by Adam Cece
‘If you think it’s scary now, wait till you see what’s about to come out of that little door in its stomach,’ Cymphany said, and she started running.
And when the doorway in the most absolutely terrifying creature’s stomach opened and Tobias saw what came out, he started running too, so fast that he quickly overtook Cymphany.
When the sun rose the next morning, Cymphany and Tobias lay exhausted on the shore of the bottomless lake. Their eyes were red, their clothes were tattered, and their arms were covered in scratches.
They’d been running through the bush all night, dodging and hiding from the most absolutely terrifying creature and the Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent. At one point the forest floor was covered with pieces of smashed grand piano but, as they were all just pieces of hard-light holograms, after a while their power ran out and they evaporated. Unfortunately the Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent and the most absolutely terrifying creature’s power never seemed to run out.
‘What a horrible night,’ Tobias said, struggling to sit up. ‘And, to make matters worse, we’re lost.’
Cymphany sat up too. She rifled through her satchel for a few moments and pulled out a compass.
‘Honestly,’ Tobias said, amazed. ‘I know I’ve joked about this before, but, seriously, is there anything you don’t have in that satchel?’
Cymphany stood up and slowly turned around in a circle, looking carefully at the wavering needle on the compass. ‘Well, I don’t have a helicopter, which would be really useful right now.’ She looked up, as if to check whether there was a big enough gap in the trees for a helicopter to fly through. ‘Looks like we’re going to have to walk. It’s this way. South.’
They began to walk, but it wasn’t long before Cymphany groaned. ‘This is horrible. How can we can keep our greatest fears away? Those creatures don’t give up. And our best friend and his family and Conrad Creeps are being held for evil scientific experiments, and I don’t know what we can do to save them.’
Tobias sighed. ‘Surely you’ve got something in your satchel that can help us win the day, or’—his empty stomach rumbled—‘maybe a sandwich?’
Cymphany shook her head. ‘It’s too late. Right now, we’ve got about as much chance of beating the top-hatted scientist and Mr Dark Two as we have of finding sunken treasure on the bottom of the bottomless lake.’
Tobias frowned. ‘But it’s bottomless.’
Cymphany stared at him. ‘Exactly.’
Tobias thought for a moment. ‘Oh,’ he said, forlornly.
Tobias was extra worried now. Cymphany was the one who never stopped coming up with plans and pulling useful items out of her satchel, even hours after he and Kipp were out of ideas. If she was giving up, then maybe things really were hopeless. He trudged despondently with Cymphany along the shore of the bottomless lake.
After a few moments Tobias heard a soft sobbing noise and then a wet sniffle. He put his hand on Cymphany’s shoulder. ‘There, there, Cymphany, don’t cry. It’s not over. I mean we can still…we haven’t…there’s still a chance we could…’ Tobias squeezed his lips together to hold back his own tears. ‘Oh, you’re right, Cymphany, it’s hopeless. Do you mind if I blubber along with you?’
Cymphany turned and stared at him. ‘Tobias, what are you talking about? I’m not crying.’
Tobias looked up, sniffling himself now, and wiped a few loose droplets from his cheeks. He saw Cymphany had the same steely glare she always had. ‘Well then, who is?’ Tobias asked. ‘I can still hear someone crying.’
Cymphany listened. ‘Me too,’ she said.
They looked through some bushes near the water’s edge and saw Cymphany’s most absolutely terrifying creature and the Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent sitting on a grand piano. Nearby were two scare balls sitting on their folded spider legs. The most absolutely terrifying creature’s shoulders were heaving up and down. Tears of acid were running down its cheeks and burning holes in the lid of the grand piano, while wet globs of snot were dribbling off its fearsome beak.
The Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent looked up at them, and Tobias prepared to run. But the Brussels sprout didn’t jump off the grand piano and get ready to throw it, he just huffed. ‘Ah, away with ye. Do ye nae see we’re nae doing any scaring just the noo. Do ye nae see how upset ye’ve made her?’
‘How upset we’ve made her?’ Cymphany put her hands on her hips. ‘You’re the ones who have been chasing us all night.’
The most absolutely terrifying creature lifted her head. ‘Well, what do you expect?’ she snarled. ‘When people see me, they run anyway, so I may as well chase them, otherwise I’d always be alone. I mean, do you have any idea what it’s like, looking like I do? I can’t do anything normal creatures do. Why did you have to draw me so terrifying?’
‘Actually…’ Cymphany looked startled. ‘It was Conrad Creeps who imagined you.’
The creature sighed, bowing her yellow, boil-covered head. ‘He just imagined the most unbelievably scary creature ever, just like you did when you were a kid.’ More acid tears dripped off the most absolutely terrifying creature’s face, leaving a few more holes in the piano lid. ‘I mean, I’ve never had a friend.’
Cymphany opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again when the Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent chimed in. ‘Aye, we’re nae the bad guys here. He is.’ He jabbed a leafy finger at Tobias. ‘I’m only trying ta scare him off before he eats me.’
Tobias’s mouth dropped open. ‘I would never eat you.’
‘Ha!’ The Brussels sprout threw his head back. ‘I bet ye would, first chance ye get, just like ye ate all ma brothers an’ sisters.’
Tobias shook his head. ‘I haven’t eaten a Brussels sprout since I found out they have feelings. In fact, I used to take Mum’s Brussels sprouts out of the pantry and set them free on our back lawn, that is’—Tobias looked unsure if he should finish his sentence—‘until I found out the birds were eating them.’
‘The birds!’ The Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent jumped up and went to pick up the grand piano. ‘Ye monster!’
‘Wait,’ Tobias held out his hands. ‘I promise I will never eat another Brussels sprout again. I feel terrible about all the ones I’ve already eaten. But I promise I won’t ever eat another one. You don’t have to keep throwing grand pianos at me.’
The Brussels sprout stared at Tobias with untrusting vegetable eyes.
‘You can trust him,’ Cymphany said to the Brussels sprout. ‘Even though his surname is Treachery, Tobias is one of least treacherous and most trustworthy people you’ll ever meet.’
The Brussels sprout with the very bad Scottish accent fixed his eyes on Tobias for a moment and then gave a tiny nod, as if to say, I trust him, for now, but if he steps out of line, I’ve still got plenty of grand pianos.
Cymphany stood beside the most absolutely terrifying creature, who was still sobbing. She took a handkerchief out of her satchel and handed it to her. ‘And you can trust me, when I say that I’m happy to be your friend,’ she said to the most absolutely terrifying creature.
The most absolutely terrifying creature’s barnacle-encrusted eyes opened wide. ‘Really?’ her voice croaked. ‘You’re my first friend?’ She blew her nose loudly into the handkerchief.
Cymphany nodded. ‘What’s your name?’
The most absolutely terrifying creature oozed a grin. ‘Bugsplatter.’
Cymphany recoiled slightly, but then forced a smile. ‘That’s a lovely name,’ she said.
Bugsplatter’s face brightened. Her gills even flapped. ‘You really think so?’
‘Definitely.’ Cymphany smiled, for real this time. ‘And you’re in luck. There are lots of weird things in Huggabie Falls. So you’ll fit right in. You could have lots of friends.’
‘More than one friend?’ Bugsplatter seemed to jolt. ‘That just seems greedy.’
‘But if e
veryone is scared out of town, there won’t be anyone left to be friends with,’ Cymphany explained. ‘So will you help us stop the top-hatted scientist and Mr Dark Two, and rescue Conrad Creeps and our best friend and his family?’
Bugsplatter nodded. ‘I will help my first friend, and all my soon-to-be friends.’
‘Only problem is,’ Cymphany said, ‘it’s going to take us ages to get back to Huggabie Falls.’
Bugsplatter put one of her giant crab claws to her green chin and thought for a moment. Then she said, ‘Not really. I have wings folded into my shell, so I could fly us back.’
‘Oh, I didn’t even notice those,’ Cymphany said as she peered at Bugsplatter’s back. ‘And what about you?’ Cymphany said to the Brussels sprout. ‘Will you help us too?’
‘I’ve got a name, too, ye know,’ the Brussels sprout said, in a very put-out way.
‘Oh, sorry,’ Cymphany said. ‘How rude of me. What’s your name?’
The Brussels sprout nodded and crossed his tiny arms. ‘It’s Brussels Sprout.’
No one said anything for a few seconds. ‘Okay…’ Cymphany said, slowly, as if to say, this is weird but then again it is Huggabie Falls. ‘Will you help us, Brussels Sprout?’
Brussels Sprout rubbed his chin, just like Bugsplatter had a moment ago, which was quite a trick, as Brussels sprouts don’t really have chins. ‘Do these bad folks eat Brussels sprouts?’
‘Definitely,’ Cymphany said, nodding vigorously. ‘Every day.’ She did not also mention that many of the residents of Huggabie Falls regularly ate Brussels sprouts.
A mischievous grin appeared across Brussels Sprout’s face. ‘Den it’s poundin’ time.’
‘But wait,’ Bugsplatter said. ‘Hasn’t everyone been scared out of Huggabie Falls already? They’re probably halfway to Antarctica by now.’
Cymphany shared a knowing grin with Tobias. ‘Actually, we went and saw a person yesterday. Someone who could help us.’ She took a deep breath. ‘And, fingers crossed, or in Bugsplatter’s case tentacles crossed, that person is doing what we asked him to do.’
Cymphany, Tobias and Brussels Sprout flew on Bugsplatter’s back all the way to the only road out of Huggabie Falls, which was, of course, called Digmont Drive. They reached the spot where the road crossed a drawbridge over the Huggabie Falls River. All the escaping Huggabie Falls residents were stuck on the Huggabie Falls side of this drawbridge, because the drawbridge was up. And the drawbridge was up because Mr Haurik’s enormous ship, with the skull and crossbones flag flying from the mast and the inbuilt four-storey caravan with the rooftop tennis court, was parked beneath it.
The residents of Huggabie Falls were standing on the riverbank, shouting and shaking their fists at Mr Haurik. Every few seconds Mr Haurik’s head popped up from beneath the deck, and he smiled and waved apologetically. ‘So sorry about this, me hearties. I think me thingamajig is broken, or maybe me dooberwacky is out of whack. Should have it fixed in a jiffy. Arrrgh.’
‘Is that a pirate?’ Bugsplatter asked, as they flew down and landed beside the angry mob.
‘Careful what you say,’ Cymphany said, as she, Tobias and Brussels Sprout climbed down to the ground. ‘Mr Haurik hates any mention that he resembles those “murderous scavengers of the seas”, as he calls pirates.’
Bugsplatter blinked. ‘This town really is weird.’
Brussels Sprout had not taken his eyes off Tobias for the whole flight. ‘Nae feeling a wee bit puckish, are ye, lad?’
Tobias threw up his hands. ‘I keep telling you, I’m not going to eat you!’
Cymphany waved at Mr Haurik and mouthed, ‘Thank you.’
Mr Haurik waved back. He had done what Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany had asked him to do yesterday, which was to delay everyone from leaving Huggabie Falls for as long as he possibly could. Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany had risked their lives to contact Mr Haurik by lighting a big fire on the shore of the bottomless lake and getting dangerously, eyebrow-singingly close to it as they used their school jumpers to cover the flames to send him a smoke signal.
Not far from the crowd of Huggabie Falls residents waiting to cross the drawbridge was a second crowd, which was made up of all the Huggabie Falls residents’ greatest fears, and what a fearsome group they were: two-metre tall spiders, and snakes, and boogey men, and a pineapple holding a chainsaw, and even a cloud, because it seemed someone in Huggabie Falls was scared of low-flying vapour-filled weather formations. Scuttling around on their little spider legs in between the feet, hooves and bellies of all the fearsome creatures were the scare balls, which were powering and projecting the creatures.
At the front of the crowd, Mr Puddles marched back and forth on his squelchy padded fabric feet, waving a cutlass above his head—where did he get a cutlass from, Tobias wondered—and bellowing, ‘If they don’t leave soon, we’re going to get them!’ And the crowd of fearsome creatures pumped their fists and claws and tentacles and flippers and scythes and balloons (that was the clown) in the air, and yelled, ‘Yeah,’—except for the cloud, which instead made a whiiiiiiiiioooooooo sound, which in cloud language means ‘you betcha’.
‘Tell that bathtub to stop staring at me,’ Mrs Turgan screeched, ducking for cover behind a rock. Mrs Turgan wasn’t a pencil sharpener anymore, but she had bits of pencil shavings in her hair. The bathtub in question wasn’t staring at her, as bathtubs don’t have eyes, but there was a rubber ducky floating in the bubbly water in the tub, and no matter how much the ducky bobbed about, its eyes stayed glued to Mrs Turgan.
Tobias wondered briefly why Mrs Turgan was still here, and why she hadn’t just flown away, but then he saw that one leg of the bathtub was on top of Mrs Turgan’s broomstick, pinning it to the ground, while it twisted and squirmed and tried to get free.
Cymphany’s parents spotted her and made their way through the crowd. ‘Cymphany, where have you been?’ her mum said, and she grabbed Cymphany and looked her up and down. ‘Are you okay? We have been worried sick about you.’
‘We thought the geese had got you,’ Cymphany’s dad said as he looked towards the group of fearsome creatures, and particularly towards a group of geese—which were all giving him the evil eye. ‘We’re trying to escape from—eurgh…what is that?’
Cymphany smiled. ‘Mum, Dad, this is Bugsplatter. She may look terrifying, but she’s actually my friend. She’s very nice.’
‘I am,’ Bugsplatter said. ‘Although I get a bit grumpy when I’m hungry.’
‘She can’t be as scary as that amateur poet over there,’ Cymphany’s mum said. ‘I’m staying as far away from him as possible.’
She pointed at a man wearing a beret and a cocktail jacket who was standing on the fringes of the fearsome creatures group. The man flourished his hand and said:
‘To bee or not to bee,
That is the pollen.’
Cymphany’s mum’s face went green. ‘I think I’m going to be sick. We have to get out of here.’
‘Why has she got a door in her stomach?’ Cymphany’s dad pointed at Bugsplatter’s stomach.
‘Don’t worry about that,’ Cymphany said quickly. ‘Dad, you have to lift me up onto your shoulders. There’s something I have to tell the people of Huggabie Falls.’
‘What, now?’ Cymphany’s dad glanced at the geese. ‘Can’t it wait till we are away from here, in a nice goose-free area?’
‘And bad-poetry-free area,’ Cymphany’s mum added as she stuffed a handkerchief into one of her ears.
‘Mum, Dad, it can’t wait,’ Cymphany said very firmly. ‘Please, lift me up now. Huggabie Falls’ future depends on it, and we have to rescue Conrad Creeps and Kipp and his family.’
‘Wait.’ Cymphany’s mum turned away from the poet, full of concern. ‘What happened to Kipp and his family?’
‘I’ll explain everything,’ Cymphany said, ‘if Dad hurries up and lifts me onto his shoulders.’
Cymphany’s parents were a bit confused, but Cymphany’s mum urged Cymphany’s dad to lift Cy
mphany onto his shoulders, and be quick about it, and so that’s what he did.
As Cymphany’s dad hoisted Cymphany up onto his shoulders, Tobias’s family came over.
‘Tobias, my boy,’ Tobias’s dad said. His eyes were bloodshot. ‘We’ve got to leave this town. These vacuum-cleaner salespeople are multiplying by the second. And they’ve got a new model: the Super Sucker 6000. It’s a whole 1000 better than the Super Sucker 5000. It’s taking all my willpower not to buy it. But if I sign another contract, I could end up on Pluto!’
‘It’s okay, Dad,’ Tobias said. ‘Just listen to what Cymphany has to say.’
Tobias’s dad squealed as a vacuum-cleaner salesperson with a clipboard and pen rocketed towards them, tapping her watch. ‘Time is running out, Mr Treachery,’ she said. ‘I’m afraid the Super Sucker 6000 offer is only valid for another nineteen seconds.’
‘Nineteen seconds!’ Tobias’s dad yelped, his signing hand involuntarily springing forward.
Luckily, before Tobias’s dad could sign yet another contract he hadn’t read properly—whose small print probably said he had to clean toilets in the Great Pyramid of Giza for the next fifty years—Cymphany, from up on her dad’s shoulders, removed a megaphone from her satchel, put it to her mouth and began her speech.
‘People of Huggabie Falls,’ Cymphany’s voice boomed through the megaphone. ‘You have been duped by a top-hatted scientist and Mr Dark’s evil identical triplet brother, Felonious Dark Two.’
Felonious Dark nodded, as he seemed to have miraculously appeared out of nowhere, as characters in books and movies often do when it’s important for them to suddenly say something.
‘It’s true. My brother is very evil,’ Felonious Dark said. Then his attention was distracted by something in the distance. ‘Why is Gertrude hiding behind that bush?’ He looked up in the sky. ‘Ah, that’s right. She is scared of low-flying, vapour-filled weather formations.’