by Vivian Wood
“Classes started at four in the morning. I was in classes sometimes for twelve hours a day, then working at Voodoo during the graveyard shift to make ends meet. Dating wasn’t particularly a priority.”
“You always have an excuse. For everything,” Renee said. “Ever since eighth grade when you made up that ridiculous reason for not going to the spring formal with Todd.”
A flood of words built up in her throat, but Lily commanded herself to stay calm. “I just have high standards. You should try it.”
“Yeah, right,” Renee said with a little laugh. “Your ‘standards’ are just a defense mechanism. You don’t want anyone to get over that hurdle.”
“It just so happens that I … I have a crush on someone.”
“Someone real?” Renee asked suspiciously. “Or is this like when you decided Eric from The Little Mermaid was your soulmate?”
“Yes, someone real! His name is … well, it starts with a C.”
“Ohhh. Connor? Isn’t that the name of the delivery guy at the bakery? You sneaky little slut.”
“Connor? Gross, no. And that guy’s name was Omar. And no, before you ask, it’s not the delivery guy. “
“Christian? Your landlord? Wait, no, Cody. I think you mentioned someone with that name last Christmas? Oh my God, is his name Christmas?”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Lo ami. So, tell me about him, then.”
Lily blushed. She opened her mouth for the big reveal, but realized Renee hadn’t ever met Cade. It was the one crush she’d kept to herself even in middle school and high school.
At the time, she’d thought it was because Renee would laugh at her and how ridiculous it was. Now she thought maybe it had been because Renee would have gone after him. “He’s one of Elijah’s friends.”
“EJ always had hot friends,” Renee said. “Tell me the physical details. Hair, eyes, height—”
“About six foot two. Dark hair and eyes. He’s a firefighter, so—”
“Oh my God, really? Like an actual firefighter? EJ met him at the station?”
“Uh, yeah, like an actual firefighter,” Lily said slowly. It wasn’t technically lying if I just fail to mention we met as kids.
“He must be freaking hot then. But you know what the most important thing is, right?” Renee leaned forward conspiratorially. “Whether or not he’s packing heat.”
“Renee!”
“See?” Renee said. She leaned back again, smug. “That reaction right there is why you wouldn’t do well in Italy. You’re such a prude!”
“I can’t help it if some of us are more modest than you, Renee. And anyway … I happen to know he is.”
“Wait. What?”
“I hooked up with him three years ago.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tell me everything. Do not leave out a single detail. Three years ago? Isn’t that when you broke up with Tim—”
“It was amazing,” Lily said. She felt not only eager to stop Renee from doing her calculations, but relieved to finally be telling someone about it. “He was amazing,” she added. “And he was there when I needed him …”
“Holy shit! I can’t believe you did that! And that you didn’t tell me,” Renee said.
Lily could hear the hurt in her friend’s voice.
She was still in there, the crazy girl who stood up for me in seventh grade when that group of eighth grade girls made fun of me for not having any boobs.
“How could I not know?” Renee asked.
“We were both about to move,” Lily said. She grasped for an excuse, any excuse. “And it was around graduation, and your grandparents were coming in and everything. I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you. But, I don’t know. It didn’t exactly end the way I thought it would. Besides, it’s like … kind of taboo.”
“Because of EJ?”
“Yeah. Elijah loves him like a brother, but … well, this guy kind of sleeps around. A lot.”
Renee wrinkled her nose. “He sounds like a player.”
“And he gets into fights,” Lily added. “One time, when he was in high school, we were all hanging out at the big library downtown. Waiting for Elijah to return some book. And Cade got into a fight with another dude over a girl. I was freaking out on the inside, but Elijah just shook his head and said, ‘That’s the shit I’m talking about’ to me. ‘That’s why you’re going to be smart, and not date somebody who talks with their fists, right?’”
“Whoa,” Renee said. “That’s heavy. That’s, like, some serious foreshadowing or something.”
“Yep. So … yeah, Cade is off limits.”
“I wouldn’t say off limits,” Renee said. She sipped her coffee slowly. “I would say he’s a prime candidate for a secret hookup.”
“Right, because I’m such a great liar. And I’m also really good at hiding things from my brothers.”
“Is Cade the jealous type?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Why?”
“If he’s as much of a hothead as you say, you should try making him jealous,” Renee said. “Trust me. If he gets all ragey about that, you’ll know he feels something for you. Especially since he’s such a ho-bag, too. He wouldn’t care about just anyone he’s been with. But if he gets jealous …”
Lily laughed. “You can’t be serious.”
“I totally am! Don’t you want to know? Listen, if I learned anything in Italy, it’s how to figure out what a man really feels.”
“Of course I want to know,” Lily said. “But …”
“Oh! You know what? You should go to Redd’s Bar. Make sure to invite Cade. Get nice and tipsy, and get handsy with some random. Make sure Cade sees everything, though.”
“I don’t know, Renee. I don’t like games—”
“It’s not a game. It’s a strategy. Call it my welcome back party! We can do it tomorrow night. Oh my God, squee! I’m so excited.”
“You really will use any excuse to have a party, won’t you?” Lily asked. She smiled as she finished the last of the drink.
Renee made a face and stood up. “Come on. We need to take you shopping for tomorrow. Let’s go find something that will go with the Manolo Blahniks—only available in Milan, this pair—that I have in the car for you.”
11
Cade
“Cade!”
He could hear his crew’s voices, desperate and choking, even as the fire roared in his ear. He knew instinctively that when the ground had given way beneath him, his ankle had fractured. But the adrenaline kept him going, kept him moving—moving toward his crew.
They sound like wild animals.
Even through the flames, he could see it in their eyes. It was the same look he’d seen in so many animals trapped in gulches as they waited to die.
The year he’d spent fighting wildfires had infused in him all the fears of the animals he’d watched die.
But these aren’t animals.
His crew’s voices pounded in his head and mixed with the rush of blood.
You’re such a fucking idiot. What did it matter that you had less than a second to decide? Boxed in on either side, it had been a judgment call. A judgment call that fucked up your ankle.
“Dominguez, can you hear me?” he yelled into the walkie-talkie. It crackled to life and brought the screams to an unbearable level. “Dominguez, do you copy? Barron? Fields?”
The smoke stung his eyes, and his ankle throbbed all the way to his temples. Cade dragged himself along the charred ground to a ledge that overlooked the gulch. He caught a glimpse of three yellow jackets and heard the wails as they punctuated the night sky. The sounds shot straight up to the heavens.
I’m going to die. The thought was sudden, but not unwelcome. It wasn’t even surprising. I’m going to die now.
He saw Aunt Mary, first in the kitchen as she stooped over a homemade bearberry pie. Suddenly she was skeletal, bald and nearly translucent. He spooned chicken broth into her mouth and hated himself when he was disgusted by having to mop it off her ch
in when she coughed it up.
“Cade,” a sweet voice purred. He rolled to his side and Aunt Mary was replaced with a Hapa girl whose name he couldn’t remember.
“Do you still want to see my hula?” she asked with a laugh.
He couldn’t remember her name, or how they’d met, but he suddenly remembered how she’d felt in his arms. How she’d carried the heat of Hawaii within her. Her face shifted and morphed into a blonde, a redhead, another blonde, the girl with the natural afro and the one with the neck tattoo of a rose.
My God, how many were there?
A girl he’d forgotten about, the one who’d used Altoids before she went down on him, was replaced by the first family he’d ever saved. The wife clung to him, held her baby tighter, and the husband let his happy tears fall freely without shame.
“Charles, you get out?” Barron’s voice crackled through the walkie-talkie, and Cade realized his eyes had been closed.
He opened his mouth to reply, but the defeat in Barron’s voice lulled him deeper into slumber.
“I think Charles’s alright,” he heard Barron say to the other two.
He no longer sounded scared. There weren’t any more screams. All the fear had been drained, and in the quiet they waited to die.
Cade forced his eyes open and used the last of his strength to hoist himself onto the ledge. In the gulch below, the smoke had cleared. He could see his crew, just one fire shelter between him and them. They huddled together like a family, like loved ones, as the flames lapped closer.
As if they sensed him, all three looked up and directly into his eyes. A flame the size of a small child hugged their feet. Barron let out a keen like nothing Cade had heard before. It shot directly into Cade’s deepest, darkest space and wormed in deep. For good, for keeps.
“ … stable. He’s stable.” Cade’s eyes opened to see paramedics hovered over him. He tried to speak, but tubes and masks kept him quiet. “We’re taking you to the hospital. You’ll be okay.” He noticed she was pretty, the paramedic. Young and supple with a long black plait of hair.
The next time he opened his eyes, he heard the steady beat of a hospital monitor. Cade moaned and blinked away the grit in his eyes. His right forearm was covered in plaster. “What … what’s this …” he asked as a husky nurse walked in.
“It’s okay, baby,” she said. “Won’t be nothin’ but a small scar. You’ll still win all them beauty pageants.”
“Jesus,” Cade yelped as he jerked awake.
As he glanced around the room, he remembered where he was.
What the date was.
Montana was over.
He instinctively rubbed the small scar on his arm. He’d received the small burn from a branch that had fallen as he’d dragged himself toward the ledge that night. Big enough to be a reminder, but too small to suggest he’d tried to help.
Cade sighed and pushed himself up. It had been a record week, six straight days without a nightmare. But this one had been bad, almost like he was really there again.
“Fucking Hersh,” he said as he cranked up the air conditioner. Nightmares were always bad the day before he saw the shrink.
He looked around his mostly empty apartment and nodded. Two boxes of clothes. A small set of dumbbells. A laptop. The mattress on the floor with no flat sheet.
I don’t need anything else, he thought. I don’t deserve anything more.
Cade stood up and turned on the shower. He kept the water cool and delighted in the goosebumps that broke out along his skin. The single towel that he had was still damp from the last shower, a tiny touch of punishment.
As he slipped on a pair of jeans, he thumbed through his phone for Elijah’s number.
What’s going on tonight? he asked.
Dude, wtf you been? Not answering your calls.
Cade checked his missed calls and saw four from Elijah.
Sorry man, fell asleep. So what’s good?
Everyone’s going to Redd’s at 9.
Redd’s? I haven’t been there in years, he thought.
The bar where he’d cut his teeth on jack and cokes had the pull of nostalgia.
See you there, he shot back.
He scrolled through his missed texts and saw that Lily had also sent out what was clearly a mass message.
Welcome home party for my bestie at Redd’s tonight at 9. Hope you can make it. XOXO.
It might be a mass text, but it’s still an invitation, he thought. Besides, it would be good to see Lily. And in a group, there wouldn’t be any temptation.
He knew the place would be packed before he even walked in the door. The parking lot overflowed, and trucks lined the street. Cade parked at the end of the block, and walked briskly toward the neon lights.
Redd’s had been a staple well before the hipsters had migrated south. It was one of Salem’s last holdouts.
Country music assaulted his ears as soon as he stepped through the heavy doors. Redd’s had changed since he’d last been there. More of a nightclub than a bar, there were bouncers in matching black shirts that stood guard at the little booth.
The hell, they charge a cover now? He couldn’t help but be impressed by how jacked the bouncers were as they patted him down.
“You a firefighter?” the girl taking cover charges asked.
“Yeah. How’d…”
“I can tell,” she said. “You get a discount, half price entry.”
“Cool.” As Cade made his way through the crowd, he heard Elijah before he saw him, even through the din of the excitement.
“Cade, you bastard!” Elijah bellowed when he saw him. Cade sucked in his breath at the word, but it was obvious Elijah was already tipsy.
“Grab a beer,” Elijah said, and nodded at the pitcher in the middle of the table.
Cade recognized some of the guys from the firehouse, and they gave nods to one another. Nobody except Elijah bothered to be heard above the music.
“These guys you haven’t met before!” Elijah yelled. He screamed their names to Cade, but he couldn’t make them out.
“Why’s it so slammed in here tonight?” Cade asked as the band mercifully quieted down for their break.
He could barely make out some 1990s Garth Brooks as it came onto the sound system.
Elijah raised a brow.
“It’s always packed,” he said. “This is standard. Being that it’s the only real club Salem has.”
“Damn. Times change,” Cade said as he took a swallow of the beer.
“Hey, guys.” Cade smiled before he even turned around at the sound of Lily’s voice. Beside her was a towering, willowy blonde. “This is Renee.”
“Hot damn, Lily, who? You been holding out on me,” Elijah said from across the table.
Lily rolled her eyes. “Elijah, how drunk are you? This is Renee. You only met her a million times when we were kids.”
“Renee-Renee? My bad. You grew up good, beanpole.”
“Thanks,” Renee said with a laugh. She eyed Cade with interest.
He gave the blonde his usual half-smile and waited for the old manwhore inside to raise his head with interest—but nothing happened. Instead, his eyes traveled back to Lily.
Her gold sequined dress showed off her long legs. Cleavage nearly spilled out of the top, and her toned arm was slipped easily through her friend’s.
“Hey, I think I see someone I want to say hello to,” Lily said. “Come on, Renee. We’ll be back,” she told the table.
Cade watched her go and hoped that her skirt would hitch up just a little higher. Elijah’s elbow dug into him.
“Feeling the blonde, huh? Old Morningside Manwhore is back at it!”
Cade sipped his beer noncommittally. The DJ turned the lights down low as a Sam Hunt song came on. He could hear Elijah across the table talking shit with the other firefighters.
A waitress came by and Elijah demanded all the shots of whiskey on her tray. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the dance floor even as the amber liquid burned down
his throat. All he hoped for was a glimpse of gold in the darkness.
“You want to dance?” a soft voice whispered in his ear. Cade smiled as he turned to Lily.
“Renee,” he said, surprised. She smiled at him.
“Come on,” she said. “I love this song.”
“Go, go, M and M!” Elijah crowed, his not-so-subtle Morningside Manwhore nickname for Cade.
On the dance floor, he caught a flash of sequins as Renee snaked her arms around him. Lily was making her way through the dance floor, leading a guy he’d never seen before by the hand.
Cade felt jealousy grip him close even as Renee pressed her body against his. Lily slipped her arms around the guy’s neck as his hands dipped dangerously low to Lily’s hips.
“Dance with me,” Renee urged in his ear. He held her closer, but his mind was ten feet away with Lily.
He watched for two minutes as Lily let the guy caress her lower back. She laughed as he said something in her ear. The jealousy was so much, Cade couldn’t take it. Before the song was over, he dropped his hands and turned to leave.
“Hey!” Renee said in mild protest.
Before Cade turned away, he saw the guy Lily danced with grab her ass. Lily tried to push him away, but he had too tight of a grip on her. She squirmed and tried to get free, but the guy wouldn’t budge.
Cade thundered through the crowd, grasped Lily by the waist, and pulled her free. “Cade—”
He didn’t let her finish. Cade punched the groper in the face, satisfied when he felt the bone splinter beneath his fist.
“Fight!” someone yelled gleefully from beside Cade.
“The fuck, man?” the guy asked.
Blood poured down his face. He was disoriented, but tried to fight back. That ignited a rage in Cade. He felt the animal inside him take over as he crushed the guy’s nose. Splayed across the floor, Cade kicked him in the ribs.
“Oh my God, stop!” Lily screamed.
“You’re out of here.” One of the bouncers jerked Cade’s arm and dragged him toward the exit. He grunted as the bouncer tossed him onto the ground. “Cool off out here, and don’t come back.”