by LJ Maas
"Gods! Didn't it hurt?" I questioned, examining the coloring. Some warrior, right? To tell the truth, I've had my limbs nearly hacked from my body, I had both legs crushed by Caesar's men while hanging from one of his crosses, but the thought of being jabbed at with the needle-like quills filled with ink, terrified even me. Yes, I know . . . not very Conqueror-like.
"The marking didn't hurt nearly as bad as waiting for my hair to grow back," she smiled.
"That's how you came back to Greece?"
"Yes," she sighed. She turned back around and leaned against me once more. "At least I was able to return to my homeland, and I did meet Yu Pan, that should be worth something. The same nobleman who bought me purchased him. Yu Pan's entire family was killed when Barbarians from the wild reaches destroyed his village in the Ming Te province. I will always remember Madame Li. She treated me very nice," Gabrielle finished.
"And the wealthy man who brought you back to Greece?"
After a moment's silence, Gabrielle took a deep breath and said, "He was not so nice."
I could feel the way her body tensed against me, and I knew that not all her memories were ones she wanted to relive, or recollect.
"Hey, the water is getting cold, do you want to have something to eat?"
Gabrielle nodded her head, and we left the bathing room. I only hoped that little by little, Gabrielle could find a way to cleanse her mind of all the painful memories harbored there. Then I wished for some tolerance on my part. Knowing my future bride possessed the skills of Aphrodite in the bedroom was joyous and disconcerting at the same time. I knew, after all, I would be the one to reap the benefits of such a situation, but there was one niggling image that kept after me . . . those who benefited from her talents before me.
* * *
I was just preparing to strap my sword around my hip, when that image popped into my head again. I know I had been unusually quiet during the midday meal we shared, and I tried to talk myself out of my self-imposed moodiness. I was afraid that Gabrielle would think twice about opening up her emotions to me, especially if I acted so juvenile afterwards.
"Does it bother you, Xena? That I was trained as chinzho?" Gabrielle asked.
"Should it?" I replied.
"No." She slowly nodded her head.
I was jealous, that much was apparent. Stupidly, insanely jealous about the fact that anyone had ever touched Gabrielle in the same way as I. I felt foolish for feeling such ridiculous emotions, but all the same, I felt them. I began to wonder how inadequate I might be, compared to the others Gabrielle bedded. Now I know how she felt when she heard about Ares and I. I suppose I should have kept my mouth closed, but like every other time in my life, I went ahead and neglected to listen to that small voice of reason.
"I was just wondering," I nervously fingered the buckle of my sword belt, preparing to fasten it. "Did everyone become this enamored of your considerable skills, or am I the only one to feel this way?" I wasn't trying to make her feel bad, I was just curious how big of an ass I was in comparison to the others.
Gabrielle crossed the room to stand before me, and I fully expected her to slap me across the face for that remark. It came out nothing as I intended it. Instead, she replaced my fumbling fingers with her own as she fastened the buckle on my belt.
When she looked up into my eyes she was smiling. It was that beguiling smile, the one that says she knows a Hades of a lot more than she's telling. Equal parts seductiveness and mystery, that smile never failed to work on me. I felt my stomach turn over slightly at the pleasure I knew could be hidden behind that smile.
"Some more, some less," she answered. "Now, do you want to know how I felt?"
"Yes," I replied as honestly as I could.
"Before you touched me, Xena, I couldn't feel. It was like walking around in a protective shell. I used to wonder what other women felt when their lovers touched them, but for me it was always the same. Eventually, I thanked the Gods that they made me that way. I never thought that I would ever see a day when I would be able to feel so much as I do when I'm with you. I couldn't feel pleasure, and I couldn't love. The first time you touched me, it terrified me. I never knew anything could feel so perfect, Xena."
She tightened my sword belt in place and stood on her toes to place a kiss on my jaw, the one that was very nearly touching the floor right about now.
"In a strange way, my love, you have been my first lover, and I don't think I shall ever have a need for another. Do you?" She asked this last with a mischievous twinkle in her green eyes.
I growled as I swept her into my arms, followed by a fierce kiss, leaving no room for misunderstanding in my answer. "Not if I have anything to say about it."
"Careful, my Conqueror," she broke away from the kiss, and straightened her blouse. "Another kiss like that and I'll never let you leave this room." She smiled.
"Mmmm, don't tempt me," I replied, kissing her neck.
She laughed; that wonderful lilting sound she makes when she is well and truly happy. It causes my own happiness, knowing my petty jealousy hasn't hurt her in any way.
"You are unquenchable, my dear Conqueror," she laughed.
"Didn't I tell you my nickname was insatiable?" I teased.
"That's not what you said when we first met."
"Yes . . . well . . . I was a different woman then," I quipped.
She looked at me in a most serious way, and I realized just what I'd said. Suddenly, she smiled, and the entire room seemed to light up from the brilliance of that smile.
"So you were, my love. So you were." She said, cupping my cheek with one hand.
Suddenly embarrassed at the attention being directed at me, I cleared my throat and took a step backward. "Uh, yes, well . . . what does your day hold?"
"I'm going to see how Solan is first."
"Ares Balls!" I cried out.
"What?" Gabrielle asked in alarm.
I just realized that I never had my intended conversation with Gabrielle about Solan. Actually, he had been the furthest thing from my mind up until now.
"I forgot to tell you about my conversation with Solan. He knows. He confronted me with the fact that I was his mother."
"By the Gods, Xena, what did you say?"
"What could I say? I admitted it in a roundabout sort of way."
"I can't believe you forgot to tell me this," she said.
"Well, when I got here last evening you were wearing nothing but your robe, and well, I became rather preoccupied after that." I teased her with a leering expression. Her smile told me I was forgiven.
I related the events of last evening's meeting with Solan, especially the parts where I thought he was being uncommonly considerate.
"What do you make of it?" Gabrielle pondered, asking the question aloud. "Do you think this is why he came, was hurting you part of his plan?"
"I'm not sure what to make of it, love. It took me so by surprise. Someone obviously filled his head with a number of false notions, not the least of which was my killing his father. I know Kaleipus would never have stood for that, so my guess is that I have more than a few centaurs that wish me ill."
"How did he . . . seem, knowing that his suspicions were correct?"
"It was strange, Gabrielle. I know of no better way to put it. On one hand, I received the impression that he might be pleased to finally know the truth. On the other hand, he looked rather as if I'd just beaten him up all over again. He acted downright civil when I left, though. I suppose that was the oddest part of all."
"Well," she looked up at me, preparing to leave to begin her day. "It proves to be a rather interesting beginning, doesn't it? I suppose I'll just make my way to Solan's rooms, and see what that son of yours has in store for me today."
She kissed me and smiled before she left the room. I loved this woman more than life itself. Although I was experiencing some rather new matriarchal feelings after my confrontation with Solan, I silently swore to myself that if the young man hurt her . . . in any way
. . . I would systematically break every bone in his body.
* * *
Addendum To The Lord Conqueror's Manuscript
Separate Parchment
Added In Xena, The Lord Conqueror's Presenc
By Queen Gabrielle Of Potidaea
"Don't you ever give up? Leave me alone."
Solan was his typical self, and I had a difficult time seeing the young man that Xena described to me just a short time ago. This was his response the moment I walked through the door. As always, I attempted to ignore his more obnoxious behavior.
"Good day to you too," I answered.
"So, where've you been?" He said sullenly. "Yesterday you said you'd be here in the morning."
I turned from the table where I'd been mixing up a new bowl of pain medication. I stared at him, and noticed that the swelling around his jaw looked even worse today, but apparently his fever had abated. When I brought the bowl over to his bedside, I sat it on the low table there, and stood back from the bed, my arms folded across my chest.
"First you tell me to go, then you want to know why I wasn't here earlier. Which shall it be?" I asked.
He looked genuinely surprised at my gentle rebuke, but I thought I saw a hint of kindness cross his features. "Well," he muttered, "might as well stay now that you’re here."
It took all the restraint I had not to smile. Gods, like mother like son! His behavior reminded me so much of Xena's own mannerisms, too proud to reveal that they might actually have feelings.
"Have you had anything for the pain this morning?" I asked. I noticed the bowl had been emptied and cleaned, waiting on the table in the main room for me.
He nodded his head in the affirmative. "I took the last of it early this morning."
"How did you manage it?"
"That girl who brings food. She held it up for me, and then gave me some broth. She took off as if the hounds of Hades were after her, though. Guess she was too afraid to be in here with me. I'm going batty with no one to talk to but myself all day. No one wants to stick around for more than a few heartbeats."
As he spoke, I could hear a small boy inside, too proud and arrogant to ask for help. It must have taken a huge effort to rely on a kitchen maid to assist him. I also noticed that he clenched his teeth together more, due probably to the pain when he opened his mouth. I didn't know how to tell him that it would most likely be a fortnight before he would be able to chew even soft foods.
"Well, first things first. It's past midday and I'll send for some food, I'll see if I can come up with something besides soup. Here, take a drink of this." I told him, holding the bowl and the straw up to his lips.
As he was taking his medicine, and then the mug of water I held up, I answered his previous complaint. "You know, people might come to visit you, for more than simply errands, if you treated them kindly."
I wiped his mouth with a clean cloth, and returned the items in my hand to the table. I wondered if he would respond to me defensively or not.
"I wasn't mean to that girl from this morning!"
"Solan, there is a great deal of difference between treating someone unkindly, and treating them with respect. My point is, did you command her to help you, or did you ask her if she would?"
"She's a servant, it's her job. You don't thank people for what they're supposed to do," he replied.
I give him credit. Even though his rational was askew, he was explaining himself in a rather civil manner.
"There is nothing that any human responds better to than kindness. Whether they serve you willingly, are indentured, or even in forced servitude, they are people, not animals. Solan, if you hold one hand out with a bit of honeyed water in the palm, and in your other hand you cup a bit of dirty water. Into which hand do you think the butterfly will light?"
He looked at me as if he'd never heard anyone tell him anything remotely similar.
"You were a slave. Did people treat you good?"
"Sometimes they did, yes. Sometimes they treated me as if I were no better than the dogs that lay at their feet. I never forgot the people who treated me decently."
"I thought they always treated their whores good."
I just looked at him for a moment, wondering what his intentions where with a remark like that. I swore to myself that if I saw an attempt to hurt me with words, I would walk out of the room immediately. I saw the truth in his eyes, like his mother they expressed more than his words. I realized that this was the way he spoke. He didn't think about hurting anyone's feelings with his words. He never thought about anyone else at all.
I turned from the bed toward the partially draped window. I parted the tapestry, pulling it back to the hook that would hold it open. I took a deep breath, realizing that my next words might set the tone for any type of relationship I was to have with Solan.
I shook away any lingering shame from his words. Was I not to be the Queen of the Greek Empire? I no longer needed to hide within Gabrielle, frightened, and ashamed. Xena has given me permission, even commanded that I stand up for myself. That admonition of hers is as true now that I am a free woman, as when I was her slave. I spun back around and I wondered if I looked different to Solan. I certainly felt different. I felt . . . strong.
"I served as a personal attendant, or what you would call a body slave, not a whore. There is a difference. I had no choice in what I did, or I didn't do. Wait, I take that back. I did have one choice, to serve or die. Perhaps it was cowardice, I'm not certain, but I chose to live.
Whores on the other hand, do have a choice. They are paid for what they do, and quite handsomely, from what I understand. They can belong to you for a candlemark or the night, but they always have the luxury of leaving you and going on their way. They may even refuse you altogether."
I walked across the room as I spoke, slowly and with a quiet authority. Gods, I'd been watching Xena too much. This is exactly what she did as she spoke, pacing the room, her hands clasped behind her back.
"Oh, I've heard some of them say they have no choice but to hire their bodies out, that they have no other way to put food on their tables." I moved closer to Solan's bed, keeping my eyes trained on his. "When you are thrown into a dark cell, and given no food or water for days on end, simply for raising your eyes from the floor, that is having no choice. That is the difference between a slave and a whore."
I don't know if he was being compassionate, or if he was afraid of me at that moment, but it seemed as if the power of speech had left him.
"Oh," he muttered quietly.
He looked away from me, and I felt a thrill go through my whole being. I stood up for myself, and I won. For the first time I really understood Xena's words when she told me that people would not always show me respect, but that it was up to me as to whether I would respect myself or not.
I sat down at the large table and scribbled some words on a piece of parchment. "Torava?" I called out.
The young woman that immediately entered the room was one of my new personal guards. Torava was not quite as tall as Xena, but she made an impressive figure all the same. Lean, with broad shoulders, and muscled arms, she stood to attention when she realized that I was not in harm's way.
"Torava, I know you're not here to run errands for me, but would you please find one of the attendants out in the hall and have him bring this to Delia in the kitchens? I'm sure she'll be there at this time of the day. Tell him to ask Delia if she can comply with my request, and then have one of the young girls bring it up."
"Yes, Lady Gabrielle, right away."
Torava was all business, and appeared a little nonplussed by the smile I offered. Gods! Were all warriors the same?
By the time the tray arrived, Solan was in a better humor after the pain medication took the edge off his soreness. He was polite to me when I asked him about his home, and where he'd grown up. Well, polite may be giving him too much credit. Let's simply say that he wasn't overtly rude. He was making an attempt to be civil, for that much I was grateful. I didn't
expect him to change his colors this quickly, but then again he was in a corner. He was rather a captive here in the palace, being too injured to travel, or to even do for himself. He was forced to depend on me. I seemed to be the only one with the time or the inclination to visit with him. He was probably desperate for company, and even I would do.
I brought the tray of food to him, adjusting things so I could sit on the side of the bed. Delia had prepared everything just as I asked.
"Are you ready to give something other than broth a try?" I asked.
He looked down at the tray, and I should have foreseen what was to come. "Baby food? You want me to eat food all mashed up like you give a baby?!"
"They mash up food for babies because they can't chew, and unfortunately that seems to be the case with you. Fine," I pulled away and started to rise, "if you don't want this then I'll get some broth--"
"Wait!"
I looked at him, knowing what his decision would be. Well, I knew what mine would be anyway.
"It's gotta be better than lukewarm soup."
I rearranged the napkin across his chest once more and offered him a spoonful of the mango, which Delia had mashed into a smooth consistency. Just before he opened his mouth a small way to take a bite, he looked at me rather sheepishly.
I wasn't sure what the expression meant, but I think I mistook it for reticence to eat from my hand. "Sweet Athena! I'm only trying to feed you, not kill you!"
"Yea, well how am I supposed to know that?" He shot back.
I laughed at how ridiculously paranoid we were both being. "Because, Solan, if I'd wanted you that way, you'd already be dead." I said it in an overly sweet voice, but his eyes widened a bit all the same.
"Just don't tell anybody I'm eating baby food, okay?"
His concern over his machismo was genuine, and so I hadn't the heart to laugh at him again. "I promise," I replied.
He took the food and swallowed slowly, then his head fell back against the pillow and he made a sound of absolute pleasure. It was the closest I'd come yet to seeing a pleasant and sincere smile on his face.