*
After we all eat and Tommy and Hudson leave, I sit on the front porch swing with Bear at my feet and look up when Aunt Leigh walks out.
“Hey, kid.” She smiles with a margarita in her hand. “Can I sit?”
“Sure.” I move over and mindlessly rub my finger against the chain links. She offers me a taste of her drink, and I lift my lip before I take it and have a sip. I give it back, and she sighs as she rests it on her knee.
“Maci been working you hard enough at the library?” she asks.
Aunt Maci was my mom’s other best friend. Like Aunt Leigh, she’s always been there for me. She hasn’t had the easiest life. Her late husband, Lucas, was a psychotic abuser. He tried to burn her house down with her in it. Luckily, my dad and Ben came by that day and got her out. Lucas, however, wasn’t so lucky. He shot Ben, thankfully only hitting his leg. Ben had no choice but to pull the trigger when Lucas went to shoot him again.
“You work me harder with all those dogs. I went over to Tommy’s after I left the vet a few days ago, and I fell asleep. I didn’t get home till after midnight.”
“I heard,” she says, bringing her drink back to her lips.
“Yeah, the chief was pretty mad.”
“Well, you’re his kid, and you were at a boy’s house.”
I look down at Bear as he tries to bite a fly in midair. We sit in silence as Leigh pushes off the porch and we rock in the swing. The crickets start to chirp, and the fireflies start to appear.
“Your mama loved it out here,” Leigh says quietly.
“You miss her?” I ask. Leigh, Maci, and my mom were practically sisters. I know it’s got to be harder for the people who knew her better. She sighs and lifts her brown hair from her neck as she nods her head.
“Yeah, Little Miss, I do.” She places her drink onto the porch railing. Salt melts down the side. “You know I’m always here for you, right? If you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here.” She leans back in the swing.
“I know.” I smile.
“Okay.” She nods and looks ahead. “So, like, if you ever wanted to know anything…I mean, like had any questions about…”
“Oh my God, Leigh,” I say, scrunching my face as I look over at her. “Are you trying to have the sex talk with me?”
“Well, your dad wanted me to.”
“My dad! He asked you to do this? Jesus!” I groan and slide my hand down my face. “Leigh, I know about sex, okay. I’m sixteen for Christ’s sake. There is absolutely no need to have this talk with me.”
“Okay,” she says, putting her hands up in defense. She looks out toward the yard, and I look down at the boards on the porch.
“So, you and Tommy getting serious?”
“Oh my God,” I say, standing up. “I’m terminating this conversation.” I walk to the screen door and pull it open.
“Don’t get Aunt Leigh to do your dirty work, Dad! If you want to know if I’m having sex, just ask me,” I say, crossing my arms and directing my eyes back and forth between him and Uncle Mark who are seated on the couch. He turns to look at Uncle Mark just as Uncle Mark looks at him. Both with wide eyes and pale faces.
“Well?” I say, tapping my foot against the floor. The chief looks back at me and puts his tongue to the roof of his mouth, casting his eyes downward.
“Ellie, are you having sex?” he asks, scrunching his face.
“No.”
“Okay.” He takes a huge gulp of his beer and looks anywhere but at me.
“Okay.” I nod before storming off toward the stairs.
I shut my door and close my eyes as I slide down the back of it. Sometimes a girl just needs her mama, and right now I’d do almost anything for mine. I sniff and swipe a tear away from under my eye with the back of my hand. Exhaling, I suck it up and go grab a shower before bed.
Chapter Nine
Tommy
“We need some groceries in this house,” I say to Ronnie as he smokes a joint at the counter. Ronnie’s little trip wasn’t long enough. Turns out he just went on a drug run, and once he ran out of my money, he stole some lady’s purse and got a bus ticket back here.
Ellie’s pops stopped him on the street yesterday and asked him where he’d been. Ronnie’s a smooth liar. Told the chief he went to visit a cousin. Said he left us a note, but we obviously didn’t see it. The chief isn’t stupid, but what can he do? Ronnie didn’t have anything on him, and Hudson is eighteen so he can’t say he left a minor home alone. So once again, Ronnie gets away with being the selfish asshole he’s always been.
I grab a large cup from the sink and inspect it. Shrugging, I rinse it out before I dump some cereal into it. I open the fridge and pick up the milk. The expiration date says it’s a few days old, so I twist the top off and smell it. It’s good.
“Put that shit out.” I move my cup to the other side of the counter and pour my milk.
“Don’t act so high and mighty. You know you’ve dipped into the drug basket.”
“That’s dirt weed, Ronnie, and it smells like shit.”
“Deal. It’s my house. That means it’s my rules and I’ll smoke whatever the hell I want. Besides, this is good grass.”
I roll my eyes and slam the refrigerator.
“You know, it’s kinda funny you say your house. I believe your mom left it to all three of us.”
“And you’re not eighteen yet, so you don’t get a say.” He hits the joint and blows the smoke toward me.
“But I am.” Hudson rolls in. Reaching around me, he opens the fridge back up and grabs a beer.
“Put that dank shit out, Ronnie.” He takes a big swig and tosses the cap into the trash.
“Stop drinking my beer, you underage punk.”
“Fuck you,” Hudson says. “The hell you eating out of a cup for?” he asks, looking over at me as I put a spoonful of cereal into my mouth.
“You seen this kitchen?” I ask, chewing. He looks over at the sink of dishes and scratches the back of his neck.
“We had a clean cup?”
“Nah, it wasn’t as bad as the rest of them, though.” I take another bite and lean against the counter.
“Tomorrow, we clean this house. It looks like pigs live here,” Hudson says before he walks past Ronnie and slaps the joint out of his hand.
“The hell? Who made you the man of the house?” Ronnie asks, sounding like he’s holding air in his lungs and quickly grabbing the burning roach from his pants leg.
“You did, when you left for over two weeks.”
“I got a damn hole in my pants now, you little shit.”
“Good. It’ll match all your other clothes,” Hudson throws back. “And I pay most of the bills around here, so that’s what makes me man of the house.”
Ronnie grins. “You boys seem to forget who raised you. It surely wasn’t your deadbeat mom. She took off without a glance back. Goddamn trucker stole her away,” he says, looking at nothing and pulling another hit out of the tiny burning paper.
I’m pretty sure the green is smoked up. I peek over at Hudson who rolls his eyes.
“I told you to put that smelly shit out.”
“Oh, screw you, Hudson.”
Walking back into the living room, my brother throws up his middle finger and takes a seat on the couch. Ronnie mumbles and then cusses as his finger gets burned from holding the roach. He flicks it out of his hand and slams the door shut after he walks out, knocking a picture sideways on the wall. I run over and stomp on it with my shoe.
“Fucking Ronnie,” I grumble as I down my milk and toss the cup into the sink. Hudson flips the TV on and rests his feet on the coffee table. I fix the damn picture before I plop down into the chair and look at the screen, thinking about Ellie and wondering why the hell I care so much about a girl who doesn’t act like she cares about me.
“What’s up with you and L?” Hudson asks me.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
He shrugs. “Whatever. Billy’s moving me up in
the kitchen.” He downs the rest of his beer in one gulp and gets up to throw it away.
“Sweet.” I kick my shoes off. “You gonna get a raise then?”
“Yep.” He runs a hand over his buzzed hair as he walks into the kitchen.
“Damn trash is full again. I’m sick of Ronnie’s sorry ass not doing anything around this place.” I hear beer bottles rattle as he lifts the bag. He walks into the living room with it tied off and lugs it to the trash bin outside. I place my Vans under the table and slide my cell phone out of my pocket. Leaning back, I lift my hat up as Hudson walks back in.
“I’m getting a shower. If Rose comes while I’m in there, send her up.”
“Don’t be fucking in the shower,” I yell up to him.
“Don’t tell me where to fuck,” he yells back before I hear the door shut. I laugh and toss my phone onto the table.
“Never a dull moment in this house,” I say to myself as I grab the remote. I turn it on The Tonight Show and rest my sock-covered feet on the table. The front door opens and in walks Rose.
“Knock much?” I ask.
She rolls her eyes. “Where’s Hudson?”
I lift my chin toward the stairs before I get up and go empty the ashtray.
“You didn’t replace the bag, asshole!” I yell up to Hudson.
“You’re capable!” he hollers back before I hear the door shut again.
*
I’m moving up at my job even though I’m younger than all these lowlifes. Most of them just work for a paycheck, but I want more than that.
My phone rings after I climb into Hudson’s ride, and seeing it’s my best friend, I put the phone back down.
“Who’s that?”
“Nobody,” I say, grabbing a smoke from my soft pack and tossing it onto the dash. I see him switch hands on the wheel.
“You and L still not talking?”
“Drop it.”
He throws his hands up. “Hey, I’m just making conversation.”
“Whatever.” I light my smoke and roll the window down a bit. My phone rings again, and I look at the screen. Her again. Hudson snatches it from the middle console.
“Hey,” I say, reaching for it.
“You can’t ignore her forever, man.” He slides his thumb across the screen. “Hey, L,” he says and I roll my eyes as I take a big drag.
“He’s right here.” I give him a hard look. “She’s really upset, man.”
I narrow my eyes and take the phone. I hear her sniff, and I press the phone closer to my ear. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Baby?” I hear Hudson question, and I look over at his smirking face.
“Tommy, it’s Bear. I can’t find him anywhere,” she cries.
“Shit, L. Hudson, take me to Ellie’s,” I say, pulling the phone away from my ear. “I’m on my way.” I hang up the phone and look out the window.
“What’s wrong with L?”
“She can’t find her dog.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, she loves that dog.”
“I wasn’t saying damn because of the dog. Dude, you’re whooped.”
“Shut up. Nobody’s whooped, asshole.”
“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. You’ve got it bad. You’ve been ignoring her for weeks. She calls you because she can’t find her dog and you come running.”
“You really giving me shit when you’re the one who picked up the phone?”
He smirks. “I’m not mad at her.”
“Just drive the damn car. I’ll be glad when I get my own car, so I don’t have to hear your ass.” He laughs, and I toss my smoke. “Fucking whooped,” I say, blowing out my last hit. I know he’s right, though. I’m as whooped as they come, and I haven’t even slept with her.
We pull up to her yard, and I jump out when I see her standing on the porch. She’s got a ball cap over her brown hair, and her arms are crossed.
“You find him?”
“No, Tommy.” She uncrosses her arms and meets me at the bottom of the steps.
“I’m worried. He’s so old. They say old dogs find a spot, you know? To die.” A tear falls down her face. I’m dirty from work, but I can’t stand to see her cry so I reach out and pull her to me. Her hands go to my chest, her face to my neck. I can’t believe how good she smells and how much I’ve missed her.
“We’ll find him.”
Hours pass by, and we’re all still looking for Bear. I see the chief kneeled, looking under the side of the porch, and he turns his head back to me before he crawls under there. I know that’s where Bear is.
“Mark,” he yells. Mark runs over, and I see Cash with Bear in his arms. Mark grabs him so the chief can stand up. Leigh jogs over too while I go find Ellie. She’s staring with big eyes and folded arms, a fragile heart and wet cheeks. This is going to kill her. I grab her arm so she has no choice but to unfold them. She lets me link our fingers, and her free hand holds onto my sleeve. Leigh looks over at Cash and shakes her head. I’m not sure what she says, but Cash takes Bear from Mark and goes to put him inside Old Blue. I see his chest fall.
“Dad?” Ellie says, dropping me and making her way over.
“He’s had a good life, Little Miss.”
Her face crumbles, and the chief grabs her. Hugging her to him, they walk toward the truck. The sound of her crying hurts my chest, and I want to be the one holding her. I grab a piece of gum from my pocket even though I’d rather have a smoke, but I know her pops doesn’t like it.
“Tommy.” I turn at the sound of Leigh’s voice.
“Bear’s…” She begins. “We’re going to take him down to see the vet. They’ll make him comfortable.”
“Yeah.” I nod and run a hand over my mouth.
“She’s gonna be tore up.”
“She’s gonna close up,” I throw back.
“That too.”
“I guess I should go,” I say, looking over at Hudson.
“Stay close. She’ll come back around.”
“Nah, I make her feel too much.” I clear my throat and walk over to the Lincoln. “Let’s go, brother.”
He nods, and I jump in. I see Ellie look over, but she gives me nothing as the car starts and we take off. I sigh and let down my window.
“You all right, man?” Hudson asks me. I rest my elbow on the window and rub my jaw.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“I feel like we need to have some fun,” he says. “I’ll get us some beers, and we’ll get piss drunk.”
“Sounds good to me,” I mumble as we pass by empty fields.
*
The music rattling the walls of the house is too loud, and I haven’t had enough to drink. There are thirty or so people I hardly know walking around and in and out of our place. Hudson and Rose are on the couch making out like they can’t get enough of each other, and I’ve got some chick on me. Mandy, I think.
“What’s your name again?” I ask her as she leans into my side, laughing at some guy shotgunning a beer and spilling it all down his chin. “Hey, clean that shit up,” I bark.
“Mandy.” She giggles. Right, Mandy. Ronnie’s having a blast and making money off these dumb kids. He sells dirt weed he got from his little vacation for more than he bought it for, and they think they hit the jackpot.
“Smoke that shit outside,” I yell over to them as they start to light a bowl.
Hudson looks over at me. “Yo, you’re supposed to be having fun.”
“I can’t have any fun with all these damn strangers trashing our house. Get off,” I say to Mandy as I get up. “I’ve got a headache, man. I’m gonna crash. Get these fuckers out of here, would ya?”
“You’re such a party pooper, Tommy.”
“Shut up, Rose,” I mumble as I climb the stairs. I fall back on my bed after a shower and grab my phone. The music has stopped, and I don’t hear anything besides Rose giggling from Hudson’s room. My heart picks up when I see I have a text message from L.
I’m sad.
I
quickly reply. I’m sorry.
Chapter Ten
Ellie
Summertime fades, and school starts back. I’m seventeen now, and Tommy turns eighteen any day. We don’t talk as much as we used to, and I pretend like that’s okay. I also pretend like I don’t care he’s had a girlfriend for more than a few weeks, and he seriously doesn’t act like he gives two shits that I go to dinner with a few guys from my classes that mean nothing. His buddy Karen got herself knocked up by one of the high school football players. Her parents moved her away when he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Sometimes life is tough, and other times you make it that way by crappy choices.
I get bored easy so I can’t commit like Tommy. I’m a liar too because committing is not my problem. Love is. Getting too close is. The fear of someone owning my heart and crushing it is. Every weekend is the same, and every week is me getting closer to getting out of here. I’ve made my mind up about school. I’m going out of state and majoring in psychology.
Dad’s leftover chili is delicious, and as I take my last bite, my eyes scrutinize him and Piper laughing with each other. I smile over my spoon because I want nothing more than the chief to be happy, but I’m not sure if it’s just an act or if his bliss is genuine. I’m optimistic for the latter.
Even after all these years, my favorite still misses my mama, and sometimes if I look hard enough I can see it in his eyes. I’ll catch him sitting outside alone or walking through the field behind our home. I know it’s his way of being closer to her. I think he cares for Piper. He may even love her, but no two loves are the same. You’ll only find one true love in this life, and sadly his slipped right between his fingers—he said so himself.
*
The school year ends, and Tommy graduates. He’s moved up at his construction job, and I’ve been helping Maci a lot at the library where my mom used to work. I’ve also been considering colleges because I may graduate early with all the extra credits I got last year. I’ll turn eighteen soon, and I’m ready to leave. There’s nothing here but reminders of loss and triggers of sadness.
Chasing Ellie: A Chasing Fireflies Spin Off Page 8