I look over when I hear footsteps. My dad then appears at the door.
“She wrote in that all the time,” he says, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. “Says it helped some.”
“She cut her own hair off?” I ask.
“Yes, chopped it all off.” He smirks as if he is going back, thinking of an old memory only he has seen.
“You still miss her?”
“Every day.”
I look down at the pages. “You love Piper?” I ask.
“In a different way.”
“Why do you still have all of this?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I just couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. I know I need to, but how do you throw out things that belonged to someone you love so much?”
“I don’t know.” I look down at her stuff and shake my head. Dad walks over and sits down beside me. Picking up one of her dresses, he brings it to his face and breathes in.
“Her smell is gone.”
“Dad.”
“Yeah?” he asks.
“Do you think having all of this could possibly make Piper feel uneasy?”
“Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it.”
“I know it would make me feel that way.”
He sighs and drops the dress. “You’re probably right. You can keep that journal and any of her clothes if you want.” He walks to the closet and reaches up. “She loved this hat,” he says, tossing a big green floppy hat onto the bed. “You should wear it when you help Anne with the garden.”
I touch the edge of the hat and bring it close to me. I look at it before I place it on my head.
“You look just like her.” He smiles before he rubs the scruff on his jaw and sits back down. “You wanna talk about anything?” he asks, concern written on his face.
I remove the hat and look up at the ceiling, closing my eyes for a moment. I clasp my hands and bring them to my lips, chewing on the nail of my index finger as I look down at Mama's clothes.
“Tommy and I had a huge argument. He truly hates me. I messed up, and I don't think he will ever forgive me.”
He clears his throat and sniffs. “Wounds of the heart hurt the worst, but they say eventually time makes them heal.”
“What about you, Dad? Have your wounds healed?”
His expression turns bleak. “My wounds are just that. Wounds. Every time I think they heal, the scab gets ripped by a memory or smell—anything that reminds me of your mom.” He looks down at the gold band on his finger. After all these years, he still wears it like skin.
“I suppose I should take this off too?”
“You do what you feel, Daddy.”
Chapter Twenty
Tommy
I look over at Josie. She sleeps soundly in my bed, and I sit up and run a hand over my short hair. I grab my smokes and my lighter, pulling one out with my teeth and letting it rest between my lips. I stare down at the floor that’s covered with our clothes. I fucked Josie last night, and the whole time I was thinking of Ellie. I know, I’m a piece of shit. I feel hands run across my back, and I turn around to see Josie’s eyes open.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I clear my throat and light my cigarette before I stand up, letting her hands fall.
“I’ve got class today. I’ll see you later.”
This means I need her to leave. I grab my jeans and slide them up my legs before tossing her dress over to her.
“It’s her, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“Her. Ellie. She’s the one, isn’t she?”
I scratch the back of my neck and lean against the door. “She’s a long time ago.”
“She’s the reason you can’t commit.”
I sigh, not wanting to have this conversation. “I’ve got school right now, Josie. I’m trying to focus on that. I told you before we even started this, what this,” I say, pointing between the two of us, “was. We’re just friends—”
“Who fuck,” she cuts me off. “I know. No need to remind me.” She slides her dress over her head before she shoves the covers off.
“Hey, if you don’t want to do this anymore, that’s fine.”
“Why did you invite me to the Thanksgiving dinner?”
“The whole town was invited.”
“I know, but you asked me to go with you.”
“I asked if you wanted to grab some food, yeah. It wasn’t a date or anything.”
“You’re an asshole, Tommy.”
“I’m an asshole because I’m being honest with you? You want me to lie and fill your head with a bunch of bullshit?”
“I want you to tell me the truth about her.” She puts her shoes on as she blows her hair out of her face.
“She has nothing to do with us.”
Josie looks up at me with eyes that say I’m full of shit.
“You keep telling yourself that, but from where I sit she has everything to do with us. You’re chasing a woman who doesn’t want to be chased. And you’re missing out on what could be a good thing.” She stands and walks toward me. “How about calling me when you forget her?” She grabs the doorknob, and I move aside.
“I wish I could.” She doesn’t hear me, and I walk to the bathroom to get ready.
*
The doors slide open as I walk in, looking to buy a few supplies for the job my crew and I are doing out on Highway 18. Class was long today, and I wish I could just head home and have a cold one, but work is work. Plus, I feel bad for this one guy who doesn’t have a decent pair of gloves. I remember my first day and how bad my hands were cut up.
The cool wind comes in behind me, blowing the stack of magazines beside the entrance. I adjust my hat and make my way to the lumberyard. The sound of laughter causes me to stop because I'd know that laugh anywhere. I walk over toward the garden section, my breath catching when I see her. She wears a smile, and her hands are full.
“Anne, I don't think Dad is going to want all of these in the office,” she says.
“Dear, I've worked with your father longer than you've been alive. He knows not to say anything about my flowers, and I know not to say anything about his gambling with the boys at Banner’s.” She looks over at Ellie with a whoops face and covers her mouth. “Did I just say that out loud?”
“You sure did. Dad is gambling?” she asks as she adjusts the small pots in her hands. Dirt spills onto the floor and she looks down at it. I wanna laugh because I’m who he is gambling with.
“Oh, it's harmless, I'm sure. You know men. They’ve got to feel like men every now and again.” Anne points to the floor. “Just swipe that with your feet. They'll sweep at the end of the night.”
Ellie smirks and her eyes roam as Anne walks over to a pot bigger than she and Ellie can lift. Ellie spots me, and our eyes lock for a moment. I go to walk, but Anne catches me.
“Tommy,” Anne calls over. Shit.
“Hey, Anne,” I say, clearing my throat.
“How about helping an old lady out here. I've already got Little Miss' hands full. Can you lift this onto the cart?”
“Yes, ma'am,” I say, giving Ellie a sideways glance as I walk past her to the pot. I lift it and Anne moves some flowers around on the cart so I can put it down.
“Wonderful.” She smiles. “You two follow me. I've got more to buy, and I might need a strong man's arms again.” She walks on ahead before I can make up an excuse. Hell, I couldn’t tell her no anyway. I sigh and push the cart forward. I hear Ellie exhale also and I wish I were anywhere but here. That's a lie, though.
“You don’t have to do this. I'm sure we can get someone else to help us,” Ellie says low so Anne can’t hear.
“I'm not helping you.” I'm being a dick.
“Right,” she mumbles, looking down at her feet.
Fuck.
Thirty-two minutes later, I'm loading up Old Blue with the many flowers Anne has picked out for her porch, Cash's porch, and his office.
“Thank you, Tommy,�
�� Anne says as she takes Ellie's hand to help her climb into the passenger side of the truck. I nod and give her a smile.
“I've got it from here,” Ellie says. She all but moves me aside as she lifts the tailgate up and shuts it. “Thanks for your help. I know you weren’t doing it for me, but it made Anne happy. So, thanks for that.” She sighs, seeming a bit flustered, which makes me want to smile, but I contain it. “Anyway, I'll see you, Tommy.” She moves her long hair over her right shoulder, and I see some blonde in it.
She got her hair colored. I wonder what else she’s been up to. The one who left me walks around the truck and my mind races.
“When you going back?”
Stopping, she turns to me and answers, “Monday.”
“Monday?” I question. “You just got here.”
“Well, Thanksgiving break doesn't last but a few days.”
“Right.” I sniff and nod my head, remembering my classes start back Tuesday. She walks closer to me, and my whole body stiffens. Her eyes shine as she takes her lip between her teeth. They're a slight shade of pink like she had lipstick on, but it slowly rubbed off. When did she start wearing makeup?
“I'm sorry,” she says, causing me to look back at her blues. “What I did to you… It was a shitty thing to do.”
A few people walk past us, and she directs her gaze down until they’ve gone.
“Anyway.” She peers back up, studying the backs of the people that just passed us. She clasps her hands together. “Anne is waiting in the truck, and this isn’t the place to talk about all that.” Her eyes focus back on me, and with a small lift of her lip, she says, “Take care of yourself, Tommy.” Leaning up on her tiptoes, she presses her hand against my pounding heart and kisses my cheek. I'm left speechless as she climbs into her truck and drives away.
*
I’m headed back into town after leaving the job site and dropping those supplies off. I sat the guys’ new gloves on top of the equipment he usually operates so maybe he won’t make a big deal of it.
I ride by the little creek Ellie and the chief used to fish at when she was younger. I peer over through the woods and see her truck parked. It’s late in the evening, and even though I know I shouldn’t, I slow down and pull over on the side of the road. I step through the small path leading to the stream until my eyes land on her. You wouldn’t know years have passed. She looks like the same small-town girl. Her wild curls are pulled through a ball cap like she always used to do.
“Catch anything?” I ask, startling her.
“Jesus, Tommy.” She puts her hand over her heart and closes her eyes for a moment.
“Sorry.” I chuckle as I walk closer.
“I haven't caught a damn thing.” She reels in her line. “I was about to call it a day. You just missed Dad.”
“That’s okay. I see him all the time.”
She gives me a small smile and shrugs, almost knocking the air from my lungs. She’s had no reason to smile at me these last few days. I watch her as she walks over to her truck and puts the fishing pole in the back.
“What are you doing out this way?” she asks, turning around and taking her hat off. Pulling her hair tie out, she runs her hands through her brown-blonde hair before putting it back up.
“Work.”
“Work?” she questions with a curious look on her face as she puts a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “It’s Sunday.” Leaning against her truck, pretty in blue jeans and a white sweater crosses her arms.
“I needed to get some things done.” I slide my hand into my pocket and pull out my smokes.
“With your boss not there?” she asks.
“I’m the boss, Ellie.” I pull a cigarette out with my teeth and hold it there while I put the pack back.
“Really?” She’s surprised.
“Yes.”
“Well, Tommy Kingsley, I am impressed.”
“I can tell.”
She grins more and bites her bottom lip, trying to contain her smile. I can’t look away. I hold my lighter up to my cigarette and swipe my thumb across the top, closing one eye slightly to keep the drifting smoke out as the end burns red.
“So, how did that come about?”
I shrug. “I’m going to school too.”
“Are you serious?”
“Why is all this so hard to believe? You think I’ve just been sitting here doing shit, all waiting for you?”
She grows quiet, and I instantly feel bad. I should apologize, but I’m not. The hurt she caused still simmers below.
“You’re right. I guess I didn’t really think about it.”
Silence grows between us and I run a hand over my head.
“What are you going for exactly?”
“Construction manager, but I’m already running my own crew.” My eyes move to her lip as it lifts a tad.
“How much longer do you have?”
“A year,” I reply, pulling from my smoke and taking it between my thumb and index finger. I look down as I blow.
“I’m proud of you.”
“’Preciate it.” I tilt my head up and peer over at her.
“Why do you look at me like that?” she questions as she slightly narrows her eyes.
“Like what?”
“Like I’m some kind of wonder to you.”
“I didn’t know I did.” You are.
“Well, you do.”
“I’ll stop.”
“Please don’t.”
I hit my Camel again and lift my brow, wondering where she’s going with this. “I’m sorry for being a dick.”
She shrugs. “You were an ass, but so was I.”
“Yeah,” I agree.
“Hey.” She playfully slaps my arm, and I laugh. I hit my smoke and exhale as I look toward the setting sun.
“I’ve missed this place.”
“Really?” I ask, shocked. “Ellie Williams, the girl who couldn’t wait to get away from the small town of Green Ridge.”
“Yeah.” She gazes toward the sun as it slowly disappears with an expression that says she can’t believe it either.
“Kinda crazy, huh?”
“People change,” I reply as I look over at her. She looks back, and our eyes say more than words, but I look away before they say too much.
She clears her throat. “So, what else is new with Tommy Kingsley?”
“Same old shit.”
“Could have fooled me. School, boss, girlfriend.” She turns her head toward me on the last word. I don’t correct her, even though Josie isn’t my girlfriend.
“I moved out of Ronnie’s too.”
“Wow, that’s enough for today.” She laughs and shakes her head. “No, really, I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.”
The smile I’ve missed slowly fades. I see her swallow and she pulls the sleeve of her long-sleeved shirt over her hand as she looks down at the ground. She sighs.
“I never meant to hurt you, Tommy.”
I hit my smoke one last time before I toss it on the ground and step on it. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
“Yeah,” she agrees. She runs her hands up her arms as the wind blows. The evening air turns cooler and leaves drift down around us, falling from the big tree Old Blue is parked under.
“I hope one day we can be friends again. I honestly do.”
I don’t respond. I only give a small nod and bite the inside of my lip. I don’t want to be friends with this girl. I want more. I see her look away in my peripheral before she says, “I better get home. I didn’t bring my coat, and the temperature is dropping.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“I’m assuming you have your car?” she asks, looking past me.
“Truck now, and yeah, parked out by the road.”
“Oh, right. I remember.”
“Remember?” I ask.
“Yeah, your letter. You said that you got into your truck.”
“So, you did read it?” I ask, narrowing my eyes. She
read it and didn’t respond. I exhale.
She nods and pushes off the side of the truck. “Yeah, a little too late I guess. Somehow, it got lost in my junk mail. I didn’t see it until a few weeks ago.”
“Oh.” I look down.
“Yeah.” She clears her throat. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”
I slide my hands into my pockets. “Yeah, Ellie. I'll see ya.”
Her closed lip smile leaves me feeling empty. She turns and walks to her driver side door. Pushing in on the handle, she pulls it open and a panic rushes through my chest.
“I tried, you know,” I call after her. She looks back at me, tilting her head slightly in confusion.
“Tried what?”
“To get you out of my mind.” I walk closer. She doesn’t move. “Out of here.” I point to my chest. “But I suck at it.”
“Me too.” Her confession surprises me.
I shake my head. “Why'd you leave like you did?”
“You called it already, Tommy. I'm a coward.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“No,” she murmurs. “You're just a man with scars, Tommy Kingsley. And I'm the woman who put them there.” She steps closer, and I look down at her lips. “You never left my mind. All these years…everything I did, you were there with me. I wish you would have kept driving to me.” She leans up and presses her lips against mine. I stop breathing. She’s soft, calm, and my heart’s racing. Like drumsticks on a snare, it pounds against my chest, trying to find a way out, a way to get closer to her.
I wind my hand around her waist, pulling her to me. Her lips open, and I kiss her the way I’ve wanted to since the day she left. She moans when I step us back and I put my other hand against her face. Her hands run through my hair until she laces them around my neck. Looking at her, I pull back and press my forehead against hers, feeling her nails lightly skim over my skin. My eyes shut as I take a slow breath.
“Ellie.” It’s a warning that if we continue I won’t be able to stop.
“The chief will be at Piper’s tonight.” She moves her head back, and I tilt mine to the side.
Chasing Ellie: A Chasing Fireflies Spin Off Page 16