by Debra Kayn
They'd used her eighteen years of working for attorneys as gaining skills she needed to make fraudulent records. Nothing could be further from the truth.
"Inmates, stay at your table when you greet your visitors. Any broken rules by you or your visitors will mean immediate removal." The loudspeaker clicked off.
Ashley smoothed the front of the plain white T-shirt she was required to wear. She had no idea what she looked like. The square little shiny plates on the wall in each cell they called mirrors were scratched beyond use.
A low shuffle permeated the room. She turned in her seat and searched for Olin in the stream of people making their way in.
Her legs vibrated with nerves and her feet almost came out of the slip-on slippers. Olin had always been in her life. Clear back to when he was no more than Johanna's older brother when she'd go over to Karla's house and play.
Until now.
Over three months apart seemed like a lifetime.
Olin walked through the doorway, eyes peering over the heads of the others. Her throat closed, spasming painfully on a sob of pure desperation. He'd let his beard grow wherever it wanted, and his long hair fell free around his shoulders.
He walked with purpose.
Then, his gaze met hers, and his strides lengthened with his need to see her closer.
Unable to stand from her seat if she wanted to, she clamped her teeth together to keep from crying out.
He was here. That's all that mattered.
He took away her depression, her sadness, her worry. She belonged right here because he was with her.
Olin stopped in front of her. She gazed up at him. His dark eyes, bright from emotions he couldn't express in a room full of strangers inside the prison, took everything in and settled lower on her body as if he needed to see, feel, taste, that she carried his baby.
At that moment, she understood that twenty-four hours wasn't long enough for him to accept the word of someone else when it came to her. Inside the visiting room at the prison wasn't private enough to let him find out on his own. Not that she knew how to prove that there was a baby inside of her.
She should be overwhelmed with motherly obsession, and she struggled to accept that she was the carrier of another human being. A mother to her and Olin's baby.
"You'll need to stand up, Ash," he whispered roughly.
She pursed her lips and exhaled slowly. "I don't think I can move."
"If I pick you up, I'm going to be removed. Either way, we do it, holding you is going to happen." His pupil's dilated. "Now."
She stood, reaching for him. He wrapped his arms around her. His body trembled and whether she shook, the ground shook, or he shook, she had no idea how she was able to support herself on her two legs.
"God damnit, Ash," he muttered, tipping her face, and kissing her softly.
She sobbed against his lips, and when her mouth opened, he pulled away and held on to her arms as her legs gave out. Then, he lowered her to the chair.
His boots clunked against the tiled floor, and he took the seat opposite her. She reached for him, and he gathered her hands in his. The painful grasp hurt her fingers, and still, she clung to him. She wasn't going to let him go.
"I didn't know," she whispered. "I swear, honey. I didn't know."
"It's okay. We'll figure this out." He scanned the room before lowering his voice. "Together."
She nodded, refusing to take her gaze off him. "I feel like I'm going to die in here without you."
His eyelids spasmed and he looked down at their clasped hands on the table. She'd kept all her feelings and fears to herself for over three months, and they threatened to purge from her body. He was the only one she trusted.
Inside, she couldn't trust anyone. They were criminals.
Olin's lips worked in frustration as he scrambled to gain control over his emotions. She sucked in air, needing to be strong for him. He wasn't a man who sat back and let someone else upset her.
Afraid he'd lose the battle on keeping his cool, she said, "How's my sister?"
He cleared his throat and rubbed his thumb against the back of her hand. "Lindsay's hanging in there. She and your mom were ready to come yesterday and were disappointed in not seeing you, but your mom is coming to Tacoma again. They'll be here on Thursday."
"Lindsay has to work. She can't afford to take time off." She tilted her head back and looked at the ceiling before lowering her gaze again. "I guess, she'll figure it out. I want to see them too badly to refuse. Do they know about...?"
He shook his head. "Not yet."
"You can tell them."
He nodded.
"Has anyone told my dad what happened to me?"
"Ash..."
She leaned closer. "He knows, right?"
"Yeah. He sends his love."
Her body tensed and she sat up straighter. The cold dash of reality helped her settle down. She expected nothing more from her dad. He lived within an hour of the prison and could come and see her if he wanted. She'd put his name on the form, allowing him access to her.
"Johanna wants to come and see you, but uh, Chief—"
"Won't let her." She rolled her eyes. "I get it. She'll wear him down. Tell her it's okay, and I understand."
Chief's main concern was to protect Johanna. Ashley had already thought of the difficulties her friend would go through to come to the women's prison. She had no doubt that Johanna would come eventually.
"It seems silly to sit here and stare at you when I've had so much I wanted to say." She pulled on his hands, wanting to kiss them, and he held them back, forcing her to follow the rules. "I should be grateful we get this much, but I don't know what to say or do."
"We'll make it enough, Ash."
"Yeah," she said softly. "Three years, though."
"It'll go fast."
No, thirty-six months was a lifetime. Nine months was fast. Shit.
Five months was fast.
"I think I'm around four months pregnant," she blurted, watching him for a reaction. "I-It had to have happened right before...you know."
His cheeks inflated as he took in that information. She held on to his trembling hands. Neither one of them had time to accept that they were going to be parents.
"Can you...do you feel the baby?" His gaze burned bright.
"I don't know. With everything I've gone through, I thought it was stress making me feel sick." She shook her head, mourning the fact she didn’t have longer to accept that she was having a baby and enjoy the different stages of her pregnancy. It felt a lot like she was living someone else's life and not her own.
She moistened her dry lips. "I want to go home—"
"Ash?" He raised his brows. "We'll figure it out.
They weren't going to let her leave. She swallowed hard. All she wanted to do was go home.
"I guess, we don't have any choice," she whispered. "I'm scared."
He squeezed her hands. "I'll be back."
"Don't leave me." She grabbed for him
He stood, taking her hands off his shirt. "I'm getting some food from the vending machine. You need to eat while I'm here."
Tears filled her eyes. Only Olin would pretend that today was normal. That she wasn't sitting in prison, looking like shit, and had hand-delivered news that would change his entire life.
Olin returned with an armload of sugared treats. "Take your pick."
Her stomach rolled. "I can't."
He ripped open the ends of a couple of candy bars, a bag of some mix of granola and peanuts, and a twin pack of cupcakes. "Eat up, or they'll throw it all in the garbage."
She picked up the bag of granola and plucked a peanut out of the mix. "Was it like this when you visited the men's prison?"
"They had higher security and fewer visitations." He pushed a KitKat bar in front of her. "You're doing okay with the other women inside?"
She shrugged. "Most of the girls are young. There's a common area where we can go out of our cells during the day, and it's lik
e being back in seventh grade with the gossip, drama, and fights."
"Are they fighting you?"
She shook her head. "They try to bully me but—"
He looked away. She reached over and grabbed his hand. "I'm handling it, okay?"
"The baby," he muttered.
"I won't let anything happen," she said softly. "Most of them know I'm pregnant because I received an extra mat yesterday and extra food on my tray during meal times. It's weird, but I think most of them respect that I'm going to be a mother." Her spine straightened in shock. "I-I've never said that before."
"What?"
She couldn't hold the tears in, and she wiped her eyes. "I'm going to be a mother."
"Damn, right." He ran his hand down his beard. "Ash, if I could change things..."
"You're going to be a father," she mouthed, overcome with emotions over something they'd both wanted for so long.
Her fear of not being able to give him a child had kept her from handing over her life to him until recently. Coupled with her fear of him leaving her like her father had left her mother all seemed superficial now.
In the end, she'd given him what he wanted, and now she was going to lose not only him but her baby, too.
She couldn't raise a child in prison.
Chapter Twenty Five
Lindsay blocked Olin from leaving his house. He turned around and walked into the kitchen, throwing open the door to the fridge, angered all over again that there was not a damn thing in the place to drink. Ashley had been gone six months, and he was about ready to lose his fucking head.
"It'll be a good thing, Olin. Johanna's going to take pictures of the baby shower, and you can take the photos to Ashley. Despite her being in prison now, she's going to need clothes, toys, not to mention a crib and changing table when she gets released." Lindsay braced her hand on the fridge, stopping him from walking away from her.
She'd been after him for the last thirty minutes with her dumbass idea about throwing Ashley a baby shower, even though Ashley couldn't attend. He had better things to do than play right into her and Johanna's fantasy.
"By the time she's out, the kid will be two and a half years old. He or she won't need to have their diaper changed or sleep in a crib." He opened the junk drawer and searched the contents. "I'll buy whatever the kid needs when they both come home."
There wasn't a cigarette, cigar, joint, or can of chew around. He gritted his teeth, needing something to relax.
Every time he visited Ashley, she looked more tired. She had dark circles under her eyes and held her baby belly the whole time he was with her as if she could protect the child from the harshness of prison.
"But, once she has the baby, they'll move her over to the Living Unit. You can bring the baby home for short stays. There are enough visiting days, it's possible to keep the baby as short as one night. Ashley's all by herself, she will need help. Even if you can give her one night of rest a week." Lindsay sighed heavily. "Then, when she gets home, she can have everything like she dreamed about."
"This isn't a fucking dream. She's in prison." He jerked his head. "Now, get out of my way."
"Olin—"
"Listen." He held his arms out to his sides. "If you want to hang out here, that's fine with me. But, I don't want to talk about no damn shower or whatever it is you want to throw. Ashley isn't here. Give her one when she comes home if it's that important to you."
"But, it'll be too late."
"Again, that's not my problem." He walked around her, making a straight shot for the front door.
Stalking to his motorcycle, he picked up the handful of tools he left scattered on the ground when he adjusted the throttle earlier. Ashley should be here, dealing with her sister and Johanna.
He had more important things to do. Somehow, he had to figure out a new way to get her out. His first attempt failed last week when he had Devonport go in front of the judge and asked for an early release for Ashley, considering the circumstances of her pregnancy and proof of her good behavior while incarcerated. The plea of leniency was shot down faster than Devonport could finish his presentation.
He dropped the toolbox on the way to the garage. Picking up the wrench, he hurled it across the lawn. The burst of adrenaline failed to relieve the frustration possessing him.
Behind him, a roar of a Harley grew louder. He glanced over his shoulder, hefting the toolbox onto the workbench.
The rumble of more motorcycles filled the garage. He inhaled deeply. If he'd wanted company, he would've headed to the clubhouse for the night.
He wiped his hands off on the back of his jeans and walked to the driveway. Along with his brothers, Jackie drove over in her car with Stassi, who jumped out of the passenger door the moment it stopped.
His mom parked on the overgrown lawn. He shoved his hands in his vest pockets. "No one told me there was going to be a damn family reunion."
Chief stretched his back. "Johanna tried calling, son. She wanted to have family dinner over here tonight and rally around you, but you're not answering her calls."
"Don't feel like company."
"Family isn't company. Don't make the mistake of pushing us away when you need us." Chief squatted beside Olin's motorcycle. "Running okay?"
"It's fine. I adjusted the throttle so it'd run a little faster."
Chief stood and tilted his head, studying him. After several telling moments, his dad nodded.
Olin suspected his father had revved up his bike a time or two. He'd lived through hard times. It was easier to tear down the road, letting his motorcycle scream his pain, than open his mouth and talk.
"Olin!" Stassi skipped over to him. "We brought tons of pizzas. I told mom you like sausage and olives the best."
"Thanks, squirt." Olin smoothed Stassi's hair back from her face. "How's school?"
"School sucks." Stassi put her hand up to the side of her mouth. "David P. is in my class this year."
He had no idea who David P. was or why that'd upset his sister. "Does he bother you?"
"His face bothers me." Stassi widened her eyes and moved her brows up and down. "He does this."
Feeling ancient, he looked to Chief who shrugged off Stassi's news. If his father hadn't already gone into the school and taken care of the trouble with the boy, he suspected it was a Stassi problem.
"Are you going for a ride?" Stassi ran her hand over the seat of his Harley.
"Not right now."
His sister stepped toward the house. "If you change your mind, I want to go with you."
"Sure thing," he said, knowing he wasn't going to take her on the streets when his head wasn't sitting right.
Left alone with his dad, Olin asked, "David P.?"
"Johanna said the boy has a crush on Stassi and is trying to get her attention." Chief grinned. "She doesn't want anything to do with him."
"She's too young."
"Thank fuck," muttered Chief, slapping Olin's shoulder. "Let's go eat."
Inside the house, he accepted a hug from his mom. Karla rubbed his back. "Miss you."
"Yeah, I've meant to swing by, but between making prison visits and working, the most I do is come home and crash."
"At least call, okay?" Karla frowned and reached up and straightened Olin's beard. "You're looking more and more like your dad. He always let his hair and beard go when he wasn't happy..."
His mom left the rest unsaid, courtesy of Johanna in the room. Karla had seen Chief go through relationships, incarcerations, and the death of Rollo.
"Did you talk to him about the baby shower?" Johanna stood by Lindsay in the kitchen, dishing up pizza.
Olin stepped forward cutting their conversation off. "Enough about the shower. Do what you want but leave me out of it."
"A woman should always have a baby shower with her first child." Johanna's gaze softened. "We'll do it at the clubhouse with the other women. You don't even have to be there—it'd probably be best if you stayed away. I'll let Ashley know when I go visit her the ne
xt time, so she's involved from the start. I've also volunteered your brothers into painting the spare bedroom in your house and putting up the crib we're buying."
He let her have her way. No matter how many times he explained that the kid was going to be too big for everything once Ashley's released, they acted like it didn't matter.
It damn well mattered.
He didn't want to be an instant dad to a two-and-a-half-year-old kid. He wanted Ashley and his baby home yesterday, and all the sugar-coating in the world couldn't hide the fact that his family was split up, and he couldn't do anything about it.
Jett smacked Olin on the back as he moved through the room. "Sydney and the kids are pulling in. Give me a hand."
He followed his oldest brother out of the house. Jett needed more than a hand. He needed a vasectomy.
Sydney opened the door to the crew cab and hung her feet over the side of the seat. She spotted Jett and laughed. "Don't say a word."
"Next time, you're going to let me buy you something you can actually get in and out of when you're pregnant." Jett lifted her down and put her feet on the ground.
Sydney kept one hand on her pregnant belly. "I love the truck. I just don't love it a month before I'm due."
Olin stared at the roundness of his sister-in-law's belly underneath the tight shirt she had on. He'd avoided being around Sydney because her pregnancy made him uncomfortable. Seeing her big with a baby had never been a problem before but comparing her state to Ashley's, knowing the circumstances caused his woman more pain, killed him.
He hadn't even fully seen Ashley's growing belly. Hidden under a too big white T-shirt and sloppy scrub pants, he could barely tell Ashley was pregnant when she was sitting down. Only when she stood, and they hugged at the beginning and again at the end of visitation could he feel the proof of his child inside of her.
Ashley didn't have a man taking care of her. She didn't have a soft bed to ease her discomfort. She didn't have an ultrasound to tell her what sex the baby was growing inside of her. She didn't have the love she deserved or the home to enjoy bringing a baby into the world. She couldn't pick out baby clothes or rock in a chair, anxious to hold her baby.