by LJ Maas
We left the area, traveling through farmland on our way south to the shore. When we reached the harbors at Potidaea, I took a fleet of ships south, meeting up with my armies in Pagasae. From there, we moved on to Athens and the rest is in the history archives of the palace. It was what happened in a field, some five leagues from the coast, which brought the beauty of the rose to me.
We were taking a midday break from the heat, and as usual, I immediately moved away from the camp. The noise of the men had come to distress me, their laughter, and the gods awful smells that a camp full of dirty soldiers could hold. I enjoyed a leisurely walk and before I knew it, I had followed the stream to a quiet glade of tall green grass. I found a log and sat back, removing my armor, and enjoying the breeze. A rustle in the grass to my left brought my hand to my blade, but I smiled when I saw a tiny head poke through the high grass.
"Hullo." The child's voice said.
"Hello, right back young lady," I responded.
"Are you hiding too?" she asked. She looked to be no more than four or five summers old. Her hair was bleached nearly white from the sun, a healthy glow to her tanned skin.
"I guess so," I admitted.
"I ken ony be here and talk for a little bit. Mama sez its time for a baf."
I chuckled at her serious expression. She came and stood beside me reaching out and touching my hand. Suddenly she backed away and looked up at me.
"Why is you so sad?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but heard a woman calling something in the distance.
"Don't go away!" The youngster ordered and ran off.
When she returned a short time later, she held something behind her back.
"Dis is for you . . . so you won't be so sad no more."
She held out a flower, a rose. It was a beautiful pink bloom and I was in awe at the child's compassion. The simplicity of such a gift, such a perfect symbol of beauty, it captured me from that first moment. The young girl ran toward home I expect, but I continued to sit there until night had fallen simply looking at the rose.
I never learned her name, but one of the first things I did when I situated my home in Corinth was to send for the landscapers to build me a rose garden.
I shook my head to bring myself back to the present. The sun was not yet up, so I hurried from the garden, back through the halls of the palace to leave Gabrielle my present. I thought there might be a chance she would awaken before I had a chance to return, but I considered that unlikely. Given the choice between waking before dawn and an extra candlemark of sleep, Gabrielle would choose sleep.
I strolled through the halls of the palace, which were quite deserted at this hour. I must have presented an odd, if not ludicrous picture to anyone who may have been up at this hour. I felt that my step contained a little bounce, and was that me making those sounds? I fear I lost myself in my newfound happiness because I rounded a corner and nearly knocked Delia flat.
"God's above! I never would have thought that was you coming around the corner!" she responded. "That was you I heard, wasn't it?"
"What?" I asked.
"It was you! Xena," she lowered her voice when she used my given name. "You were whistling!"
"I was doing no such thing." I could feel the heat creeping into my cheeks. Damn! I knew it was me making those sounds. Have I ever whistled before?
"You were so, and what have you got there?" she asked.
"Nothing," I lied. I tried to maneuver the flower behind my back, but it was too late, she'd already caught a glimpse of what I was carrying. "Oh, all right," I brought it out in full view. "Are you happy now? If I catch you telling anyone about this I'll string you up with the chickens to be plucked."
Delia laughed aloud making me feel like I was ten again. "Why, Lord Conqueror, with a charming manner such as that, it's no wonder the women can't resist you."
She squeezed my arm as she walked past me, still laughing aloud. I shook my head, unable to keep the grin off my face. Delia had the ability to make me feel like a child, but I saw something in her eyes when she looked at me lately. It was something that made feel better than I had a right to. What I saw in her eyes was pride. It was an expression every child hopes to see directed at them from their parent, especially between mother and daughter. I knew there was a woman, still alive, in a small coastal town in Thrace who I would give my very life to see focus that look at me. I tossed away the notion as soon as it appeared. That would never be and there was no sense in wishing for the impossible. But then again, just a few moons ago, I thought it impossible for the Conqueror to fall in love, to have someone love her in return. It seemed as if my life was changing in so many ways, I could think on absolutely nothing as completely impossible anymore.
* * *
I arranged the flower beside the pillow that Gabrielle held to her chest. I kissed her forehead and went off to my study. On the way, I met a guard who I ordered to deliver a message to Captain Atrius. I commanded the Captain to my study, where I now sat. Last night as Gabrielle and I lay together, in between our whisperings and making love, Gabrielle admitted that not only had Atrius saved her from Solan's attack, but also the fatherly soldier promised to keep it a secret until my future bride could tell me herself. She promised him she would tell me of the incident in the morning after my head had cleared a bit.
Atrius was more than just a soldier in my army. He was a warrior I respected and trusted. He was one of the few people alive whom I called friend. He was, however, a soldier in my army, and I, still his commander. I never doubted Atrius's loyalty, but warriors must ultimately remain true to one person, their superior. While I could not exactly condemn Atrius for his allegiance to Gabrielle, I needed to make my friend aware that keeping me in the dark about things was not a habit I wanted him to get into.
There really was no right or wrong answer for this scenario. I understood why Gabrielle chose to keep Solan's attack on her from me. I was drinking, and I am not altogether the sanest of women when I'm beleaguered by strong drink. Nor have I ever been thought of as logical, once caught in the grasp of my raging temper. I could envision Gabrielle realizing the self-condemnation I would put myself through had I gone ahead with my course of action last night. Thanks to Athena, that my young consort was able to keep me from carrying out the retribution that the beast inside me hungered for. Our relationship might have never endured the guilt in both our hearts over such a tragedy.
Atrius's part in all of this struck me as logical also. He surely was thinking of me, fearing reprisals by the Centaur Nation should any harm befall their emissary. I am sure both of them feared what I may have done to Solan had I learned of the event. Blood or no, I could very well have seen myself killing my son for his actions.
In the end, however, there was one undeniable fact. I was the ruler in this realm and as such, incidents were to be reported to me, and not hidden from my eyes. No matter how justified, I found myself in an awkward position. How does one get a point across, impress upon the players the need for only one to be making these decisions? Right or wrong, no matter what their reasons, no matter that I agreed completely with their resolution, there could be only one at the top, and that one was I.
A knock on the door resounded throughout the room in the quiet of the morning.
"Enter," I said.
Atrius entered the room, inclining his head slightly. "Lord Conqueror," he acknowledged my presence.
"Atrius, my friend, please sit." I beckoned him with one hand.
I noticed that he looked somewhat leery. I was absolutely certain he was wondering if Gabrielle had told me yet.
"Are you well, Conqueror?" Atrius asked in a hesitant tone.
"Well, I admit to having a bit of a head this morning, but all things considered, yes, I am well. And you?"
"Uh, yes, yes. Quite well. I think I may have indulged in a bit too much port myself," he answered. "And, Lady Gabrielle . . . is she well?" he asked uneasily.
"Still sound asleep." I smiled back at the
man seated on the other side of my desk. He adjusted his body in the seat making himself more comfortable. I believe he was quite confident at this point that I didn't know yet.
"I've been thinking this morning, Atrius, actually, assessing the status of our soldiers. Who would you say is our best warrior?"
"Well, uhm . . ." He appeared confused at my change in subject. I could see him trying to switch minds to focus onto this new topic. He chuckled slightly. "Well, I would say you are, Conqueror."
I laughed a bit myself, knowing he would answer thus. "Let's just say that's a given." I answered. "Then?"
"I guess, even though I'm getting a little long in the tooth for it, that I am."
"Yes," I said, feigning distraction. "And after you?"
"Well," he considered the matter, "Lieutenant Garamon. He may be a bit young, some things he'll learn only with experience, but he's nearly as good as I am with a number of weapons."
"I've been thinking of Gabrielle's safety. Now that it's known she will be Queen, I want her to be as protected as I would be. Whether she is here inside the castle, or out in the village, I want her safe from harm."
"Aye, Lord Conqueror. I think it a superb idea. I agree. The young lady needs the best your army has to offer."
"I'm glad you concur. Can you take care of this, Atrius?"
"Of course, Lord Conqueror, I'll instruct Garamon right away in--"
"But didn't you just say that you were the best?" I quickly interjected, leaning forward in my chair.
Atrius stopped; his mouth still hung open, momentarily frozen as his brain quickly raced to keep up with our conversation. "Oh, but surely, my Lord--"
"Perhaps you don't think Gabrielle deserves the best, after all." I said evenly.
"I . . . uh . . ." He was caught and the expression in his eye admitted the truth of it. If he said yes, he was offending Gabrielle, and he knew where that road would lead him. If he said no, he was committing himself to something most soldiers only looked forward to when they where very young or very old. A true warrior, of whom Atrius was one, would never wish to waste his battlefield skills playing bodyguard.
"So, you were saying, my friend?" I could barely contain my mirth at this point. Oh yes, I had every intention of carrying this through, but unbeknownst to my unfortunate friend, I would only wish this duty on him for a fortnight or so.
A look of complete and utter resignation crossed Atrius's face. It was apparent that he noticed the sparkle in my eye and the amused look. He finally realized that I knew of his part in keeping Gabrielle's secret.
"Of course, I would be honored to serve as Lady Gabrielle's personal guard, Lord Conqueror," he said through clenched teeth.
* * *
Atrius and I walked into my private chambers thinking to enjoy a hot mug of tea and discuss the particulars of creating a detachment of guards to be at the future Queen's call. As we entered the outer room, Sylla was just finishing setting up our early morning meal.
"Rather early, isn't it?" I asked her.
"The lady asked that breakfast be brought up early, Lord Conqueror.
I knew that Sylla referred to Gabrielle even before the beautiful blonde opened the bedchamber door and appeared before us. My personal maid seemed to enjoy Gabrielle's newfound position. Perhaps it gave hope to all women of her station. Perhaps she was merely happy for a friend. Whatever the reason, Sylla treated Gabrielle with the utmost respect, and Gabrielle, with her genuinely loving nature, treated Sylla with the same.
I stood back a bit, amused at the interaction that was about to take place between Gabrielle and Atrius. Gabrielle was adjusting the cuff on the sleeve of her blouse as she walked through the door. I almost laughed aloud when she stopped in the middle of the room, taking all of us in. We looked like frozen statues, Gabrielle looking at Atrius, then myself, Atrius using a mock glare on Gabrielle, myself watching the both of them and Sylla completely confused.
"Will there be anything else, Lord Conqueror?" Sylla asked.
I thanked her, and then dismissed her. She curtsied slightly and left the room, but not before she leveled a questioning gaze at Gabrielle, shrugging her shoulders in some silent communication.
"My Lord." Gabrielle said as she crossed the room, reached up on her toes, and placed a chaste kiss upon my cheek. I watched as she crossed the room to where Atrius stood.
"Captain Atrius," she said in a slow halting tone.
"She already knows, doesn't she?" he muttered.
"What?" Gabrielle whispered through clenched teeth.
I laughed loudly. "He's asking you if you told me already!"
I continued to chuckle at the expressions on their faces. I sat down at the table, pouring each of us a mug of tea from the pot that Sylla had left steeping. I pushed the jar of honey closest to Gabrielle's customary seat. She couldn't tolerate the strong drink without a small bit of the honeycomb dropped into the mug. When I again looked up, they were still staring at me open-mouthed.
"Close your mouths and sit." I said with an arched eyebrow. "We have much to talk about, the three of us."
They each sat down to the table, Gabrielle beside me and Atrius across from us. I took a sip of my tea and watched as they each did likewise.
"Gabrielle, I would like you to meet the Captain of your personal guard."
Gabrielle turned her head and looked over at me, then across the table at the grimace on Atrius's face. He looked at her with a 'why me' expression, followed by a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. It was apparent that he was not only trying to make Gabrielle feel better, but that he also would do the same all over again if need be. That is exactly the reason why I wanted this man at Gabrielle's side. It even pained me somewhat that I hadn't thought of it before necessity forced my hand.
"Oh, but Xena, I--"
I held a finger up to my lips and Gabrielle instantly fell silent. I stood up and walked to the window. Sylla had pulled back the tapestries to let in the morning sun and the cool breeze felt good on my somewhat heated skin. I stood there, hands clasped together behind my back, facing the window instead of the two that sat at the table.
"You must understand, Gabrielle, as Atrius does. There can only be one commander, one ruler, and whether by fate or fortune, that one is I. I understand the reasoning behind your actions, yours, as well as Atrius's. I've never…" I nervously cleared my throat at this point. I was about to do something rare, and decided to forge on ahead before I had time to think about it. If I thought too long, or too hard, I was sure I would back down.
"I've never really had any one to care about me . . . so my reactions might not be what either of you hoped for. This is a rather new feeling for me and I'm trying to . . . well, trying to . . . understand it all. As I said, I understand the reasoning behind your actions, but a ruler must be kept aware of all things. Only one can rule."
I turned from the open window, back to them. "Do either of you care to rule this Empire?"
They both looked a little dazed, and I went from being emotionally terrified on the inside to trying to keep a straight face. Two set of eyes stared back at me as if to say, 'who are you and where have you hid Xena's body?' Their stares were a little wide, mouths hanging open just a tad. Finally, very nearly in perfect synchronization, they each shook their heads back and forth.
"Then, right or wrong, for good or ill, I will be the one to decide what happens, and when. I will choose who suffers my wrath and who escapes judgment. Are we agreed?"
"Yes, Xena"
"Aye, Conqueror."
They both said in unison. If I learned one thing over the years, it was that rewarding the faithful was not done strictly to ensure loyalty. The strongest and wisest rulers I had ever known were the most charitable of themselves and their emotions. I decided to go that extra step, not for myself but for the two people before me. They each had their reasons for doing what they had, and I gratefully acknowledged that their thoughts were of my welfare.
"I wish to add my thanks," I added, loo
king at them each in turn. "There are few people in this world whom I love, even less who care for me. I will strive to become . . . well, the kind of person that you feel you can confide in when things go awry."
I was staring at my boots by this time, quite petrified to look up and see the amusement in their eyes. The silence seemed to go on forever until Gabrielle spoke, she, always seeming to know how to assuage my fears.
"Come, finish your tea, Xena," she said as she poured some more of the steaming brew into my mug.
I straddled the bench beside her, accepting the mug, and leaning in to lightly kiss her ear. She smiled without looking at me as she began to place portions of meat, fruit, and cheese on three separate plates. I handed Atrius a plate of food and he accepted it with a customary nod of his head. He grinned just a small bit and muttered, almost as if to himself.
"Yes, you two are good for one another."
* * *
We sat and discussed the events of the past few weeks as we ate our morning meal. Then we talked of the men and women who would become a part of Gabrielle's guard. Atrius already knew the soldiers he would select, telling us both what he knew of them, their strengths, and weaknesses. He approached this as if it were a battle plan, and I could hear the excitement in his voice when he talked of the details, and how many soldiers he would need. I gave him free reign, knowing that Gabrielle's security was in more than capable hands.
I pushed my plate away, feeling full for the first time that I could ever remember. I never really ate much, just picked at everything. This morning, I actually ate, talked, and laughed. It was an enjoyable sensation, sitting with friends, speaking to one another as equals and not as a ruler and her subjects. The only time I'd ever sat around talking over a meal was during a social dinner when one made trivial comments, and thought about how quickly you could leave. There were meals around the campfires with warriors, of course, but those were in the days when I was either very tolerant or too young to care what filthy pigs most of the men in my army were. Once I found how easy it was to lose one's appetite when sitting downwind from a soldier, who hadn't seen a cake of soap since the formation of the Homeric Kingdoms, I began dining alone in my tent.