by Vivian Wood
“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to say that,” he says, shaking his head. “Congratulations, of course.”
I feel disappointment coming off of him in waves, and I panic. What can I say that will relieve both of us of any obligation to one another?
“I might be moving to Seattle!” I blurt out.
“You… what?” he asks. His tone goes completely harsh, and he drops my hand. “When were you planning to tell me? I am your boyfriend, you know. Or is that over, now that you’ve gotten what you wanted?”
“What?” I say, recoiling. That isn’t what I meant, not in the least. How could he have misunderstood my intentions so… wildly?
“You heard me,” he says, moving to the edge of the bed. He reaches down for his boxer briefs, and gets them on.
“I’m just…” I say, at a loss. I want to back up, to take back my statement, but I didn’t really do anything wrong. I just told him the truth. “I don’t know that I’m moving to Seattle, but it is possible. It’s just an offer that I got. I’m trying to figure things out. And I just found out that I’m pregnant less than ten minutes ago!”
He puts on his pants. “I am really happy for you. I am. But… you’re moving across the country, now that you found out?”
“The two things have nothing to do with one another.” I cross my arms, disgruntled.
He scowls at me, and picks his shirt up.
“Right. You just happened to tell me both of them at one time?” He puts his shirt on, not bothering to button it. “You know, when Jax called you a people-user, I got mad at him. But maybe he was right.”
“He said what?” I say, my voice rising. This is spiraling out of control, and fast.
“I’m saying, maybe he finally got something right. You got what you needed out of me, and now you’re ready to run.”
“Okay, everything you’re saying sounds super dramatic,” I accuse. “Besides, it’s hardly your decision what I do with my body and my baby. You signed away your parental rights, buddy.”
I see him freeze, his whole body clenching. He looks at the floor for a moment.
Jett turns toward me, a nasty expression on his face. “If I don’t leave now, I’m going to say something I regret.”
“So leave!” I say, throwing my hands up in the air. “No one is stopping you. There’s the door.”
This seems to incense him.
“If I leave, I’m not coming back,” he warns.
Not one to take in idle threat lying down, I shout, “Good! Go!”
He hesitates for just a beat, then storms out of the bedroom. A few seconds later, I hear the front door slam.
He’s gone, just like that.
And me? I’m absolutely gutted, shaking with the force of my anger and my anguish. I didn’t know that I had that inside me, to blow up at someone like that. Jett just pulled it out of me, somehow.
Tears leak down my face, and I wipe them away roughly. I look at the door, somehow expecting Jett to return, to come back through that door and say he’s sorry.
But after a minute, it becomes apparent that he’s really, truly not coming back.
I throw myself onto the bed face first, wondering what the fuck just happened. Did we break up? Did we just have an argument? I wish I knew.
He seemed really really angry when I said I might be moving. And before that… he was, what? Disappointed?
I replay the scene again and again, trying to find a clue as to what happened.
But there is nothing. I roll over and look at what I think of as his side of the bed. It’s empty, completely desolate.
Just like I imagined in the bathroom. Have I created a self-fulfilling prophecy?
I lie in bed, my tears staining the pillow. Then another bout of nausea hits, and I’m too busy scrambling to make it to the bathroom to think about it anymore.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jett
Driving home in the middle of the night, I am furious.
At myself, for throwing down an ultimatum during an argument.
But mostly at her, for so many things.
I’d imagined that moment in my mind, I guess. The time when she tells me she’s pregnant, and then throws herself in my arms. In my mind, some grand confession of love would follow, with both of us in tears.
Except, it didn’t happen that way at all.
It started simply. Something is wrong with Cady, I can just tell.
“You okay?” I ask, barely opening my eyes.
She’s sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing her white bathrobe, and looking tearful.
“No. No, I’m not,” she admits, her voice cracking a little.
I sit up, just to get my blood pumping to my brain.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, still mostly asleep.
Cady looks at me. Her expression says that a storm is brewing, but she’s holding it back a bit.
“I just took a pregnancy test,” she announces.
“Uhhh… okay…” I try to wait for her to finish, because I feel like the other shoe is waiting to drop.
She sniffs and wipes at her eye. “I’m pregnant.”
I stiffen. It’s happening now, like really happening. She’s pregnant, and we both have so much to say. My mind is working overtime, struggling to comprehend. “Oh. Oh, fuck. Really?”
“Yeah. You’re going to be a daddy,” she says, emotion making her voice thick.
I don’t know what to do, so I look at her belly. It seems impossible that right this very second, there is a baby with half my DNA growing inside there. I reach out and touch her stomach. “I can’t believe we made a person.”
“Well, it’s just a mass of cells at the moment.” She swats at my hand, and I move away. It must be a lot, learning that your body is going to be occupied by another living being. I respect that.
I glance up at her and catch her face, reading the anxiety there. Fuck it, if she’s afraid, I’m going to try to comfort her. I take her hand and squeeze it.
“I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting you to say that,” I say, shaking my head. “Congratulations, of course.”
When she doesn’t say anything, I start to worry. What if she doesn’t want to hear my intended heartfelt declarations? What if she doesn’t ever want to hear them, period?
“I might be moving to Seattle!” she blurts.
That was… not what I wanted to hear.
“You… what?” I demand. I let go of her hand. “When were you planning to tell me? I am your boyfriend, you know. Or is that over, now that you’ve gotten what you wanted?”
“What?” she asks. She is visibly uncomfortable with what I am saying.
“You heard me,” I say. I moving to the opposite edge of the bed. I can’’t have this conversation naked, so I reach down for my underwear and stand up to pull them on.
“I’m just… I don’t know that I’m moving to Seattle, but it is possible. It’s just an offer that I got. I’m trying to figure things out. And I just found out that I’m pregnant less than ten minutes ago!”
What in the fuck? I’m so confused. I find my pants, and pull them on.
“I am really happy for you. I am. But… you’re moving across the country, now that you found out?”
“The two things have nothing to do with one another.” She crosses her arms.
“Right. You just happened to tell me both of them at one time?”
I pull my shirt on, steaming. I can’t remember being this mad at a woman, ever. How does she not see that one has everything to do with the other? I hear Jax’s voice, in the back of my mind. I told you so.
“You know, when Jax called you a people-user, I got mad at him. But maybe he was right.”
“He said what?” Her voice goes up an octave.
“I’m saying, maybe he finally got something right. You got what you needed out of me, and now you’re ready to run.”
“Okay, everything you’re saying sounds super dramatic,” she spits at me. “Besides, it’s har
dly your decision what I do with my body and my baby. You signed away your parental rights, buddy.”
I stop, going cold. It’s only existed for ten minutes, and yet she’s already telling me that I don’t have any right to my child? Jesus fucking christ. How is this fair?
I turn toward her, trying to control my growing rage. I need to leave, before I snap. “If I don’t leave now, I’m going to say something I regret.”
“So leave!” she shouts, throwing her hands up. “No one is stopping you. There’s the door.”
I start to see red. No one has ever worked me up so much.
“If I leave, I’m not coming back,” I yell at her. I don’t mean it really, but it feels good to say.
Her face falls into a grim expression. “Good! Go!”
I hesitate for a second. This is really our first fight… but honestly? The way she sounds makes me think that it might also be our last.
I turn away from her and stomp out of the apartment, so mad I can barely see straight. When I get to the car, I sit with the engine running for a few minutes. I need to calm down before I drive, because I feel like I might run anybody that looks at me wrong right off the road.
I make it home okay, but when I get to bed, sleep eludes me for ages. I roll over and try not to spend the entire remainder of the night replaying and replaying the same scene.
When I finally do sleep, it is plagued with dreams. In them, Cady is a 50s housewife in a typical 50s ranch house, sort of like the neighborhood in Edward Scissorhands. Cady is massively pregnant, she’s busy packing her suitcase.
“We talked about this!” she says, smiling. “I have to move to Seattle! It’s not personal, I just don’t love you!”
And there I am, naked for some reason, looking on as she packs her bag.
I wake with a start, bile filling my mouth. Groaning at the sunlight and the birds chirping, I head to shower. When I get to the bathroom, though, I stop. There next to the sink is Cady’s toothbrush, her only concession to my insistence that girlfriends leave things at their boyfriend’s places.
I hurry through my shower routine, rushing to get dressed. But then when I’m dressed, I stop.
Where am I about to go? I wonder. For the first day in a long time, I don’t feel like working out.
Actually, I haven’t felt so dissatisfied since Emily broke up with me. I wonder if Cady sensed the same wrongness in me that Emily did? Maybe that was why she dropped the Seattle bomb at the same time she told me she was pregnant.
I sit back down on my bed. Cady is pregnant. We made a life, together.
I crack my knuckles. The thought of my DNA becoming a person terrifies me and yet elates me. I imagine if it is a boy, he’ll look just like me. Cady was right when she said that family resemblance is strong in the James clan.
If it’s a little girl, though…
My heart squeezes uncomfortably. If Cady has a little girl, she’ll look just like Cady. I imagine Cady bouncing the baby in her arms and cooing.
I clench my fists. What if the whole fight last night was Cady’s way of letting me down gently, though? What do I do if she just doesn’t want to be with me and moving to Seattle is just a convenient excuse to get out of the relationship?
I find my phone and text Mason and Alex.
I need to go do something ASAP. I have to get out of my head.
Less than a minute later, Alex responds.
Want to go for a hike? I’m gearing up to hike up near Stone Mountain soon.
Mason joins in. I’m down to hike.
I respond, I’ll get ready. Meet at Alex’s house?
I head to my closet to get ready.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cady
My phone chirps, and I jump out of my seat to grab it. It’s just another work email, though. I feel disappointment down to my bones.
I sigh and sit my pajama-wearing butt back on the couch. I am officially taking a whole day off of work to pout and watch bad reality TV while I try to figure out my life. Also, I spent most of my early morning throwing up, so I’m feeling more than a little fragile right now.
So far, I’ve texted Olive a frowny face and stared at the contents of my fridge, trying to imagine eating something. Putting Real Housewives on the TV is the third task I’ve assigned myself, and that is going well.
By well, I mean that I am slumped over, distractedly watching TV and jumping up anytime my phone makes a noise. It chirps again, and I see it’s a text from Olive.
Sorry I’m so late answering this… I’ve been really tied up at Johann’s house.
I roll my eyes at the reference to all the kinky sex she’s having. I get it, Olive, you’re banging some really hot European dude with strange tastes. I think about what to say in response.
Jett and I had a really, really big fight. We might have broken up.
Wait, you don’t know whether you ended things?
Can you just come over? I have a couple of things to catch you up on.
Be there soon. Stopping for pastries and coffee.
…make mine a decaf.