by Kenna Bardot
"You wanna talk about it?" she asked with a raised brow.
"Nope," I snapped, popping the 'p.' My attention diverted to the table of guys next to us, watching as they snickered in their whispers. "Do you know them?"
"Nope," she laughed. "They’re your First Years," she added as if it explained everything.
"And what about them being First Year Airs matters?" I asked, losing patience.
"And, they're like twenty-one, twenty-two. They haven't had as much experience as the older guys, especially with women, and if we're being honest you and I are two of the more..." she paused, pursing her lips to the side in thought as she searched for a word I probably wouldn't take offense to, "notorious for being adventurous?"
"How am I notorious for being adventurous? Do the guys talk about what we do in bed?" I felt my hands go damp even as I knew I shouldn't have been so horrified by the thought. Mages didn't shy away from sex, but what I had with the guys, the connection with them felt too significant to be shared like that. It cheapened it somehow, to think it was spread around like tawdry gossip.
"No, not that I'm aware of anyway. And I can't imagine Daniels or Madden letting the others discuss things like that anyway. I just meant that we're known for being with all our men at once. Girls like Pia and Wella typically will only take one or two men at a time to bed. They don't enjoy watching other men together, they aren't into the bigger numbers that would usually result in more, let’s say, daring configurations." Her face broke into a smile. "I've gotten used to the looks, because people will always speculate about what happens when you have four people in a relationship behind closed doors. I only have three men, imagine what goes through the immature mind since you have six."
"Ugh." I grimaced, casting the side eye to the group of guys still whispering. "Now I feel gross."
"Do your men complain about what you let them do to you?" One of her brows raised sardonically.
I twisted my lip up on one side and glared at her. "Of course they don't. They're the ones who get to put it where they want it without complaint from me."
"Then I'm not sure why it feels gross. Whatever it is you do behind closed doors is no one else's business. So stupid guys are gossiping like high school Inked girls. So what? They'll grow out of it and one day just hope they can find someone like you who isn't afraid to get kinky.” She burst into laughter, and I joined in with a little chuckle.
"Gods, Mar. I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you, sometimes. Thank you for sitting here with my miserable ass." I shook my head.
"I love you too, and it's because I love you that I need to tell you something." She bit her bottom lip, leaning forward across the table like whatever she might need to say would be somehow more private than talking about the styles of our orgies.
Or gangbangs.
The appropriate term depended on the day, to be honest.
"What is it?" I whispered, intrigued, as I leaned into her.
"You're being an idiot. Gods, I'm so glad I got that off my chest." She sat back, rubbing at the aforementioned chest like it was physically painful.
"I'm being an idiot?"
"You got involved with guys like Ronan Daniels and Vali Madden and while you haven’t been in InkHaven long you had to know they had reputations. You knew perfectly well what they were like before you started up with them, so for you to act surprised that Ronan would do something like this is a little baffling to me. You should have known he would act this way."
I sat back, my face dropping to a blank mask as I stared back at her. "I should have known he would go behind my back to spy on me?" I murmured, disbelief lacing my tone.
She sighed. "I'm not saying he was right to do it the way he did, going behind your back like that. But someone - which is likely the Headmaster and Zeevar knows who else - wants you dead, Kai. Without him being here? I assume he feels desperate, and he’d do anything to keep you safe considering the number of times you've nearly died. I just, I can't say that I blame him for that when I’m actually fucking grateful he wants to keep you safe."
I found myself thinking Gale was rubbing off on me when I pinched the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "Okay, I shouldn't be surprised, you're right. To a point. But that doesn't mean that I have to just tolerate it and let it slide."
"Of course you don't, but I still think you should cut him some slack. Daniels is who he is. If you love him, then you can't pick and choose the pieces of him that you love. That protective Alpha male thing is a huge part of who he is after all." She pointed at me and it didn’t feel confrontational, just concerned. I didn’t know how I was going to answer her logic since I wasn’t in the mood for fucking logic. I was saved from having to answer by hearing the voice of the last person I wanted to talk to.
"Trouble in paradise?" Pia asked with a cruel smile.
"What do you want, Pia?" I sighed, turning to look at her with bored eyes.
"Just thought to congratulate you. You've got all your men lined up nice and tidy, or are you not done collecting them yet? I have to wonder who will be next. Since you took Cel from Wella last, I hope another one of my men isn't next."
"Gods, Pia. I didn't take Cel from Wella, no matter how much she bitches about it. Considering he'd never so much as touched her, she doesn't exactly get to lay claim to his dick." I shook my head at Mar as she chuckled and grinned at me.
"Can I help you, Ink?" Pia sneered down at my friend.
"Nope." Mar continued to grin and waved a hand at Pia. "Just enjoying the show. You're like a train wreck. You don’t want to watch, but it’s so damn entertaining, you can’t really look away."
I barely stifled my giggle, shaking my head at her outrageous behavior. When my eyes turned back to Pia, I cast her a wide-eyed look. "You're still here?"
"One of these days, you're going to chase after a man who doesn't get caught in whatever bullshit trap you have between your legs."
"It's called a vagina, Pia. Gods, no wonder guys leave you for Kaia if you don't even know what it's called. Not much hope you know how to use it, is there?" Mar shrugged, smiling smugly.
I pressed my lips together to fight the laugh that bubbled in my gut. "Pia, Vali dumped you over a year ago. When are you going to let it go?"
"You took him from me."
"Even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, and we say he was yours. Which, we all know you both fucked around with other people, anyway. He screwed your best friend in the room the two of you shared, for Gods’ sake-" I broke off at her widened eyes. "Oh. You didn't know Wella and Vali hooked up? I mean, from what Vali said it happened just about every time he went to look for you in your room and you weren't there. If Wella was, well, when it came to the two of you the vagina was interchangeable."
"That's not true. Wella would never. Not with V."
"He told me so himself, Pia. And seeing as he has absolutely nothing to gain from it, I’d believe him. If you don't want to see that you and that best friend of yours are toxic, selfish bitches then that's on you. But regardless, as I was saying, if we presumed he was actually yours, there was still over six months between the time he dumped your ass before I let him in my bed. I took nothing, even made it a point he wouldn’t get me because I had guys I was satisfied with and did that change anything? No. He just threw you away anyway." I tapped a finger against the wooden table to punctuate my point.
"Honestly, you just make yourself look sad picking fights over him after all this time. You have other guys, maybe you should focus on making them feel like they matter to you instead of pining over a guy you'll never have?" Mar inserted, not unkindly.
Pia didn't answer, her face pale, and she kept her eyes on mine. "You aren't lying, are you?" she whispered, and the dull ache in her voice made my own heart clench. "Wella?"
"I'm not lying, Pia. I might hate you, but I’d never make something up just to hurt you," I agreed, letting my voice get serious. "Wella isn't capable of being a real friend to you. You're both so competi
tive, Vali was wrong to go there with her, but in the end you both knew you weren't in a monogamous relationship. Wella, as your friend, knew it was wrong on her end but she did it anyway."
"When I confront her about this, she'll come after you full force. You know that, right? You took Cel and then you turned her best friend against her. Doesn't that bother you?" Pia looked at me like I was truly alien, for not caring that people who were cruel might not like me.
"No. It doesn't bother me. I don't concern myself with her opinion. She did something wrong, so she doesn't get to put the blame on me for something she did, and worse."
"And Cel?"
"If Cel didn't touch her in all the years before I came, she can't exactly blame me for him not wanting her, now can she?" I buffed my nails on my shirt with a smug grin. Mar simply smiled at me in pride.
"You aren't the same girl who first came to InkHaven," Pia noted finally.
"No. I'm not," I agreed, even knowing it would probably be the one and only time I would agree with Pia on anything.
"Fine. I'm done," she sighed in defeat. "You’re right. I just want to focus on my guys."
"Good. If that's the case, do you want my advice on what you could have done that might have made Vali more into you? Just from what he's said to me?"
She hesitated, staring at me for a moment like I might bite her, and then she nodded.
"If the guys are bisexual, let them be bisexual. Nobody wants to feel like they have to segregate their attractions because one partner doesn't accept that part of them."
"I don't have a problem with them being with men; I just don't want to see it. I like to be the center of attention-"
"And that's the problem. Sex with you is about you, and just you when it should be about everyone involved. If they want to suck a dick while they fuck you, what difference does it make to you?" Mar interjected. "Just try it, Ramos. I promise you, they'll love that you let them have that freedom to be who they are. And being honest, it's hot as sin."
She nodded, but turned and ducked out of the library. "She's going to be looking for a new roommate," I said, glancing at Mar.
"Thank fuck I am an Ink and not an Air.”
“I thought your roommate graduated last year.” I grinned at her. “I distinctly remember you inviting me over should I tire of men. So why not Pia?”
She pointed at me, eyes blazing. “The room is being utilized, Kaia Wren. Do not go there.”
"Well, mine’s at max capacity."
She snorted at me, and turned back to her books. “No shit.”
Guess that was that.
✽✽✽
My nerves were frayed to shit.
I'd woken up on visitation day in a pit of anxiety. Cel, Emerson, and Gale all tried to comfort me by assuring me they had my back. Cel was honest enough to admit that he could see Ronan's point of view, considering the threat to my life but that he disagreed with the underhanded way he went about ensuring my safety.
"Relax, Little One," Cel murmured, tugging my hips until I fell into his lap where he sat in the chair.
"I just hate this," I whispered. "I hate waiting for a fight. What if we can't make this work? What if he's completely unapologetic, and I lose all of you?"
"You'll never lose all of us. Even in the worst case scenario, you know Emerson and I would stand by you," Cel's voice was a whisper, speaking low enough so Gale would not hear. "Vali too."
"Vali, no matter how much he might love me, is completely in love with Alec Gaius, and they've spent far more time together than with me. I don't-I don't know if I can keep doing this. Being separated from them and then next year, I’ll lose you too."
"I know it's hard, sweetheart. Especially with the year you've had. Gods, I can't even begin to imagine what it was like to be away from them. I’ve only been a part of you all for such a short time and already I can feel the loss." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, pulling me around to straddle him in the chair. I buried my face in his neck, breathing in that pine scent that was pure Cel. His arms wrapped around me, pressing me tighter against his chest. I felt Emerson come to us, abandoning the bed in favor of wrapping himself around my back. Despite my anxiety, being pressed between the two men made my stomach flutter with the first twinges of arousal.
They loved me, but they also loved one another fiercely. While I was never left out, there were moments where I felt like they used my body to make love to one another. They'd kiss over my shoulder, and for those brief moments I'd get to feel like I provided something to them that they couldn't achieve on their own while their flesh slid against one another's inside of me. Their attention would always drift back to me fairly quickly, but the moments where I was a necessary tool for their love-making were some of my favorites. I loved that I'd been able to bring them together like that. So being pressed between the two of them was one of my favorite places to be, and given the absence of three of my men, one of the places where I spent a great deal of time.
Gale opened the door, emerging from the bathroom with a small smile for me. "Might be best to remain clothed if you want him to take you seriously," he teased with a wink.
I stuck my tongue out at him - ever the picture of delicate femininity. Regardless, Emerson stepped away from my back and helped me up from Cel's lap. I stood, taking a deep breath, and couldn't even be surprised when the door opened slowly.
Visitations were a rather rare luxury but, like all the other times before, they arrived like clockwork in order to make the most of our time together.
Alec Gaius stepped into the room first, graceful legs striding toward me before giving me a dull smile as he approached and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
To my cheek.
Without a word, I knew whose side he'd taken. I felt my resolve harden, tension filling my body when Vali stepped in behind Alec Gaius. His face was carefully blank and his kiss, though to my lips, was far briefer than what I normally received as a greeting from the more tumultuous man. Gale felt my tension increasing, stepping up to my side and taking my hand in a silent show of support.
He'd been the major surprise since the truth came out. He cursed Ronan out even though he couldn't hear him, hating what he'd done to me right along with me. When Ronan came into the room behind Vali, all hard lines to his face and no apology in his eyes, I felt Gale go solid beside me. In spite of his conviction that Ronan was in the wrong, I knew the coming confrontation would be as hard on him as it would me. He could be faced with the reality of having to choose between the two of us, and I hated that for him.
He stepped up to me, bending like he might kiss me. His eyes narrowed when I jerked my head back to avoid him. "Woman," he grumbled.
"I told you not to come. I can see you chose to ignore that. I understand really, you have a right to see Emerson and Gale, maybe even get to know Cel but they each have their own rooms that you can go to if you'd like to spend time with them. As this is my room, I'd like you to leave." I held my head high, even as Ronan's jaw ticked.
"Tread very carefully, Kaia." He narrowed his eyes.
"No," I said firmly, and Ronan's head jerked back in surprise. "I can't and won’t do this anymore. I cannot keep letting you walk all over me and forgiving it when nothing ever changes, Ronan."
"I do not walk all over you!" he protested.
"Really? So months ago when I started at the Temple, you didn't let everyone see us as you dragged me off to fuck me in a restaurant bathroom?" He had the grace to cast a sheepish smile toward Alec Gaius and Vali. I felt them shift behind me, and knew Ronan hadn't told them about that little event.
"You made me look like nothing more than a piece of ass. I told you as much. I told you that I didn't want to risk my reputation at the Temple. I didn’t want my future to become dependent on who I am to you. You made me believe you understood." My voice cracked, but I shoved it down. "And then you turned around and damaged it more! You told them all I needed looking after, and made it look like I can't take care of myself. How am I
supposed to be taken seriously as an Air Mage if I can't even be responsible for my own safety?"
"There's someone trying to kill you!"
"This isn't about that! Getting a memo at the end of the day about what I did doesn't keep me alive. You could have expressed your concerns to me and then asked someone you trusted to keep an eye out. Spying on me without my consent is the issue, not the concern you have for me!"
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to know that someone is trying to kill you when I'm too far away to do a fucking thing about it?" he roared. "You could die, and I wouldn't know until Gale decided to send me a message in the Air Spire. Think about that before you judge me for doing whatever it takes to keep you safe."
I closed my eyes, feeling the pain in his voice for just a moment before I continued on, "I understand that. Like I said, the concern isn’t the fucking issue. Look, I’m not downplaying the fact that there is a legitimate worry here because I’m concerned about me and every fucking person in this room is concerned about me. That doesn't change the fact that you did not respect me enough to consult me about the decisions you make for my safety. I should have a say in my own life, Ronan."
"She's not weak, Ronan," Gale input. "I know there was a lack of skill with her Air the last time you saw her train, and that she almost died when she was shoved off a glider thousands of feet in the air but... that isn't the case anymore. She's strong, and she wields her Air and Earth in tandem in a way that is certain to protect her. Nobody can predict what she will do because they don't know what she can do."
I held up my hand but shot Gale a grateful smile. "It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't need to prove myself to earn your respect. I am an equal part in this relationship and not just some pet you get to fuck in exchange for protection."
"Kaia Wren, I don't think Ronan Asher meant-"
"It doesn't matter what he meant!" Alec Gaius flinched when I turned to him and shouted. "We had literally just finished a conversation about boundaries concerning my work, and he immediately went behind my back. He didn’t listen to what I said. At all. He should have at least been honest about it, or shown remorse when he found out I was upset. Instead, he rolled up into my personal space with you two at his back and acted like I was just supposed to submit to his will because he said so!"