by Maureen Lee
They shook hands and, at the touch of the long, slim fingers, Sarah fell in love. And so did Jack.
Boots was brought out for Jack to make friends with. Jason encouraged him to stroke her silky mane, which Jack did willingly, and just as willingly allowed himself to be lifted up and placed on Boots’s bare back. Jason held him firmly while they walked a few steps, then trotted a few steps more, murmuring encouragement, telling him what a clever boy he was, and how very brave. A saddle was fetched and fitted. Jack managed to cling to the reins without letting go of his blanket. Then, wonder of wonders, Jason was able to persuade him to give up the wretched thing. ‘I’ll take care of it, I promise.’
An hour later, Jack and Boots were able to trot quite confidently around the paddock, Jason running alongside, while a mesmerized Sarah looked on. She smiled when they trotted towards her.
‘I think that’s enough for one day, Mrs Rees-James.’ There was just a trace of perspiration on his brow. Sarah longed to wipe it away – no lick it away with her tongue.
‘You’ve done marvellously. Alex will be terribly pleased. And call me Sarah, please.’
‘It’s been a pleasure, Sarah. I’ll see you both the same time tomorrow.’
She looked into his brown eyes. ‘I’m sure Jack can’t wait.’
A few days later, something truly awful happened, followed by something truly wonderful. It was a day that changed Sarah’s life for ever.
It was April and the first warm, sunny day of the year. She fed Alastair while sitting up in bed. The maternity nurse had left a few weeks ago and Nanny Harper would come for him in a minute. Once the baby had consumed all the milk available, she laid him on the bed and got dressed. At nine, Jack was due for another riding lesson and Sarah felt almost happy. She knew the happiness would last only as long as she was with Jason, but it was better than not being happy at all.
Dressed, hair brushed, she wondered why Nanny hadn’t arrived, so picked up the baby, told him he was getting fat, and carried him to the nursery. Jack might be being difficult. He wanted to live in the stables with Jason and refused to listen when it was explained to him that he couldn’t.
Nanny was in the nursery alone. She looked very tearful.
‘What’s the matter?’ Sarah enquired, alarmed. ‘Where are Tiffany and Jack?’
‘Mr Rees-James and that woman, I don’t know what to call her – I suppose she’s Mrs Rees-James, same as you – they’ve taken them out for the day to Chester Zoo. I couldn’t very well refuse to let them and Mr Rees-James said to mind my own business when I asked if you knew.’
‘What?’ Sarah screamed.
‘They’ve only just gone. You might catch them.’
Sarah put Alastair in his cot, ran down the stairs and out of the front door to find Alex backing the Rolls out of the garage. A bewildered Tiffany and Jack were sitting in the back. Midge was in the front beside her ex-husband. Sarah seized the rear door and opened it and Tiffany tumbled out yelling, ‘Mummy!’ Alex got out and punched Sarah in the jaw with a terse, ‘Fuck off’, shoved Tiffany inside, clicked the locks, got back behind the wheel and the car drove away, Tiffany beating her fists on the rear window, still yelling, ‘Mummy’, and a helpless Sarah nursing her throbbing jaw.
‘I saw that,’ said a voice. She turned and found Jason watching her. ‘I was told he hit you, but didn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyes.’
‘Everyone knows!’ Sarah burst into tears. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ she cried. ‘I don’t know which way to turn.’
‘Come inside,’ Jason said softly, taking her hand. They went into the house and he asked where there was a bathroom so he could bathe her now swollen jaw.
She took him up to her own bathroom and he dabbed her chin with a flannel, said she would soon have a bruise. Then he kissed the place where the bruise would be and Sarah led him into the bedroom and they made love very tenderly, holding back the passion for another time.
That afternoon, Sarah went to a solicitor and said she wanted to divorce Alex Rees-James.
‘I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before,’ she said to the solicitor, a woman called Mrs Carey who wasn’t much older than herself. ‘I’ve been in a daze. I couldn’t imagine leading a different sort of life.’
‘You say he did that to you this morning in front of a witness?’ Mrs Carey nodded at the bruise.
‘Yes,’ Sarah whispered, feeling terribly ashamed for some reason.
‘Well, in that case, there’ll be no contest, and he’ll stand no chance of getting the children.’
‘You mean there was a chance that he would?’ Sarah felt a rush of fear.
‘Under some circumstances the father is allowed custody, but not in yours, not in view of the way he’s treated you.’
It dawned on Sarah that Alex would never, never let her have the children. He’d employ the top lawyers in the country, claim she was an unfit mother, that he’d been goaded into hitting her – or the witnesses would be bribed or threatened to say he’d never laid a finger on her. Even Jason might not be immune. She jumped to her feet. ‘I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want a divorce. Alex would kill me before he’d let me take the children.’
‘Please sit down, Mrs Rees-James,’ the solicitor said sternly. ‘Your husband can’t take the law into his own hands.’
‘Yes, he can. You don’t know him.’ Sarah shuddered. ‘There’s nothing on earth he can’t do.’
‘There’s all sorts of things he can’t do and one is keep the children when a court has decreed they should live with their mother.’ She looked at her client sympathetically. ‘You’re exaggerating, but only because he’s got you into such a frightful state. It’s up to you, but do you really want to live with this man any longer? It must be awful for you.’
‘It is.’ Sarah thought for a moment. ‘Look, I’ve acted too hastily. I’d still like to put things off for a bit. It would be best if I found somewhere to live before I left. Then divorce him.’ She didn’t like to think what Alex’s reaction would be if the divorce papers came while she was still living with him.
‘Good idea. Will you be buying a property or renting?’
‘Buying.’ She hadn’t touched the money Mummy had given her after Daddy died. It was in a secret account that Alex knew nothing about. She’d never dreamed she’d need it, but she did now.
‘Then why not call in at a few estate agents before you go home and ask for details of properties in your price range?’
‘I’ll do that.’
‘But don’t let them have your address in case your husband sees the post and guesses what you’re up to. Do you have a mobile phone?’ Sarah nodded. ‘Use that number in future. You don’t want personal calls getting through to the house.’
Amongst the particulars Sarah collected there was a brochure for a tiny estate called Victoria Square, still in the course of construction, but would be ready to move into by July. According to the description, it was ‘a peaceful oasis in a busy, bustling part of Liverpool’. The drawings made it look terribly pretty. She went to view that very day. The bungalows were too small and, although she would have preferred one of the big, detached houses, they were much too expensive. She settled on a semi, number one.
It would do for now. She felt pleased that she was actually taking charge of her own life for once and didn’t much care where she went as long as she and the children escaped from Alex. In July, he was going to Saudi Arabia. There were horses he wanted to see and perhaps buy. She’d leave then.
Alex had stopped sleeping with her while she was pregnant with Alastair. She’d felt relieved when he didn’t come to her bed again, having rather gone off sex since he’d been making her do things she found quite repugnant. Perhaps he was doing the things with Midge, who seemed to be there all the time.
Now she had Jason, with whom making love was absolute bliss. They couldn’t manage to see each other every day – apart from when Jack had a riding lesson. If Alex was out, Jason would
sneak into the house and they’d go up to her bedroom. At night, there was always a stable boy in attendance in case one of the animals became upset and, if it was Jason, they would lie in each other’s arms in the alcove off the tackroom where there was a bed.
They never spoke about the future. Sarah didn’t tell him about the house she was buying in Victoria Square. There was plenty of time for that. The builders telephoned and asked what colours she would like on the walls, what sort of tiles on the kitchen floor? She bought curtains, chose furniture and left it in storage ready for the day when the house would be ready to move into. Her heart was always in her mouth, worried that Alex would find out what she was doing. She suspected he would be glad to see the back of her, but he would never willingly give up his children.
July, and Alastair, seven months old, was teething badly. Sarah was woken more than once in the middle of the night by the sound of his screams along the corridor. Nanny Harper had been quite discouraging when she’d offered to help. In less than a week, she would have to manage Alastair, and the other children, on her own, and prayed she’d cope – if Julia could then so could she.
Alex was taking Jason with him to Saudi Arabia and Jason was quite excited about it. She still didn’t mention she was leaving, just in case he let it slip. She’d telephone when he got back. The house was ready for her, the furniture in place. All that had to happen was for Alex to go away.
He went on Thursday morning. To her surprise, he handed her a video before he left. ‘I’d like you to watch this straight away, Sarah. I found it very entertaining. I’m sure you will too.’
The house already felt peaceful without him. Sarah went up to her sitting room, slid the video into the machine and pressed play. After a series of flashes and a flurry of white spots, a couple appeared on the screen. They were making love and enjoying it immensely. Was this some sort of sick joke? She was about to press the off button, when it struck her that there was something familiar about the couple and, horror mounting, realized it was herself and Jason.
She couldn’t bear to watch. She put her hands over her eyes and a few minutes later, nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard Alex’s voice. He’d come back! But when she looked, the voice was coming from the television and his smiling face was on the screen, although the smile was awfully sinister and made the blood curdle in her veins.
‘Thank you, Sarah,’ he said. ‘You’re stupid enough to have forgotten there are cameras in the stables. Midge and I had a good laugh when we watched. Anyway, dear girl, you’ve given me perfect grounds for divorce: adultery. I’ve already begun proceedings and you can expect a Writ any minute. By the way, I’ll be back on Monday and I’d like you out of the house by then. The children will be quite safe with Nanny Harper, they don’t need you. See you in court, Sarah.’ He waved, smiled again, there were more flashes and dots, and Sarah turned the video off.
She couldn’t stop shaking. Had Jason deliberately seduced her? Or was he just an innocent party? And because she’d committed adultery, did it mean Alex would be allowed custody of the children?
Well, she wasn’t going to sit there all day, moping and shivering. She had planned on leaving in stages over the space of a few days, taking her own clothes first and some of the children’s things that Nanny Harper wouldn’t notice were missing such as the bikes and the bigger toys that were kept in the garage. Another trip would have to be made with towels and bedding and Alastair’s pushchair. How she would get the children’s clothes from under Nanny’s nose, she had no idea. If necessary, she’d just have to buy more. There was still plenty of money left.
There was a cry from the garden and when she looked, Midge was forcing a reluctant Tiffany on to the swing. The little girl sat there mutinously when Midge began to push. Jack trailed over the grass, looking frightfully despondent.
She’d forgotten about Midge. And now she could hear Alastair crying again. Oh, this was too much!
Sarah threw back her shoulders and marched along to the nursery. Nanny was trying to soothe the baby, her eyes red with tiredness.
‘I’ll take him off your hands for the day, shall I?’ Sarah offered. ‘I thought I’d take all three to the beach in Southport.’
‘You’ll never manage on your own, Mrs Rees-James. Would you like me to come with you?’
‘No, thank you, Nanny,’ Sarah said curtly. ‘Alastair can go on the back seat in that carrycot thing.’
Nanny looked at her oddly. ‘You sound different,’ she said slowly. ‘You’re leaving, aren’t you? I don’t blame you. I’ve wanted to leave for a long time. The atmosphere here is horrible, what with the way your husband behaves and two wives on the premises.’ She looked tenderly at Alastair. ‘But I hated the idea of leaving the children.’
‘I’m not leaving the children. I’m taking them with me.’
‘When?’
‘Now, this minute,’ Sarah said impulsively. ‘I can’t stand being in this house another minute.’
‘You’re not the only one.’ Suddenly, Nanny Harper no longer looked tired. Alastair, perhaps aware of the seriousness of the situation, had stopped crying. ‘Shall I help you pack?’
‘Everything won’t fit in the car. I’ll have to make several journeys.’
‘Then hire a van and driver. It’ll be less trouble. I’ll call a few numbers out of Yellow Pages and find someone who can come straight away.’
‘Thank you, Nanny, you’re being terribly kind. You know, Alex will get in a terrible rage when he comes back and finds us gone. He’ll almost certainly take it out on you.’
‘He won’t have the opportunity. I’ll be gone too. I shall leave straight after you. My sister lives in High Barnet. I’ll stay with her while I look for a new position.’ She made a face. ‘I won’t be able to ask Mr Rees-James for a reference.’
‘I’ll give you a reference. You’ve been a wonderful nanny. I just wish we could have become friends.’
‘So do I. I shouldn’t have been so brusque with you. I’ve been in trouble before for getting too impatient with mothers.’
‘Well, that’s water under the bridge now.’
‘What about the other Mrs Rees-James?’
‘She might object, but I’m sure we’re much stronger than she is.’ They both laughed.
It had all proved incredibly easy. Midge left, she had an appointment at the hairdressers. As soon as she’d gone, Sarah and Nanny Harper loaded the Renault with as much stuff as it would take, a van arrived and took the rest, and everything was dumped on the floor of number one Victoria Square.
Sarah’s feeling of elation diminished considerably as soon as the van had driven away. The pram, the bikes, and the bigger toys had been left in the hall – she should have asked the man to put them in the garage, but she’d forgotten she had one and now it was too late. The lounge and kitchen were so full of cardboard boxes and plastic bags there was literally no room to move. Alastair’s carrycot with the baby in it had been dumped on the floor. The curtains she’d bought were still in plastic bags, there were pictures and a mirror to be hung. She had no idea where to start. The bedding and nightclothes would have to be found before they went to bed. She remembered she hadn’t got an electric kettle. Where did you switch on the hot water?
Then Alastair started to scream, Jack demanded Jason, Tiffany had mislaid her precious Oliver and bags and boxes had to be emptied until he was found, leaving the floor in an even worse mess.
Sarah limply reached for the nearest box. It contained all the things off her dressing table. Leaving Alastair to scream, she took it upstairs and put it in the big bedroom where she would sleep on the new double bed and felt a sense of achievement. One thing done! Downstairs again, she picked up another box: the children’s books. She carried them up to Tiffany’s room to sort out later.
Alastair was getting on her nerves. Tiffany was jumping up and down on the new pale lemon settee and Sarah wondered if it perhaps wasn’t an impractical colour to have bought. Jack was grizzling.<
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Perhaps Alastair was hungry. She went cold. Where on earth were his bottle, the tin of formula, and the little jars of baby food?
She collapsed on to a pale lemon armchair, determined not to cry or lose her temper, not to give in and somehow, somehow to manage.
Monday
9 JULY 2001
Chapter 5
When Sarah opened her eyes and looked at her watch she was astonished to see it was almost eight o’clock. She’d slept the whole night through, Alastair too. She got up immediately to make sure Tiffany and Jack hadn’t gone wandering off, but both were fast asleep. Alistair looked quite content, his chubby legs splayed and the soles of his feet pressed together, making a perfect diamond. She felt a rush of love that almost choked her and was confident that she would enjoy having the children to herself, get to know them properly, and be a good mother.
Downstairs, she made tea and sank on to the settee, already full of smudges from the children’s dirty fingers, but she didn’t care. The sun was shining in a perfectly blue sky, the room looked relatively tidy, and she felt at one with the world.
I’ve done it, she thought. I’ve had an awful lot of help, but I’ve still done it. Despite the upset, the chaos, the lack of sleep, she hadn’t once considered giving up. Yesterday, the Irishwoman from next door, Marie, had invited them to lunch and shown her how to stop Alastair from crying. It didn’t always work, she’d said, but it was worth a try. Today, Marie was going to give a hand with the washing and explain how to use the machine. On Saturday, Frank Williams from Three Farthings had taken her shopping, while his wife, Rachel, had looked after the children. Then Frank helped put up the curtains and other stuff. The next day, Rachel had been rather horrid. Sarah couldn’t understand why. She’d seemed so nice and kind before.
For the first time since moving, she thought about Jason – Jack had cried for him a few times, but the name had barely registered on her brain before it vanished because she’d had so much to do. Now she thought about him properly and was surprised that she hadn’t missed him at all, as if he was part of the life she’d left behind and he didn’t belong in this one.