Re: schedules
August 31, 2007, 4:03 PM
Hey Allie. So it looks like a Skype relationship for Mia and I. Can you make sure her phone has an unlimited data plan, if it doesn’t already? Also can you schedule her days so I can have at least a half-hour of her time? I’ll email you my schedule every week.
I’ll be attending the Cincinnati shows as well as the Wisconsin ones. Could you take care of that for me?
I think that’s it for now. There’s probably more but, at the moment, I just don’t want to think about it. I know I just asked you to do a whole lot of stuff. I really appreciate it. Seriously, thanks for all your help. You ARE the best.
-Ethan
He re-read the email and once satisfied, he hit send.
With a frustrated sigh, Ethan ran his hand through his hair. This was going to fucking suck. He wanted her to stay, but he couldn’t ask that of her. This was her dream—her career. For the next tour, they would know better and wouldn’t schedule it during football season. That way, he’d be able to tour with her because the next six months were not going to be fun.
He sat back in the chair and watched as the band played two more songs. The tour manager gave them some final instructions about when and where they were to leave on Monday.
He stood up as Mia jumped off the stage and made her way over to him. She surprised him when she sideswiped him, wrapping her arms tight around his waist. He smiled. She missed him, too. He draped his arm over her shoulders, hugging her to his side.
“Riding with me?” Ethan asked.
“If you don’t mind.”
“Not at all, suga. Not at all,” he said, kissing the top of her head.
“Good,” she said as he led them from the hall. She hooked her thumb in one of his belt loops, her fingers tapping on his hip. “So, do we have any plans this weekend?”
“Hope you don’t mind, but I kind of wanted to stay in,” he told her, hoping she felt the same.
“Sounds absolutely perfect.”
Mia
Ethan and Mia strolled hand in hand to his car. He didn’t let her go when he opened the door, only when she was safely tucked inside. Once he entered the car, she immediately returned her hand to his body, on his thigh this time, needing to maintain that contact with him, knowing that it would be gone too soon.
“Want to order some food and pick it up on the way back home?” Mia asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.
“Sure. Like what?”
“Mexican? Pizza? Chinese? Oooh, how about some Portillos?”
“What’s Portillos?” he asked curiously.
“Get off at Ohio Street and head towards the Lake. That’s where we are going!” she directed. “They have hot dogs, burgers, sausages and Italian beefs. Oh my God, I’m drooling just thinking about it! Hurry up!”
“You see all the cars in front of me?” he asked, laughing at her impatience.
“How inconsiderate of them! Don’t they know I won’t be here for six months and I need some yummy, yet oh-so-bad-for-you, food before I leave?”
As Ethan negotiated traffic, she pulled up the menu on her phone and started reading it to him.
“Too much good food!” he exclaimed.
“So, what are you getting?” she asked.
“I think a beef sandwich.”
“Good choice!” she declared.
They arrived and went through the drive thru. He let her do all the ordering.
“Hot or sweet peppers?” she asked.
“Hot,” he replied to which she winked at him. “You’re a perv.”
“And you love me for it.”
“That I do,” he agreed wholeheartedly.
Mia ordered them both Italian beef sandwiches, cheese fries, onion rings and a couple chocolate cake shakes. The inside of the car smelled amazing once they had their order.
“Now, take us home,” she said as she put her straw into her shake.
Ethan made the short drive back to her brownstone and pulled his car into the garage.
“Want to eat outside? It’s not bad out,” Mia asked as she walked out of the garage. She wanted this weekend to be perfect, memorable. She needed it to be to help her through the weeks of not seeing Ethan.
He set the food out on the table and they ate. She smiled at the expression on his face after his first bite of the Italian beef.
“Good, right?”
“We’ve been together over a year and a half and this is the first time you’ve taken me here?”
“You are now hooked,” she laughed.
She couldn’t finish her sandwich and he was kind enough to finish it off for her. She shouldn’t have had her shake first. Ugh.
Mia cleaned up and took care of the garbage. When she returned, Ethan was sprawled out on one of the chaise lounges. He looked up when she reached him. With a flick of her eyes, she silently asked him if she could sit with him.
“Come on, suga,” Ethan answered eagerly.
Mia snuggled up to him, letting him hold her. He did a great job of keeping her warm from the chilly air.
Both were quiet in their thoughts. Mia wondered what Ethan was thinking. Was he thinking how much he would miss her? That was basically all she could think about the last week away from him—missing him, wondering how she would make it months without seeing her fiancé because it was a distinct possibility. She was scared how she’d handle weeks without his arms around her, keeping her safe, keeping the sadness away.
“I love you, Ethan,” she said softly, sighing when she felt his lips against her head.
“I love you, too, suga. More than I ever thought possible.”
Turning in his arms, her legs on either side of him, she faced him and placed her lips upon his, holding them there, not wanting to leave.
“You are seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am ridiculously happy when I am with you,” she said spiritedly.
Ethan chuckled. “Ridiculously happy, hmm?”
She nodded, sneaking another kiss.
“What about without?” he asked somberly.
“Uh, not so much,” Mia answered more truthfully than she had ever been about that.
“Why?”
“Because it’s not like I’m away from you for a few hours. It’s days, weeks. I’m good for a little bit, but then I just start to ache for you,” she admitted, placing her hand on her heart, her eyes filling with tears, feeling the ache. This tour was already hard on her and she hadn’t even left yet.
Ethan leaned forward and placed his lips upon her hand, causing the tears to fall from her eyes. Mia loved him so much. She slipped her hand out and wrapped both arms around him, holding him tight.
“You know I’m kinda kissing your boobs now, right?” came his muffled voice. She couldn’t help but laugh at his remark. He could always make the sadness go away without fail. Feeling a little bit inspired, Mia removed her shirt for him.
“Here, that should make it a little easier now.”
“God, I love you,” he moaned happily, attacking her breasts with his mouth. His hands supported her as she leaned back and let him feast upon her.
“Ethan, you’re going to have to make love to me a lot this weekend, you do realize that, right?”
He nipped at her breast before replying, his light brown eyes capturing hers. “It was in my plans, yes.”
“Uh, well, would you like to set those plans in motion now?” she said, emphasizing the last word.
“I thought I was doing just that,” he said, his fingers toying with her waistband.
“Not out here,” she said, swatting his hands away from her pants.
“Why not?” he said, going for her neck. He knew the spot that would make her putty in his hands.
“I might wake up the neighborhood; set off car alarms even,” she moaned, her eyes closing as he caressed her with his mouth.
Ethan chuckled. “Get then! Or I’ll have to spank that ass of yours,” he said jokingly.
&nb
sp; She didn’t move, but just smiled at him. Shaking his head, he lifted her and put her over his shoulder. She yelled out in surprise.
“You like it when I’m a bad girl.”
“No, I love it,” he said huskily. She laughed when he playfully slapped her butt as he made his way inside the house.
She liked it, too.
Mia stood at the stove, stirring the garlic wine sauce for her chicken. Ethan loved this dish so she always kept the ingredients in the house. He sat at the center island, watching her cook. Actually he was multi-tasking. He was talking to her and on his phone.
They’d spent most of the day in the kitchen, the family room and the sun room. She had cooked breakfast and lunch and, in between, he had loved her often. They tried to watch a movie, but even that turned into a heavy petting session.
Turning the flame down to let the sauce simmer, Mia went to sit with Ethan at the island. He put down his phone and turned his attention to her. “I am going to miss your cooking,” he said.
“The first time you say anything about missing me and it’s about my food?” she said in disbelief.
“No, I am positive I have said that I’m going to miss you,” he said, his eyes moving as he thought on it.
“Nope,” she said with a fake pout on her face.
“Suga, I am going to miss you so much. I may not have said it until now, but I have thought about it a lot. You, my lovely wife-to-be, have changed my life and it’s going to suck without you.”
“Are you going to cry?” she asked seriously.
“No! I’m not going to cry. I do not cry!” he said emphatically.
“That would have been the perfect touch … a few tears in your eyes,” she said, starting to laugh.
“Come here,” he said seriously, taking her hand and pulling her into his arms. That took away all the levity. She looked at his sweet golden eyes. “I love you, Mia. Don’t you ever forget that.”
“You’re going to make me cry,” she said, kissing his unshaven cheek.
“Better you than me,” he quipped. “You’re definitely much prettier.”
Mia stuck out her tongue at him, making him smile.
“Feed me this yummy meal and then I want to discuss dessert,” he said, smiling widely.
“Uh, I didn’t make dessert,” she said disappointedly.
“Suga, that’s not the kind of dessert I was talking about,” he said, capturing her mouth in a sensual kiss. She smiled as she realized what he meant.
“How about we start with dessert?” she asked, pulling at his shirt.
Sitting on her bed, Mia played with the brand new Walkman her father gave her for Christmas. Her entire tape collection was spread out on the bed with her—INXS, U2, REM, Crowded House, Prince, Cutting Crew, and Bon Jovi.
She knew she should go to sleep. Her father talked about taking her sledding tomorrow. Mia wanted to go but she wanted to listen to all of the new tapes she received instead.
Christmas had been pretty awesome except for the fact that her mother had stayed in her room most of the day, crying.
At least Papa played with her, she sighed.
As Mia switched tapes, she heard the raised voices of her mother and then her father. She frowned. They were fighting again. It seemed like that was all they did lately. She hated it! All she wanted to do was hide.
She grabbed her INXS tape and was about to put it in her Walkman, when she heard her father’s voice in the hallway, outside of her door.
“Why are you doing this, Isa?” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “We can work this out!”
The clunk of something being dragged on the floor frightened Mia and she started to shiver from her fear. She knew something bad was happening.
“I love you, Mattie, but I can’t be a mother anymore. I never wanted this. I did it because I loved you with all my heart. But I just can’t anymore,” her mother said.
“What am I supposed to do, Isa? Just leave Mia? She’s just a little girl!” her father yelled loudly.
Mia heard nothing else. She curled up in a ball on her bed, trying to stop the uncontrollable shaking that overtook her, her mind playing her mother’s words on repeat – “I can’t be a mother anymore. I never wanted this!”
Mia awoke with a start, sitting up, the blankets pooled in her lap, the cool breeze against her skin giving her goose bumps. Her entire body was shaking. She clenched her hands, trying to steady them, but it didn’t work.
She hadn’t had that dream in a long time. She hated reliving that night and would rather forget she ever had a mother or that she ever had to go through hearing her mother say that she didn’t want her daughter any more.
Having that dream didn’t sit well with Mia. She last had it while on her first tour. After that, she had difficulty sleeping again. Ever since the night her mother left, sleep never came easily for her. Mia feared sleep a little because she feared the dream would make a habit of reappearing.
Mia had become reliant on Ethan to be there at night. The security of his arms around her made her feel safe and she slept. But while on her last tour, the weeks of being without him wore on her.
This tour was twice as long and all over the world. She was excited to see all these cities, but not at the expense of being away from Ethan. He was the one. She knew it deep within her. He completed her, very cliché, but so true. Mia did not want to be apart from him. She needed his strength, his love.
So, how was she going to do this?
She cracked her neck from side to side to help relieve some of the pressure—anxiety, settling there. These thoughts had her on edge. It didn’t work, so she tried again, her heart rate beginning to race, pounding inside of her chest. She found it difficult to catch her breath. She tried to leave the room but she was paralyzed by the panic.
You know how to deal with this, Mia, she thought as she started to breathe deeply through her nose and out from her mouth. Just relax. Look at Ethan right next to you. You are fine. Breathe in, breathe out.
But not for much longer.
Damn it, she thought, feeling her heartbeat pick up again. She was losing the battle against this attack.
Focus on the positive.
She clenched and unclenched her hands over and over, trying to regain control of her breathing again.
Ethan woke up and looked over at her. She saw the concern on his face but could do nothing to allay him at the moment. “Hey, suga, what’s wrong?” he asked, pushing himself into a seated position.
Mia stared at him, unable to speak yet. She closed her eyes and continued to focus on her breathing—in and out, over and over again. She did not want him to know about her panic attacks. They embarrassed her. No one knew about them. Her bandmates might, but they never said anything about it.
Ethan grabbed her arm and her eyes flew open. “Mia.”
“Sorry, I had a bad dream and couldn’t get back to sleep,” she said finally.
“It’s okay,” he said, pulling her into his arms, trying to reassure her. “Go back to sleep. I’ll make sure the dream doesn’t come back.”
She smiled sadly as she cuddled with him. If you only could, Ethan …
Ethan
Ethan pulled into the parking lot amid the flurry of activity surrounding the tour buses. The rest of the band was there, standing outside of the immense tour bus with a shiny silver and deep purple exterior, excitedly chatting with each other, their bags on the ground by their feet.
He saw Allie speaking with Marty. Ethan wanted to make sure he talked to her before they set off.
After parking Mia’s Pathfinder, he turned in his seat to regard her and found her staring out the windshield at her bandmates. He saw none of their excitement on her face.
“I don’t want to leave you,” she said, grasping his hand. She turned to him and he was surprised by the fear in her eyes.
“Mia, you can do this,” he assured her.
“You’ve said this to me before.”
“And you did it,
” he answered.
“Barely,” she admitted despondently.
“I know you can do it again,” Ethan said, giving her knee a firm squeeze. “Come on,” he said, popping the hatch and stepping out of the car, figuring she would follow his lead, but when he turned around, she was still in the car, her eyes closed, breathing deeply, in through her nose and out from her mouth. He didn’t understand where this fear and anxiety was coming from and that put him a little on edge.
After a couple minutes, Mia finally opened the door and stepped out. She stood tall and, if he wasn’t mistaken, he saw confidence in her posture. Or, maybe it was determination. Whatever it was, it was a marked improvement from when they arrived.
She grabbed her backpack and her two smaller carry-on suitcases. He’d already brought her other suitcases to the bus. She went straight on the bus and a few moments later came back to him, minus her bags.
“I had to claim my bunk or they’d make me take one of the top bunks,” Mia explained.
Ethan noticed Allie walk off the bus and then turned to Mia. “Go talk to your mates. I need to talk to Allie.”
“Okay.”
Hmm, that was easier than he thought it would be. He expected her to badger him about why. Running over to Allie, he motioned for her to hold up with his hand.
“Hey, Allie. Got a second?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
He looked over at Mia chatting with her friends. Her normal outgoing self was subdued and that concerned him. “Keep an eye on her. She’s a little, uh …”
“Sad?”
“Pretty much,” he said and then handed her a packet. “Here. There’s a lot of info in there. The kind I don’t want many eyes looking upon. The kind that can give Mia whatever she needs. The kind to pay for our wedding.”
“Gotcha.”
“Don’t bankrupt me. Within reason, okay?”
“I know,” she laughed.
“There is paperwork in there for you to fill out, too.”
“For what?”
“So I can pay you. I know you’re doing things outside of what a manager does and that’s because of me. Anyway, look the papers over then fax them, or overnight them to me.”
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