by James, Ranay
“Kate, listen to me. We have only just begun to survey the ranch. We have covered less than three hundred acres. There is more here to explore, and I am not giving up hope. And neither should you.”
His words were full of double meaning. He wanted to explore his deepening relationship with her, feeling more every day she was destined to remain his bride. It was the little things she did that set her apart. The evening he had awakened stretched across her bed with the blanket she had tossed over him, the coffee she brought him each morning, and the fact she had understood his dilemma with Candice and gave him time to sort it all out, were the little things that she did that branded him hers. However, it had all started with the intensely passionate night they had spent in Tahoe consummating their marriage.
He may have married her to protect her, but if he were honest with himself, he did it for more selfish reasons. He wanted her and was willing to wait until the time was right to gain his prize and not just on the physical level. That he had already accomplished and longed to do so again. However, she had remained at arms-length and he was respecting her boundaries, even if it was difficult. He physically and emotionally ached for her.
Coming to some realizations in this quest, Robert was finding his own kernels of knowledge and truth along the way. This quest was not about the treasure for him and never had been. It was about making her happy. They had both signed prenuptial agreements, at her insistence, yet he knew he would give her everything and more if that would make her feel content and secure. He longed to see the fire come from her soul and burn brightly again. It was a fire that could singe the hair right off his brow, yet he knew he would brave the fires of hell to possess and meld completely with this woman.
“We are partners, Kate, partners in this venture and partners in life. I think we work well together. Wouldn’t you agree?” he purposefully asked a closed ended question.
“Yeah, I guess, when we are not trying to choke each other, but look at me. If it weren’t for you and all you have done for me, I have no idea where I’d be right now.” She lifted her head holding it high in false bravado. “I will come out the other side of this and survive, Robert. That much I do know.”
She held her head high. If she rehearsed it enough, then she had a fighting chance.
“I’ve absolutely no doubts you will survive and thrive. And for the record, I do not think you are pathetic, Kate,” he said running his hand across her face to cup the nape of her neck. “To me you are bright, beautiful, and...”
“Don’t forget stubborn, hardheaded, and obstinate,” she interrupted uncomfortable with where he was going.
She wanted to stay mad. She wanted to stay aloof. It was her best defense.
She had kept a cool distance from him since Tahoe because it was safer for her heart that way. It would take so very little for her to want to stay, and she knew it would not be fair for her to ask. He had Candice and a baby to consider.
He nodded in agreement. “Yes, stubborn, hardheaded and obstinate, and I never regret a single moment I get to spend with you.”
Kate looked into his face for any sigh of deception. Anytime Daniel had ever said anything closely resembling praise, it had usually been followed by a flank attack.
“Why? Why do this for me? Kyle would never have expected you to go to these lengths, Robert. There was no blood to bind you, and I’m sure he would feel your promise is more than paid. You have done so much already.”
“Kyle was my friend, Kate, and there never needed to be blood for me to fulfill my obligations to his request to keep you safe and to look after you,” he smiled indulgently.
“Oh, I see,” she said softly, suddenly feeling hurt in a way she could only describe as heartache. Was she a burden she wondered.
Robert sensed that doubt.
“No. You are no burden,” he said kissing her on the forehead and pulling her close. She needed the reassurance, and he needed her close. “I do not hold fast this course for the sake of Kyle’s memory, Kate. It is not as noble as that, though it might be my story. I have my reputation to uphold, you know.” He held her out just enough to look at her. She was smiling a small smile, but he would take it.
“Yeah, Sir Defender of the Faith and all that,” she said playfully thumping him on the chest. “I guess I should be thankful and I am, Robert. Don’t misunderstand me. I am forever in your debt for everything, but you still have not answered my question. Why? If not for Kyle, then why go through all this? You stand to lose not only the money you paid Dallas Langston to clear the note but also all the money you have spent so far on this wild goose chase.”
“It is very simple really,” he said shrugging one broad shoulder.
“Really? Simple, huh? Enlighten me then,” she challenged, tilting her head to the side in a gesture he now knew was her way of softening her stance and giving a little ground.
“I want to see that girl again who rode hell-bent across the pastures throwing caution to the wind. I want to see that girl who thought enough of me to make me a lopsided clay box to keep my dreams in so they would never be lost. I want to see you happy, Kate.”
“Oh, Robert,” she said sadly, gently placing her palm against his cheek, rough with six days of growth. “I’m afraid I must tell you your reasons are quite noble after all, but futile just the same. That girl is gone. Life has kicked her around, making her cautious of everyone and everything. No one’s motives are pure to her. She is a grown woman who has acknowledged there are still pleasures in life to be gained. However, she cannot toss caution to the wind, and she has learned the hard way that dreams can be lost no matter how tightly you may cling and protect them.”
He pulled her tight. He was losing her as surely as she felt she had lost her own dreams.
“No, Robert. Let me go.” She gently pushed away. She did not want his pity. “I accept the fact I must let the ranch go. I have to let this dream of treasure go. You should, too.” She stepped away from him pushing past him to return to the fire.
“No,” he said, pulling her back around. “I will not allow you to relent so easily, not on something as important as this quest is to you, not if I have a voice in this matter. And I do have a voice, a very large voice.”
“There is no need to yell,” she stated flatly. “I can hear how loud your voice is and so can anyone else for a mile around,” she said pulling her arm out of his grip.
Robert sighed. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to raise my voice to you. I cannot let you give up.” He gently squeezed her shoulders.
“Why not let it lie, McKinnon? You would profit the most for letting it go.”
He could tell for once she was not arguing with him as she stood there with her arms crossed. She was just stating a fact. Her neutrality let him know she had already moved on in her mind. It was a deed done and something to be placed behind her.
Taking her by the upper arms, he was torn between shaking sense into her and saying something to make her mad. She had buried her emotions deep as a means of self-defense against the pain and humiliation of the total, devastating losses she had suffered in so short a time frame. It was her only means of coping, and he would be damned if he let her retreat.
“You are a coward, Katherine. I never took you for a quitter. And you dare to call yourself a Brandenburg.” Deep down Robert really did not mean the insult. He needed to say something to bring the passion back to the surface, for he knew she retreated inside herself.
“I am a Brandenburg,” she tossed defiantly, squaring her shoulders.
“Then act like one. No self-respecting Brandenburg would ever walk away from a cause with so little a fight as you have shown here today. I thought you prided yourself on being the kind who would fight to the bitter end.”
He waited for the ignition and prepared for the fight.
She stood there emotionless, locked away from him. Reaching for her emotionally, he found only barren desert, a place he could not follow. It alarmed him. He was losing this battle.
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“I see nothing bitter about this ending, Robert. You accuse me of being a coward and I confess I’m guilty, but sometimes there is no shame in being a coward. It is how I have managed all these years without so much as a single shred of assistance.”
It was his turn to feel the fires inside burn, and as he squeezed her arms Kate knew she was dancing around his boundaries. He narrowed his eyes at her, gritting his teeth. She could see him working the pronounced muscles of his chiseled jaw line. He reminded Kate of a tiger pulling its lips back over deadly white fangs.
“Or so you thought. Turns out you had plenty of help, now didn’t you, Kate? Maybe you would not have managed as well if it had not been for me bailing your ass out through the years,” he tossed out sarcastically.
Now, she was mad.
She knocked his hands away.
“Yeah, Robert, you are right as usual. I might be sitting in Sing-Sing right now had you not so unselfishly donated to the Poor Pathetic Kate Legal Fund. I believe I have already said thank you for that, but I will live to fight another day. Sometimes one has to run away to be able to fight in the long run. So, I’ve chosen to pick my battles. And do you know why?”
“Enlighten me, Katherine,” he said with a dramatic bow.
“Don’t be an ass, Robert.” She took a cleansing breath and let her anger go. It served no purpose except to use up what little energy she had left. “I have to pick my fights because I have no other choice. I’ve only so much energy and even fewer resources. If your intent was to make me angry, sorry, I’m past that point. I have little remaining to fight with and not much more to fight for with what I do have left.”
He instantly felt like the ass she was accusing him to be.
He was wondering if she was about to walk away. He felt she could without so much as a backward glance, leaving everything behind, including him. He saw the airplane tickets. Would she feel she would be better off wiping the slate clean and starting completely over? He knew a clean start would not be in Texas. Would he be willing to let her walk away, or could he walk away from his life here and follow her?
He followed as she turned again back to the camp. “How can you say there is nothing worth fighting for here? There is still plenty to fight for. What about us? We have only just begun to do battle, as you put it.”
Stopping half way to the fire she turned.
“Now who is delusional? Is this stupid treasure so important you would place your life on hold for it?”
Katherine could not believe a man like Robert would continue to search with as many dead ends as they had encountered. It was futile and a gross waste of his time which definitely was more valuable than hers would ever be.
“Haven’t I done that already?” he asked frustrated, spreading his arms wide looking around indicating he was in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, when he could have been and probably should have been elsewhere.
“Robert, you have a thriving business to run and clients to take care of, and I have bills to pay. I don’t have the monetary resources to fall back on for an indefinite search like you do. I have to face reality here, and the reality is I do not have the luxury of chasing some cockamamie bedtime story in some grossly misguided hope of finding a way to bail myself out of the mess my life has become.”
They stood there on the fringes of the firelight. He thought for a moment. Perhaps another tactic was the way to handle this deadlock with her.
“If money wasn’t an object, would you still walk?” If she said no, then he had a fighting chance.
“Yes, I would, Robert,” she answered without hesitation.
His heart sank.
“My daddy didn’t raise a fool, Robert, neither did yours. That being the case, will you please tell me what your reasons are to continue waging battle in a war so obviously lost?”
Surely, somewhere there has to be some code a warrior lives by telling him when to fish and when it's time to cut bait, she thought.
He took the two steps forward that separated them and towered over her. He was thinking. Kate could see it in his face even though it had been a rhetorical question not really requiring an answer.
Could he really honestly be searching his heart and mind for the real reason he was in this mess? He had been forced to marry her to save his interests in the ranch. That she could understand. Still, it had to hurt for a professed bachelor to find himself tied to a wife he really did not love or need. It especially had to be tough being saddled with a wife when he had a girlfriend with whom he obviously cared for enough to share a child. He did not need her any longer to continue the search. She had exhausted all her knowledge of the code book, and wife or not, she had conceded the loss. Even if she had not relinquished control, the thirty days were up. The contract was legally binding to them both, leaving the Golden Circle to him regardless of the prenuptial agreement. She had lost it fair and square, gambling and losing.
“Why do I continue and what is driving me forward?”
He acknowledged he had asked himself those same questions several times over the last few days.
“I think I can safely say it has not been my shining personality,” she tossed in for good measure.
He laughed at the irony.
“No, under normal circumstance having a woman threaten to drive a nail into my skull would not endear me to her cause.”
“No, I would imagine not. So, may I ask what is the conclusion you have come to?” she asked never taking her eyes off him.
She felt the shift between them.
She may be a coward in some ways, but she would not back away from this fight. Inwardly, she sensed the spoils of this struggle between them would be worth any wounds she sustained. If she was walking away, then why not walk away with a small piece of a different kind of booty?
She watched as his eyes settled on her mouth and then back to her eyes. “You may find the truth hard to believe, love.”
“And what truth would that be exactly?” she asked circling him again one last time.
He deliberately reached out pulling her hard against him. Locking her into an unbreakable hold, he noticed she was not trying to break free this round.
Time suspended as they faced off.
His look should have alarmed her. It only served to disarm her defenses further.
“This hunt is important to you,” he stated flatly.
“Yes, it is,” she acknowledged. “You, better than anyone, know what I stand to gain and what I have already lost.”
He, too, stood to lose something valuable. It was not land or money, but her. He knew he was in love with this woman. His heart and mind were in harmony in his decision to marry her. Yet, she had never once let him close enough to know her true heart. Maybe it was time he followed Chase’s advice of grabbing that bridle and hanging on for the ride.
“That was not a question, Kate. It is an observation. This hunt is important to you, and what is important to you is important to me,” he said brushing the hair away from her face. It was a gesture she desperately wanted to lean into, to melt into him for safe keeping like a battered and wounded ship limps into a safe harbor.
He went in for a kiss as she turned her face away.
“Robert, don’t, please. It will only make it harder to leave when the time comes.”
Even as the words came out, she knew she did not mean them. It was already going to be hard. He represented comfort and safety, friendship and family, the things she needed but had not had for many years.
“Don’t look away, Kate. Look at me.” He waited for her to face him again. “We are a team. So that one thing alone, baby, is reason enough not to give up the good fight. However, there are two even more compelling reasons.”
“Such as?” Did she really want to know?
“First, you are my wife, Kate. You are flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood. You are a McKinnon now. I admit it started out as a necessity, but now…”
“That was one, Robert. You said two
.”
He paused, debating, knowing the next words out of his mouth would change his world forever.
“I’m in love with you.”
He waited for her reaction to his admission.
She blinked in surprise, speechless from his confession. Did she feel the same? Maybe. She had not dared to let her heart go because Robert was out of reach and there were so many things standing between them. Candice and a baby were just two. Yet, he was sincere. She felt it and sensed it at a rudimentary level. Maybe he did love her.
“What about Candice?” she asked knowing she was a topic of epic proportions standing between them.
“What about her?” he shrugged. He would take care of his child. The mother was on her own.
“I will not share you, cowboy.”
“Katherine, I do not love her, not like I love you and never have. And I’m not convinced she is even actually pregnant or the child is even mine.”
“And if she is pregnant and the baby is yours? What then?”
“Then we face it together. Just like we will face everything else.”
He waited. He could see her weighing her options.
“Come on, what do you say, Kate. Do we fold, sign the annulment papers, and call it quits? Or do we play this hand together to the bloody end, whatever that bloody ending might be?”
His heart pounded rapidly, wildly, knowing he might actually have to let her go. It would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do, but he would not hold her. He wanted a wife who was willing and chose to stay, not a wife who stayed because she had no other alternative. The treasure was her alternative, it would give her choices. If they found what they were looking for and she stayed, then she would stay forever. If they found it and she left? Well, that was an ending he would not entertain unless faced with that terrible truth.
She wondered what the next move should be. Her good sense was telling her to fold and walk away. If Candice were carrying Robert’s child, there would be a tie to her for years to come, and she was not sure she was up to that challenge. Having to deal with Candi wielding such heavy leverage over Robert was a daunting proposition.