“Boy.”
Caleb’s heart started to calm down when he heard the hoarse voice of the cook.
Caleb turned his head slightly without pausing to breathe and stared at the woman. He could see perfectly due to the light of the candle she held, how the wrinkles around her eyes deepened when she saw what happened.
“Can you get up?” Angy asked gently approaching him to kneel and touch him for a second before Caleb could push her away. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
No matter how much understanding there was in her voice, the caring the woman tried to transmit, nothing could get through to him.
It wasn’t the first time she had seen this happen. No, she had worked in the house for too many years to be surprised by such cruelty. He wasn’t the first boy to go through this, but he was the first to have an expression that would freeze hell itself. Her eyes misted automatically. She was the mother of a boy that was the same age as Caleb and seeing him made her mind imagine horrible things that made her tremble.
Angy decided she would help him in the only way she could.
“Come. You must leave as soon as possible. Once he starts he can’t stop. It gets worse every night, every day.”
She stopped speaking when she remembered the last boy. He hadn’t wanted to leave. His stupid selfishness made him stay even though she told him horror stories. The boy had suffered through hunger and cold weather. He decided if he stayed with the count he would have everything he wanted and decided to pay the price. However, each time the count visited him he ended up worse. The count became crueler and more abusive until the young man died.
“Any place is better than this, I assure you. I wish you had left here before this happened.” She placed the shawl she was wearing over him and lifted him up by his shoulders. A touch that Caleb finally allowed. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. The count ensured that no employee would open their mouth. He threatened us.” She sobbed in pain for her own actions. “I- I have a son.”
Caleb could not utter a single word at the time, but he understood the woman. Her maternal instinct wanted to protect the child she loved. With a cold, pale hand he grabbed Angy hard, hugged her and gave her what she needed. He forgave her.
The storm seemed to calm down at last. Hopefully, that calm would reach Caleb, but there was nothing in the world capable of doing so at the time. He was confused. He could not think, or feel. His mind was trying to absorb what had happened and it was difficult because his whole being was unable to stop focusing on what had happened and how sore he felt.
“Anthony will help you.” the woman whispered when they walked to the kitchen. It was the safest route to leave the house. “He’ll take you to London in a moment.”
Although, Caleb wanted to say something. Caleb had no idea if he could. His throat constricted imprisoning his voice. Angy held him tightly and even though she tried to keep him warm Caleb was shivering. It wasn’t due to the cold, but because of what his body had recently endured.
The elderly Anthony, who oversaw the crops, waited outside on a damaged wooden carriage with a horse that had already been retired. He looked at two rain-soaked people that approached him. He shook his head and looked directly at Caleb. He hated what the count did to the young boys, but he had a large family he had to take care of so he couldn’t do anything. Even so, he prayed every day, begging God to punish the count’s actions. Once they were a couple of meters closer to the carriage Anthony jumped with the little agility that he had due to his age and helped Angy with Caleb. They climbed into the carriage. Anthony was saddened by the boy who seemed to be in shock. Caleb watched the infinite horizon and stared into the dark night. Anthony knew where to take him. His sister had a small hotel and would give Caleb a room until he recovered. Once there the doctor would treat him. Once Caleb was fully recovered they would help him find a job.
Out of the corner of his eye, Anthony could see how Caleb moved to the same rhythm of the old carriage. The boy’s mind seemed to have wandered far, far away. Anthony didn’t know Caleb very well but everyone in the house saw that he was serious and hardworking. Caleb never slacked off in the time spent there and even though he remained distant with them he had always been friendly, polite and cordial. Of course, such an attractive boy had attracted the count’s attention. Two of Anthony’s own daughters had a crush on Caleb as soon as he arrived.
“The upper class is bad boy,” Anthony suddenly commented looking forward. Only the moon and a small lantern lit their way. “Although, I guess in the underworld of the city you can find the same things. I’ve always lived in the country which is very quiet.”
Caleb did not move, didn’t answer or blink.
“You’ll recover from this. I have no doubt about that. You’re strong and will overcome this. I assure you that God will not forgive the count’s actions.”
“God?” Caleb gave a little laugh that surprised and frightened Anthony.
Understanding and heartbroken, Anthony immediately knew the reason. This wasn’t the first time something horrible had happened to the boy. Although, with his personality, it wouldn’t surprise anyone. A halo of mystery and secrecy surrounded Caleb and the employees gossiped about it. Anthony decided to leave him alone the rest of the way, Caleb needed quiet to find himself again.
♫♫♫
It took hours to reach the entrance of the city. With little light at such a late hour, it was hard to stay on the road. They might have reached the city quicker if they had walked but Caleb’s physical state would have made it difficult for him to walk for so many kilometers. They did not stop until they reached a large house. The facade was a little neglected and a small light shone in the windows of the first floor. Carefully Anthony helped Caleb down and walked with him to the door where his calloused knuckles knocked on the door.
After knocking a few times they heard approaching footsteps and the door opened.
“Anthony?” A woman with curly gray hair poked her head out.
She opened the door and behind her, they saw an armed man who sighed when he saw it was his brother in law.
“Did something happen?” She was alarmed by his visit at such a late hour. “Are Marge and the kids alright?”
“Yes, yes. I’m sorry to come so late Grace, but I need your help.”
“Of course, come in.” Grace looked at Caleb and was horrified to see his condition. “I think we need a doctor. Dear, go get him.”
The man left without saying anything. Grace led them to a small room where she had lit a comforting fire. They sat down Caleb there and he seemed to relax while watching the flames and feeling the pleasant warmth it gave off. Then they went to the kitchen to make tea.
“What the hell happened to that boy?”
“Grace, I don’t know if I should tell you. It will disturb you.”
“You’ve brought him so that I can take care of him and give him a room for free. Tell me what happened. Now!” Grace put her hands on her hips and frowned.
With a sigh, Anthony began to tell her the dark story of the count. The information never left the land he ruled. The employees tried to ignore what was happening within the walls of the big mansion and live their lives. It was difficult for those like Anthony or Angy that had morals.
“Are you kidding?” Grace whispered barely moving her lips. “This is... my God, Anthony. And your children are near that monster? Look at what he did to this poor boy.”
“We can’t do anything Grace. The count made clear the consequences we would suffer if we opened our mouths. I have spent so many years working for him that I think I have become accustomed to the nightmares and regrets that his actions provoke in me.”
“You have to look for another job. I’m sure Marge doesn’t know the whole truth.” She was irritated but continued stroking his forehead. “No mother would keep her children in a place like that. She would rather look for food a
mong the trash of the city before doing so.”
“Can he stay then?” Anthony pleaded. “I can give you something.”
“Of course, he can stay, and will, dammit!” Grace shouted affronted. “You don’t have to give me anything, him either … Good heavens, tonight I won’t be able to sleep.”
Minutes later, Grace’s husband arrived at the house accompanied by a doctor. He was an educated and wealthy man who helped the people who could not afford to pay for a doctor’s services. Both men went first to the kitchen, and with somber faces heard Anthony’s words. His brother- in- law felt nauseous immediately. The doctor did not seem too surprised.
“It’s not the first time.” The doctor put on his glasses and removed his hat. “Some time ago I was called to the count’s residence for an emergency house call. What I saw there I cannot ever forget. But there is no way to stop him. He’s too powerful,” The doctor added after he saw Grace’s face. “I’ll examine the boy. Leave us alone so we can talk privately. Can you prepare something for him to eat?”
The three of them stayed in the room and Anthony knew he should get back before the count found out that Caleb was gone to avoid suspicion. He couldn’t go until he knew how the boy was. Anthony sat down to rest his old legs while his sister flitted furiously around the kitchen preparing something for them to eat.
Just over an hour later the doctor met with the rest of them in the kitchen. As soon as they smelled the savory scent of various dishes their stomachs quickly felt hunger.
“How is he?” Anthony stood up.
“Well, I got him to talk. This experience is going to cause him a lot of problems for a while. He will have to overcome the trauma but physically he is better than might be expected after what he told me. It was a group of five men including the count.”
Grace gasped imagining the nightmarish scene and the poor boy in the middle of it. How could such monsters exist? What kind of pleasure could they find in a boy who was still a child?
“Thank you. Doctor.”
“You don’t have to pay me. My calling is to help and heal others. Let him rest. I’ll come back and check on him in a couple of days.”
Anthony said goodbye to his sister and left. He would have to hurry to arrive before dawn at the mansion. Angy would also be nervous and awaiting news.
Grace and her husband prepared the most comfortable and quiet room they had in their small hotel. They left the dishes on the table and then took Caleb up to his room. Although his mind still seemed far away after the doctor’s visit a little twinkle of interest finally appeared in his dark eyes.
The married couple decided to not bother him. They would leave him alone to think and when he was ready he would ask for whatever they could do for him.
♫♫♫
One day followed another, and suddenly many days had passed. Caleb did not move from the bed. He stared at the ceiling without really being aware of anything. Occasionally he would awaken from his dream-like state when his body complained of hunger and he would eat something from the tray that Grace always left outside his door. He had no appetite but his stomach was happy whenever it was satisfied.
A hard winter arrived a few weeks later. The doctor visited Caleb every two or three days, physically Caleb had recovered, but his problem was much deeper and difficult to treat because he did not strive to overcome what happened. It would take time. A lot longer than necessary. Caleb needed to think and reflect on his own life.
One day when little snowflakes fell and increased the cold in the dark streets, Grace decided to enter Caleb’s room to talk to him. She was convinced that a good talk would encourage him to heal, but the bed was empty. The bed was perfectly made and everything was clean. On the pillow, Grace saw a small, crumpled paper.
Thanks for everything, I hope to see you again someday.
The phrase was written in beautiful handwritten calligraphy that Grace would have never thought belonged to a young man from the lowest and most hostile neighborhoods. Grace sighed and put away the note. Though they had not spoken frequently Grace had grown fond of and cared for the little-lost lamb. Grace felt his absence deeply. Without her realizing it Grace had wanted Caleb to stay with them. Wanted Caleb to get better and become part of their family. But he chose his own fate and Grace prayed that it would pull him out of the pit of despair in which he had sunk into. She wished she would see him again. The next time with a smile on his face.
♫♫♫
The seasons followed one after another. A new winter gave way to a warm and green spring. Caleb was almost twenty years old by then and had overcome what had happened to him, but he didn’t trust anyone. Even if someone held out a helping hand with affection and in good faith he rejected them. Caleb didn’t want to get close to anyone. He didn’t believe in anyone. Loneliness had become an essential part of his life.
With the events of what happened with Jacob forgotten throughout the city thanks to the passage of time, Caleb returned to work in the port. With his knowledge, he could have achieved a much higher position in a good area of the city. Anyone from the upper class would have hired him but he could not go near that area. He just could not. In the port, the people didn’t bother him. They only had to see his expression to back off and no one asked about his painful past whose memory was enough to tear him apart inside.
One day there was more work than usual, Caleb stayed until nightfall with some of his co-workers. They finally unloaded the three large, heavy boxes that remained. When he finished Caleb sighed and raised his head. The full moon was reflected not only in the sea but also in his dark eyes. He stood there a moment and felt a nostalgia he did not understand. The wood creaked behind him and he heard footsteps. He could tell it was women’s shoes. The exquisite manufacturing of the heels produced a sound that sent shivers down his spine. He turned around quickly, a frown on his face, his entire body tense. The moonlight illuminated her like an angel. He opened his mouth a little. She couldn’t be real. He had finally gone mad.
She wore an elegant dress made by the top couturiers. Its soft blue color reflected the light falling on it. The hair he’d seen years before tangled and matted was clean and as long as the eye could see. Beautiful was not enough of a word to describe her, it fell short.
Lips that were painted red showed a perfect smile. She was perfect.
“M- Mother?”
“My little Caleb. It’s been a long, long time.”
Her voice seemed different. Though it could be because it was the first time she spoke without shouting.
How had she changed so much? Why was she dressed like that? His head was filled with questions. His heart was lit by the nostalgia of a love that he never had. All the feelings about his mother that Caleb thought had disappeared surfaced again. His mother was there and she appeared normal.
“Come here, Caleb.” Her smile did not disappear and she held out her arms for a hug.
His feet unconsciously took a step, then another. He felt like a puppet unable to control the feelings that resurfaced and left his mind blank. Caleb walked up to her and fell to his knees as he felt her grip on his neck. He buried his face in her voluminous skirt and her sweet scent surrounded him again. That small touch seemed to erase all the evil that lurked in the darkness of his soul. Hope. It was the first time he felt hope so strongly. Would he, at last, have a mother who loved him? Had at last luck, joy and happiness found him?
He prayed to that heavens that it was so.
A gasp slipped out from Caleb’s lips and his hands clung tightly to the fabric when he felt a burst of pain.
“You can’t escape, Caleb. There is no way to escape a demon,” he heard her soft voice whisper. “You should never have been born. Don’t blame your mother for wanting to fix her mistake.”
The pain became sharper. It cut off his breath and prevented him from talking. Though Caleb wanted to answer her, there wa
s no answer, no words could answer that.
Naive and stupid, he thought, and his inner voice laughed at him.
Caleb had always clung to life unconsciously with a hope that kept the flame away from his own eyes, but with one stroke it had ended. He didn’t want to suffer anymore. It was time to give up. Time to rest, because he was very, very tired.
Caleb wasn’t going to ask for an explanation. She’d given him life and had a right to take it. However, he saddened at the outcome. He regretted having escaped that night. He should have let the knife that his mother wielded plunge through his flesh and pierce his heart. He wouldn’t have had to live through all the things that came later.
Another wave of pain ran through him and seemed to break his arm. It made him fall backward. The wood creaked under the weight of his body and the bloodstained dress shone brightly. He looked up to see his mother. Yes, she had become very beautiful. Caleb liked her smile, which had not disappeared and was finally directed at him, only him. She did not speak. She approached him and kneeled down next to Caleb. The pain was excruciating. The smell of his own blood reached Caleb’s nose but he had surrendered. He had no strength to continue fighting for a life that wasn’t worth anything and lacked meaning.
A warm hand stroked his cheek and he instinctively closed his eyes to enjoy for the first time in his life a kind gesture, that to others would not be relevant, but for him was something so great that his eyes misted. Then came the loneliness, her steps took her farther away and left him waiting for a death that would soon come. Caleb didn’t want to be alone. He wanted her to stay with him until he took his last breath, but she left and the cold air enveloped him. Caleb could feel tears slide down through the blood, blood that covered him completely.
Why had he been born? For what?
Caleb couldn’t remember having smiled once in his life. True happiness had not made an appearance in his nearly twenty years of life. There were only memories of misery, almost reaching happiness and then it was snatched away, without letting him savor or enjoy it. Life was hateful, people were hateful.
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