited her, but Joe said he got the impression that John never wanted her to have visitors, probably afraid someone would say something in front of her to upset her."
Nadine nodded woodenly. "You know after all this time and all that's happened. I'm glad she's finally out of her misery. I'm happy for her and sad that John never appreciated her. Had he ever given her hope, she might have come out of this alive. But our sorrows if kept secret can destroy us, and that's what destroyed John, not being able to face up to his responsibilities. I admit my guilt in this, and I've repented. In some ways I felt sorry for Martina, and always sorry for Mildred. I know that sounds funny coming from me. But even when John and I were together, I felt bad for her."
"He's going all out for the funeral. For appearances sake I suppose." Sarah glanced at her.
"Good, he should." Nadine wished he'd already left town. "And…perhaps there is more to the relationship than you or I know. Who can say how much a person can bear?"
"Of course, you are right. We shouldn't be judging him." Sarah agreed and squeezed Nadine's hand. "They are havin' a wake, for her, letting everyone come and pay their respects. He bought her a oak casket, and you should see all the flowers at the church." Sarah babbled on. She glanced at Nadine now. "I didn't know how you would feel about all this, but I wanted to be the one to tell you. I thought it should come from a friend."
"I'm very glad you did, Sarah. And I thank you for riding all the way out here to tell me. It's much better coming from you than a stranger on the street."
"You comin' to the funeral?" Sarah asked taking her hand and squeezing it.
"No…I got no reason to be there. Besides, it might only stir up trouble for me to show up. There's Martina, her baby, and me and no tellin' how many others. There'll be talk about it, but I can handle that, as long as Gabe stands beside me. He knows my heart, Sarah. He knows I love him and him only. Even though it took some time to get there, I woke up and I see Gabe as my rock."
"I'm sure of that." Sarah smiled. "So…have you ever seen her, Mildred?"
"No…no, I never set eyes on the lady." Nadine reflected, a sense of shame coming over her. "I'm sorry to say."
"Aren't you curious?"
"No Sarah. I'm just glad it's over for her. That's all. I feel guilty that I contributed to her ill health. Because, despite all the secrets, a woman knows and feels things when a marriage isn't right. She had to have known all the times he wasn't there, that something was going on. Yet, as far as I know, she never spoke to him about it. I feel guilty that I let a man like John in my life. But for her I'm happy because there is no pain in heaven. No broken hearts, no sad goodbyes. She's in a better place, and she's rid of the man that robbed her of life." Nadine got up and brought what was left of an apple pie to the table.
"Would you like some pie. I made it yesterday."
"Sure…" Sarah smiled. "It looks lovely. I didn't know you could cook so well."
"I've gotten a lot of practice. Gerty taught me some and even Gabe taught me. I've changed Sarah. And I'm so glad I have."
"What do you think he will do now? John I mean."
"I don't know. But I hope for that baby's sake, he leaves him be. He's better off mending an old man's broken heart than with John. John can't handle crisis of any kind." Nadine said sadly. "If John is leaving, maybe it's for the best, for all concerned."
"You are right. But with his wife gone…I thought maybe he might claim the child."
"It would only mean more broken hearts if he did. John needs to face himself, and what better time than now? He's past being good father material but he does have the right. I seriously doubt that Martina's father would give the child up, willingly. And in a way, I can't say as I blame him for that."
"Of course. Well, Joe wanted me to tell you and see if you wanted to come to the funeral. You could ride with us. I understand your not coming, though. And I believe you are right about her being better off now. Funny, but I feel better about it all, talking with you. I'm glad I came."
"So am I Sarah. Tell Joe, I'm sorry, but to avoid more gossip, I'll stay home. But my heart goes to her and I pray God has taken her to his bosom." Nadine said a tear slipping down her cheek.
Sarah took both Nadine's hands and clasp them in hers.
"Alright, Nadine. And I'll leave it to you to tell Gabe about it. Although I'm sure he didn't know her or John too well." Sarah got up and went toward the door.
"Thanks for stopping by, Sarah…" Nadine called to her.
"Sure…I'll see you Sunday at the regular service." Sarah smiled.
"Okay, hon. See you then."
When Gabe came in, he saw the strangely quiet look on Nadine's face. "Is everything alright? I saw Sarah came out. Is there something wrong?"
Nadine pulled Gabe to the table, poured him a cup of coffee and sat next to him, holding his hands in hers, looping their fingers together. "She came to tell me that John's wife died last night."
Gabe turned his head in question. "I see. Well, I'm sorry for him, but I doubt he needs my sympathy."
Nadine kissed his hands folded into hers. "She's finally out of her misery, Gabe. She's gone to be with the Lord. And for her I am happy."
"When's the funeral?"
"They are having a wake and they'll bury her in three days. Sarah merely wanted me to hear it from her, not someone in town. She asked if I was going to the funeral and I told her no." Nadine squeezed his hands.
"You don't want to pay your respects?" Gabe questioned.
"I don't feel I should start any more gossip than is already going around about it. I thought my not going would be more respectful than going. Besides, I never met the woman." Nadine let a tear slip down her cheek. "I feel ashamed that I played a part in her suffering. Even if she didn't know I was a part of it. I pray God forgives me for hurting that poor woman. And I pray that with her passing all the hurt will go too."
Gabe nodded his understanding and he pulled Nadine into his lap. "Nadine God forgives us all. Not just you, not just John, not even Martina, but all of us. Maybe now, like you say things can rest in peace."
"When I first realized what John and I were doing, I was just sorry for my sin. I never gave her a second thought. Now I have and it troubles me that I didn't pray for her. I was selfish. I hurt her, Martina hurt her."
"She couldn't hurt if she didn't know, Nadine. And perhaps that was better, her not knowing. It's over now, all of it. Martina is put away, the lady has passed and now John…well, I guess we don't know what about John." Gabe said hugging her to him.
"Sarah said John's leaving the territory, Gabe. I only hope he doesn't try to take the baby, now!" Nadine cried out.
"I hadn't thought of that. Surely he knows he's not the best person to care for the child." Gabe frowned into her troubled eyes. "But on the other hand, he is the father."
"John has been a selfish man. I just don't know what he might do. He's wanted a child all along, that's why I never understood his reluctance to claim his own."
"Maybe we better pray for that baby right now." Gabe said and took her hands in his and closed his eyes, praying aloud.
Three days later, it was pouring rain and Nadine knew they were laying her in the ground today. Her mind was full of John and his dead wife, and the baby that had lain unclaimed.
What would he do?
The rain came to a lull about mid-day and Nadine was thankful. She sat out on her porch thinking about the funeral she wasn't attending and her reasoning for it. Deep down she wondered if she weren't a coward for not facing this and going to the funeral herself. It nagged her.
She rocked, she sang, but nothing brought her peace. Finally she ran out to the fields and grabbed Gabe.
"I was wrong. I should pay my respects. Can we go…?"
"If that's what you want." Gabe nodded, throwing down his hoe.
He changed his clothes and got the wagon brought around to the front of the house and Nadine had changed her clothes. She covered her head with a shawl of Gerty's
and prepared herself for the worse as they approached the cemetery.
It was quiet for a long time, a lot of the crowd had gone home because of the weather.
Nadine stood in the pouring rain now, her head bowed as she approached the grave. The casket lay above ground, waiting to be buried.
John stood beside it. Nadine stayed at Gabe's side. When he saw her he didn't hide the tears.
He ran up to her and grabbed her. "I loved her, you know?"
Nadine nodded as the tears poured down her cheek. "Yes, I know…"
Sarah came over to her, and John moved away.
Sarah guided her to the casket.
Nadine bent down in the mud unmindful of her dress now. "Please forgive me, lovely lady. I am so sorry for causing you any hurt. May you rest in peace."
Then Sarah escorted her back to Gabe. Most of the crowd had thinned out and only a few had remained behind. No one had heard Nadine's words as they were said in a low whisper.
"We should go now…" Nadine said quietly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, thank you for bringing me…" She looked into Gabe's eyes. "You're a good husband."
An understanding passed between them in the rain. He took her arm and they went back to the buggy.
John was on his knees now in the mud, and they were about to bury her. He wailed and Nadine heard that wail for at least a mile as they drove away in the wagon. The love she thought she had shared with John was now nothing more than a strange sort of pity for him, for all he had truly lost.
It was three days later when they heard the news. Jo Ella came out to see Nadine. Nadine instantly knew something had happened. Jo Ella looked pale.
"You look upset. What's wrong?" Nadine questioned as she invited her in.
"Let's go inside."
"What's happened?" Nadine felt some cold terror take hold of her. "What has he done?"
"You know?" Jo Ella asked, her eyes meeting Nadine's with real tears.
Jo Ella didn't cry. She wasn't the kind of woman to let her emotions out like that, but she was crying today and Nadine knew it had to be bad news.
Last Bride, Last Man (Book Three of the Red River Valley Brides Series) Page 18