He tried calling Tyler’s cell, hoping he would answer, knowing Nevvie probably wouldn’t talk to him.
* * * *
Tyler looked over Nevvie’s shoulder and saw his phone light up from where he’d left it on the end table, set to silent mode. She was still asleep. He didn’t dare move and wake her. She hadn’t slept much better than he had last night, restless until well after two a.m. before finally drifting off.
He could read the screen. Thomas.
Well, if he fell he can damn well call 911 or have Pete help him. If Thomas didn’t want or need their help, he wouldn’t get it. He wanted to be left alone? He’d get that, too. In spades, if he so desired.
He dropped his head to the pillow again and closed his eyes. He’d heard a few people enter the building already, knew Nevvie would awaken soon. Adam awoke and rolled over in his crib. He stared at him, a huge, gummy grin creasing his chubby face.
Tyler smiled back and waved. Adam flailed his arm, then jammed his fist in his mouth and greedily sucked on it. He would be okay for a few more minutes, hopefully.
Adam. Even if nothing else, how could Thomas do this to their son? Turn his back on him like that? Just when Tyler thought their life could get back to some semblance of normal, albeit healing and still fragile, to do something so utterly selfish and stupid like that boggled his mind.
To hurt their poor Nevvie like that.
To hurt him.
It didn’t even matter so much for him, he could put it past him if he had to. But Nevvie? Thomas couldn’t be that blind to see how much something like that would hurt her, could he? Not after all she’d gone through for them.
She stirred, rolled over to look at him.
“Hey,” she whispered. “Did you sleep?”
“A little.”
She winced as she stretched. “Maybe I should have let you take me to a hotel last night.”
“I doubt we would have slept any better there, love.” He kissed her. “How are you feeling?”
“I still want to kill him, but I think I can keep from acting on the urge now.”
Tyler forced a wan smile. “When do you wish to return home?”
“We could run off together.”
Although he knew she was joking, a tiny part of him wanted to call and make the arrangements right then and do it. Take Nevvie and Adam and fly away, have Bob send him paperwork to void their arrangement, and put it behind them. He would never do something like this to Nevvie, betray her trust like this, even if it meant losing Thomas in the process. He would never hurt her. He’d almost lost her once and that memory terrified him like none other. How could Thomas, having gone through that very same thing, not remember those emotions?
“Fly away into the sunset, love?”
“Vegas wedding?”
He carefully guarded his reaction. She was looking for an answer, guidance, from him. He could easily say yes and they would be legally married by nightfall. “Is that what you really want?” he whispered.
Her eyes filled with tears. “I want us back. I want everything like it was. I want my boys. I want my brain and my tough guy. I want Tommy to quit pushing us away. I want to feel like he still loves us.”
Tyler nodded, then tenderly kissed her. “That’s what I want, too. Before we give up on him perhaps we should allow him a chance to explain and apologize and see if he still wants us.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
He tightly hugged her, trying and failing to hold back his tears. “Then we still have each other, love. You and I. Always.”
He helped her change and feed Adam, then they took a shower together. A little after eight, Nevvie took Adam out to Maggie to watch while the two of them left for the house in Tyler’s car. Maggie was surprised to learn they’d spent the night there but didn’t ask questions.
* * * *
Thomas carefully made his way to their bedroom. The bed looked huge and empty, mocking him. He could be curled up there with the two people he loved. Why had he pushed them away?
God I’ve lost my mind. Totally fucking lost it.
He sat on the edge, catching his breath before finding a clean pair of shorts in his drawer and going into the bathroom.
He took a quick sponge bath and shaved. Thank God for the electric razor, it was the only way he could shave by himself. He carefully made his way back to the kitchen. Pete stood at the counter, reading the paper while eating a bagel.
He threw a quick glance at Thomas. “Glad you didn’t bust your ass.”
“They’re going to hate me, Pete.”
“Yep. If you’re looking for sympathy, sorry, I’m fresh out right now.”
Thomas sat at the table to rest before fixing his breakfast. “I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m hoping for a miracle.”
“I don’t understand you. I thought you loved them.”
“I do love them.” Thomas studied his hands. “I’m a stupid fuck, just like you said.”
“No argument here.”
Pete looked up as Eddie walked in. “Guess what, Tommy?” Pete said. “Your life just went to total shit.”
Eddie looked pissed. He walked into the kitchen and leaned in, gave Pete a kiss.
“Hi,” Pete greeted him.
“Hey.” Eddie glared at Thomas, but didn’t speak to him. Instead he poured himself a cup of coffee and turned to Pete. “What time are you getting home?”
“Should be finished by four, so probably around five. I’ll call if I’m running late.”
“Okay. I’ll have dinner ready for you.”
Pete left, taking his bag with him. Eddie sat at the table across from Thomas, conspicuously ignoring him, reading the paper.
“Hi, Eddie.”
Eddie glared at him, but didn’t say anything until after he’d turned back to the paper. “Good morning.”
Thomas carefully stood, made his way to the counter, and then toasted himself a bagel. He knew Eddie was totally pissed. Eddie was even more of a caretaker than Tyler, would have normally jumped up to help, insisting Thomas not get up. The fact that Eddie only spoke two words to him, apparently under duress, cemented how pissed he felt.
“How much do you know?” Thomas asked.
Another long, chilly pause. Eddie didn’t even look up from the paper. “Pete called me last night before he went to bed.”
Nothing more. Not even a good reaming out for doing it.
Christ.
“You don’t have to stay, Eddie,” Thomas quietly said.
“Yes, I do. We promised Ty we’d help him out. I’m not here for you.” The way he emphasized “you” made it sound like he’d tasted something nasty.
“Thank you.”
“I’d rather not speak to you, if you don’t mind.”
Thomas cringed and took his bagel to the living room. He thought about trying to call Tyler again, but knew if he hadn’t called him back by now, he wouldn’t.
He wondered if they’d at least come by to say good-bye, or if they’d let him see Adam one last time.
* * * *
Tyler pulled over before they reached the house. He took Nevvie’s hand. “How do you wish to handle this?”
She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I don’t want to lose him but…” She shrugged again. “Can I trust him? Can we trust him? How do we know he won’t do something like this or worse? The only reason he stopped was because you caught him in the act. Otherwise, he’d still be carrying on. I stood right fucking there in the kitchen while he kissed her. Our son was there.” She met his eyes. “What do you want to do?”
He caressed her cheek. “I follow you, love. You are my world. You and Adam. I would rather have Thomas in it as well, and while I love him and don’t wish to lose him, if you decide to move on then so do I, with you. You do as your heart tells you. Don’t worry about me because I will be there.”
“But what do you want me to do? Tell me.”
He shook his head. “No. If you find you cannot stay, then I go with yo
u. You do not have to choose between us, I will never make you do that. If you choose to stay, then so do I. If you leave, we leave together.”
Nevvie closed her eyes and cried. “I don’t want to lose him, Ty. I love him.”
“So do I. Perhaps this is something that needed to happen, to show him he’s not dealing well with this. Maybe we can use this to force him to talk to a professional or at the very least open up to us.” He gently squeezed her hand. “Can you forgive him?”
“I want to. I mean, it’s not like he fucked her. It’s just…” She stared out the windshield. “It hurts. It really hurts. Maybe I’m making too big a deal out of this, but it still hurts.”
He released her hand with a final squeeze and shifted the car into gear. “I know, love. I know.”
* * * *
Thomas froze when he heard the car pull into the drive. Tyler’s Lexus, he knew from the sound.
Not Nevvie’s Acura.
He held his breath, waiting. The front door opened and Nevvie and Tyler walked in, holding hands. Without the baby.
His heart sank. They were coming back to say good-bye. He knew it.
Eddie looked up from his paper. Tyler released Nevvie’s hand and left her standing in the hall. He walked into the kitchen and leaned in and said something too softly for Thomas to hear. Eddie nodded and left, kissing Nevvie on the cheek before he went.
Thomas willed her to look at him, but she wouldn’t. She kept her gaze on the floor or on Tyler, not him.
His fault. No one to blame but himself. He had the best family in the world and he’d fucked it up.
Tyler walked back to Nevvie and took her hand, led her to the living room. She sat in one of the chairs and Tyler stood protectively behind her with his hands on her shoulder.
When she finally lifted her gaze to his, he saw how red and puffy her eyes looked, making him hate himself even more. He’d done that to her. How he’d reamed Tyler out years earlier, when a stupid mistake, a misunderstanding made her think they’d played her. Now the shoe was on the other foot but unlike Tyler’s unintentional fuck-up, this was solely his own damn fault.
They didn’t speak, waited for him.
“I’m sorry, babe,” he finally choked out. “Both of you. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did it. I love both of you so much.” He didn’t want to cry, but he did anyway. “Will you at least let Momma see Adam?”
Nevvie reached up for Tyler’s hand, gripped it tightly. “We came to talk, Tommy,” she said. “Not to leave. To see what the hell’s going on and if we can fix this.”
He didn’t dare hope. “You’re not leaving me?”
Tyler shook his head. “We don’t want to,” he said quietly. “We love you. But you’ve spent the past months pushing us away. Do you still want us? That’s the question. Are you tired of us?”
“Of course I want you! I don’t want to lose you. Either of you.”
“Then tell us what’s going on,” Nevvie said. “Why don’t you want us anymore? We beg you to sleep in bed with us, and you move into the guest room. You won’t talk to us. You’re flirting with some bimbo. You’re not acting like someone who gives a shit. If you want out, do us the decency of telling us. If you want us to stay, you’re going to have to start giving back a little. We’ll walk to hell and back by your side, Tommy, but you need to let us in.”
“How can you still want me? I can barely get around.”
“I don’t give a shit what shape you’re in. If you’d been stuck in a bed for the rest of your life, I’d still be sitting right there by your side. Don’t you get it?” She sobbed. “I can’t lose you guys. I don’t give a shit if you’re fucking vegetables. I can’t lose you. I need to be able to hold your hand and tell you I love you and I don’t care if you’re on two good legs or flat on your ass as long as you’re alive!”
Tyler held her, but didn’t say anything.
It bubbled out of her, the pain and anguish. Tears rolled down her face. “I was so scared I’d lose Tyler, I felt like a fucking zombie, I couldn’t even think. Thank God Mom was there. Not just for the CPR but for everything. Then they called me about you and I thought my world ended. I don’t want to be alive if I don’t have my boys.”
She took a deep, hitching breath. “I thought I was special, Tommy. You made me feel special. Then to hear you…” She couldn’t continue. She sobbed, leapt to her feet and raced for the bedroom.
Tyler watched her but didn’t follow. He stared at Thomas, who was also crying. “Go to her,” Tyler said.
Thomas pulled his gaze away from Tyler and shook his head. “I can’t. She hates me.”
Tyler’s strained, hissing tone startled him. “You stupid fucking arsehole! Did you not hear a bloody word she just said?” He stormed across the living room and forced Thomas to his feet, shoved his crutches at him. “Get your fucking arse in there and talk to her!”
“Can you forgive me?” Thomas whispered.
“This isn’t about my feelings,” he said, struggling to keep his voice low. “This is about trying to heal her broken heart. If you give a damn about her, then go in there and tell her. You and I shall settle things later. I could give a bloody shit about you at this moment, to be honest, because if she’s not happy, I’m not happy.”
Thomas had never seen that level of rage in Tyler’s eyes. Tyler never became enraged. Tyler was as capable of getting upset as the next person, but the cold, glittering edge in his lover’s blue eyes scared him.
He limped down the hall on his crutches. The bedroom door stood open. Nevvie sobbed face down on their bed. Taking a deep breath, he carefully made his way over to the bed and sat on the side closest to her so he could reach her.
Thomas carefully rolled to his side and gently placed his hand in the small of her back. “I’m sorry,” he softly said. “I’m so sorry. I’m an asshole, and whatever it takes to make this up to you, I’ll do it, bab—” He bit the words back.
“How do you unsay it, Tommy?” She wouldn’t look at him. “How many times did you say it to her? How many other people did you say it to over the years when I thought it was something you only said to me?”
“Nevvie, you’re my baby girl, I swear. No one else, sugar. Just you, only you. I love you.”
“Then why did you shut us out? Why don’t you want us anymore?”
More guilt. “I do want you guys, honey. I swear. I didn’t think you’d want me anymore. You’ve got Tyler. Why would you want me?”
She rolled over, stunned. “I’ve begged you to let me in. I’ve pleaded with you. We both have. I don’t know what more we can do to make you understand how much we love and want you.”
“Have you two been having sex?”
She sat up. “Are you shitting me? Is that what this is about? Why the hell do you think we want you back in bed? It’s kind of hard to make love to you when you tell us to leave you alone! You’ve been turning us down!”
She was right, and he knew it. “You aren’t getting your ‘tough guy’ back, you know. I might not be able to ride a bike or even do half the shit I used to do.” He picked at his fingernails and flinched, startled, when she touched his shoulder.
“Tommy, we love you. We want you. All of you, the way you are. You’re always my tough guy.” She tapped his chest, over his heart. “My tough guy is in here, not in your legs, asshole.” She attempted a smile, giving him hope. “You’ll always be my tough guy, just like Tyler’s my brain. That’s who you two are. You’re alive. You came back to me. You didn’t die. That’s all I care about.”
“But it’s my fault this all happened. It’s…” He closed his eyes. “It’s my fault that guy died.”
She shook her head. “No. It was an accident. It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah, it was. If I’d taken the truck instead of the bike—”
“He still might have pulled out in front of you. Only then at least you wouldn’t have been hurt as badly, and he still might have died.” She laid her hand on his cheek and made
him look at her. “We have never blamed you for that. The guy’s family doesn’t even blame you. Is that what this is about, you hate yourself?”
“I don’t know.” And that was the truth. He didn’t. He remained silent for a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts. “I feel guilty. All this extra shit I’ve heaped on you because I made a stupid fucking choice to take the bike. You both needed me, and the one time you really need me, not only am I not there for both of you, but I’m making things worse.”
He wiped his hand across his eyes. “I’m sorry I said it to her. I’m sorry I flirted with her. I’m stupid. I wanted to stop. I didn’t mean to lead her on, it just happened. It doesn’t excuse what I did. I never told her I wasn’t married to the two of you. I just helped her jump to a few conclusions.”
Nevvie’s face grew sad again. “You never told her Adam was your son. Why?”
Now was not the time to delve into the legalities of the situation, not when it seemed he might have a chance of not losing them. “I’m sorry. There is no excuse for what I did except that I’m a brain damaged asshole.”
He looked up at her shocked laugh. She smiled. Weak and sad but still a smile.
He’d take whatever he could get.
“Maybe that’s your new nickname for a while,” she joked. “The BDA.”
“Can you stay around long enough for me to earn something better?”
She nodded. “I’m pissed. I won’t lie to you. I’m really, really pissed. Not just because of me, but because of how you hurt Tyler.”
“I know. You have every right to be pissed at me. I deserve it.”
She studied his face for long, silent minutes. “How do we learn to trust you again?” she finally asked. “How do I get that back? I never would have thought we couldn’t trust you. How do I know you really want me and Tyler?”
Love Slave for Two: Family Matters Page 21