by Kenna Bardot
She opened her mouth, but broke off when Justin, known better as Judgy, said
“Enough, Pia,” he ordered, making her face redden in anger again. “Let it go.”
She turned and left the library in a hurry as soon as she realized she had no one to back her up after her stunt with Lottie. I just hoped she’d stay gone.
I turned to Otto, who sunk down into a chair. Emerson, a bigger heart than a lot of my men combined, was already whispering to him and rubbing his back, trying to bring him comfort.
I sat down and scooted my chair over to touch his hand. “Otto. Don’t let it upset you. Don’t let a worthless piece of nothing like Pia Ramos to get the better of you.”
“That’s true,” Emerson soothed. “She’s just toxic and not worth any sort of attention.”
“I know. I just…” he broke off and touched his fingers to the inner corners of his eyes. I worried he was going to cry, but he just took a deep, stabilizing breath. “I miss her so much, and I can’t stand anyone talking about her like shit. She’s lucky she had a friend like you willing to stand up for her.”
“Always. I’ll always be her biggest fan.” Otto laughed at that, and he stared at me intently before turning to Emerson.
“Can I borrow her for a few minutes?” Emerson’s eyes widened, but Otto waved his hands in front of him in shock. “Oh, Zeevar, no! Non-sexual. I just have something I wanted to talk to her about.”
Emerson threw a glance at me, and I gave him my most encouraging smile. I knew he worried about me, especially with what happened on the night of the Tumult, but I needed him to trust me more. He nodded and took my hand in his, giving it a squeeze. I squeezed it back reassuringly. “Thanks, Emers.”
I stood and Otto followed suit. He thanked Emerson and led me out of the library. We walked leisurely and in silence as he led me down a less familiar area of the Academy - the Ink side.
He finally spoke up, “How are you, Kaia?”
“I don’t know,” I responded honestly. I felt like I could be honest with him in a way I couldn’t be with the other people in my life. “Some days it’s normal, and I can be mostly content and happy and settled. But other days, it drifts, and I’m lost and sad and things are horrid. It feels like things are never going to get better. You know?”
“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been trying to move on and some days I feel like I’ve succeeded, but it’s not a consistent thing.”
I hummed at that but didn’t reply, and we continued to walk. A few Inks stared at us funnily when they greeted Otto as he walked by, but he didn’t answer their unspoken question. I, on the other hand, just ignored them.
He stopped in front of a door and unlocked it before turning to me. “I understand if you’d rather stay here than go into my room.”
I threw a careless glance over my shoulder. “I’ve learned just recently that it doesn’t help to allow myself to be affected by how people see me.”
“Well, you’re free to come in anyway,” he invited, letting the door hang open. I stepped in and closed the door behind me.
As soon as the door swung close, Otto handed me a fan, and I opened it with unsteady hands. The raven on it stared up at me and my breath hitched. I looked up at Otto blearily. “It’s Lottie’s.”
He nodded somberly. “It is. I took it on that day. But I realized I was holding on to it too much, so much it became a crutch. I figured it would have a better home with you.”
I rushed to Otto and threw my arms around him on a tight hug. “Thank you, Otto. Are you sure?”
He smiled at me lightly. “I’m sure. It’s enabling my depression. I feel like it should go back to its origins.”
“Okay.” I wiped a hand at my eyes as I pulled back. “She knew how you felt about her, you know? Lottie. She knew you loved her. If you ever wondered if you never told her or made her feel it, then don’t. Because she knew. She told me as much.”
He pulled me back in for another hug, and I felt his body shaking from sobs. “Thanks, Kaia. Thank you so much.”
And I knew, at that moment, we were going to be okay.
Eventually.
✽✽✽
When I walked into the room, I realized I was early to class for the first time in months. Gale stood from behind his desk when I entered the room, his eyes darting over me in an attempt to gauge my head space.
"Are you alright?" he asked, as I closed the door.
“Better.” I nodded, stepping forward until I hit his chest and buried my face there. The clean scent of him assaulted me, enveloped me, as his arms wrapped around me. A sigh of peace rattled from my throat as the threat of tears dissipated.
"What do you need, Thief?" his deep, methodical voice washing over me.
"This. Just this," I sighed.
“If you can, tell me what’s wrong?" The concern in his voice tore at the edges of my heart, threatening to tear away at the shredded mass that left me feeling broken most days.
"I miss them," I admitted.
"Ronan, Alec Gaius, and Vali?" he asked for clarification.
I nodded against his chest. "I miss them, yes. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss," I paused to fight back the sob welling in my throat. "Lottie." His arms tightened around me. "Losing her has made me realize what I could lose. And I miss you," I added. "I miss having you with me at night. Waking up with you there in the morning."
"I miss you too," he whispered. "Tell me about them. Your parents," he added softly, bringing a smile to my face.
"My mom’s perfect. You saw her that day. Beautiful, always so polished. They chose her to be a Matron when she was so young, but she never questioned it. She met my father shortly after, knew she loved him and married him. People wondered why because he was older and so mundane, that’s what they said. But she was always like that, once she made a decision, good luck convincing her otherwise." I smiled fondly, thinking of all the times she and my father had bickered, only to end up smiling at each other adoringly at the end.
"Stubborn. That sounds familiar." He raised an eyebrow at me, and I simply chuckled at him.
"My father worshipped the ground she walked on. He made no secret about that. She put up with his shit, and the fact that he hated people on most days. He lost his first child, a son with his first wife who also died young. It changed him, and he never stopped being protective of Mom and I." I turned to look up at Gale, his eyes intent on mine.
"He sounds like everything a father and husband should be," he said, giving me a squeeze.
"He was. He showed me what I should look for in my own husband someday. A man who looked at me the way he looked at Mom. I can't believe I found that." His hand cupped my cheek, and he pressed his forehead against mine. "Even if I'll never be anyone's wife. That's not what's important. All I need is the love."
"You never know what-" Gale started, but paused to lift his head to look at the door quickly. The voices on the other side sent me jumping away and him hurrying to stand behind his desk. I composed myself, taking a few calming breaths while I watched him don the Docent demeanor that I'd first found so attractive about him. Calm, measured, forbidden.
It was almost enough to make up for being interrupted.
Almost.
"Good morning," Gale said, twirling his finger knife around in his fingers dramatically as the other students poured into the room. He gave a little smile in my direction when I bit my lip watching him. All that composed man was mine, and I never got tired of looking at him. "Drop your Conduits ont the table please."
I approached the table, pulling my sword from the holster and leaving it laid out between Mendel's axe and Justin's quiver of arrows.
"I'll amend. Please leave all weapons on the table. The whip, Miss Shaw." There was no mistaking the smile in Gale's voice as I let my Air unwind the whip from around my arm and curl it into a loop. I set it on the table and turned a pout his way. He chose to ignore it. Sometimes he really was no fun.
The turd nugget.
"As this is combat class, we will focus on you fighting without the use of weapons as that is always highly likely. You'll be sparring in pairs, that I will assign," he paused to give me a pointed look. I smiled back at him innocently, as though beating the shit out of Pia hadn't been my first thought. "You're allowed to use your Air, but do try not to destroy my classroom."
Mendel stood next to me, and I knew despite the negative turn our last conversation had taken he was trying to position himself to fight with me. I had no clue if it was out of some unnecessary sense of protectiveness, or if he thought to make himself look better and thought I'd be the best person for that scenario.
Regardless, Gale knew me well enough to know I was itching to prove myself. No one knew my abilities the way he did. The truth was, I'd stopped needing protecting, when it came to sparring at least. If I could hold my own against Gale, a Fourth Year Air was the least of my worries.
"Ferguson, you're with Ramos," Gale announced, and Pia separated from Justin with a pout of her own. "Schneider and Dunn. Shaw and Anderson..." His list continued on, but I turned smiling eyes to Justin. He stepped off with a scowl, moving to one of the mats set out for our sparring session.
"Why'd I get stuck with you? Am I supposed to be careful not to hurt the teacher's little pet?" he taunted.
"Wouldn't want to inconvenience you, Judgy." I tugged my hair back into a ponytail as he glared at me.
"Your intent is to pin your opponent. We're not aiming to maim today," Gale added with a chuckle, and it was sad that he needed to specify that fact. "I'll tally the number of pins each person has, because why not add a bit of friendly competition?" I chuckled as I stretched out my wrists. "Begin."
Justin charged.
Stupid.
I ducked to the side at the last minute, letting his big, hulking feet trip over my leg. I sent a bit of Air that took some effort and did feel a bit awkward. But it sent him sprawling to the mat face first. The room silenced, most hadn't even had the opportunity to begin their spar. I kept the pressure on his back, waiting for Gale's command. Justin tried to raise to his hands, but there was no fighting the Air weighing him down.
"One Shaw," Gale said calmly, looking around at the rest of the class. "Mind your own sessions, please."
I released Justin, tilting my head to the side and waiting for him to make another move. His chest rose and fell with very apparent rage. "You think you're cute?" he snarled.
"I think I'm fucking adorable." I smiled at him brightly. He jabbed a fist at my face, barely missing when I bent backwards. The hit was close enough that I felt the hairs under his forearm tickling my nose as it breezed past me. I bent back further, letting my hands touch the mat behind me. With a sharp kick upwards, my foot caught him underneath the jaw as my legs followed one after another.
"Fucking bitch," he hissed, grabbing my legs against his chest. With him supporting my weight there, I tore my hands from the ground and crunched my abs to raise my upper body until I smiled at him. My fist connected with his nose in a crunching sound. He dropped me, but I wrapped my legs around his fat neck and twisted my body until I landed on my stomach with a roll that sent him landing on his back. "Two Shaw."
"You're going to pay for that one." He snarled.
"I'm not sure how it's my fault that you fight as stupid as you look, Judgy."
"Would you stop calling me that?"
"What should I call you then? Pussy-whipped? Since Pia keeps your balls locked in a box next to her bed?" I taunted.
"You think you're such a tough little shit now. Prove it. All you do is wait for me to attack you."
I shrugged with a smirk, racing at him. He took a step back, already shifting his balance off-center. I jumped up, landing hands on his shoulders. Wrapping my legs around his neck, I twisted my body as he grabbed at me. I hit the mat on a roll, slamming him down on his back and keeping pressure on his neck with my top leg.
"Three Shaw," Gale announced, and I could hear him fighting back a chuckle.
"Fuck, you're like a Gods-damned monkey," Judgy grunted as he stood. I charged him once he had his feet under him again. He tried to catch me, but I twisted my legs around his back and caught his head that way. He hit the mat on his back again, and I sprang up to stand over him.
"Four Shaw," I interrupted Gale, who was also busy scoring everyone else.
"Fuck!" Judgy roared. He stood, sending a blast of Air at me finally. I crossed my arms in front of me, and put a lot of effort into making a shield with my own Air that dispelled his as I approached him. He glared at me in surprise, and I jabbed the heel of my palm into his already broken nose. My leg swept his out from under him, and I stepped over him to straddle his prone body where he grunted in pain.
"Are you still taking it easy on me, Pussy-whipped?" I tilted my head to the side as I stared down at him. "I have to say this hasn't been very much fun for me."
"Miss Shaw, I think you've proven your point," Gale chuckled. "Anderson, perhaps you should head down to the Infirmary. Your nose is looking a bit unpleasant."
Judgy snarled at me as he made his way from the room, and it really was quite gruesome looking with his blood-stained teeth. "What shall I do now?" I pouted when the asshole walked out.
"You can spar with Warren," he said, gesturing with a nod to the remaining student, who had to sit out since we had odd numbers. "Although, please don't break him."
"I'll do my best," I teased with a smile, stepping up to the mat and waving Warren on. He was a much smaller man than Judgy, and he swallowed gamely as he approached the mat.
"I'll play nice if you do?"
He nodded, and we set to doing just that, but throughout the lesson I saw them looking at me, considering me.
They knew I was no longer the pathetic outsider.
Sixteen
Kaia
I had no idea why they thought doing shadows when the snow was falling would be a good idea. Not only was it freezing cold, it was also difficult to walk on the slippery ground. And as much as I hated his face, I actually appreciated Frost doing it earlier in the year. That was even before we had our First trial and the Tumult. Fall. Oh, how I missed fall. But, as it was Docent Ho doing the shadow, I had to assume she was significantly busier so it made sense because of the school year.
Didn’t mean I hated it any less.
I shivered as I listened to her, so bright and cheery-sounding you would think that she was in front of a warm fire with a big cup of hot cocoa and wrapped up in a thick, wooly blanket.
People who were that insanely cheery all the damn time needed to have their teeth knocked in.
“Class, this afternoon, you will have your very last introductory shadowing! Today, we will shadow Security duty. I myself joined this track when I was a student in InkHaven Academy and had several years of duty in Security before I became a Docent. Today, you will see this world firsthand. Follow me.”
She walked off, a bounce in her step until we reached the glider. I froze when I saw it. “Tomos is better at transport orbs than I am, especially with larger groups so this is safer. Please, climb aboard.”
I stepped in after my classmates and while it had initially scared me seeing it again, walking in felt normal. Maybe because Docent Frost wasn’t there to torment me about it. I sent Pia a smile in response to her glower and her look faded to one of confusion. We flew in relative silence for a few minutes, listening to the whistle of the Air as we flew to our destination.
“Now, class, we will be visiting one of my favorite temples on the Outside. Although there is a bit of bias operating here - this temple is the one dedicated especially to Air. It is also the most ostentatious of all the ones dedicated to the Mage sects.” Our glider slowed down and started its slow descent.
We disembarked in a wide, open field just outside the city limits on the Eastern side. Docent Ho walked us forward, lecturing as she went, “All Mage sects have their own temples. It allows for the balance, which Zeevar enjoys, and also gives us the op
portunity to have a safe space for us outside the Order. Besides that, there are several other temples on the outside dedicated to other things.” She turned to throw us a quick look. “Of course, it’s very rare that Mages leave Order premises on non-Order reasons.”
“Not far now,” she chirped out happily and a few minutes later, I caught my first sight of it.
It was a long building that was raised off the ground on two large slabs of heavy red marble. The entire building was made entirely of the same dark red marble material but despite the darkness of the colors, though, there was an airiness to it, no doubt from the fact that the modern-looking structure was filled with huge windows of pure, clear glass and straight, architectural lines.
We climbed up the stairs, and Docent Ho nodded to the two men guarding the entryway. “Gentlemen. Just showing some Fourth Years around.”
“Docent Ho,” the taller of the men spoke up in a deep rumbling voice. The way they nodded to her conveyed nothing but respect. Despite her small stature and bubbly persona, Docent Ho was a force to be reckoned with and nobody ever doubted her abilities as a Mage.
I wanted to be her one day.
“Sam and Aaron,” she indicated to us. “They guard the entrance, which is just one of the things that Security does.”
We stepped in and into a wide atrium that was mostly empty. A tall man in light grey robes trimmed in red stood there, holding a small box of dark mahogany. He bowed at Docent Ho, who waved at him cheerily. “Rey, hello.”
“Welcome. And welcome to your students.”
“Rey is the head priest in this temple.”
We all murmured our hellos but moved further into the temple to where the altar was located. We were introduced to several more Security Airs who guarded the altar, others who guarded the perimeter and even those who escorted other Non-Airs, Mage or not.
There was a steady calmness to the seeming routine to it that appealed to me.
“Ok, class, let’s head outside.” She led us down a similar staircase situated at the back of the temple. I let out a breath, a puff of cold air expelling forth at how freezing it was outside.