by Vivian Wood
“Cade,” she croaked out. She couldn’t make her voice any bigger. “Cade!” she finally managed, from a strength deep inside.
She heard the crunch of boots on hard ground. As the black smoke rose from below her, Lily thought she saw a figure emerge. It was yellow, like the tips of a fire. She couldn’t figure out if it was real or her imagination gone wild with the smoke.
You found me, she thought. But in that instant, the figure disappeared again.
You’re imagining this, she told herself. It’s okay, let go.
Lily lay back down and did her best to pull the reflective jacket over her body.
Just get onto the log, she told herself. If anyone comes by, they need to see you.
She pulled together the last bit of her strength and hoisted herself onto the log. Deep within, she thought she felt something shift. It wasn’t a kick, it was way too early for that. But it was there.
I’m here, it seemed to say. Don’t be scared.
Lily let her eyes close, convinced herself it was to keep the sting of the smoke away. In the darkness, just like everyone said, her life was showcased as a montage.
She was nine years old and walking home from school with her brothers and Cade. She could feel the weight of her plastic lunchbox in her hand. She was one year older and at the firehouse. Cade’s dad was like a monster as he stumbled toward them. She dropped her kite and ran into the firehouse like her dad said.
Minute later, Cade rushed in as blood poured from his nose. “You’re bleeding,” she said, and took his hand.
She was in high school getting ready for the homecoming dance with girlfriends she hadn’t thought about in years. Cade walked in with Elijah.
“I thought you were too old for princess parties,” Elijah said, and she shot him a look. But when she saw Cade, she blushed and looked down.
“You all look pretty,” Cade said. It made her blush harder.
It was three years ago, and Tim had just dumped her in the most humiliating moment of her life. Her face was streaked with tears and she dug desperately for her keys in her bag. Cade appeared before her.
He took her into his dry truck and drove her to his apartment. She drowned in his sweatshirt that he slowly pulled off of her on that couch. The touch of his lips on her skin shot off fireworks.
It was last month in the bakery. Jean-Michel had a twinkle in his eye when he asked her about the sexy fireman. She wanted to spill it all to him, to gossip and guess and plan an elaborate, ridiculous wedding.
She was on Renee’s couch with a pint of ice cream. Lily felt her insides soften as her best friend came back, fully, from her time abroad and attempt at escape.
These are all the things I’ll miss, she thought as her dreams began to mix with reality. These are all the people I’ve loved.
But at the top of the list was Cade. He was what kept coming back into her memory.
I’m sorry you’ll never know, she thought into the darkness.
But maybe he would. Maybe, somehow, he’d find out about what she’d carried into the flames. And maybe he’d forgive her.
Lily let go of her last grasp of consciousness. It was true what they say. She wasn’t afraid. The heat felt good, like a warm blanket wrapped around her. And the smoke, as it filled her body, made its way into her bones so that she was as light as could be. She’d never felt so light in her life.
Don’t be scared, the little voice in her center whispered. I’m here with you.
31
Cade
As he made his way up the steep incline, he tried to remember what she’d been wearing.
Khaki pants. Those old hiking boots. And the jacket. The bright green jacket. Shit, he thought. How am I going to find a green jacket in the goddamned Oregon wild?
Still, he kept on. He heard Elijah and Aiden behind him. Occasionally, he looked back to check on them. But he had no doubts that they were just as committed to finding her as he was.
They came upon the first bundle of hikers, and he saw the internal struggle as Aiden began to help them. Every instinct in Aiden told him to keep on, to look for Lily, but he knew he couldn’t.
“I’ll find her,” Cade called to him as he kept climbing the hillside. “I promise.”
By the time he got one-third up the summit, doubts started to creep in.
Maybe she decided to go somewhere else. Maybe she’s sitting in some café in downtown, totally unaware of the fire.
But Cade knew those were hopeful thoughts. He felt her here. And she was still alive.
When the smoke became so thick he couldn’t see more than four feet in front of him, his radio came to life. The ground crew had a solid head count. They thought they had everyone.
“Charles, you copy?” he heard a voice over the radio. He brought his mouth to the speaker, but stopped.
How would they know if he got the message or not?
“Cade.”
He heard her voice, he was sure of it. Even with the fire that raged nearby and the wind that had picked up to carry it, he knew it was her.
“Lily?” he called. “Lily! Where are you?”
He didn’t hear her voice again, but her presence drove him onward. He’d already outrun the fire once, near the head of the trail when it whipped around from the eastern side.
But now it was right on his heels. It shot skyward at the same pace as him.
Cade ran up the trail and nearly tripped at a log that was nestled right at the perimeter.
“Shit,” he said, and leaned down to stop the fall.
His hands rested on something soft—something alive. He pulled down his bandana and saw Lily. She stared up at him like she’d been expecting him.
“I knew you’d come,” she said.
Her voice was weak. Cade felt his heart squeeze. He’d known, all along, that he’d find her.
Lily pushed herself up, and he gripped her under the arms. She held him close, and he wanted more than anything to hug her so tight she’d never slip away again. But there was no time.
“We have to go,” he said, brusque. “Here.”
He pulled the fire shelter out of his pack and pulled her toward a small clearing near the rim of the mountain. She started to choke back her tears as she hunkered down beside him. “It’ll be okay,” he said. “I promise. We just have to wait this out.”
Cade held the shelter over them firmly as the fire raged on top of them. Her small screams blended with the angry fire outside. For a moment, he wasn’t sure if it would be enough. The heat burned into his arms and his hands, through the gear and the shelter, but still he held on.
“Are we going to die?” Lily asked.
He glanced down into her eyes. All he saw was trust.
“No. I won’t let you get hurt,” he said. Cade sensed an even worse rush of fire coming.
He leaned down and kissed her firmly. Lily’s body responded, but he forced her down and covered her with his body. He felt the shelter blanket him, save for one booted foot that jutted out.
Cade gritted his teeth as he felt the searing heat across his ankle. Beneath him, Lily breathed fast and sharp. The ground and rocks that surrounded them had heated up to an almost unbearable degree—and that was through his gear.
He could only imagine how it felt to Lily.
Still, he had to admit that his girl was smart. She’d found a place that was relatively clear and high. Any lower and they’d have been immersed in vegetation. The perfect fodder for a hungry fire.
“Hold on,” he whispered into her ear. “We’re almost there.”
He felt her breathing grow more desperate below him. It wasn’t just the weight of his body or the heat of the ground. The fire had sucked most of the oxygen out of the air.
“Small breaths,” he whispered into her ear.
She breathed more shallow, and sucked in only what she needed. He wished there was something more he could do, but all they could do was wait. Cade heard the tail end of the fire pass over them and continue up t
he hill. Not far from where they were, it would start to sizzle out.
“Cade,” she whispered.
“Save your breath.”
“In case… in case we… just know that I love you,” she said. Lily turned one cheek to the ground and gazed up at him as best she could.
“I love you, too,” he said.
It was the first time he’d said it to her, and wildly different than when he’d blurted it out to Aiden.
If secrets were heavy, this was the heaviest by far. The most weighted are those you don’t know are on your back. The ones you don’t see coming.
It felt like they were under that shelter a lifetime. But Cade wanted more. No amount of lifetimes with her would be enough.
His radio crackled into their little bubble of salvation and gave him the relative clear.
“Charles, where the hell are you? Do you copy? Goddamnit, Cade.” Elijah’s voice broke into the shelter, and he felt Lily shake with a giggle beneath him.
Cade got to his knees and carefully pulled the shelter off of them.
“I copy,” he said. “I have Lily.”
“Oh, thank God.”
“Is she alright?” Aiden broke into the call. All protocol was gone.
Cade looked at her and raised a brow. She nodded. Dirt was smeared across her face.
“She’s fine,” he said.
“Where are you?”
“Uh… near the summit,” he said. “Rocky terrain, lookout point.”
“You have the coordinates?” Elijah asked.
Cade reached for his gear pack and started to shout their location into the radio.
“Copy, ten-four,” Elijah said.
As he clipped the radio back on, he surveyed the area. The ground was black and smoking. Around them, trees were aflame but the fire had started to die.
“I can’t believe it,” Lily said. “I thought… I thought for sure… God, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I left like that—”
“No sorries,” he said, and pulled her close. “We’re alive. That’s all that matters.”
Lily’s lip shook and tears started to run down her cheeks. She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a gasp.
Cade pulled her against him and stroked her hair.
It was so close. So close, and we made it. And who gives a damn about all the drama before?
It seemed so petty, all of it. He couldn’t believe that he’d spend all those weeks, all those years, obsessed with something that didn’t matter at all.
“Lily? I know this probably isn’t how you imagined this…”
“What?”
He’d fantasized about this moment the past few days, but it was all just that—a fantasy. Cade had thought about taking her to the coast, to a little cave in Florence or Haystack Rock in Astoria.
He’d have a gorgeous diamond ring, maybe even her mother’s, and an entire speech prepared that he’d say flawlessly. But now? Now he wasn’t even sure if he could get to one knee.
“Lily, I know we haven’t had the most traditional relationship. But I can’t imagine my life without you. And I don’t want to.”
“Cade?” she asked, her eyes wide with confusion.
“What I’m trying to say—well, ask—is…” Cade pulled himself onto one knee, and ignored the pain that shot through his ankle. “Will you marry me? I mean, I don’t have a ring, not right now. But I’ll get one, and—”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“I don’t want anything more than to marry you,” she said.
That bright smile he’d known all his life spread across her face. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“Really?”
“Of course!” She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he kissed her cheek.
“But, Cade?” she asked as she looked up at him.
In the distance, he could hear the helicopter. They were so close, so close to being safe.
“Yeah?”
“There’s, uh… I need to tell you something.”
His heart sank. Not again. Not when they were so close to being happy.
“Don’t worry, it’s not bad. At least I don’t think so,” she said.
“Okay.” He pulled in his breath. “What—”
The helicopter appeared at the cliff. It drowned out her voice. Cade shielded his eyes and looked in the cockpit. Elijah and Aiden grinned down at them as a ladder released. Cade nodded Lily toward the chopper.
“Whatever it is,” he called into her ear as he climbed up behind her, “we’ll work it out. Don’t worry.”
She looked over her shoulder at him and grinned. And he knew it was true. When it came to Lily, nothing was impossible. It had taken him years to figure it out, but now that he knew it, he wasn’t about to let anything get in their way.
Lily climbed into the helicopter and Cade watched her brothers hold her close. Neither of them said anything when Lily slipped her arm through Cade’s and rested her head on his shoulder. As the helicopter descended into the wide open field, Cade squeezed Lily’s hand tightly.
This was it. All I’ve ever wanted, but never knew I needed.
32
Lily
Lily leaned back into the sofa, her ankle propped up on the table. She craned her neck around and watched Cade as he worked in the kitchen.
“What are you making?” she called.
“Firehouse chili,” he said. “Protein. It’ll help you heal.”
“You baby me too much,” she said as she popped another piece of caramel popcorn into her mouth.
“I almost lost you,” he said, and turned with the spatula in hand. “That means I get to baby you as much as I want.”
“The last two days have been wild, right?” she asked.
Lily glanced down at her swollen ankle. It was nothing compared to the burns Cade had sustained on his, but he acted like she’d nearly lost her foot.
Still, I have to admit it’s nice.
She’d been thankful that neither of them had been held overnight in the hospital. The smoke inhalation damage had been surprisingly minimal.
“You’re lucky,” the doctor had said as he released her. “It could have been a lot worse. We have one hiker in here with third degree burns over half his body.”
“My God,” Lily had said and looked at Cade.
Now, just forty-eight hours later, the whole ordeal seemed like a lifetime ago. Whatever had transpired under that fire guard, it had sealed them together for good. When she’d felt his body on top of her, protecting her, the last of her walls gave way. There was no way she was letting him go—or walking away—again.
“Gotta let it simmer for awhile,” Cade said. He dropped onto the sofa next to her. “Cornbread for a starter?” he asked. “And iced tea.”
She took a slice and bit into it. The buttery goodness nearly rivaled Jean-Michel’s work.
“Oh my God. How’d you learn how to make it like this?”
“Firehouse,” he said with a shrug. “The secret is butter four ways, brown sugar—”
She held up her hand. “Please. My waistline doesn’t need to know that. Speaking of…”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to turn into one of those women who worries about her weight all the time,” he said. “You’re gorgeous, no matter what. Now eat the cornbread your fiancé slaved over for the past two hours.”
Lily blushed. “This is serious. I need to tell you something.”
Cade put down his slice of bread and looked at her. “What you were going to tell me at the fire?”
She nodded. “I, um… I freaked out because of what happened at my appointment. It was a doctor’s appointment.”
He shoved the plate onto the coffee table. “Are you okay?”
“Yes! I’m fine,” she said with a laugh. “We both are.”
“What?”
She sighed. “I was hoping the doctors wouldn’t let it slip in front of you at the hospital, but now I kind of wish they
had. I’m…” she took a sip of the iced tea he handed her and spit it back out.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Is it bad?”
“Caffeine,” she said weakly.
“What?”
“There’s a lot of caffeine in iced tea, right?”
“Uh, I guess? I mean, a normal amount?”
“I don’t know if I can have this.”
All the articles she’d glanced over during her lifetime rushed back at her. No raw seafood, no rare meat of any kind, no caffeine, and definitely no alcohol.
Was a little bit of caffeine going to hurt the baby?
“Lily, don’t take this personally, but you’re acting really weird. I’ve seen you down iced tea by the quart plenty of times.”
“Hey,” she said, and shoved at him playfully.
“Come on. Tell me what’s really going on. You know, your dad’s the one who taught me to make that tea.”
She sighed. “You know that thing I said I needed to tell you?”
“Yeah,” he said. “It was quite dramatic. At least until the helicopter drowned you out.”
“Okay. Don’t be upset.”
Cade’s face darkened, but he didn’t say anything. It’s now or never.
“I went to the doctor because I noticed that my breasts were tender, just as a precaution you know. My mom,” she said quietly. “The breast cancer… it’s a common symptom.”
Cade stiffened beside her.
“No, no! I’m not saying that I have cancer,” she said. “God, I’m fucking this up. I went to the doctor and found out that I’m pregnant.”
She shrugged and looked up at him. “That’s it, all my secrets, laid out in plain sight.”
Cade’s jaw dropped open. Lily started to count the seconds.
How long until he has a total freak out? Maybe this was a mistake. Marriage is one thing, but a baby? Already? God, a month and a half ago they were virtual strangers.
“I know that maybe you aren’t ready—” she began, but Cade grabbed her tight.
His kiss took her breath away. Her stomach fluttered, and for a moment she couldn’t tell if it was from him, from what they’d created, or a sweet combination of both. Lily laughed when he let her go.